Mar 9th, 1990
Dear Diary,
I'm happier than I've ever been. I'm pretty sure this is what love feels like. Deacon and I talked. Saturday was a big miscommunication.
Guess we need to work on that, but right now everything feels so right.
I'm falling in love with him, and I think he feels the same.
It's too soon to say the L word, but it was on the tip of my tongue as we kissed goodnight. We spent hours after school just laying on a blanket, talking, making up, and making out.
He's so sweet and caring. We're together, all because he left me a single rose, and an "I miss you" note. So simple, yet so powerful.
I still can't believe he's mine. He's absolutely the most handsome man I've ever seen. His eyes are such a deep blue. His hair is so soft. His kisses melt me everytime. We fit so perfectly together. Puzzle pieces. Lock and key. He has my heart.
I'd give him forever if he asked
A couple days earlier. Sunday morning, after the date…
She'd sauntered downstairs. Mrs. Mays the Wyatt's long time cook had made a large Sunday breakfast.
"Daddy must be home, huh?" Rayna asked as she took a seat at the breakfast bar
"mmm hhmmm…been home since last night. In his office takin calls now. He barked his breakfast order round 4am." The tired looking older black lady smiled
Rayna was picking at her eggs when Lamar came into the kitchen 20 minutes later
"You were out kinda late, young lady!"
"I went out with a friend for my birthday. Sorry." Rayna sadly answered still thinking about Deacon
"Oh, that's right. 18! Happy Birthday, sweetheart! I'll call Tandy. We'll do a birthday dinner at the country club tonight."
"Great!" Rayna sighed. It was always the country club. She hated the place as much as her mother had.
"Just because you're 18, the house rules haven't changed. I was up taking a business call from Tokyo when you rolled in at 2am! That's unacceptable for a young girl. Who were you with so late?" Lamar asked
"Doesn't matter, daddy! I'm not going to be seeing him anymore anyway." She scraped her uneaten breakfast into the garbage disposal and put her plate in the sink
"You were with a boy? Anyone I know?" Lamar asked
"No, it's not important. Like I said, probably won't be seeing him again anyway. Forget it, OK?" Rayna asked trying to slip away before he could drill her for more information
"What decent young man kept my daughter out until 2am? Someone from school?"
"You don't know him. Can we just drop it, please? It's over. It doesn't matter."
"If not school, where did you meet him?" Lamar continued to press
"He's a friend of a friend, OK. It didn't go well. It's over. PLEASE, just drop it daddy! I don't wanna talk about it." Rayna replied almost on the verge of tears again. She really couldn't tell Lamar how she'd met Deacon. He hated Watty, and didn't know she'd been singing at the Bluebird.
"Seems you have a lot of friends I'm unfamiliar with lately, huh?" Lamar sniped. She wondered if he did know more than he was letting on. Her father was a powerful man. If he wanted information he was capable of getting it.
"Since when do you care?" Rayna sarcastically answered as she tried to slip away once again
"That's enough, Rayna! I'm just asking what my daughter's been up to. I have that right, you know?"
"Fine, are we done?" Rayna asked defiantly
'We're done, FOR NOW! …but just remember …18 doesn't mean the rules have changed, young lady! You're in my house. You'll live by my rules. I want you home by 9 on school nights, and 11 on weekends. I'd like to know who you're with. I don't think that's asking too much. Dinner at 6. Be ready!"
"Fine, whatever!" Rayna quipped as she stomped towards the stairs to retreat to her bedroom alone
She slammed her bedroom door, and flopped onto her bed in a fit of tears.
After she'd cried for nearly 30 minutes she sat up. She grabbed her phone from the night stand and dialed Deacon's number.
It rang 4 times before going to the answering machine. She considered leaving a message, but decided calling was a mistake and quickly hung up, thankful he hadn't answered.
What would she say anyway? He clearly wasn't interested.
"Let it go. You're just gonna look pathetic, and you have to work with him." She reminded herself out loud
She considered calling again. Maybe telling him off would make her feel better, or she'd just lose the best guitar player she'd ever met, and blow her chances with Edgehill.
2 days passed. She'd picked up the phone more times than she cared to admit, only to talk herself out of calling him. Rayna sat in her final hour study hall on Tuesday afternoon. Deacon was still weighing heavily on her mind and heart. The end of the day bell only temporarily shook her thoughts.
She was contemplating the Thursday night gig at the Bluebird, as she mindlessly grabbed her things from her locker, and shuffled to her car in the high school parking lot. She hadn't even given her music a second thought since the weekend. She needed to practice some new material before Thursday, but all she could think about was Deacon.
She turned the key, and fumbled with the radio. Once she'd found the station she wanted, she shifted the car into reverse. It wasn't until she'd backed out and shifted into drive that she looked up at the front windshield. There was a single red rose under the driver's side wiper blade with a note.
She quickly pulled back into her parking space, nearly forgetting to put the car in park as she excitedly climbed out to grab the rose and note
[ I miss you! Can we talk? I'll be at the park. ]
Her heart nearly exploded. She stared at the rose and note for several seconds trying to decide what it meant.
"He wants to talk. About what? Us? Maybe just work? Why the rose? He misses me." she wondered what it all meant
As she drove the few miles to Centennial park, she wasn't sure how to feel. She'd been miserable for 3 days over this guy. He hadn't bothered to contact her until now.
"Was this just another mixed message?" she asked herself as she pulled into the park
His truck was already there. Deacon was stretched out on the blanket. The same place they'd talked for hours just a few days ago. His Martin was nearby, along with his bag and some notebooks. He'd been writing.
"God, he's gorgeous laying there in the sunlight, sunglasses covering his deep blue eyes." She thought as she approached him, heart beating faster with each step closer
"No, I'm gonna be strong. I can't let him play games. One day he wants me, the next he doesn't. I need to know what I am to him. Am I just like the girl he took to Memphis last week? Just sex? He didn't deny that when I asked about her. Am I just another muse for him when he feels like it?" Several scenarios crossed Rayna's mind as she neared the blanket and Deacon. She'd actually made herself angry by the time she got to him.
"Hey…" she was doing her best to stay angry, when all she really wanted to do was fall into his arms and let him hold her, taking the hurt from the past few days away
"Oh, hey…you snuck up on me. I haven't been sleepin very good. Guess I dozed off." He smiled and removed his sunglasses
"That makes two of us." She maintained her stance a few feet from him. He could tell she was angry.
"Thank you…for comin" he flashed another smile, but she stayed strong
"I almost didn't." She lied. The truth was she'd have done anything he asked
"Wouldn't have blamed you. Sit down, please?" he asked trying to bridge the awkward gap between them
She remained ridged as she joined him on the blanket. He gently brushed her red locks away from her eyes. She was fighting an inner battle to stay strong as an electrical impulse surged through her with his touch. Her heart fluttered, and her resolve nearly crumbled as he looked into her eyes.
"You're so damn beautiful, Ray! I….I'm sorry for all the mixed signals. I….Goddammit, I suck at this shit!" He looked away nervously struggling for the right words to apologize, to say he was crazy about her, to say he never wanted to hurt her
"Do you say that to all your girlfriends?" she asked, hurt evident in her voice, still remaining cool with him
"You're not gonna make this easy on me, are ya?" he laughed, his eyes crinkling in the corners
"The truth…yeah, I've probably said it before. The thing is…I've never meant it before." he paused and took deep breath. She could see he was being sincere and struggling for words.
"It kinda hurt Saturday night when you didn't kiss me goodnight, or ask to see me again. I thought maybe I did something to upset you, and you didn't want to see me again." Rayna teared up a little
"No, no…baby, that wasn't it at all. I DID want to kiss you goodnight. I wanted to ask for another date. I just…I'm havin a hard time believin you really wanna be with a guy like me. You deserve a lot better, Ray. I can't give you everything you deserve. I didn't come from a wealthy family. I barely get by with what I make as a bartender, and session work."
"Do you really think any of that matters, Deacon?"
"I dunno, Ray. When I asked to pick you up, you didn't want me to meet your dad. Kinda got me thinkin about all of it. I felt like maybe askin you out was a mistake." He looked away from her gaze
"Do you still feel like it was a mistake?" she asked sadly
"No, sweetheart! I haven't stopped thinkin about you for a second since you left me Saturday night. I felt horrible for lettin you go thinkin I didn't wanna see ya again. I'm sorry, baby. Probably don't deserve it, but I'd really like another chance." He leaned in closer, and put his forehead against hers
"Deacon…I…I've missed you too! Not wanting you to pick me up had nothing to do with being good enough for my father. I don't care if he approves or not. He doesn't approve of much of anything I do. It's easier to just not tell him about anything. Not just you. He doesn't know I've stayed in touch with Watty since mama's death. They hate each other. I'm not sure why. Maybe cause Watty and mama were close. Closer than he ever was to her."
"So, he doesn't know you been singin at the Bluebird?" Deacon asked
"No, that's why I couldn't let you come to the house. He'd want to know where I met you."
"C'mere…I should have done this Saturday night." He whispered pulling her close for a kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck. He pulled her tighter against him, deepening the sweet kisses.
"So, were good?" she asked breathlessly when he finally let her up for air
"Oh yeah, we're better than good, baby!" He answered in a low tone as he slowly laid her down on the blanket, fitting her perfectly against him
"You think you might be boyfriend material now?" Rayna playfully asked as he undid the top few buttons on her blouse, leaving a trail of kisses from her chest back up to her lips, carefully suckling on her neck as he did, driving her crazy with anticipation
"Ya definitely got your work cut out for ya if ya wanna whip me into suitable boyfriend material, but yeah. I'm ready to give us one hell of a shot if you are?" he smirked and playfully kissed her again
"I am. I've never wanted anything more, Deacon." She playfully rolled on top of him, laughing
"You are so damn beautiful, Rayna! I'm not sure how it happened, but I am one hell of a lucky guy!" he was laughing and smiling as he held her above him
"You're awfully damn handsome yourself, Deacon. I think you're perfectly suitable boyfriend material…mine!"