This is where I advise you to turn away if you are triggered by self harm.
If you need someone to talk to, I'm always open to you sending me a private message, especially if my fic make you want to talk to someone.
Thanks for reading and for supporting me.
This fic will be 30 chapters, (im working on the 30th chapter as we speak :D)
Anime4us
Chapter 11
"How did you do that?!"
Haruichi only smirked as his fingers swept across his controller. His car drifted right by Kuramochi's lapping the shortstop before hitting the finish line.
"Heh, I win again." Haruichi said before leaning back onto the bed frame.
"You're cheating, I donno how, but you are." Kuramochi huffed before setting his controller down.
"Has it ever crossed your mind that you're just not good at racing games?" The pinklet suggested.
"I resent that thought." Kuramochi said before hitting the off switch on the TV and plopping himself down next to Haruichi.
"You're just jealous that I'm better at the game than you are."
Kuramochi rolled his eyes before leaning his head on Haruichi's small shoulder.
"I also resent that thought."
"The results don't lie Yoichi." Haruichi retorted before chuckling.
"Mhm..." The shortstop murmured.
"Are you falling asleep?" Haruichi asked, his voice soft.
"Maybe." Kuramochi stated, his eyes falling closed.
"Did me winning tucker you out that much?"
"Better watch it Kominato." Kuramochi huffed.
When Haruichi didn't answer, Kuramochi cracked an eye open and sat right up.
Haruichi had a pout on his face that the shortstop just couldn't pass up. He pulled Haruichi into his arms, and chuckled softly at the other's gasp of surprise.
"How do you expect me to hold myself back if you show me that type of expression?" The shortstop murmured before smiling.
0_0_0_0
Sawamura stirred when he felt the blow up mattress move from someone else's weight shifting. He opened his eyes to see Miyuki pushing himself up.
Shit, I fell asleep next to him?!
The southpaw kept his eyes open at the bare minimum as he watched the catcher grab something from his bag and head for the door.
Bathroom?..
Sawamura turned over on the mattress and momentarily froze as he felt warmth from the bed.
Jesus... Am I sleeping with a bloody furnace?
He thought as he rolled back over to his side. He glanced at his clock and cocked his head.
Did he get lost?
The southpaw pushed himself up and stretched his arms.
Since I'm up anyways... Might as well relieve myself.
The first year pitcher scratched at his stomach as he made his way down the hall towards the bathroom. His eyes were immediately drawn to the light that shone through the bottom of the closed door.
What is he doing? He gonna miss without the damn light?
The pitcher leant his back against the wall next to the door.
Maybe I can scare the shit outta him when he opens the door. Hopefully he doesn't scream and wake the house up.
A small smirk made its way over Sawamura's lips. The thought of Miyuki jumping out of his skin was something he couldn't fathom, though he wanted it to happen; for all of the crap the catcher had pulled on him of course.
You're holding up a line here Miyuki, I gotta pee, let's go!
Sawamura drummed his fingers against his forearm as he waited for Miyuki to finish up his business. That was when Sawamura registered heavy breathing from the bathroom.
Oh hell no, you better not be doing what I think you're doing you four-eyed demon!
A blush spread across Sawamura's cheeks as he listened to Miyuki's laboured breathing.
0_0_0_0
Furuya lay in front of his TV. Nothing was playing, the screen was black.
"Why don't you ask her out?"
"Because she's in love with Miyuki."
"And?..."
"I don't want to hurt her or burden her with feelings I know she doesn't return. I would hate myself if I took her smile away."
Furuya bit into his lower lip.
Am I gonna take his smile away?... Is it so bad to want to monopolize that smile?... Is it so bad that I just want him to look at me the way he looks at Kuramochi?..
Furuya flopped back down on his dorm room's floor.
I hate this... empty feeling... Not even pitching makes it go away...
0_0_0_0
Miyuki opened his eyes slowly to see a snoring pitcher mere inches from his face. He groggily pushed himself up off the bed.
Did I fall asleep during the movie?... Oops.
He was planning on going back to Sawamura's bed when something caught his attention. The moon light from the bedroom window had bounced off of something in his own bag. Miyuki's blood went cold as he made his way over to his bag.
What the hell am I doing?
He bent down and picked up the shiny piece of metal, shoving it into his sweater's pocket before straightening back up.
I come here and what? I'm all sunshine and rainbows with Eijun and his family? Yea right Kazuya. You're so pathetic.
Miyuki's hand tightened around the metal in his pocket as his feet padded down the hallway. Once in the bathroom, Miyuki shut the door as quietly as possible before hitting the light switch. He turned back towards the door, contemplating what he would do if he had woken anyone up. He reached towards the door and locked it, not wanting to take any chances with anything.
The catcher slowly rolled up his sleeve to reveal bandages. He slowly got to work tearing the bandaging off to reveal several jagged scars, along with the new one he had put there not too long ago.
Are you really gonna do this here?..
Images of dinners with Sawamura's family flashes across his mind, followed by images of countless dinners spent at a vacant table. Miyuki clenched his teeth as he pulled the sharp metal from his sweater's pocket.
With a sharp intake of breath, Miyuki ran the blade across the inside of his forearm. He didn't even wince at the oh so familiar burn that followed in the tracks that the blade had left behind. The catcher's breath started to get heavier as blood dripped off of his arm and into the porcelain sink that ordained the bathroom.
I think my mum has already practically adopted you as her son, so hey, you can always come by again.
Miyuki bit into his cheek.
Hey... Don't you know... I'm still here?...
Seven year old Miyuki's voice echoed in his head. Images of his father leaving early in the morning and coming home late at night flashed through his head.
Mom's dead...Why do you act like I don't exist?... I'm still here...
Miyuki clenched his fist, causing blood to build up quicker in this cut.
It's really lonely you know?...
Miyuki felt himself gasping in pain. Not pain from his arm, he had felt that pain many times before. He found salvation in that pain.
"Why am I so fucked up?..." The catcher whispered under his breath.
Miyuki seemed to finally snap out of his trance when he realized that he needed to cover the cut up. He hadn't brought anything from his bag into the bathroom.
I'm such a fucking idiot...
Leaving his arm over the sink, he pulled drawers open until he found bandaging in one.
Miyuki had one hell of a time bandaging up his arm with one hand, never having quite gotten the hang of it. He had turned the sink on and had used Kleenex to gently dab at the blood that had accumulated on his arm. He winced as he touched at the fresh cut. The sink filled with water that held a pink tint.
He slowly finished wrapping his arm before he picked the piece of metal up off the counter. He glared at the metal for several long seconds before running it under the tap water as well. Shoving the blade, along with the Kleenex and dirtied bandaging, into his sweatshirt pocket and forcing the sleeve back down and over the offending wound, Miyuki made absolutely sure that he had cleaned any traces of his breakdown away.
The catcher pulled the bathroom door open before hitting the light switch. He took a deep breath before taking a step. As he opened his eyes he could only feel bile rise in his throat.
0_0_0_0
"Can I stay here tonight, don't wanna wake my roommate." Haruichi mumbled as he pulled away from Kuramochi's arms, blush engulfing his features.
"Yea, use Sawamura's bed." Kuramochi said as he stood.
The shortstop than proceeded to pull his shirt off in favor of a baggy t-shirt for sleeping. Haruichi couldn't help it, he let his eyes roam over Kuramochi's back, hungrily taking the sight in.
"If you keep staring I'm going to have to charge."
Kuramochi only smirked as he saw Haruichi's cheeks darken in color.
Aw man... I'm gonna need a cold shower every day at this point...
The shortstop shook his head before climbing up to his bunk and burying his face into his pillow.
Ryosuke is most definitely going to kill me for these thoughts...
0_0_0_0
"Holy crap! I thought I was gonna explode!" Sawamura hissed as Miyuki set foot out of the bathroom. "What the hell were you doing? Taking a freaking nap?!" The southpaw exclaimed before stepping towards the bathroom.
He stopped short when he felt Miyuki's fingers wrap around his wrist. When he looked back towards the catcher he couldn't help but feel nervous. Miyuki's eyes seemed to be begging him for something, what, the pitcher had no clue. At the same time, Miyuki's hand was shaking.
Sawamura's eyes widened before he turned back towards his catcher.
"What's wrong?" He whispered, his voice so uncharacteristically low.
Miyuki simply shook his head, leaving the pitcher fairly lost.
"You gotta tell me what's wrong, I can't read your mind Kazuya..."
Miyuki's head snapped up, eyes meeting Sawamura's. Sawamura's widened in return; so many emotions were running through his catcher's eyes, he couldn't possible read them all, but he saw one prominent one; fear.
Sawamura pulled his wrist from Miyuki's grasp before grabbing the catcher's hand and dragging him back towards his room. Said catcher stayed silent as Sawamura pushed the door closed behind them. Sawamura watched as Miyuki sat on the bed and put his head in his hands. His breath was shaky, scaring the pitcher.
As Sawamura took a step towards Miyuki, he couldn't help but pick up a singular sentence that made his heart clench.
"I'm such a fuck up..." As soon as the words left Miyuki's lips, Sawamura's whole body froze.
What?...
Sawamura shook his head, breaking from his frozen state to instead move towards his catcher, reaching towards the boy.
"Kazuya-"
"Stop. I don't want your pity." Miyuki said before smiling with no amusement.
It was the most painful expression Sawamura had seen from the catcher yet.
"It wasn't-"
"Yes it was." Miyuki said, cutting the pitcher off again. "And I don't need it."
"I'm telling you that it wasn't-"
"No really, I don't need to be pitied by my lower class man, if that isn't a punch to the gut, I donno what is..." Miyuki said before laughing humourlessly.
"Damn it Kazuya! Lemme finish a goddamn sentence!" The pitcher hissed.
Miyuki looked up at his pitcher. Sawamura physically flinched. His catcher's expression, expressionless.. and yet... so much pain was written in his features.
"Do I scare you?" Miyuki asked with a small chuckle.
"Stop that." Sawamura mumbled.
"What? Breathing?" Miyuki asked, huffing.
"No." The pitcher said before shaking his head profusely. "Stop pretending you're fine when you're so far from it."
Miyuki's forced smile slipped off his lips.
"What do you want me to do then?" The catcher whispered.
"I want you to talk to me." Sawamura said gently.
Miyuki laughed bemusedly.
"And what? Puke my soul out for you to laugh at? How about you laugh at how I'm so fucking jealous of your family it's eating me up inside. I'm so jealous that you can go home on the weekends whenever you want and have a warm smile and a hug from your father. I'm jealous that you can walk into your house and hear your mother's voice and feel her warmth when she hugs you." Miyuki hissed. "How about you laugh at the fact that being captain of the bloody team is scaring the living shit out of me? I have to watch every single word that leaves my lips or I might ruin the team's chemistry. How about we laugh at the fact that I'm so in love with one of my bloody pitchers that it fucking scares the shit out of me?" Miyuki's eyes flew open at his last sentence.
The catcher's words had caught Sawamura very much off guard, he was staring at Miyuki with a bug eyed expression.
Miyuki took a second to collect himself before laughing.
"Aha... Just kidding... I... Night." The catcher quickly hid himself under the many comforters that were stacked on Sawamura's bed.
A couple minutes of silence passed by, leaving Sawamura with wide eyes and a very tense Miyuki under the covers.
"Hey Kazuya.."
"Shut up, I'm sleeping."
"Why did it take you so long to talk to me about it?" The pitcher asked softly.
Miyuki threw the covers off of himself and sat up before levelling the pitcher with a heated glare.
"You need to forget everything I just said. It was stupid of me. I wasn't thinking and-" Miyuki's words were cut off mid sentence by a very forward pitcher.
A few seconds passed by before Sawamura pulled back.
"I need you to forget about holding that back anymore. I know I won't forget what you said no matter what you threaten me with. You need to realize that you can rely on people Kazuya."
The back of Miyuki's hand was pressed against his own lips as the pitcher spoke.
"Why did you do that?" The catcher muttered.
"Let's just say that I completely understand your problem of loving someone so much to point that it scares you that you could even love them so much." Sawamura said before smiling gently.