Disclaimer: I don't own The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

A/N: I just realized something. The climax to A Sci-Fi Fan's Adventure and the climax to this story both involve the play Hamlet in one way or another.

The next day, as predicted, wasn't so fun.

Yet it wasn't all bad. Both Eddie and Uncle Everett weren't going back to work until next Monday. Christmas being on a Thursday is pretty convenient.

Today I needed to confront Magenta and do some epic thingy that means I hate her. Like a pistol duel in a western… but (hopefully) without the pistols. For some reason I actually wanted to duel her, even though I'd never learned how to fence.

Whatever I did, it needed to have some kind of finality to it. Something that told Magenta to bugger off and made me stop wanting to be near her.

I told Eddie all this at breakfast.

"Well, you could write a speech. Or borrow one from Shakespeare. His speeches are very moving," he said thoughtfully.

Even then I wasn't used to Eddie being a respectable, responsible young man. Hearing him talk about Shakespeare bothered me. But the whole point was for this stuff to not bother me.

"I don't think a grand speech is a good idea. Do you have any other ideas?"

He nodded. "The bard's characters often insult each other. Hamlet says some pretty good stuff to Ophelia. The scene in which the play within a play happens might work."

"How exactly does he insult her?""He tells her to go to a 'nunnery'. In those days that could either be taken literally or mean a brothel."

I giggled. "Perfect! Can we read through that scene after breakfast?"

"If you'd like. Uncle Everett might even act as an audience for us, or a mock drama critic."

And so, after we'd both eaten, we made our way to the study. After looking around for a moment, Eddie found a battered old copy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark.

Eddie began to flip through the faded pages. "It's in Act 3, I believe… ah, yes. Act 3, Scene 2."

To my confusion he continued to turn the pages (alibi more slowly).

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Hamlet is a very long play. It's got really long scenes. So, I'm searching for the part of Act 3, Scene 2 that we need."

Finally he found the scene.

"Er, Eddie?" I said quietly, after reading through the page.

"Hmm?"

"I think this scene is just Hamlet saying random sexual innuendo at Ophelia. And I can't be the only one who thinks that. Somebody seems to have underlined the first syllable of 'country'."

Indeed, some previous owner of that book had underlined said word with a dark blue pen.

"Wrong page," Eddie said, after a moment.

"I'd say.

A moment later he discovered that the scene he'd been looking for was actually Act 3, Scene 1.

"Here we go! Read Prince Hamlet's lines, now," Eddie said, pointing to the proper dialogue.

I took a deep breath. "Get thee to a- can I just say 'you' instead of 'thee'? It's much easier that way. And I'll look less stupid."

"Whatever."

"Right, then… get you to a- wait, no- go to a nunnery, bitch. You breeder of sinners! I'm honest, but I could accuse me- what the hell?"

Eddie sighed. "I'll rewrite it for you. To make people think I'm smarter than I actually am, I've been reading this stuff constantly. I'm pretty sure I can convey the original meaning in modern words."

And so, he rewrote that scene into something a normal, modern person in the year 1975 would understand. And he changed a few things to make it a bit more relevant to this situation.

"Now you can read it."

I did so. After a while I'd pretty much memorized it! That afternoon Eddie and Riffraff had plotted for Magenta and I to 'meet by chance' at that park in the middle of Denton. I wasn't sure if she knew, but I assumed she did. That clever little bugger knows everything.

After I'd gotten out of the car I began to worry. What if she'd brought some kind of actual weapon? Just shouting a speech might not work. Good thing Eddie gave me a small dagger in case she tries to physically attack me.

Then I noticed her sitting on a park bench reading a battered old copy of Carmilla.

"Go to a whorehouse."

Her lovely green eyes narrowed. "You little-"

"Why must you be a breeder of emotionless, sinful passion? I myself am somewhat virtuous-"

"No you aren't."

"-but everyone has a vice. I am prideful, yes. Pissed off at you, yes. I've too many ideas to even try to act upon in order to avenge for what woe you caused me-"

"I never did anything that hurt you."

"- yet I'm not totally a bitch. But you'll never believe me!"

"This is clearly scripted!"

"Go to a whorehouse! That's where you belong, Magenta."

My speech now finished, I began to feel uneasy. As if someone were… watching me.

"Where is your brother?" I asked her.

She shrugged. "At the castle. Why do you care?"

"I feel like he's here somewhere, watching," I replied.

A strange silence fell upon us.

"That was a really pathetic attempt at a breakup speech, you know," Magenta said after a moment, smiling slightly.

I sighed. "Eddie rewrote a scene from Hamlet to fit these circumstances. Sorry." I didn't know why I was apologizing. I'm supposed to not be nice to her anymore.

"So, tonight I was planning to-" Magenta began.

"I need to start avoiding you. It's destroying me! Magenta, I really need to stop seeing you. I can't be Columbia the groupie and Mrs, Edward D. Scott at the same time! Please, just go away and make things easier. Please…"

"Fine."

With that, she simply stood up and walked down a path that led into the forest that borders Denton on one side. I could still smell the cigarette she'd been smoking as I stood there for the next few seconds/minutes/hours/days.

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