"Ali, wait," Emily called out after shutting Spencer's barn door behind of her. Emily instantly made quick movements to the girl a few feet away from her, closing the distance between the two. Alison was athletic but she couldn't hold a flame to Emily. Before Alison could even begin to run away from the brunette, Emily had caught up to her.
"Ali," Emily panted, reaching a hand out to grab Alison's arm. The blonde snapped her face to Emily's when she felt Emily's hand on her body. Alison's eyes had always had a piercing blue effect, but when she was angry her eyes seemed to turn into deep ocean angry blue daggers.
"What, Emily?" she cut, stopping just behind Spencer's bushes and in front of the DiLaurentis fence. Emily's eyes surrendered into Alison's so easily. Too easily. It all happened too quick, as things with Alison always had. Emily's body went into autopilot as her hands raised to the blonde's face and she leaned forward to press their lips together.
Alison's eyes fluttered close as she let Emily's lips take control. This was where Emily's mind felt at peace. This is what made her heart race and still both at the same time. Alison was like the breath of air that Emily took when she was coming up from the water after swimming a lap with her head under. Alison had always made Emily feel this way.. powerless.
Emily's fingers made their way to the back of Alison's head and lost themselves in blonde strands. Her lips melted into Alison's over and over again with each kiss. They couldn't stop. They wouldn't stop.
Alison gripped onto Emily's shirt and pulled her closer, pressing their bodies against each other. Out of the two Alison was the one who had the best self control, but there were moments when just the thought of Emily, or her scent, or a gentle touch made the blonde so weak at times. Alison was never weak to anyone and no one ever made her feel less dominate, but Emily was her kryptonite.
The blonde felt a taste of beer hit her tongue as Emily's swiped hers across Alison's. Alison didn't like the taste of beer, and she didn't like that Emily was drunkenly kissing her because she couldn't tell if it was real or out of desperation from Hanna being upset with her.
Alison released Emily's shirt and backed out of her hold. Emily's eyes opened as she looked at the beautiful mess standing in front of her with pink dashed cheeks and shinning blue eyes.
"We can't do this anymore," Alison stated, "I can't sit here and constantly
be okay with being your second choice. Everything is so wrong." Emily ran a shaky hand through her dark strands of hair, "what am I supposed to do, Ali?"
"You're supposed to be faithful to your girlfriend! You're supposed to be the girl that I thought you were," Alison replied. Her voice was shaking almost as bad as Emily's hands. Alison could hear the cracks in her voice and she feel water swell her eyes.
"What does that mean? That you want us to stop? You don't want this anymore?" Emily answered back, confusion and hurt poured into her words. "It means that you have a girlfriend, and it's not me," Alison sighed, "and to watch you be someone I never saw you to be hurts. And maybe I'm to blame for this, maybe it's my fault, but you cheating on Hanna…it's horrible. It's destroying her. She doesn't even know for sure that this is happening but she knows, Emily. She knows and just the thought is destroying her."
Alison took a breath before she continued. She tried to stabilize her voice and calm her watering eyes, but what she was about to do hurt her as much as a knife plunging into her heart. "I want you, Em, I do. But this isn't how I want you. I don't want to share you or be a mistress, home wrecker in your relationship. You've chosen to stay with Hanna. So you need to go be with her right now."
The brunette's stomach felt sick. Emily could have sworn that she was about to throw up. It wasn't the alcohol swirling in her system, it was her heart breaking. Just like that her world started to turn dark. And it shouldn't have because Alison was right, Alison wasn't her girlfriend. The only girl who should be breaking her heart is Hanna. But it wasn't. It was the same girl who always had the ability to break her heart.
"Alison, please," Emily begged. Less than a short minute ago the blonde had her lips against Emily's, and now Alison was just standing there with tear filled eyes, causally breaking Emily's heart.
"I need you," Emily stated, the first tear trailing down her tan cheek. Emily reached out to grab Alison's hand, but the blonde pulled back before Emily could touch her. "You need your girlfriend, Emily," Alison replied, "that's not me, and it's not going to be me."
Emily's tear filled voice broke, "is this.. are you—."
"This is over. Whatever this is, it's done," Alison finished, her voice weak and soft. This isn't what Alison wanted. It's the exact opposite of what the blonde wished for. But watching her friends fall apart because of her and seeing Hanna hurt was something Alison couldn't bring herself to do anymore. She had already put Hanna through enough pain in the past, she refused to do it again now. The guilt was too much. As much as Alison loved Emily and wanted to desperately be with this girl, she couldn't deal with the guilt anymore.
The tears from Emily's eyes fell down her cheek like a small stream. It couldn't stop. The girl Emily has loved for years was officially leaving her, all because Emily was too scared to actually give her a decent chance.
Alison reached up and cupped Emily's face with one hand, "it's going to be okay. I promise." The blonde's thumb glided over Emily's warm cheek, wiping through a line of water. Emily shook her head and back out of Alison's hand, "don't make a promise you can't keep."
A sad smile wiped across of Alison's lips as her hand fell from Emily's face, "go chase your girlfriend, Em. That's where your real promise is." Before the brunette could respond Alison was already turned, crossing back over to her backyard and leaving Emily standing alone in the dark.
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A week had passed since the sleepover night fail at Spencer's barn, and things had seemed to be getting back to normal between the five girls. Emily and Hanna were back in a grove, Alison and Hanna didn't argue or make snaps at each other, and the girls were able to all hang out together without conflict. Or at least that's how things appeared..
"I saw you looking at her today," Hanna barked, tossing her pocketbook on her floor. A frustrated sigh left Emily's mouth, "dammit, Hanna. I thought we were passed this? There is nothing going on between me and Alison."
"That doesn't mean that you don't want it to!"
Emily leaned back against Hanna's bedroom wall, "when are you going to drop this? I'm tired of arguing about her." Hanna took off her heels after coming home from what seemed like a torturously long day at school, "maybe I'll drop it when you admit that you want her."
"How can I want someone that I don't even speak to? Alison and I don't even talk anymore. Not since you wanted to lash out at her. So you got what you wanted, we're not even acknowledging each other now," Emily growled back.
Emily and Hanna had been secretly going at it like this since the night of the sleepover. To their friends, they seemed poised and together, but once they were alone it was nothing but shouting, cursing, and Alison's name.
"The way you looked at her today was all the acknowledgment that she needed. You were undressing her with your eyes. You haven't looked at me like that in months," Hanna spat. Emily's nerves were working up a storm. The brunette wasn't a argumentative or angry person, but things were crashing around her left and right.
Her and Hanna argued constantly, she had to fake being happy around her friends, but what really got under her skin was that she missed Alison. It was starting to wreck her.
"Maybe because you're too busy being a bitch and arguing with me for me to want to even look at you," Emily snapped back. Hanna's mouth parted as the blonde took a step towards Emily, "what did you just call me?"
Emily repositioned herself, "I didn't actually call you a bitch, Hanna. I said you were acting like one."
"You've never spoken to me like that," Hanna replied. "It's because I never had to," Emily responded, "you picking arguments with me all of the time is exhausting. You always want to fight, or make jabs at me. It's a lot to deal with. It's a lot of stress. And you're not exactly being the nicest person to me. I'm tired of arguing. Either we need to stop or we need to stop."
The room was quiet, which was abnormal for the two lately. In the past Hanna and Emily's relationship was a healthy one. They truly were happy. Hanna made Emily laugh and smile like no other, but as time went on, Emily was starting to question if that was it. If all Hanna could do was make her laugh and smile. Emily did love Hanna, but she wasn't in love with her. It wasn't the same type of love that she felt about Alison. And as twisted as it sounded, Emily wanted it to be Hanna.
Emily wanted to look at Hanna and know that she was the love of her life. Emily wanted to only dream of her girlfriend and only think about her laugh, or her blue eyes, or the way her lips felt on her neck. Emily wanted it to be Hanna because Hanna was the best option for Emily. Hanna wasn't going to break her heart or scare her shitless. Hanna wasn't dangerous or didn't have a dark side to her. Hanna was the girl that mom's loved and dad's wanted their son's to marry.
So Emily did what she only knew that she could possibly do to make herself feel like things were okay between to two. The brunette stepped closer to her girlfriend, crashing their lips together and reaching to unbutton her jeans.
For the rest of the afternoon the two were wrapped in Hanna's bedsheets as Emily spent her time buried between Hanna's legs, literally making any doubts of herself and her girlfriend's relationship fuck off.
#####
"Ali, oh my God, you have to look at what Sydney put on Instagram," Aria called out across of her living room, standing up to make her way to the blonde who was sitting on her couch. Emily looked away from the television and glanced at Aria and Alison who were both giggling at Aria's iPhone.
The girls were having a lazy Saturday together, spending the day watching Netflix or Keeping Up With the Kardashian's marathon and nibbling on finger foods as they gossiped at Aria's house.
"That is hilarious," Alison replied, "I can't believe she did that."
Emily's tried to keep her eyes from lingering upon Alison all day, but the brunette had spent over a week now doing just that and it was a growing challenge as the hours went by that she was starting to fail at.
She missed Alison in the smallest ways such as something as simple as making eye contact with her. With Hanna around, Emily knew that would be almost near impossible if she wanted to avoid an argument with her girlfriend.
A groan mumbled from Alison's mouth as her phone vibrated, "guys, I need to know if we're going to Noel's party tonight. He keeps bugging me about it." A playful smirk wiped across of Spencer's lips, "are you sure it's us that Noel wants know is going?"
Alison matched Spencer's smirk, "that's what he says." Spencer winked, "I'm sure that's not what he meant." Alison chuckled a laugh and rolled her eyes. "You are so blushing," Aria pointed out, nudging Alison. "I am not! I do not blush," Alison defended.
Emily's stomach flipped. She had heard through Spencer a few days ago that Noel and Alison were a thing…or something of a thing…and now Emily couldn't stand to look at Noel in class, much less did she want to see him outside of school. And she most certainly did not want to see a drunken, flirtatious Alison draped all over him tonight. Emily knew exactly how Alison was when she had been drinking and the thought of her acting that way with someone else made her feel almost sick.
"So we're going, right?" Hanna questioned, looking at Alison and Aria on the couch. Emily was sat in-between of Hanna's legs on the ground as Hanna was sat in Aria's cushioned chair, "are you sure you want to go out tonight? You don't want to stay in?"
Hanna shook her head, "no, I think Mona is going and I want to see her. Also after the long week I can't wait to throw back a few shots." Aria smiled and turned to Alison, "it's a deal then, we're going! Text your boyfriend and let him know that you'll be attending his party of two tonight."
"He is not my boyfriend!" Alison laughed, turning her attention back to her phone. "Yet," Spencer added. Alison grabbed a pillow off of the couch and threw it at Spencer, "stop it!"
Emily hadn't seen Alison this childlike in months. This is the way Alison used to be over her. Giddy, smiley…happy. Alison was happy. She was happy without Emily. And there was nothing Emily could do about it. Alison gave Emily multiple chances to choose her and she didn't. And now Emily was left to watch someone else choose Alison…and even worse, to watch Alison choose someone else that wasn't her.