Days had passed where Emily had purposely avoided Hanna. The brunette wanted to talk to her ex-girlfriend to make sure that she was okay, but she knew that it probably wasn't a good idea for her to speak to the girl that she broke. The guilt was eating away at her everyday for what she did to Hanna. Emily was a good hearted person that made horrible decisions in a relationship where she wasn't truly happy. If she could do it all over again she would do things so differently to avoid hurting Hanna, Alison, herself, and even Spencer and Aria.
Thankfully, Spencer and Aria hadn't left Hanna's side and one of them were always with her to make sure she was okay. Emily would ask the two individually how she was doing whenever she got the chance. According to Aria she was starting to get a little better day by day, but according to Spencer somedays were just better than others.
Sometimes when Emily closed her eyes she would see Hanna's face as she was crying, but what was even worse was when she fell asleep she had dreams of how they broke up almost every night. It had started to bother Emily so much that Alison could tell something was off with the brunette. At times Emily would just space out and frown and when Alison would ask what's wrong, a forced smile would appear on Emily's lips and she would reply with "nothing."
Alison however could read people like a book and she knew something was bothering Emily, and she had a pretty good idea of what it was. Alison didn't say anything about it though, thankfully. The blonde knew it was a pretty horrible situation that they were in and with Emily being such a good person, she figured Emily was trying to figure out a way to cope with her decision.
Emily stopped running in front of The Brew to get a water. She was up to 3.7 miles according to her fitbit, so she decided she could at least reward herself with a glass of water. The brunette walked in the small coffee shop and smiled when she saw her co-worker.
"Hey, Linds," Emily smiled, stepping up to the counter.
"Em! We're missing you here. How's your swimming season going?" Lindsay replied. The shorter red haired girl was already getting Emily a bottle of water knowing that was why Emily came in sweaty with red cheeks. Emily ran the same route almost everyday after school.
"It's just preseason right now, but it's a lot of training," Emily panted, trying to catch her breath.
Lindsay handed Emily the bottle, "sounds like a lot of work."
Emily nodded in response, "trust me, it is."
A flash of blonde hair caught Emily's eye as she unscrewed the cap to the water bottle and put it to her lips. Emily's heart dropped when she locked eyes on the blonde. Hanna. She didn't know if she wanted to run away or run to the girl.
When Hanna looked up from her phone to make eye contact with Emily, the brunette decided it was too late to turn back now. "I'll be right back, Linds." Slowly but surely, Emily's feet made their way to her ex-girlfriend small step by step at a time.
Hanna's blue eyes widened and she sat up straighter as Emily got closer. Emily sat down on the other side of the small coffee table that Hanna was at and offered a small smile to the blonde as she settled into the chair. Emily was nervous, but tried not to let it show, "hi."
The brunette noticed that Hanna looked really good. Her make up was done nice and lightly, her outfit was fashionable and perfectly fitting.. she didn't look heartbroken. But then again, Hanna always looked really good. And heartbreak wasn't something you necessarily wear.
"Hey," Hanna replied causally, keeping her fingers tight around her coffee cup. "I've been meaning to talk to you," Emily stated, fumbling with the paper on her water bottle, "I've just been—,"
"With Alison?" Hanna cut.
There wasn't anger or viciousness in Hanna's voice. It was calm. If anything it was sadness. A sadness that ripped through Emily's heart. "Busy," Emily finished, "I've been busy with training. Swimming is coming up." Hanna nodded and took another sip of her coffee. Emily didn't have to guess what she was drinking. She already knew. Hanna loved her coffee with three scoops of sugar and one scoop of creamer. It's weird to know so much about someone and practically know their entire life but then not speak to them anymore. It's like reading a book and then stopping halfway through.
Emily couldn't stop her mind from thinking about all of Hanna's quirks. How she would lean over and always take a bite of Emily's food when they were out to eat, even if Hanna's plate was full. How Hanna loved to be carried on Emily's back. When Hanna would complain when Emily made her take a run with her. Hanna was such a lovely person to be around and it made Emily's stomach twist to think about how she ruined that.
"Hanna, I'm so sorry for everything. Really," Emily started, but was quickly cut off again.
"Don't apologize. It's over and whatever happened, happened. It hurts, yeah, but I'll get over it."
A sad frown wiped Emily's lips as she reached out and placed her hand on Hanna's on top of the table, "I do miss you." Hanna's eye looked up to Emily's brown one's and pulled her hand back, "yeah, well, you lost all right to do that the first time you cheated on me with her."
Emily put her hand back in her lap, "I wish I could go back and change things so much. You'll never know how truly sorry I am, Han."
"What would you change? Because I'm sure you'd still be with Alison in the end and I'd be heartbroken," Hanna questioned.
Emily knew Hanna was right. Emily wouldn't change that she left Hanna for Alison, she would change how she left Hanna for Alison. Or she would change that she ever dated Hanna at all. Emily loved Hanna so dearly, but more as a person than as a girlfriend.
After a few moments of silence Hanna spoke up again, "you should probably go before someone sees us together and it gets back to Alison. You know she's the jealous type."
"No one knows about Alison and I," Emily replied.
"My mom does, we do, our friends do," Hanna stated. Emily's heart dropped again for the second time. Emily loved Mrs. Marin. She had been like a second mom to Emily for years. The thought of Mrs. Marin hating Emily made the brunette feel low as dirt. And Mrs. Marin had every right to no longer care for Emily.. look at what she did to her only daughter.
"You will always have such a special place in my heart," Emily randomly said. Hanna titled her head and opened her mouth to speak but Emily continued, "I know that I hurt you, and I know there's nothing I can ever do to take it back or make it up to you. But I love you, Hanna, and I always will. You will never be replaced in my heart and I want you to understand that."
"Alison replaced me, Emily," Hanna replied. "No one can replace you, Hanna," Emily responded, keeping her eyes locked on Hanna's. The brunette knew that she was starting to cross over into territory that could be potentially dangerous if she kept going with this conversation, so she stood from the table to leave.
Emily did still have feelings for Hanna. It's not like they all went away just because of her relation with Alison. Though Emily's feelings for Alison definitely surpassed her feelings for Hanna, but that didn't mean that they still were not there.
Before turning to walk away Emily leaned down beside of Hanna and placed a soft, slow kiss on her cheek. Hanna closed her eyes to feel Emily's lips on her skin. There was something electric about the kiss. It wasn't meant to be charged or to give a sexual feeling, but for some reason it did. It felt like something. When Hanna opened her eyes, Emily was already three steps away from her heading towards the door.
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Alison pressed her lips to Emily's neck, making a smile smirk appear on the brunette's lips. "Ali," Emily warned, but instead of it being stern, it faltered horridly and came out quiet playful. The blonde stepped in front of Emily and threw her leg over Emily's lap so that she could straddle her girl's lap.
Emily was trying to do her homework, but with Alison around she should have known better. It doesn't take more than twenty minutes before the blonde is touching her in some manner.
Emily put her pencil down on her desk, "I'm trying to work."
"Hmm, work on me instead," Alison mumbled against Emily's lips before pressing a soft kiss upon them. Emily's hands went from her work to Alison's hips. It didn't take much from Alison to convince Emily to focus somewhere else.
"My mom is right downstairs," Emily said in-between kisses. "Then we just have to be extra quiet," Alison replied.
Just as the blonde was about to reconnect her lips with Emily's, the brunette's phone vibrated in Emily's pocket. Alison groaned, "ignore it, it's just a text." Emily followed command and leaned back in to press her lips against Alison's. Alison's hands slid to Emily's shoulders to grip as Emily's hold on Alison's hips tightened.
Emily's phone vibrated yet again which caused the brunette to pull back. If Emily's phone was on her desk it wouldn't have bothered Emily, but it was vibrating in her pocket and it was interrupting her new concentration on Alison's lips.
"Let me get it really quick," Emily said, dipping her hand between herself and Alison. She fished her phone out of her pocket and her eyes nearly widened in shock at the name on her phone.
Alison raised an eyebrow and titled her head. Emily could feel Alison's change of demeanor. "Why is Hanna texting you?" Alison asked, dashes of annoyance laced in her voice. "I-I, I don't know," Emily honestly replied.
Emily opened the message. She knew Alison wasn't going to let her open it without her seeing it too, so she didn't even bother hesitating.
I know I shouldn't say this but I can still feel your lips. Thanks for seeing me today. Love you.
Emily's stomach turned as she read the message. She knew Alison was about to blow up. Alison has always been jealous and extremely territorial over what was hers. Emily looked up from her phone to see a pair of angry blue eyes starring back down at her.
"Ali, let me—,"
"Don't bother," Alison replied, lifting herself off of Emily.
The brunette reached out to grab Alison's hand, "please let me explain. Don't assume."
"She can still feel your lips?! You fucking kissed her?!" Alison snarled, pulling her hand out of Emily's hold.
"I kissed her cheek. I didn't kiss her," Emily replied, standing up to take a step towards Alison. The blonde sarcastically chuckled, "that's a kiss, Emily. When did you see her? Where?"
"After school. I was running and stopped by The Brew to get a water. She was there and I went to speak to her. I had to apologize, Ali. I still feel horrible," Emily pleaded. Emily knew arguing with Alison was always a lost cause. When Alison made up her mind about something it was hard to steer her anywhere else.
"Obviously you did more than apologize," Alison said. The blonde walked over to Emily's bed to grab her phone to put in her pocketbook. "You're leaving?" Emily questioned, watching Alison put away her things.
"I'm sure as hell not staying," Alison replied. Emily walked to her bed behind of Alison, "it wasn't like that, Alison. I wasn't there to try and get her back. I love you."
"You love the both of us," Alison snapped. Alison's eyes locked with Emily's as the blonde turned her head to face the brunette. "You love me and you love Hanna and you don't know which one of us you want because we're both two completely different people. You love both of us."
Tears started gathering in Emily's eyes, "I don't want you to leave. Please just stay." Emily felt like she was suddenly starting to lose herself. Her heart felt weak, like it was about to shatter or stop beating. Alison was right. She did love both girls but for two completely different reasons. But Emily knew that she loved Alison more. She knew that Hanna was the girl that was easier to be with and the girl that she needed to be with, but Alison was the girl that Emily wanted.
"Please," Emily begged, reaching forward to touch Alison's arm. Alison shook her head, "I can't go through another triangle with you and her again. I don't know if I can handle you loving another girl and being with me at the same time. I know that I'm the home-wrecker in this situation, but somehow people forget that we were something first and I've had feelings for you way before you two even looked at each other that way. I've hurt way harder and way longer than she has. But everyone seems to forget that, right?"
Emily heard Alison's voice crack as she finished her last word. A tear fell from Alison's eyes and the blonde quickly wiped it away. "I'm going to go," Alison nearly whispered. Emily grabbed Alison's hand again one last time to try to convince her to stay, "please don't leave us like this. Please stay."
Alison softly pulled her hand from Emily's again as she threw her pocketbook over her shoulder, "you need to think about what you really want. Because you can't keep doing this to me." Alison stepped away from Emily and made her way through her door without looking back because she knew if she did, Emily's brown puppy like eyes could persuade her to come right back.