Mar 6th, 1990

Dear Diary,

I'm really confused about tonight with Deacon. He showed up with flowers, and really made an effort to look nice. I think he even bought new clothes and boots. He was so handsome. It took every ounce of control I had not to attack him with kisses.

He seemed a little distant at first, but then we spent several hours on a blanket at Centennial park. I shared things with him I've never been comfortable sharing with anyone else. He was so sweet and loving. It feel so great to just lay in his arms. We fit perfectly together like puzzle pieces.

By the end of the date the awkwardness had returned. I thought things had gone really well. I wanted a goodnight kiss so bad. I should have just done it. Would it have been wrong to kiss him goodnight?

I really don't get it. We made out in the Bluebird parking lot the other night. He pulled me into a dark studio for a kiss yesterday. It makes no sense that he didn't kiss me goodnight at the end of our first date, or ask to see me again. God, I want to see him again. I miss him so much already, but I'm not sure he feels the same.

Why the flowers?

Why the effort with new clothes and boots?

I'm soo confused! Have I done something to upset him? Maybe crying about mama bothered him?

I could really use her advice right now. Once again, I feel like just crying myself to sleep over Deacon Claybourne. Damn him! Why does he have to be so fucking handsome?

I need to get myself together. This is stupid! It was one date. If he's not interested, he's not interested.

Maybe I need to just forget him, and consider this a working relationship? …but now I just wanna cry

The studio…2 days earlier

"Hey…C'mere!" Deacon whispered as he pulled Rayna into a dark recording booth

"Hey…." She smiled, wrapping her arms around his neck as he pulled her close

"Do you know how much I've missed you?" he asked as he dotted kisses along her neck line, sending tingles down her spine

"I've missed you too. All I've thought about is tomorrow, and our first date."

"Me too, baby. What would you like to do? Whatever you want, birthday girl."

"Surprise me!" she laughed

"OK, think I hear Watty in the hall. We should probably get to work on this demo, huh?" he held her hand as he led her down the hall to the studio Watty had reserved for them

"Oh, you're both here. Great, let's get started. We have a few hours if you wanna rehearse a little. I know you haven't had much time working together. We'll get "No One Will Ever Love You", and you can pick a couple others to put on the demo. I'm working on some gigs around town for you too. You're both OK with all this and in agreement to work together as a duo?" Watty asked, smiling. He'd noticed they were holding hands when they walked in.

"Yeah, we're good." Deacon answered as he looked lovingly at Rayna who nodded in agreement

"Not sure what you've done to that boy, but I've never seen him so happy." Watty whispered to Rayna while Deacon tuned his Martin

"OK, I think we've got a good recording of "No One Will Ever Love You". Why don't we have each of you sing one of your own songs to give Edgehill a taste of what you can do separately?" Watty suggested

A couple hours later Watty was happy with the 3 song demo. Rayna had recorded "Already Gone", and Deacon had recorded "Back Home", to go along with "No One Will Ever Love You".

"I'm sorry to rush off, baby. I gotta work at 8. I'll pick ya up tomorrow around 6, OK?" Deacon asked as he walked Rayna to her car outside the studio hand in hand

"uuuhhmmm…How about I just meet you somewhere?" Rayna suggested

"Somethin wrong?" he asked

"No, I just…it's complicated with my dad, that's all." She felt Deacon tense a little

"Complicated? You mean…he wouldn't approve…of me?" he asked a little hurt, letting go of her hand

"It's not just you, Deacon. It's anyone I date. He's just…I dunno, he's not easy to deal with, that's all." She tried to smooth things over. She could tell Deacon was upset.

"OK. Whatever you want. How about you just meet me on the walking bridge at 6? We'll decide from there what to do. Look, I gotta go. Gonna be late to work." He quickly turned to go, his demeanor suddenly distant

"Deacon…." She called after him, but he only waved, and kept walking

"What's wrong with you?" Vince asked as Deacon served him a beer later that night at the Bluebird

"Nothin! Why aren't you at work?" Deacon snapped

"Fired!" Vince looked away

"DAMMIT VINCE! What's it's been? 3 days? What the hell'd ya do this time?"

"Failed a drug test. I smoked some pot with Jessica last night. I didn't know they were gonna test me today. It's not like you haven't done it, Deke!"

"I can't keep coverin all the bills, Vince! Your mama's gonna quit sendin money eventually. You gotta get your shit together and keep a damn job, man!"

"You seemed to have plenty of money for those new clothes and boots." Vince smirked

"Yeah, well…I'll probably take em back!"

"Thought you wanted to look all spiffy for Rayna." Vince laughed

"Shut up, Vince!"

"Trouble in paradise already? What happened? You've been so happy since ya asked her out. Didn't the demo recording go good today?" Vince asked more seriously noticing Deacon seemed upset

"Demo went great."

"Then…I'm confused, first dates tomorrow, right?"

"I dunno. Maybe askin her out was a mistake. What the hell do we have in common, anyway?" Deacon sadly said as he wiped down the bar

"Music, and you seem to be crazy about her. I saw that look when you first saw her. Why the sudden change of heart, Deke?"

"I am crazy about her, but just not sure I'm what she needs. She deserves better."

"Geez Deke! It's a date. You're not marryin her! Just go out, and see what happens."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I just never really thought much about anything beyond a date, or one night with anyone until Rayna."

"Hey, Sorry I'm late. Happy Birthday, Ray!" Deacon smiled as he handed Rayna a bouquet of colorful spring Tulips

"Thanks, they're pretty. You look nice, Deacon. You didn't have to get all dressed up. I like the blue dress shirt. Really brings out your eyes."

"You're awfully damn beautiful, Ray. What the hell you see in a guy like me, I'll never know." He leaned against the railing, looking out at the river below.

"Is something wrong, Deacon?"

"No, it's nothin, sweetheart. C'mon, we got your birthday to celebrate. What sounds good for dinner?" he asked as he took her hand, trying to push away his feelings of not being good enough for her

"Why don't we just get something simple and go to a park or somewhere quiet to talk." She smiled and squeezed his hand

"Anything you want, baby. It's your day."

An hour later they were in Centennial park sharing a pizza on an old blanket Deacon kept in his truck. Rayna gently laid her head on his chest as the sun set. He wrapped his arms around her tight.

"There's nowhere I'd rather be tonight, Deacon. Thank you for making my birthday special."

"I didn't do much, Ray. You sure there isn't anywhere else you wanna go? Movie? See a band? Anything you wanna do is fine, Ray."

"I just wanna stay right here with you." She wrapped her arms around him."

Deacon was quiet as he drove Rayna back to her car near the bridge downtown. They'd spent hours together at the park, talking, walking, holding each other on the blanket.

It was after midnight. They'd lost track of time talking about music, hopes, dreams, the past, the future. It was mostly Rayna that shared her past, telling Deacon about her mom…

Earlier…

"I miss her soo much." Rayan had cried on Deacon's shoulder as she talked about her mom's car accident, and not really getting to say goodbye. Her father had been out of town. He'd told her and Tandy the next day when he returned that there had been an accident.

"I'm soo sorry, Ray." Deacon had just held her and let her cry, rubbing her back

"He was so cold, like he didn't really care that she was gone. He didn't show any emotion. It was more like he was telling us about a business venture that hadn't worked out or something. The funeral was the next day. The coffin was closed. I never got to see her. Daddy left an hour after the service on another business trip. He never hugged us, or said he was sorry. He just went on with business like nothing ever happened."

"Tell me about her, Ray. What was she like? Remember the happy times with her, baby. It's OK to hurt, and cry, but it's your 18th birthday, sweetie. I'm sure she wouldn't want you spendin it cryin." Deacon had sweetly wiped Rayna's tears away and gently kissed her, trying to make her smile

"She was gone a lot touring, but on Christmas vacation and summers she'd let me go with her on the tour bus. I loved every second of it. I got to sing with her band at sound check, and watch her shows from backstage. I met so many famous artists. After the shows we'd always stay up late at the hotels and order room service. When we were in big cities she'd always take me shopping at the malls, and let me get whatever I wanted. The best part was just being with her."

"Sounds like you got a lot of great memories. That's what you gotta remember and keep with ya. I'm sure she's damn proud of you now. Startin your own music career. Only a few months in, and you already caught Edgehill's attention."

"I have you to thank for that, Deacon. They never noticed until the night you helped me. I know it's only our first date, but I feel so close to you. I've never told anyone about mama like this before. I've never felt so comfortable onstage or in a recording booth as I do with you by my side. Thank you, Deacon, for everything." She smiled and felt so warm, nuzzled into him. It was a perfect fit against him. He just smiled and held her tighter

"It's you they're lookin at, Darlin. I'm just the sideshow playin guitar."

"You're so much more than that, Deacon. You're an amazing guitarist, and writer. Watty says you could really make it big if you just wanted to."

"I dunno, Ray. I never really pictured myself as anybody special. I'm OK with local gigs and session work. I write for myself to express feelins I maybe can't say too well. I'm not quite sure how to feel bout all this Edgehill attention."

"…but you wanna do it, right?" she asked hoping he wasn't changing his mind

"Course, sweetheart. For you, I'll do it. I know what it means to ya now after hearin ya talk about yer mama."

"Did I upset you yesterday when I didn't want you to pick me up?" Rayna had been waiting for the right time to approach the subject. Deacon's reaction and just walking away like he had bothered her

"Ya know, Ray, it's pretty late. Your birthday's been over for bout 20 minutes now. We should probably call it a night and head back to your car before yer daddy sends out a search party." He was up and pulling Rayna to her feet before she could protest

"OK." She decided not to press him. The night had been so amazing, and she felt closer to him after laying in his arms talking for hours. She didn't want to push him away again.

"I had a really nice time tonight, Ray." Deacon said as he put his truck in park and turned off the ignition near her car downtown

"Me too, Deacon. Thanks for making my birthday special." She smiled as she picked up the tulips he'd given her.

They sat in silence for a few awkward moments. Deacon seemed to be deep in thought as he looked out towards the river and city lights. He was fighting an inner battle. Afraid to lose Rayna, but more afraid of living up to her expectations if he continued a relationship with her. She'd already made it clear she didn't want him to meet her father. Not that he really wanted to either, but if they were going through with this Edgehill thing, and becoming an item, he'd have to meet Lamar at some point.

"So, regular gig at the Bluebird Thur?" he finally broke the intense silence

"Yeah, gonna need my guitarist if you're up for it?" she asked

"Wouldn't miss it."

"Sooooooooo…." She sighed after a few more minutes of awkward silence. She had hoped he'd kiss her goodnight, and ask for another date, but he didn't seem to be moving in that direction as the awkwardness filled the truck.

"Soo….." he only smiled and didn't move towards her, or show any sign of asking for another date

"I guess, I'll go. Thanks again, Deacon." Her voice cracked a little in hurt and disappointment as she reached for the door handle

"Goodnight, Ray. Happy Birthday! See ya Thur."