Somehow, coming back to my hometown was even more draining than before. All of those memories stung like fresh wounds. But what choice did I have? I couldn't do this anywhere else.
Asking my father for help was out of the question. Even if he would let me go back there, I never wanted to make him live through that again. That left me with very few options.
My next choice was Sussanah. She wouldn't like it, but at least she was reasonable. I'd need police permission to get through all the yellow tape at the asylum anyway.
The problem with going back to the police station was the possibility of running into more people than necessary. One in particular. God, this was a mess. I was acting like a giant chicken.
But... I couldn't shake him from my mind. The way Danny held me. How he made me feel when he kissed me... It was overwhelming and wonderful and scarier than anything I had ever come across. The curiosity and fear was driving me insane. It would be dangerous to come across him now. There was no telling what sort of connection we'd have now after everything.
I couldn't regret hurting him. I couldn't regret feeling his psyche lash out defensively or watching the light dim from his eyes. That was for both of our protection. The pain it had caused was nothing compared to the pain that would have been.
After a lot of internal debate, I resumed my charade of self-confidence. I strode through the police department just as I usually did.
"I'm just here to see the chief," I said as the secretary opened her mouth in protest.
I let myself into Susannah's office just as I usually did. "Susannah, I need your help..."
The scene that came to my eyes was not the one I expected. Sure, Susannah was in, but she was hardly her cool and collected self. Her usual neat and pinned back hair was in a disarray. Her clothes were wrinkled and tears stained her cheeks. Almost as important, she was not alone. She was clinging to Danny as he held her in his arms.
How could I have missed this? I...I had checked to see if Susannah was there first. I had her signature memorized. I hadn't bothered to check her mood as a polite gesture, though she was usually about the same every day. If only I had connected to her despair. And loss. Such painful loss. As for Danny, he... He felt different now.
Danny let down his arms in irritation. "Well, look who finally decided to come back," he drawled out sarcastically. "You're a little late to the party, Princess."
"Danny," Susannah quivered. "That's rude." She attempted to recompose herself.
I felt like I was in shock. "What happened?" I asked.
Danny sighed. "Susannah, you need to go home. Don't put too much strain on yourself or the baby," he addressed Susannah.
"But Finn...!" she protested desperately.
"Will be fine. We'll keep looking. Now, go home," he ordered.
She wiped at her face. "Nora, was there something that you needed?"
I became blank. "Don't worry about it," I clipped.
She nodded as if she understood. "I... I guess I'll go home then..."
She left Danny and I alone in her office. We stood in silence.
Danny sighed and sat behind Susannah's desk. "What exactly did you want here, Nora?"
I paused. "It really more of something for the Chief to handle."
"As it so happens, I'm the acting chief now that Susannah is temporarily unable to work," Danny revealed. His usual smugness was gone. Being police chief was his dream, but not under these circumstances. "The Chu syndicate kidnapped her husband. In exchange for him, they want information to the location of your sister."
I could feel my heart drop. "Did you tell them?"
"No," he snapped back, irritation seeping through his voice again. "If they find Emily, or you for that matter, she's as good as dead. The clock's ticking, and it's only a matter of time... What exactly did you come back for, Nora? Just say what you want and get out of here. If the Chu's realize you're back, you could throw the whole deal into danger."
His hurt demeanor stung. I decided to swallow my wounded pride. "I came to ask for a favor."
Danny laughed at that but not in a humorous sense. This side of him was completely foreign to him. His psyche was erratic. I couldn't read him.
My face was practically burning. "I need access to the asylum. It's of the utmost importance."
"More important than a hostage situation? More important than protecting your sister? I mean, obviously you really don't care about making people worried, but the asylum of all places? It's almost like you're begging to get the Chu family all riled up," Danny shot down.
I held my tongue. It's not like I expected him to help me anyway.
He ruffled his hands through his hair in frustration. "I can't believe I'm doing this... I'll give you clearance to the old asylum on a couple of conditions."
I was more than shocked. After the way I treated him, I would have thought he would want nothing more to do with me. I had to stifle down the hope that we somehow might work together again.
"One, I go with you for your own protection. Two, we wait until after I negotiate with the Chu syndicate to get Dr. North back. And three, you admit that you had feelings for me."
What?!
"I'm not an idiot, Nora. And I'm not doing this because you rejected me. I just hate it when people lie to themselves. We had something. We really had something, and I refuse to believe that you weren't as crazy for me as I was for you. That time at the bar, you finally let yourself feel something. As much as you try to deny it, you wanted more," he continued and got up from the desk.
This was bad. This was really bad. "I... I can't say that..." There was no way...no way I was actually...
"Yes, you can!" He reached over to me and touched my face. His fingertips were light on my cheeks compared to the weight of his emotions. "I don't know what you're so scared of! Can't you see the way I feel about you? We can work this out together. Despite everything that happened, I'm still..."
"No." I swiped his hand away. "I'm sorry. It was a mistake to ask you to do this."
"No! I want to help you, Nora, but you've got to let me in..."
"I can't do that. We can never be that way. Don't you understand?" I was nearly in tears. Why did this hurt so much worse than before.
I saw his face break. Break all free from emotion. "No. I don't. And apparently, neither do you."
I couldn't understand what he meant by that. I searched, but I couldn't feel anything from him. Our connection was gone. He had me completely blocked.
"It's better this way," I said in a small voice, partially for him, but mostly for myself.
"Bullshit. Just go. I know you don't want to stay here."
I left the precinct with my head down. Even the secretary was concerned. "Did you want some coffee or something?" she asked with forced pity.
I shook my head. I couldn't stay here another minute.
The weather outside didn't match the mood at all. The sunshine did nothing to dull the warmth of his skin on mine. There were no clouds to cast shadows on the impending danger for my sister and everyone I remotely cared about.
This was horrible. Nothing was going right. I couldn't think straight. I was seriously considering something very, very stupid.