April 24th, 1990

Dear Dairy,

I miss Deacon sooooo much! I keep trying to get to a phone to call him. Daddy's been home all weekend. The few times he's gone out he's had someone watching me like a hawk. He had the door removed from my bedroom. I'm surprised he left the damn bathroom door on the hinges!

Friday at school I tried to get away, but someone was always watching there too. The damn lunch monitor stood by the doors the whole 45 minutes during lunch.

I got away from study hall, but the principal was in the hallway talking to someone. I couldn't get to the door without him seeing me.

I know Deacon's probably worried, and I feel horrible. Hopefully I can get away from either lunch or study hall tomorrow.

I'm tempted to just skip school. I could get a cab to Deacon's apartment after daddy drops me off. Of course if he finds out I'll never see Deacon again. He'll send me off to college far away. He's already threatened to send me to his sister in New York for the summer.

I love you, Deacon. I'm trying…

Sunday night, Deacon's apartment…

The weekend had come, and gone. Deacon had worked both Saturday and Sunday nights at the Bluebird. He hadn't heard from or seen Rayna since he'd dropped her off at home Thursday night. Repeated calls had yielded nothing. It simply rang and rang. His mood had deteriorated a little more with each unanswered call.

"Didn't you leave the damn apartment all weekend?" he snapped as he threw things around in the kitchen late Sunday night. Vince was on the couch, in his underwear. The same spot he'd been in every time Deacon had seen him all weekend.

"No, I got no money. Where would I go?" Vince answered as he watched Deacon slam dishes around in the kitchen

Deacon had been to the grocery store on his way home from work. The countertops were covered in dirty dishes as he searched for a place to set the bags. He dropped the bags on the floor, frustrated he threw several pots, pans and glassware off the countertop. They went crashing to the floor. Several of the glass items shattered.

"GODDAMMITT! FUCK!" He yelled in frustration as he stood seething in the kitchen

"Hey, hey, hey! What the hell's your damn problem, man?" Vince asked, confused

"DIDN'T I ASK YOU TO CLEAN THIS SHIT UP ON FRIDAY?"

"I didn't think ya meant it. The place has been a mess since before I got here. What the hell's got you so damn pissed off?" Vince asked

"Nothin! Leave me the fuck alone!" Deacon snapped grabbing his keys.

"Deke…hey…what?" Vince tried to pull on his sweatpants and stop Deacon, but the truck was gone by the time Vince got to the parking lot

Several hours later a calmer Deacon returned with more beer and a couple bottles of Jack Daniels. One of the bottles already open and a good amount gone. He put the beer and Jack in the fridge before flopping in his recliner across from Vince with the open Jack bottle.

"Place looks nice. Thanks for straitenin up. I didn't mean to lose my temper before." Deacon apologized

Vince had cleaned up the kitchen, including the mess of broken glass from Deacon's outburst, done all the dishes, and cleared the living room of the months of cans and bottles strewn about. He'd put the groceries Deacon had left in the middle of the kitchen floor away too.

"Yeah, who knew the carpet was blue?" Vince joked

"…or that you actually owned clothes." Deacon cracked a slight smile. Vince was in sweats and a T shirt, instead of his usual underwear.

"You heard from Rayna?" Vince cautiously asked

"Not a damn word! I don't get it. We were fine Thursday night. Now she don't even answer my fuckin calls. No explanation, no break up just…" he took another long pull from the Jack bottle

"She's an 18 year old girl, Deke! They're in love with a different guy every week. Forget her!" Vince quipped

"I can't. I love her, and you aint helpin!" Deacon snapped getting angry again

"She obviously doesn't wanna talk to ya. What the hell can you do? She aint worth it, Deke. Just let it go."

"Doesn't make any sense, Vince! I don't know whether to be worried, or pissed. How the hell could she just …" Deacon trailed off, looking away. He didn't want Vince to see that his eyes were misty

"I'm sorry, Deke. For what it's worth, she lost a great guy."

"Ya know, I almost slipped and said the L word Thursday night. It was on the tip of my tongue. I've never said it to anyone. I really thought she gave a damn, and might've even been the one."

"You'll find someone better. Wasn't meant to be, man."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I'm done givin a fuck! This shit sucks! First time I really open up to someone and…sure as hell aint worth feelin like this."