Feb 22nd 1991

Dear Dairy,

I moved in with Tandy today. I'm looking for my own place, but wanted to be out of the apartment before Deacon get's out of rehab.

I drove past the stone house on Boscobel street. My heart ached when I saw the SOLD across the for sale sign. Guess, like my relationship with Deacon, it just wasn't meant to be.

He unexpectedly showed up while I was packing today. At first I was scared of him. I'm not sure why. He was more broken and hurt than I'd ever seen him. It was hard seeing him that way. I hope he wasn't in much trouble for sneaking away from rehab.

It took everything I had to take him back to rehab. He asked if we're breaking up. I said "No", but the truth is I'm not sure. Everything feels so final right now.

He was already so upset. I just couldn't hurt him anymore. He needs to focus on getting well.

I can't imagine my life without him, but can't picture a future with him anymore either.

I finally read his letters. I know he's sorry, and feels horrible about everything.

Every letter began with "I'm sorry."

Every letter ended with "I love you."

How many "I'm sorry's" can one relationship withstand?

…and does 3 little words "I love you" fix it all?

I do love Deacon, and part of me always will. I'm just not sure it's enough. I can't live with the drinking, and his temper.

Earlier today…

"Hey Vince, I'm glad you're home. I have the truck all loaded, but I need to take my car to Tandy's too. Can you follow me over in the truck?" Rayna called from the bedroom as she taped up the last box of clothes. She'd heard the front door open and assumed it was Vince.

"Movin out?" Deacon startled her as he stood in their bedroom doorway.

He'd been in rehab for over 3 weeks, and wasn't due to be released until next week. She'd managed to avoid his calls and letters, but now he was blocking the only exit out of the bedroom. He was sober and calm, but an unexplainable fear gripped her.

"Deacon! Why are you here? You're not supposed to be out till next week!" she stammered unsure of what he was doing, or how he'd gotten away from rehab

"You didn't read any of em?" he asked sadly holding the pile of unopened letters from the past 3 weeks she'd left on the countertop

"No…Deacon….I need some time…." She took a step back away from him as he came closer, and dropped the letters on the bed

"Ray, it's been over 3 weeks. Can I at least have a hug?" He reached for her. She tensed, ridged with fear as he pulled her into his arms

"Please, let me go, Deacon!" she asked, pushing him away

"You're afraid of me?" he swallowed hard as the words escaped in a throaty whisper

"A little…yeah….you were so angry and crazy last time I saw you." Her eyes misted over a little as she watched him sink to the edge of the bed

"I'm sooo damn sorry, Rayna! I don't remember much from that night. Vince told me I broke your car window. I'll pay for it, Ray. I didn't mean to scare you. You have to know I'd never hurt you, right?" he asked as his own eyes filled with tears

"I don't know anything anymore, Deacon! I just….need some time…OK? Please, just let me go for a while?"

"I'm sober, Ray. I did what you asked and went to rehab. Don't push me away, baby, please? I need you now more than ever. I can't do this alone. You're my reason for staying sober. You're all I've thought about for the last few weeks. It killed me every time you wouldn't take my calls. Hurts like hell that you never read a single letter. I'm tryin, Ray…for you! Please, don't leave me?" He was crying harder than she'd ever seen him cry as he begged her not to go

"Deacon, please don't put all of that on me. I can't be your reason to stay sober. You need to do it for yourself. You need to get well and stay well for YOU!"

The fear had subsided as she watched the emotional mess of a man he'd become sob incoherently that he was sorry, and needed her. Her heart was breaking for him, but she had to stay strong. She wasn't ready to let him back in.

"You have another week left in rehab. Let me take you back to finish the program?" she offered a hand to help him up

Her heart fluttered as he took her hand. That same old electrical charge was still there. Every time they touched she felt it. He easily let her lead him to the car. He was more broken and vulnerable than she'd ever seen him. Neither spoke as she drove him across town, back to the rehab center.

"We breakin up?" he finally spoke as she pulled up to the doors

"No, just give me some time, OK? …and you take this time to get well. Please?"

"Take as much time as you need, sweetheart. I know what I done, and I don't blame you for wantin to leave me." His voice cracked as he got out

She watched as he walked in, before slowly pulling away. She cried all the way back to the apartment.

She finished packing, adding one last box. It contained all of Deacon's letters, and she grabbed his favorite denim shirt from the back of the closet door. It hadn't been washed. She hugged the shirt, taking in his scent, before placing it in the box with his letters.

After unloading the truck at Tandy's condo, she made her final trip back to the apartment she'd shared with Deacon and Vince for nearly a year.

It was bittersweet as she glanced around one final time. Leaving was harder than she ever imagined it would be, especially after Deacon's surprise visit. The guys had been her family for the past year. They'd taken her in after he father kicked her out.

She recalled the good times, writing, playing, and singing. She'd been happy, really happy here when things were good with Deacon.

She left the apartment key and Deacon's truck keys on the counter and closed the door on a chapter in her life she'd never forget.

Tandy would be home from work by now. She wasn't really in the mood to talk to her sister as she drove back towards the downtown condo. Instead, she took the bridge away from town towards East Nashville.

She found herself in front of the stone house she'd wanted a couple months earlier. It was still empty, but the for sale sign had SOLD across it.

"Oh well, guess it's just another sign it wasn't meant to be." She sighed as she drove away hoping someone would be very happy in her house