Disclaimer: I don't own The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

If I did own it (and ruled the entire world), remakes would be illegal. And anyone who protested against the 'anti-remakes' law would be forced to watch that scene in the Star Wars Holiday Special where Chewbacca's dad fantasies about the weird glittery disco lady.

A/N: I'm sorry about the swearing (Magenta's use of the 'f-word'). In my mind, Magenta is just the sort of character who says things like that.

"I have a headache," Janet whined, as she and Magenta donned their bridesmaid outfits.

"It's called a hangover. You got very drunk yesterday and now your head hurts. Just shut up about it, please," Magenta replied coldly.

Janet sighed dramatically. "Can you explain why I was drunk? I still don't really get it!"

"Magenta put something much stronger than beer in that bottle you drank," I explained.

"Why?"

At this Magenta rolled her lovely green eyes. "So we could fuck for no reason. Just shut up about it already and help Columbia get dressed."

I winced at my friend's bluntly honest words and harsh tone of voice.

By then they both wore their pinkish-goldish knee-length dresses. My long white dress had a belt in the same color. Since my dress had a lace-up corset back, they had to help me into it.

It also had lots of glitteriness. The strapless bodice was adorned with clear crystals, white sequins, and the fabric appeared to be made of that shiny

"Ooh! You look so lovely! My, your prettier than both Magenta and I!" Janet squealed.

"You think she's prettier than us?" Magenta growled, clearly annoyed.

"It's an, er, Earth tradition for the bride to look nicer than everyone else," Janet explained.

"I'm liking earthling traditions less and less," Magenta muttered.

Then, I cleared my throat. "You haven't finished lacing my dress up. And you still need to do my makeup and hairstyle."

"Why did Mr. Scott have to ban you from shaving your eyebrows and dyeing your hair?" Magenta asked.

"Dr. Scott got really annoyed of me having to draw my eyebrows on daily. Anyway, I didn't feel like it half the time. I'll start dyeing my hair again when I stop having to, er, breast feed baby Rosaline."

Janet smiled politely. "You look fine with your hair its natural color. It's pretty, that brownish-blondish color."

Again, Magenta rolled her eyes. "Whatever. We've got to be at that church in half an hour. That means we need to do Columbia's makeup and hair now. No chatting about stupid things!"

Soon enough, they'd finished getting me 'all dolled up'. This included put 'glittery clip-thingies' in my hair and making me wear boring people makeup… neutral lipstick, only a little bit of brown eyeliner, and a bit of blush that was far from the bright pink I used to wear (when I always wore makeup). I looked like Janet. Ew.

"Oh, it's time to leave," Janet muttered, after looking at her watch.

"Speaking of which… who's driving?" I asked.

"I am," Janet replied. "Everyone, save for us three, already got to the church... I think."

And so, Magenta and I got in the back seat and Janet got in the driver's seat. Only moments after we pulled out of the castle's driveway, Magenta's hand managed to end up on my shoulder and slowly make its way into the bodice of my dress.

And then she began kissing me on the neck. Now I was very glad she wasn't wearing bright red lipstick (like she'd wanted to).

"Can you not?" I muttered.

"You're my favorite not-yet-deceased and/or annoyingly old female lover. I can't stand the fact that you're going to go away forever…" she whispered in my ear.

"I'm trying to become an ordinary human again. No more weird sexiness. No more castles. No more things that are fun, come to think of it."

Leaning against my shoulder, she sighed dramatically. "You're giving up all the fun. And just for that fat motorcycle kid. What's happened to the party girl with the glittery clothes and dark eyeliner?"

"I don't know. Anyway, his uncle forced him to go on a diet so he's not that fat anymore."

"But you really won't touch me every few nights? Do you think I'm ugly now? Just because I'm wearing a different dress doesn't-"

"I still think you're quite sexy. I'm just trying to be a normal earthling again. And normal earthlings have long-lasting relationships with only one person."

Janet, whom I'd forgotten about, cleared her throat. "We're here now. And I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that conversation, okay?"

"Jolly good," Magenta replied sarcastically.

We all got out of the car. Indeed, we were parked right outside the church. It was the same church that we'd all worked at for a while. The Transylvanians wanted to learn about earthlings first hand and I'd had nothing better to do. Since we'd all worn drab costumes people there wouldn't recognize us… or so I hoped.

They made me wait in this room on the side of the church.

Apparently Eddie wasn't allowed to see me until I was standing at the altar. It was then, as I stood there in boredom, that I realized I'd never actually been to a wedding. A while ago, Magenta said that Frank was going to 'marry' the muscle man Riffraff built. But then he got killed.

But if he hadn't been killed, then either both Eddie and I would've died… or just Eddie would've died. So it's a good thing both Frank and his creature died. Especially since Riffraff was able to give Eddie part of his brain back…

And then my two bridesmaids burst into the room.

"Columbia! It's time!" Janet said gleefully.

Please Review!

A/N: Speaking of reviews, I'm very thankful for that one Guest Reviewer is writing those really long reviews. It's really cool to see that there are people interested enough to say something more than 'update, please'. Not that shorter reviews are any less wonderful...