Disclaimer: I don't own The Rocky Horror Picture Show. If I did there would be a rule against remakes. And a statue of Tim Curry as his character in the middle of every major city in North America (Brits are too sane for that sort of thing, which is why that wouldn't happen to the UK).

A/N: I hope this is in character. Writing Dr. Scott's accented dialogue is just... weird.

I was lying on a couch somewhere when I woke up.

An amusing collection of people sat next to me. Magenta crouched just beside me. Janet, now wearing a dressing gown, stood just behind her. Eddie paced around the room looking very worried.

"What's going on?" I asked.

Suddenly, a cheerful expression lit up Eddie's face. "Babe! You're alright!"

Magenta rolled her eyes. "Of course she's okay! She'd only fainted."

"Won't someone just explain what's going on?" I asked. Again.

"Frank was about to kill both Eddie and you with an ice pick and Riffraff saved you guys, killing Frank with said ice pick," Janet explained.

"Oh."

In the silence that followed I looked around the room. We appeared to be in the library, a place I'd only been once.

"He's really dead?" I whispered.

Magenta sighed. "Yes. I wouldn't be upset, since-"

"I'm not upset! Of course I'm not... now that he's dead we're free. Eddie and I can go live with his Uncle. Everything is okay now!"

Suddenly, Riffraff burst into the room. "There's an intruder-"

"In a wheelchair?" Eddie asked.

Riffraff slowly nodded.

"That'll be my uncle. C'mon, babe," Eddie said.

I slowly stood up. Still feeling a bit dizzy, I leaned on his shoulder. Riffraff, Magenta, and Janet followed us. We ended up in the foyer, right near the staircase.

"Where's Brad?" Janet asked, as if suddenly remembering the existence of her boyfriend.

"Answering the... door. He apparently... recognized this... 'Doctor Scott'," Riffraff explained.

Suddenly the front door opened. Indeed, Eddie's uncle (who I'd once seen a photograph of) stood there. He looked quite confused.

"Janet?" he shouted, raising an eyebrow at her clothes (well, lack of clothes...).

"Dr. Scott!" she replied cheerfully.

"Eddie?" he said, looking around the room.

"Uncle Everett!" Eddie replied, waving at his uncle.

"Columbia!" Magenta shouted just for the fun of it.

"Janet?"

"Dr. Scott!"

"Eddie?"

"Uncle Everett!"

"Columbia!"

"Janet!"

"Dr. Scott!"

"Eddie!"

"Uncle Everett!"

"Columbia!"

"SHUT UP!" I screamed.

Eddie's uncle wheeled his wheelchair over to where Eddie and I stood. Glaring slightly at me, he began to interrogate us.

"Vho is zis girl? Zat is, vhat is her name?"

"Her name's Columbia... I think."

"Like ze motion picture company?"

"Yes," I replied, glad that someone knew that.

"How long have you known each ozer?"

"Um... four months?"

"Six," I muttered.

"Six months!"

"Vhen is ze vedding?"

"What wedding?" Eddie asked, looking very nervous.

"You've got to have a vedding! Zis girl is having a baby and you haven't planned ze vedding? Vhat sort of person are you?"

After pondering this for a moment, Eddie spoke with great truth. "A broke 20-year-old who got half his brain taken out as part of a science project done by the incest-engaging servant of a crossdressing dude from outer space."

Dr. Scott looked furious. "Vhat? Really? You're broke? Vhy, I thought you had a job as a pizza delivery boy?"

"Yeah... I sort of stopped going to work..."

"Vhat a low down cheap little punk!"

A strange silence fell upon the room.

"I can't believe you're related to this strange young man, Dr. Scott," Brad said, after a moment.

"You know, I've given up on trying to make any sense out of this," Janet added conversationally.

"Good for you," Magenta said sarcastically.

The seven of us stood there in silence for a minute.

"So... I think we've got some frozen pizza," Magenta said after a moment.

"I'm sure hungry after all this," Brad conceded.

"Vell, it's better zan meatloaf," Dr. Scott added.

None of us bothered to ask what he meant by that. We just followed Magenta to the dining room. Somebody had already set the table.

All of us tried to sit down. There weren't enough chairs, however. After a moment Riffraff found a few, and everyone settled in.

"Columbia, where are you planning to live?" Janet said kindly.

"What?"

"Magenta tells me that you and Eddie can't stay here once you've had the baby. You've got to leave, apparently. Brad and I have space at his house, don't we?"

She gave her boyfriend a Look.

"A guest bedroom and the basement could, um, be adapted," he said.

"Zat is very kind of you, Janet. I vas going to offer Eddie his old room at my house."

Eddie chuckled nervously. "Actually, Uncle-"

"You don't vant me to invite my friends in Argentina over for dinner, do you?"

"No! Please don't!"

"Zen ze both of you vill stay at my house, ja?"

"Of course we will!"

Though I didn't really understand that exchange, I decided not to ask about it. Luckily, Magenta brought the pizza in right then. We still conversed as we ate dinner (though about less important things).

Was it even dinner? I couldn't be sure. Hadn't I eaten before the party?

After everyone had eaten we all went to the library again. The grandfather clock in the corner read 1:45 AM. No wonder I was so tired…

"So, I vant Eddie und his girl to pack up all zeir zings tonight. Zen ve can move to my house," Dr. Scott explained, as the rest of us sat down.

This worried me. "Why so soon?"

"It is for ze best. Ze sooner zey move to my house, the sooner I can get her to see a proper doctor. Ve don't zis great niece or nephew of mine to get hurt in any vay. How many months has it been, anyvay?"

"Four," I replied quietly.

HHad it really been only four months? Tonight's insanity felt like at least a few weeks worth of madness, though. Time doesn't work right in the castle.

"Really? Shouldn't she be a bit fat already?" Brad asked.

"Oh, don't be so insensitive," replied Janet, glaring at her fiancé (at dinner I'd learned they were engaged).

"I am a bit fat already. That's why I didn't lace my corset very tightly," I replied, quite annoyed.

After that, they both shut up. Only a few minutes later both they and Dr. Scott left.

Later, Eddie was packing up all my belongings while I tried to fall asleep. I was really tired. Yet somehow I just couldn't sleep. One question kept me awake.

"What's it like outside?" I asked, after far too long.

"Huh?"

"Outside the castle. I've lived here for almost two years. What's it like?"

"Babe, I don't know how to explain it..."

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