May 5th, 1990
Dear Diary,
Deacon is sound asleep next to me. It feels so weird to say we're home in bed together, but we are. He's so handsome even when he's snoring. After the past couple days I can honestly say I love him with all my heart. I've learned so much about him this past couple days.
He's so loving, caring, and generous with the people that mean the most to him, although he does have a temper that scares the hell out of me. He's quick to anger, but it seems to pass just as quickly.
…and make up sex is pretty awesome! Maybe his anger isn't so bad after all?
Daddy kicked me out, and Deacon didn't hesitate to take me in. I was so touched when he asked me to move in with him. We've only been dating a couple months, and I never expected this.
His roommate Vince is a little quirky, but we seem to be getting along OK. He's kind of a loveable goof ball. I think he gets on Deacon's nerves a little, but they're best friends and I know Deacon cares a lot about Vince.
I haven't spoken to daddy since our phone call. He didn't bother to even come out of his office as Deacon and I carried my things out of the home I've lived in for 18 yrs. It really hurt.
I was wrong to keep things from him, but I don't feel like I deserve the way he's treating me. I'm not sure how Tandy feels. I hope this doesn't ruin my relationship with the only sister and blood family member I have left.
As far as I'm concerned I no longer have a father. I have Deacon, Vince, and Watty, and hopefully Tandy. My career is beginning. Life is changing, but maybe it's all for the best.
I certainly have the best boyfriend a girl could ask for. Goodnight for now…I can no longer resist cuddling with this gorgeous man next to me. His snoring is absolutely adorable.
That morning at the hotel…
"I missed you! Your hands are cold, babe. Where have you been?" Rayna asked sleepily as Deacon wrapped himself around her from behind, pulling her close, sweet kisses and whisker nuzzles on the back of her neck
"Go back to sleep, baby. It's early." He whispered as she pulled his arm around her tighter under the blankets, both drifting into sleep
A couple hours passed as they slept peacefully in each others arms, last night's fight forgotten.
"Do you know how beautiful you are?" Deacon smiled and leaned in for a deep morning kiss as the bright sun crept through the space between the heavy hotel room curtains
"I never wanna leave this bed! I love waking up in your arms." Rayna smiled back at him after another few kisses
"You hungry? You didn't eat dinner last night, baby."
"For you…."
"Well, I got some donuts when I was out earlier, but your idea sounds so much more appealing." He laughed, pulling the covers over their heads as he took time to kiss every inch of her.
She nibbled his neck and ears whispering sweet nothings as he made love to her so slowly and gently, taking his time enjoying every second.
"I love you"
"I need you"
"I miss you so much when we're apart"
"I can't live without you"
"I want you"
"Always and forever"
"How bout we move this to the shower?" he asked as they layed still wrapped in each others arms a couple hours later.
"mmmmm…Do we really have to get up?" She whined
"I'm sorry, sweetheart, but yeah. Check out's at noon. It's after 11."
"It's that late?" she jumped up
"There went THAT mood!" Deacon just laughed watching her frantically scrambling for her clothes she'd left near the wall heater to dry
"Relax, baby! The truck won't be done till around 2. They had to order a part. C'mere…take a shower with me? We'll get some lunch." He pulled her into his arms trying to calm her
"I had no idea it was so late! 2pm for the truck? We're not gonna be back in Nashville till 6 or 7, Deacon! What am I gonna do about Daddy? His plane lands in Nashville in a couple hours. The high school has probably already left a message wondering why I'm not in class. He's gonna know anyway as soon as he sees my car in the driveway that something is up." She was rambling frantically as he tried to calm her with kisses
"Deacon…wha…you….I…." she finally gave in and let him undress and kiss her all the way to the shower.
"It's gonna be OK, alright?" He massaged her soapy shoulders trying to take away the tension
The shower massage and lovemaking only kept her content for a short while. She'd rambled all the way down the block as they walked to a diner, and for 20 minutes as they waited for their order.
"Why don't you just call him?" Deacon finally said as they sat across from each other at a small diner, having lunch, and waiting for Deacon's truck
"He's gonna be so mad, Deacon!"
"Well, I know, baby, but you're pretty much screwed at this point anyway. He's probably home, and seen the car. At least if you call him you'll kinda know what you're walkin into when ya get there."
"Here…there's a pay phone in the corner." Deacon handed her several quarters from his pocket
Back in Nashville Lamar was already mad as hell. He'd just gotten off the phone with the school secretary who'd been worried after Rayna left for a doctor's appointment yesterday and hadn't returned to school.
He'd immediately checked the home security system and outside cameras for Rayan's comings and goings since yesterday. The video had picked up Deacon's truck in the driveway for over 2 hours and them making out as they went into the house. It showed no other log times. Lamar knew she hadn't come home last night.
The timing of her call couldn't have been worse as Lamar sat seething at his desk, rewatching the security video.
"Hey, Daddy.." she said meekly into the phone as he answered
"WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?" he yelled, his usual cold business tone replaced by a booming deep voice
"I'm with Deacon. His truck broke down. We're in Johnson City." Her voice cracked as she tried to explain
"WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU 4 HOURS FROM NASHVILLE ON A SCHOOL DAY?" he yelled showing no sign of concern or calming
"We had a gig here last night, Daddy. I planned to come home right after, I swear…I did, but the truck wouldn't start…and…"
"RIGHT…THE TRUCK BROKE DOWN! THAT'S AWFULLY DAMN CONVENIENT, RAYNA!"
"Daddy, it's true…I…" she stammered
"YOU LEFT SCHOOL YESTERDAY WITH A FORGED NOTE, YOU SKIPPED TODAY. YOU'RE 4 HOURS AWAY WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND. WHY SHOULD I BELIEVE ANYTHING YOU SAY AT THIS POINT, RAYNA?"
"…it's the truth, Daddy. I knew you wouldn't approve of a gig, but I didn't plan to skip school today."
"BULLSHIT! I WASN'T BORN YESTERDAY, RAYNA! I LET YOU OFF THE HOOK TOO EASY BEFORE. YOU TOOK THE FIRST OPPORTUNITY YOU GOT, WHEN I WAS OUT OF TOWN, TO RUN OFF WITH DEACON FOR THE NIGHT!"
"No, that's not what this was, daddy. Yes, I lied and kept things from you, but I didn't do this to run off with Deacon. I did it because I love music and this is my chance to make something of a career. Deacon's part of that, but this isn't his fault."
"HE'S TAKING ADVANTAGE OF YOU, RAYNA! HE'S A 21 YEAR OLD, DRUNK WITH NO FUTURE!"
"He is not, and this isn't about Deacon! It's about me and the choices I've made about my future."
"EITHER WAY, I DON'T CARE! YOU HAVE A BLATANT DISREGARD FOR ME, AND THE RULES I'VE SET FOR YOU. I TRIED TO LIGHTEN UP AND GIVE YOU AND DEACON THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT, BUT THIS IS HOW YOU RESPOND TO THAT TRUST!"
"Daddy…I'm sorry…I'll be home as soon as the trucks fixed."
"DON'T BOTHER, RAYNA! YOU DON'T WANNA LIVE BY MY RULES, YOU DON'T NEED TO LIVE IN MY HOUSE! YOU THINK YOU KNOW IT ALL AT 18, HUH? WE'LL SEE HOW WELL YOU DO ON YOUR OWN. I HOPE DEACON'S READY TO SUPPORT YOU. DON'T COME WHINING TO ME WHEN HE DISAPPOINTS YOU, AND HE WILL! THE KIDS BEEN ARRESTED 14 TIMES. HE'S ONLY 21. YOU THINK HE DOESN'T HAVE A DRINKING PROBLEM? WAKE UP RAYNA! HE'S NO GOOD FOR YOU!"
"Daddy, I'm sorry. I swear, I'll tell you what I'm doing from now on…." She sobbed into the phone
"IT'S A LITTLE LATE FOR THAT! I'LL HAVE MRS. MAYS PACK YOUR PERSONAL THINGS. THEY'LL BE WAITING FOR YOU IN THE FOYER. LEAVE YOUR HOUSE KEYS AND GARAGE DOOR OPENERS ON THE FOYER TABLE." He was so cold and uncaring
"You're kicking me out?" she sobbed harder
****silence*****
"Daddy?" she heard the line go dead
"You gonna tell me what happened?" Deacon tried again almost an hour later as he drove back to Nashville
Rayna hadn't said a word since her call with Lamar. She'd barely taken 2 bites of her lunch. She slumped against the passenger door in Deacon's truck crying quietly, unwilling to talk.
"Ray? Come on, sweetheart…what's wrong? I can't help you if you don't talk to me. Please, baby?" he pleaded, getting worried. He'd never seen her so upset.
"You're worryin me, Ray. Just talk to me, huh?" he continued to press as he pulled off the highway into a rest area.
"C'mere…whatever it is, we'll get through it together. It's gonna be OK. I promise, baby." He pulled her into his arms, gently kissing her forehead as she began to sob uncontrollably into his chest
"Shhhh…don't cry sweetheart. It's killin me to see you so upset. Tell me what's wrong?" he wiped her tears away as he sat her up to face him
"You're still beautiful. Makeup a mess, red eyes, hair all matted and wet…" he smiled as he looked into her sad eyes
"He kicked me out!" she fell against Deacon sobbing, as she wrapped her arms around him tight
"Didn't expect that." Deacon rubbed her back as he held her
"I don't have anywhere to go. Tandy always sides with Daddy. I don't even have a job. I doubt he'll let me have my car. What am I gonna do, Deacon?" she continued to sob
"Dammit, I feel like this is partially my fault. If I'd a fixed the damn truck months ago before it broke down, this coulda been avoided." He sighed as he continued to rub her back
"It's not your fault, Deacon. I lied to him, and kept things from him. You told me to tell him before we left for Johnson City. He would have been mad, but I doubt he'd have kicked me out if I'd have just told him."
"You know, it was pretty nice wakin up with you in my arms this mornin. How bout we make that an every mornin thing?"
"What? Are you …asking me to move in with you?" she asked surprised and touched all at the same time
"Yeah, what do ya say? You wanna shack up?" he laughed as she hugged him
"Deacon, I don't know what to say. You are absolutely the best thing that's ever happened to me. I love you." She started crying again, but happy tears this time
"Come on. No more tears, baby. I love you too, very very much! Is that a yes?"
"Yes, I'd love to wake up in your arms everyday! Thank you!" she hugged him tighter smiling
"Don't thank me just yet, baby. You aint experienced Vince in his underwear 24 hours a day." He laughed as he started the truck
"Oh, I kinda forgot you have a roommate."
"Is that what it's called?" he sarcastically asked
"He's not your roommate?" Rayna asked confused
"More like a freeloadin best friend. I love the guy, but he's had like 12 jobs since January. The only time he helps with rent is when his mama sends it to him"
"Why do you let him stay?"
"He's my best friend. Little rough around the edges and he can be a major ass, which I'll apologize now for. Growin up I didn't have a very great home life. Vince and his mama were really good to me. I spent more time there than at home. Kinda feel like I owe his mama, I guess."
"You have an amazing heart, Deacon!" Rayna squeezed his hand, feeling lucky to have met such a sweet, caring man
"You've made my heart very happy, Ray. We'll get through this, together, OK? Let's go home." Deacon smiled as he shifted the truck into drive
"Home …sounds so nice." Rayna snuggled against him feeling grateful and a lot better as they neared Nashville
"You ready for this?" Deacon asked as he parked the truck in front of Lamar's house to pick up Rayna's things
"Nervous, but yeah. I just wanna get this over with."
Deacon held Rayna's hand as they entered the foyer. He was a little taken aback by the number of boxes stacked and waiting.
"All of this is clothes, and personal items?" he asked
"I have a lot of clothes." She shrugged thinking nothing of it
"Ray, I just have a 2 bedroom apartment. It aint very big and we got Vince too. Do you need ALL of this?"
"I'm not sure what's what, and where they packed everything. Can we just take it all for now, and I'll sort through it when we get home."
"Yeah, OK. Whatever you want, baby. I'll start loadin stuff into the truck." He grabbed the first couple boxes.
"Thanks, I'm gonna run upstairs and make sure they got everything."
It was strange to see the room she'd lived in for 18 years so bare. Lamar had requested ALL of her personal items be removed. Nothing was left but the furniture. He'd even had the pink fluffy rugs and shower curtain removed from the bathroom. Her pink comforter and pillows replaced by a bland earth toned one.
She sat on the bed. A few tears escaped as she looked around the empty space void of her memories now. She lost track of time thinking about her mom.
"You OK?" Deacon asked as he sat next to her on the bed
"Not really." She started crying again
"C'mere… I got kinda worried. You been up here a while. Trucks all loaded." He pulled her close for a hug
"I miss her so much, Deacon! There were so many memories in this room with her. She used to sing me to sleep when I was little, and she tried to teach me guitar in this room." She held Deacon tighter as she cried
"Shhhh…it's alright, Ray. You'll always have your memories of her. Don't matter where you are. She'll always be with you. You got her beautiful voice, and you learned so much from her. She's on that stage with you every show." He smiled, kissing her forehead
"You're right. It's just a room. The last 5 or 6 years sure haven't been very happy ones here."
"We'll work on the next 5 or 6, together, baby. Lets go home." He pulled her up and into a kiss
"There is one first from this room I'll never forget. Yesterday with you." She kissed him back, holding him tight
"You wanna say goodbye to your dad?" Deacon asked as they got to the bottom of the stairs. Lamar was on the phone in his office. He hadn't bothered to come out.
"No." Rayna said as she left her house and car keys on the foyer table as requested
Rayna was quiet on the drive across town. Deacon was being so sweet and supportive. She watched him as he drove, his dark sunglasses covering his gorgeous blue eyes. She still couldn't believe he was hers, or that he'd become such an important part of her life in just a couple short months.
"ahhhhh…can you give me just a minute before you come up?" Deacon asked as he parked the truck outside his apartment
"Everything OK?" she asked
"Yeah, everything's great, baby! I just need to talk to Vince for a second before I spring this on him. Probably be best to make sure he's decent, and alone."
"Is he not gonna be OK with this?"
"I aint seen May's rent from him, so it don't really matter if he's OK or not with this."
"Deacon, I don't wanna cause problems between you two. Maybe I should just go to a hotel tonight, and figure out what to do tomorrow."
"Don't be silly, Ray. I asked you to move in with me. I want this, baby. Leave Vince to me, OK? I'll be right back." She watched as he climbed the steps to his 2nd floor apartment
"Oh, good, you're alone. Do me a favor, and put some pants on, huh?" Deacon asked an underwear clad Vince as he lumbered on the couch
"What the hell for? It's almost time for bed now. Why get dressed? …and where the hell have you been for 2 days?" Vince snapped
"Cause I asked you to. Rayna's here. Damn truck broke down in Johnson City. Just got it fixed today. Will ya just put some fuckin clothes on, so I can bring her up here?" Deacon snapped as he looked around at the mess that had slowly started to reappear since Vince last cleaned up.
"What? You afraid she'll want me? I'm pretty sexy in my underwear." Vince laughed as Deacon tried to clean up a little
"Yeah, that's it." Deacon snapped sarcastically
"You been with her for 2 days. Take her home. We'll go out for pizza and beer." Vince suggested
"We gotta talk about that. I asked her to move in with me."
"Here? No way, Deke! This is a bachelor pad. You want a woman here?" Vince wasn't happy
"Since you aint paid rent, you don't get a vote! Get dressed, please? She's waitin in the truck." Deacon snapped
"She's movin in NOW, TONIGHT?" Vince grumbled as he retreated to his bedroom for clothes
"Yeah, and I need some help with her stuff. Come on out when you're dressed." Deacon was on his way back down to Rayna before Vince could protest again
"Alright baby, He's gettin dressed." Deacon opened her door and lifted her into his arms, smiling.
"Am I supposed to carry you over the threshold or somethin?" he laughed as he sat her down with a kiss on the tailgate of his truck
"We're not married. I don't think we need to do that just yet." She smiled as they each grabbed boxes
"OK, I'll save that for our weddin day." He smirked as he carried boxes past her
Vince was near the top of the stairs as they made their first trip in with boxes.
"I don't think you two have been formally introduced. Rayna, Vince, Vince, Rayna."
"Nice to meet you, Vince. I've heard so much about you." Rayna smiled
"Same here. Welcome home." Vince muttered still not happy about the situation as he began helping with boxes
"Where the hell are we gonna put all this shit?" he asked after Rayna went back out for more boxes and he had a second alone with Deacon
"I dunno, Vince! It's been a long goddamn two days! The truck broke down, Rayna's daddy kicked her out, she's pretty upset. Just fuckin humor me for tonight, and BE NICE!" Deacon snapped as he went for more boxes
Once all the boxes were stacked around the small apartment Deacon showed Rayna around. Vince went to his bedroom to give them some privacy.
"Welcome home, baby! I know it's nothin great, but …"
"It's fine, Deacon. Anywhere with you is fine." She cut him off with a sweet kiss
"Well, you pretty much got the living, dining, kitchen combo here. Bathroom is end of the hall. Our bedroom is on the right side of the hall, Vince is on the left."
"Our bedroom. That sounds so nice, Deacon."
"Even nicer to get you all to myself in that bed every night, and wake up with you in my arms every mornin." He leaned in for a deep kiss just as Vince came out
"Oh, sorry to interrupt. Can I borrow your truck, Deke?" Vince asked
"What the hell for?" Deacon snapped
"I asked if you wanted to do pizza and beer? Just cause you don't…I'd still like to."
"Why don't we all go? We can get to know each other over dinner. My treat for letting me invade your lives." Rayna offered
"Yeah, Deke…let's all get to know each other." Vince smirked getting his way
"Alright, guess we're goin out for pizza and beer. Good idea baby." Deacon agreed
"awe, didn't know I was your baby." Vince laughed
"I meant the gettin to know each other part, dipshit! Just get in the damn truck and shut up. You got your way."
"Do you two always bicker like an old married couple?" Rayna laughed
"…as long as he keeps me barefoot and in beer we'll be together forever." Vince quipped
"Yeah, you need to be findin a damn job to pay for your own goddamn beer." Deacon snapped as they piled into his truck
"I'm lookin, honey." Vince slid in the middle and kissed Deacon's cheek
"What the hell ya doin? Let Ray sit in the middle." Deacon snapped rubbing Vince's kiss off his cheek
"No, I'm fine over here. You two just do whatever it is you normally do." Rayna laughed as Deacon and Vince continued to argue all the way to the pizza place
"I like her already, and you said she'd come between us!" Vince joked and laughed kissing Deacon's cheek again before he could get out of the truck, getting more laughter from Rayna
"I'm glad you're findin this so amusin, baby! Good to see you laughin after a rough couple days." Deacon put his arm around Rayna, smiling, as they walked into the pizza place.