Mar 7th, 1990

Dear Diary,

I was hoping I'd feel better after a decent night's sleep. No such luck. I can't stop thinking about Deacon.

Should I try to call him, or just wait till Thur? He said he'd play guitar for me at the Bluebird on Thur.

I don't wanna push him any further away, but I need to know what I did that was so wrong?

Deacon, the night before as Rayna drove away…

"DAMMIT!" Deacon punched the dashboard. He'd heard Rayna's voice crack as she said goodnight, and quickly got out of his truck. He'd seen her wipe away a few tears as she quickly started her BMW and sped away. He felt horrible as he drove home.

"Hey, how'd the big date go?" Vince asked looking up from his make out session with Jessica

"Don't ask!" Deacon snapped as he slammed his bedroom door

He flopped on his bed staring at the ceiling. He closed his eyes trying to get his mind to shut off. She was in every thought. She'd looked so sad sitting there next to him on the bench seat in his old truck. He wanted to kiss her, but at the same time he felt so confused and conflicted about the possibility of a relationship. He'd dated. He'd had a lot of one night stands during drunken binges. None of them really mattered. Hell if he was honest he couldn't remember most of their names.

Rayna was different than all of the others. He found himself wanting to protect her. Seeing her hurt was the last thing he wanted, and he sure as hell didn't want to be the cause, although it seemed that's exactly what he'd done.

He really had enjoyed being with her. He could have held her all night. It felt so natural, so normal, like they were meant to be together. She fit perfectly against his side as they laid together under the stars talking for hours. He hadn't known her mother was the one and only Virginia Wyatt, or that her mother had passed away when Rayna was only 12.

He wanted to know so much more, but fear was holding him back. Fear of losing her, fear of hurting her, or disappointing her. The biggest fear of all…deep down, he wasn't sure he was good enough for her. She came from an affluent family. Her mother was country royalty. He wasn't overly familiar with her father, but he'd heard the name Lamar Wyatt around town, on the news, seen it on billboards, and in the newspaper.

Rayna herself obviously didn't think her father would approve of Deacon. It only reinforced his beliefs that maybe asking her out had been a mistake. Mistake or not, he couldn't get Rayna Jaymes off his mind.

Unable to sleep, he got up. Vince and Jessica were passed out in front of the TV. He went to the fridge for a beer. There were none. He opened the liquor cabinet. Also empty. Vince and Jessica had cleaned out every ounce of alcohol in the apartment.

"Goddamn Vince!" he mumbled under his breath

He glanced at the clock. It was just after 3am. There was a liquor store across town that was open till 4am. He slipped on his boots, grabbed his keys, and was in his truck driving before he realized what he was doing. Arriving just in time, he bought a case of beer and 2 bottles of Jack. Once back in the truck, he popped open a bottle of Jack.

Wide awake and still thinking about Rayna, he found himself in her Belle Meade neighborhood. He had a pretty good idea of where she lived, and easily found her red BMW in front of a large house. There were still some upstairs lights on. He wondered if maybe she was awake.

"What the hell am I doin?" he mumbled to himself as he turned around to leave Rayna's neighborhood

Half a bottle of Jack later he pulled back into his apartment parking lot. It was after 6am. The sun was coming up over Nashville.

"You go out again?" Vince sleepily asked pulling his arm out from under Jessica as Deacon quietly entered the apartment

"Just to the liquor store and drivin around." Deacon mumbled as he put the beer and full bottle of Jack away. He took the half bottle and retreated to the balcony.

"You wanna talk about it?" Vince asked as he joined Deacon on the balcony

"Actually givin a damn about a woman sucks." Deacon sighed and took another pull from the bottle

"I'm confused…soooo, you like her?" Vince asked

"I think I might actually love her."

"…and she doesn't feel the same, or what's the problem?"

"Yeah, I think she does. THAT'S the problem! I can't live up to her expectations, Vince. I'm barely gettin by. She's used to nice things, and nice restaurants, and …I dunno…I don't fit into that world. Dinners at the country club with her daddy. What the hell's he gonna say when she brings me home? …and this dump. I can't bring her here."

"Opposites attract, Deke! How does she feel? Have you even given her a chance to tell you? You won't know till you try."

"Not exactly, I guess. I wanted to pick her up for our first date. She didn't want me anywhere near her daddy! Kinda got me thinkin bout all this, ya know? Maybe it's best to just end it now before …." He trailed off sadly

"Before what? Before she dumps you, Deke?" Vince asked pointedly

"Maybe, hell I dunno! I've never felt this way. I've never cared if there was a second date, or worried about a future. Never mattered what someone's parents thought because I never planned to meet em. Ray's different. I wanna know everything about her. I hate like hell that I've already hurt her."

"So make it up to her. Maybe you should be sayin all this to her. See how she feels before you just assume she wouldn't be happy with you. She went out with you, didn't she?

"Yeah, it's just complicated."

"No, it's really not, Deke! You're makin it a whole lot more complicated than it needs to be. Talk to her before you lose her."

"You're right. Since when did you learn so much bout women?" Deacon laughed, feeling a little better after actually talking about his feelings

"Hey, I've had a few relationships!" Vince seemed a little hurt

"Oh like 3 dates?" Deacon laughed as he took another long pull from the Jack bottle

"I've been on like 6 dates with Jessica, and we spent that week together in Memphis." Vince was getting defensive

"OK, ya got me. Soo, you and Jessica an item now?" Deacon asked

"Sorta, I guess. Speakin of that, her friend Kelly will be back from Chattanooga next week. What are you gonna do about her, Deke?"

"I can only deal with one woman at a time. Let me sort this out with Ray before I worry about Kelly."

"OK, just thought I'd warn ya. With me and Jessica hooked up now, Kelly's probably thinkin you guys are too."

"Great, I'll worry bout it next week. Right now, I'm exhausted. I haven't been to bed. Wake me up in about 6 hours."

"OK, will do."

"…and Vince, Thanks. I needed the talk. You're right about everything. I don't wanna lose, Ray."