Haibara's hands gripped her coat.

This is what, the tenth time?

Tenth time the antidote she attempted to make has failed.

It must be more than that.

Twenty?

He went through this twenty separate, individual times.

He actually seemed to endure it well at first. He had the usual fevers, but he had plenty of motivation and strength to continue after each fail, smiling in a tired way. But it got worse and worse, and eventually he just collapsed.

The antidote from 'that time' was the strongest one. He managed to stay in his high school student form until the 'deed' was done...

However it didn't last long.

A short while after he turned back, positively crushing his hopes that it worked permanently.

But because of that huge success, the next batch would have to be even stronger. No, not stronger, permanent. Haibara knew the time would come when, eventually, the normal antidotes wouldn't work anymore, and this was the time.

The antidote is getter weaker.

Day after day Haibara worked.

Antidote after antidote he swallowed and suffered.

And time after time it failed.

This was one the most brutal antidote so far. They betted on the brutality of the antidote.

It looks like they lost.

And maybe he, now, soon, will lose the ultimate game of life.

If there were miracles, Haibara could only pray they happened now.

She could only pray.

Xxxx

Ah, Kudo, Kudo, Kudo...

Hattori lowered his eyes. This... this sight. Hattori couldn't understand. This person, this half-dead existence wasn't his friend.

It wasn't.

But yet those features on his face, however pale, cold, and painful they look, were clearly those of Kudo Shinichi. Best detective he's ever met, quite possibly, and maybe is, his best friend.

He wanted to help him. But he wouldn't let him. Kudo shut him out- it's Kudo's fault. He's an idiot. Hattori almost wanted to laugh. This sad sight, who knew someone could change like this? Kudo is supposed to be a strong, cocky tantei who loves mysteries and had death following him around everywhere. Not death himself.

That day, that goddamned day. Hattori thought he had died. And now, what, he's dying again. Right before his eyes.

Anger mounted in Hattori. It was enough he had to see him burn up in flames. Now what, he had to see him die by disease too?

Enough.

'Stop it...' Hattori whispered, 'Stop all this... ahou...'

Xxxx

Ran couldn't remember what day of the week it was.

Was it monday? Wednsday? Saturday?

It didn't really matter to her anyways.

It was just that in this dark, cave-like underground room, she couldn't even imagine staying sane. Not even Shinichi, the brightest person she knew, could possibly stand to be in this place for long.

But just by looking at him you knew how incredibly long he had stayed here.

Darkness, no sunlight. There was no way Ran would've survived. She couldn't remember if the lack of sunlight stunted growth, the knowledge unable to be brought out. Shinichi's present state clouded her mind and she couldn't think, couldn't speak, could'nt move. She could hear Hattori beside her, taking ragged, weak breathes, as if trying to mimic the ones Shinichi took.

Why?

Words were not available.

Carefully, cautiously, Ran tried to call out to him. He looked dead. She didn't wwnt him to be. For reasons unknown, she believed that he would awaken if someone called his name, right beside him, gently and soothingly.

But she couldn't do it.

Gently, soothingly, she couldn't do it.

To open her mouth and speak was physically impossible.

To sound sweet and loving would be impossible.

If she were to open her mouth...

Shinichi would only hear grief.

Croaking, sobbing, heart-wrenching wails of sorrow.

She knew.

If she cried right here, beside him, and if he heard, he would never forgive himself.

That was the kind of person he was.

And so, with all her strength, she managed to smile.

'Hey... Shinichi...' she whispered, a gentle yet sad smile spread on her face.

'You know..it's time to wake up...' she looked to Hattori.

'Your Watson is here, Sherlock Holmes... he wants you to wake up...' Hattori made a sound, like a choke.

'Your criminal is out there, Moriarty, right? You... you need to catch him, ok? Shinichi, you need to catch him for Megure Keibu...' Kaito stood silently by, his messy bangs hiding his eyes.

'And... I... I...' Ran's voice broke.

'I want... to be your Irene Adler...'

Hands shaking, she searched for Shinichi's hand. It was burning. It struck her how sickly he was. Looking as if cold and dead, he was in truth burning up. Burning...

Flames.

Conan.

Another sorrow.

Ran squeezed Shinichi's hand.

'Hey... and you have to tell me... where Conan went...'

A twitch.

Surprised, startled, Ran's hand coiled away from his . A twitch.

Slowly, his open hand curled into a weak fist.

And slowly, his eyes opened.

Conan.

Conan.

Xxx

This name I know.

Conan.

I know this person.

More like...

I am this person...?

In a flash, thousands of images pass before my eyes, and I realize.

I have things to do.

This is no time to lie around.

I have to go back.

i have to live.

Slowly, I force my eyes open.

A sliver of another kind of darkness.

Slowly, I take a deep breath.

A sliver of life fills my lungs.

Slowly, I exhale.

A sliver of sound escapes...

'...Ran...'

Xxxx

Longer yes. Longer was what I aimed for.

I should explain myself shouldn't I?

More formally, officially.

It seems my absence and sudden half assed return has upset some people and so I am apologizing for all my erratic episodes of uploading stuff.

To be honest there WAS some stuff going on in my little life and were much personal, and prevented me from uploading nice chapters.

That is not to say I have not been writing- of course I have! Since the big reveal is coming up I want things to be nice and, you know, dramatic and stuff.

So yes I have things i want to upload, except I want to clean those up before I upload.

I do think i should've made an announcement before my very long absence, however that slipped my mind and I apologize for that.

I hope to be able to upload more often, but i cannot say for sure as school and personal life is as erratic as I am.

I also hope to return to light author notes in future chapters.

I just thought I owed those who were waiting an apology.

I shall keep various things in mind for the future.

Thanks :)

RanTw1718