Disclaimer: I don't own The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Or Monty Python's Flying Circus.

A/N: So, I was trying to think of a really bizarre way for Magenta to seduce Janet. Then I remembered the sketch about taxes in Season 2, Episode 2 of Monty Python's Flying Circus. It's quite disturbing, the way I used quotes from the sketch. I solemnly apologize to Graham Chapman, John Cleese, Eric Idle, Terry Jones, Michael Palin, and Terry Gilliam. For those who haven't seen that sketch, it's basically these guys talking about how they've taxed everything that people like except sex, which is referred to as 'thingy' (much to the confusion of some of the characters in the sketch).

Again, I apologize to Monty Python.

The next evening Magenta and Janet showed up at my doorstep, the latter looking quite frightened.

"We're going to the castle. Riffraff has set up Monty Python in the ballroom," Magenta explained.

I wasn't sure what Monty Python was, but got in the car anyway. The drive there was only about 15 minutes, all of which were spent in awkward silence. I wasn't sure if Janet was praying or humming Luck be a Lady. Poor woman looked terrified.

Monty Python turned out to be a Television Show. Apparently some kind of comedy. We watched it on a projector screen.

"Er, how is this different than watching Guys & Dolls?" Janet asked.

"It's funnier," Magenta replied simply.

I giggled as the television episode began. Janet's already pale face turned paler at the sight of a British man sitting at a desk in the middle of nowhere.

"And now, for something completely different."

She let out a squeak of terror and fainted when a wild man appeared on the screen and said: "It's!"

Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) for her, she missed the entire opening credits sequence. Magenta managed to slap her awake in time for a person on the screen to say that he 'hadn't expected some kind of Spanish Inquisition' after his Wife began asking many questions in an attempt to understand 'trouble at the mill'.

"No more fainting," Magenta hissed, when the sudden on-screen appearance of red-robed Spanish Inquisition startled Janet.

To my amusement, Janet downed the bottle of beer Magenta had handed her. I suspected she'd just been searching for a distraction from the television. Knowing Magenta, the drink was spiked with something quite strong.

"…and an almost fanatical devotion to the pope! And nice red uniforms and- Oh Damn!"

The drink was definitely spiked. Janet laughed far too wildly when the Spanish Inquisition guys tied a dish rack to the Wife.

"I'd like to be in programme planning but, unfortunately, I've got a degree," said Mr. Proper Brit on the screen.

"Hhhaaa! A degreeee!" Janet slurred.

"I have a feeling she doesn't even know what any of that meant," Magenta whispered gleefully, taking a swig from an unmarked bottle.

"Yes indeed," I replied, giggling.

By the time we were at a scene where these British government guys began talking about taxes, Janet was lying on the floor giggling and saying something about the sky… or Havana, Cuba… or Marlon Brando… or all of the above. I wasn't really sure what the hell was going on in her head.

"This!" a rather tipsy Magenta announced. "… is the best scene. We've all got to watch it!"

Drunken Janet sat up. "Reaaally?"

Nobody answered her.

"Well, most things we do for pleasure nowadays are taxed…. except one," one of the people on the television said cheerfully.

Ooh, I knew where that was going.

The character began happily explaining how smoking and drinking have been taxed. "But not…'thingy'."

"Do you know what thhhat is, Janet?" Magenta asked, talking noisily over the movie.

"No… donnn… do nottt."

Magenta's eyes widened. "I can… show you what it means."

At that point I began to think she'd been faking most of the drunkenness. Magenta only did that with her eyes when she was (mostly) sober. I hadn't really drunk much either, I realized. Oh dear. I knew what she was up to…

By then the television had 'magically' turned off.

Now Janet was lying on the floor laughing wildly.

"Time for fun," Magenta growled.

I giggled at this.

That night we did certain... things even I wish to forget. What an imagination Magenta has! And Janet seemed to enjoy it quite a bit.

The next morning, Magenta and I had to carefully put Janet's clothes back on her without waking her up. This was a simple, yet awkward, task. She was clearly fast asleep.

"Can we do this again sometime?" Magenta asked, as we made coffee for poor Janet.

"What? 'Seduce' friends who are probably straight?" I hoped that Janet didn't remember any of it. That would get us in quite a bit of trouble with her husband (among other people).

"No. I meant sex."

My eyes widened in shock. "That's cheati- I'm getting married this afternoon! It doesn't work like that."

"I don't understand earthling relationships. Weddings especially. Who wants to get stuck with one person forever? Boring!" she replied with a dramatic sigh.

"What about you and Riffraff? He seems pretty devoted to you."

"He's different, an oddity by Transylvanian standards. Ever since we were kids he's been a bit too attached to me, letting only me share his bed. Our parents died pretty early on, you see. So he only seems to like me. I, on the other hand, "

"An oddity? That's what you- wait, what do you mean by 'kids'?"

"I was 15, he was 17. It's okay."

Then I stopped asking questions. I didn't want to know any more.

Anyway, we had to get Janet up. After being kicked by Magenta a few times she woke up. She looked quite annoyed.

"I had a very strange dream," she later said, as she drank her coffee.

Magenta raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"Yes. Very strange. I think I'm a homosexual."

This was pretty funny, especially the choice of words. I almost choked trying to stifle laughter.

"Oh dear. Have I offended you?" she asked, her eyes wide with genuine worry.

"No," I replied, as politely as possible.

"It wasn't a dream, you see," Magenta added cheerfully.

And then she fainted.

"Why does she do that?" Magenta asked.

Please Review!

(To the reviewer who thought Magenta seemed jealous, she's supposed to be somewhat confused about how earthling relationships work. Hopefully this chapter explained some of that.)