April 29th, 1990

Dear Diary,

I'll probably never see daylight again. I just got home. It's almost 4am, but hearing Deacon say "I love you" was worth it.

I love him so much it hurts, and I suspected he felt the same, but hearing it was magical. He's the love of my life and I honestly can't get enough of him. I love every second of our time together and find myself longing for him as soon as he leaves me at night.

He scares me when he's mad, and loses his temper, but even then there's a sexiness about him that drives me crazy. I still can't believe this gorgeous man is mine. We just get closer with each day.

I never in my wildest dreams thought I'd love anyone this much, or be this crazy about someone. I feel like I can accomplish anything both onstage and off with Deacon by my side.

Now to deal with daddy…he's madder than I've ever seen him. There's no point hiding my relationship with Deacon anymore. We're together, and that isn't going to change. Daddy's just going to have to deal with it.

I let Deacon pull into the driveway when he dropped me off at 3am. No point parking down the street now. We took our usual 45 minutes to kiss goodnight in the front seat of his truck. I know daddy was probably watching and fuming.

It's rare for Lamar Wyatt to be speechless, but all he said when I came in was "Go to bed, Rayna! We'll discuss this tomorrow!" in his usual calm, business like voice.

I'm not sure what he'll do to punish me. He's already taken everything away, and made me a prisoner in my own home for the past week.

Deacon and I talked about it. I've already decided Daddy will not keep me from seeing Deacon, or from my dreams of a music career.

I'm 18, and will be done with high school in just over a month. I'm not letting him control my life anymore.

Mama never let him stop her, and he sure as hell isn't stopping me.

Earlier in Deacons' truck…

Deacon was physically and emotionally exhausted as he turned out the last of the bar lights, locked the door, and headed to his truck in the back of the employee lot.

It had been a long 16 hour day. His bed sounded heavenly as he crossed the dark parking lot. He hadn't had a decent night's sleep in a week, and was hoping tonight he'd be too tired to care about anything beyond sleep.

He fumbled with his keys pulling them from his pocket, finally looking up as he opened the driver's side door.

"Rayna! What the hell? You shouldn't be here! Where's your car?" he asked as he climbed in, noticing no red BMW in site

"Daddy took it away."

"Great, just what I fuckin need tonight. I'm takin you home." He sighed and cussed under his breath, struggling with his temperamental truck. He finally got it to start after several tries and a steam of obscenities.

Neither spoke for several tense moments. Rayna was trying not to cry as she watched him drive. His jaw was set in a hard line. She knew he was still angry with her, and after his outburst at the Bluebird was a little afraid of him.

"Deacon, I just wanna talk. Why are you so angry with me?" she finally asked after he'd driven a few miles towards Belle Meade

"Oh NOW you wanna talk?" He quipped sarcastically

"I don't understand why you're so upset and angry. I didn't mean…." Her voice trailed off as she watched his face get red again

"WHY AM I ANGRY? JESUS, RAYNA! YOU BLEW ME OFF FOR A GODDAMN WEEK. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I'VE TRIED TO CALL YOU, HUH?" he yelled, his face red with anger

"I'm sorry, Deacon. Daddy took my phone away. I haven't been able to…"

"I FIND IT PRETTY FUCKIN HARD TO BELIEVE YOU HAVEN'T HAD ACCESS TO ANY PHONES FOR A WEEK!" he snapped, not showing any sign of calming down

"I've tried to…" she was scared and trembling as she tried to explain

"JUST FORGET IT, ALRIGHT! THIS WAS A DAMN MISTAKE FROM THE WORD GO! I CAN'T BELIEVE I WAS STUPID ENOUGH TO LET THIS GO AS FAR AS IT DID. I NEED MY DAMN HEAD EXAMINED!" he continued to yell

"Deacon, please…I didn't mean to hurt you." Her voice was cracking

"Yeah, well ya did." He finally stopped yelling, his voice barely a whisper as he admitted she'd hurt him

"I've missed you. I tried to get away so I could call, but you don't understand…daddy…"

"It's been a week, Rayna! Do you have any idea what you've put me through?" he had tears in his eyes as he finally looked at Rayna, trembling, and crying next to him

"Do you think I haven't been going through the same thing, Deacon? I was so excited to see you tonight, and you were a jerk!"

"I didn't think you wanted to see me anymore. I just assumed…the worst!" he finally calmed down enough to think a little clearer and suddenly realized he'd overreacted.

"Deacon, why wouldn't I want to see you? Things were great between us. Do you really think I'd just blow you off for a week after everything the past month?" she asked realizing how little faith he had in the relationship

"I guess that's what was so hard. After the best damn month of my life, you just quit takin my calls. You didn't come around. Didn't hear a word outta ya. I didn't know what the hell to think, Rayna. Then tonight when ya showed up and acted like nothin was wrong, I snapped. I thought you were playin games."

"I didn't know anything was wrong, Deacon. You never even let me explain before you blew up."

"I know, baby. I was angry…really angry, because losing you hurt like hell, and I've never felt like that before. I'm not used to carin this much. I'm not used to givin someone this much." He swallowed a lump in his throat

"Deacon, why do you have such little faith in us, in me? How could you think I'd just ignore you on purpose. If I could have called, I would've. I tried to get away. I really tried…I just…couldn't…" she was crying in the passenger seat next to him

"So, you don't wanna break up?" he asked

"NO! Of course not. I've missed you sooo much it hurt! I haven't slept for a week."

"Well, that makes two of us." He laughed and cracked a smile for the first time all night

"Why can't you just believe that I want you? You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, Deacon! Why do you have such little faith in us, in me? I feel like you're looking for a way out."

"I'm not, sweetheart. I don't want out. I'm sorry I overreacted, and scared you tonight. I guess I'm just soo afraid of losing you, I kinda push you away before you can push me away or…I dunno. That don't even make sense, but …I guess that's what I do. I need to work on that, huh?" he smiled and pulled to the side of the road.

"So, are we good? You're not mad at me, anymore? We're still together?" she asked

"C'mere….I'm a damn idiot! I let my temper get the best of me, and you could have walked out that door tonight and never looked back. Hell, after my tirade behind the bar, I wouldn't have blamed you. Here's the thing…ya didn't! I've never had nobody care enough when I've pulled away, to wanna pull me back and keep tryin. You do…and…" he held her tight against him on the seat, his eyes filled with tears as he fumbled for the right words

"Deacon, babe! You're worth fighting for. Please believe that, and don't lose faith in us again. I'm not goin anywhere. I'm so sorry for the past week. Not seeing you hurts more than you'll ever know. I never wanna be away from you like that again." She wrapped her arms around him, feeling his warmth, happy to be in his arms

"How do you do that?" he whispered, gently kissing the top of her head

"Do what?" she asked running her fingers through his thick hair, as she kissed a single tear away from his cheek

"Bring me from the brink of a melt down to this? You completely disarm me, Ray! I don't know how the hell you did it, but I love you!" he pulled her onto his lap, brushing her hair away from her face to look into her eyes

"What took you so long to say it?" she laughed as he pulled her in for a deep, passionate kiss

"You knew?" he asked several minutes later, both breathless, truck windows completely steamed up after a very heated make up and make out session

"You're not as rough around the edges as you want people to believe, Deacon. You're an amazing man, and I can't imagine my life without you now. You did the same thing to me. I wanted to hate you when we first met, but somehow under that rough exterior that you hide your heart under, you got to me too. I've loved you since I first saw you smile, heard you sing at the Bluebird, heard you play the first note on your guitar.