From Eden

by OverwhelmedAndTerrified

They'd only truly met 2 days ago and already her eyes were begging him to, please, show her how to live with such pain.

6. Chapter 6

Hey guys. My apologies for taking so long to update but sometimes when writer's block hits it also body slams. Anywho, thank you again and again and again for all the positive feedback. To Artist Renegade21 it means so much to me that someone who usually finds stories containing drug use unbelievable has deemed mine realistic. Making the story realistic in all aspects is something I always strive for when I write and I'm so glad it's translating and all the research I've done has paid off. Also you managed to give me another tattoo idea for later so thanks for that. To AustinR5Ally you read my mind *wink wink*. To orayofsunshine I also thought Ally would go to the festival with Austin (seemed more realistic in my opinion) but there are things I need them to say and do that wouldn't have been said or done if they ran off into the sunset together right now. To the Guest who has the song "From Eden" on repeat I think I love you and maybe we should marry? And for everyone else who is wondering how the story will end (will it be auslly or end tragically like my other stories?) all I can say is that I don't want to force anything to happen that I don't think should happen. I'll remind everyone that this story is based line for line on the first verse and the chorus of the song "From Eden" and it'll end in a way that I believe is fitting for the line of the song it's inspired by. Aaaaand that's all you get. On to the story!

"Idealism sits in prison. Chivalry fell on its sword."

Ally Dawson.

It was a sugary sweet, goody-two-shoes name if he'd ever heard one.

Ally Dawson.

Somehow though it embodied eyes the color of creamless-coffee. Somehow that name was all Spring twilight and harmonica-heavy blues songs. There were softly puckered lips in that name, as red as nature's ripest raspberries and pressing just 2 and a half centimeters above the corner of his mouth.

It followed him, echoing in the back of his mind as his relatives argued in the limo.

Gerald was struggling to maintain his composure, "I just don't believe you Diane."

"Dad they weren't mine." She replied tensely.

"Then whose were they? Where did you get cigarettes from if you claim to have quit smoking?"

Austin's aunt shot her only nephew a discrete but venomous look before facing her father, "I got them from one of the guests so your grandson would stop pestering everyone."

"Diane." Tess fixed her 47 year old daughter with a no nonsense combination of narrowed eyes and condescending tone, "I saw you pull the cigarettes from your purse and give them to Austin."

Here the blonde guitarist shot his mom a wide grin and an eyebrow wiggle because the plot had just fucking thickened! Mike's older sister was caught in a blatant lie and silence settled over them all like a wool blanket. Austin's brown eyes bounced between the angry members of his extended family with an almost child-like enjoyment. It was the limo gently pulling off that jostled them lightly and pierced the tension.

Diane sighed in defeat, "Okay fine they're mine. I still smoke. The cat's out of the bag."

With that the three of them launched into a full blown argument. It was entertaining at first but Austin eventually lost interest. Listening to a middle-aged woman be scolded like she was a teenager gave him some serious second-hand frustration. He had to focus on the passing scenery to keep from spouting off the first ballsy comment that came to mind. Beyond the glass, Miami surprisingly didn't look as shitty as he remembered. Every block of that beach town was crammed with cheap looking convenience stores and narrow sidewalks littered with cracks and debris but, somehow, it gave the area character. Even the sky was a more brilliant cerulean blue than he could ever recall it being as it peeked out between white wisps above. He watched as palm trees that usually stood brown and weathered, now swayed with a kind of tropical elegance completely unheard of in "The Magic City". Austin chewed his bottom lip thoughtfully, and with some concern, because there was a simple name tickling the underside of his brain and turning the town he hated into something wonderful.

"So are you and Ally getting close?"

His gaze flickered to his mother who'd managed to kind of speak his thoughts aloud. Mimi regarded him with a knowing smile as she attempted to ignore her in-laws' squabbling.

"Sure." He agreed with an air of nonchalance, "We've already made plans to elope and move to France."

"Very funny." She replied, "No son of mine is getting married without his mother present."

"You do realize I got married in Virginia like 2 years ago right?"

"What?" she exclaimed, eyebrows rushing to her hairline.

"Her name's Ansley. She has a 4 year old named Gavin."

"….Are you being funny?"

"I take holy matrimony very seriously mom."

The limo slowed to a stop in front of their house and she was completely silent. Her pale blue eyes stared at him in horrified astonishment. Then, with a desperate quickness, she leaned closer and lowered her voice.

"Austin Monica Moon I swear to God if you're telling the truth about this."

His face broke into a grin, "Relaaaax Mimi I'm kidding."

"Ugh." His mom sighed in great relief, even pressing her hand to her heart dramatically, "Oh thank God." Then she was swatting his arm, "You nearly gave me a heart attack!"

Austin just laughed as their driver opened the door, "After you."

With one last playful slap on the shoulder, she climbed out of the limousine. He followed. Gerald, Tess, and Diane's argument had evolved into a dramatic retelling of every disappointing thing Austin's aunt had ever done. The elder Moon's were lamenting Diane's rocky divorce as Austin grabbed his jacket and tie and quickly escaped.

Mimi yawned silently as they entered the house. Their air conditioning hadn't quite caught up with the climbing temperature yet so the foyer was slightly stuffy. Nothing a ceiling fan and an open window couldn't fix.

"I think I'm going to take a little nap. It's been a long day." She said as they both shuffled past the kitchen and towards the living room.

"Okay." he mumbled.

"You said you were leaving for Atlanta today right?" she asked.

And again his blood turned to red ice for 2 full seconds.

"Uh yeah in a few hours." Austin lied.

"Well wake me before you leave."

"Yeah sure okay."

"Are you alright little p-..um Austin?"

"I'm fine..." and then, after a beat, "…you okay?"

He asked it cautiously, veeery cautiously, as the carpet whispered beneath their shoes and the AC unit hummed laboriously because he had a sneaking suspicion she was going to say 'no' then fall to pieces.

"Yeah." She finally said, as if them reaching the center of the family room was her cue to speak. Mimi faced him, her hair still perfectly curled and her makeup still immaculate despite the previous tearful hours. She gave him one of those deep sighs that she seemed to be doing more often, the kind that left her deflated and dulled her blondeness and made her blue eyes more icy than he liked.

"I'm fine."

Austin didn't believe it for a second.

"Good." He gave her what he hoped was a warm smile. Whether it appeared genuine or not he couldn't be sure. The past 2 days had awakened fresh memories and he found it a little difficult to comfort this woman who'd betrayed him so callously in his youth.

She returned his smile with a despondency that was well hidden but not invisible. Although Mimi had had a lot of practice containing her sadness, she was no expert at it. What human being could ever truly be?

They parted ways without another word, the new widow clicking into her room in 5 inch pumps and gently closing the door behind her, the fatherless 23-year old continuing down the hall and turning left into his childhood sanctuary. Austin didn't even give his tacky posters a glance as he tossed the suit jacket and the black tie in a corner then immediately began shedding his still damp clothes. The white button up was practically still see through as it peeled from his tan skin and flopped to the floor. He kneeled down to untie his sneakers, pulling off one, tossing it, pulling off the other, and, in a shockingly sudden fit of anger, hurling it across the room. It thwacked loudly against the wall and left a small scuff mark.

What the FUCK was he doing?!

Austin ran both hands through his hair and gripped it in frustrated fistfuls.

"Shit." he whispered under his breath, "Fuck shit fuck. Shit!"

He was stuck in Miami another fucking day. He was missing yet another day of his own personal paradise.

And it was all because of her.

Because of her he wouldn't be up on stage at OHA attacking his guitar strings until they screamed and the crowd lost its collective sanity. He wouldn't be singing the words of an ingenious red head who fed revenge sandwiches to cats and was a master of metaphor.

Because of her he was foregoing the chance to play rock and roll in a space where it was embraced like a prodigal child. Music was the most essential element after air, water, and food. It was the only love of his life and he'd tossed it to the side all in a moment of idiocy.

Austin yanked off his soaking wet socks.

Who the fuck was he kidding? Ally was enchanting but she hadn't forced him to do anything. That was his own brain growing dizzy and careless in her presence. That was his mouth forming whatever senseless words it needed to if it meant keeping her close and maintaining that wonderful vertigo. 2 days ago he was just seeing her for the very first time in his life, and yet she was already making the Miami sky bluer and scrambling his priorities and sending quivers through his heart.

Austin began to unbuckle his belt.

He hated that she could control him so completely. It had taken years of hardship and self-reliance to become the man he was and that Austin would never abandon his lifelong dream for some fucking chick. Yet there he was, immersing himself in her mahogany brown eyes, wandering the sweet haven of her lips, and losing himself with each passing day. He hated it.

And for one brief but ugly moment, he hated her.

But that shameful second passed and the anger went with it. In its place, the shitty sludge of self-hatred slimed against his insides. He removed his cell and wallet from the pockets, tossing them both on the desk before shoving his pants down and stepping out of them. He was weak. He'd been strong nearly all his life and now he was weak for some crybaby brunette who didn't even know what 'blazing' entailed. Austin pulled his wet boxer briefs off.

He was weary. He wanted to copy his mom and take a long nap but the residual coke kept him wide awake. Fully nude and still disappointed in himself, Austin dug slowly through his suitcase. Back in VA he'd kept it simple, tossing a random assortment of tops, bottoms, undies, and drugs into the bag. Now, rummaging through the unplanned wardrobe, he seemed to be finding more little baggies of contraband than underwear. When he finally did find a pair of grey boxer briefs, Austin pulled them on over his clammy flesh then snatched up the first little ziplock bag he could see. His brown eyes studied it for a moment. There was a small collection of white powder contained in the clear plastic. He tried to picture her pressing one slender pointer finger, adorned with mint nail polish and a simple gold ring, to her left nostril and leaning forward, red lips closed, as she inhaled deeply enough to draw a single white line into her sinuses. It was a dark and foreign image that Austin found oddly enticing. He lightly bit his bottom lip and shifted to prevent the mild stiffening that threatened his dick.

Fuck.

He was so weak.

Austin tossed the coke back into his suitcase. The only other drugs he brought were a few different kinds of weed and she'd already told him that she wasn't a fan. He doubted Ally would want to sit around and smoke a bowl. With dampness lingering at the roots of his hair, he went to the corner of the room and grabbed his Gibson. A sigh escaped him as he plopped down in the desk chair and sunk low. The guitar was a familiar, comforting weight in his lap and against his abs. He positioned his fingers with the muscle memory of a well-practiced player. The first chord rang out clear but a little off. He set to work tuning his instrument.

Sooner or later he'd have to break the bad news. He could call the guys and feed them some bullshit about Roxanne not wanting to crank or whatever. Gavin, Dez, and especially Jace, would be thoroughly pissed and with good reason. He'd be abandoning them yet again. They'd probably scream and cuss the shit out of him because what was Flesh & Bone without its frontman? Who the hell was going to want to sign a band with some semi-decent 17 year old guitarist named Tucker grinning with a mouth full of braces and tripping over the quicker melodies? Yeah, the guys would be furious no matter how valid his fake excuse seemed. But eventually, that difficult phone call would end. They'd forgive him tomorrow when he hit the road for real and found his way back to Atlanta and what really mattered. Tomorrow their band would rock the entire festival into oblivion, get a multi-million dollar record deal, and live famously ever after. On the other hand, he could go to Ally and tell her that he couldn't stay after all. It'd be easy enough to explain that the sound problems had finally been fixed and that the band needed him desperately. He plucked the thickest string on his guitar to send a low E out into the room. Not quite liking it, Austin continued to twist the appropriate tuners as his mind ran the scenario. With her there'd be no 'tomorrow', no 'eventually', only a wounded look on her face. He thought about their first encounter and the way Ally stared right through him in complete devastation. What if he told her he was leaving Miami forever and her eyes began to gloss with tears again? What if his words sent her racing back to that far off place of white knuckles and emotional ruin? Just seeing her in such a state on Thursday was enough to unnerve the hell out of him, but actually becoming the cause of it was a different animal entirely.

He was fucking kidding himself.

When he did gather enough courage to take action, Austin already knew who he'd be bailing on. And the realization reawakened his anger. The Gibson still wasn't fully tuned but he began to play with forceful and tense fingers. Harsh riffs pushed against every corner of the room. It was a song called "Keeping Her Too Long" and definitely one of Flesh & Bone's more angsty tracks. Dez had written it a year into Didi's chemo when she was frail with unsuccessful radiation and still riddled with tumors. The lyrics toed a fine line between wanting to hang on for dear life and the paralyzing fear that letting go might be better. His playing was clumsy and a little flat but he kept going, riding out the melody while singing the words in his head. And when the last note hummed away, Austin glanced down at his umbrella tattoo. He was strong. He was remarkable.

With a sigh, he snatched up his phone and quickly dialed Dez's number. His fingers ached as he listened to the soft rings and prayed they went unanswered.

"Hey Austin what's up?"

"Hey what're you guys up to?"

"Well they're all at the hotel pool but you know the sun and my skin don't really love each other so I'm at some bar downtown with this band we met the other day."

"Oh cool. What band?"

"Their called "The Awkwardians". Heard of them?"

"Uuuumm I think I've heard one song of theirs called "Anxiety" or "Anxious" or something like that. It was okay."

"I never heard of them until we got here. But it's 2 guys and 2 really hot girls. They're all pretty cool."

"Hmmm should I tell Trish about your new hot friends?"

"Dude don't even joke about that. That little mamacita will have my fucking head if she thinks I'm even LOOKING at another girl."

Austin chuckled, "You're such a pussy."

"Yeah well I'd rather be a live pussy instead of a dead one."

"That'd make an interesting band name. The Dead Pussies."

"Their debut album would be called "Vagina Funerals Are Weird" featuring their hit single "Cold Lips"."

"Their hit single "Really Awkward Sex"."

"Their smash hit song "Coochie Coffins"."

Austin burst out laughing, "I'm fucking done with you."

"You wouldn't buy their album?"

"I would buy all the copies of that album."

Dez chuckled loudly, "The Dead Pussies go double platinum."

"You're an idiot."

"Whatever. How was the funeral?"

The blonde shrugged, "I don't know. It was a funeral."

"You alright?"

"Yeah I guess."

"On the road yet?"

He hesitated.

"Uuuummmmm not exactly…"

"Fuck." The red head sighed, "What now?"

"Uh it's…" Austin cleared his throat and tried to sound frustrated and exhausted, "It's Roxy dude. Fucking piece of shit won't start. I'm trying to find a mechanic right now."

Another exasperated sigh, "You're KIDDING me."

Austin's stomach lurched uncomfortably at the sound. Dez was one of the few people he never ever wanted to disappoint. He swallowed the sour taste that was filling his mouth.

"It's fucking ridiculous right!? I really wish I was kidding but I tried it for like 15 minutes and it just- I even tried jumping it with my mom's car but no luck. So I went to Walmart and bought a new battery but she still isn't cranking."

"Aus it's like-" there was a short pause, "-2:30 right now. If you don't hit the road within the next half hour then you're not gonna make it you know that right?"

Austin sighed defeatedly because of course he knew that. But somehow he'd stopped caring the minute Ally looked at him all teary-eyed and his heart quivered as if it was the very first intimate moment he'd ever experienced.

"I know I know." He ran a free hand down his face, "That's why I called you I-I really don't think I'm gonna make it dude. I wanted to be out of here at least an hour ago but.." his stomach churned violently, "…I just can't."

Dez went silent for so long that Austin thought he'd hung up. His ears strained to pick up any trace of the ginger's breathing and when his freckled bandmate did finally speak, it nearly scared the shit out of him.

"Austin," Dez's voice was gentle but totally serious, "I understand if…Roxy…is broken and doesn't want to move. She's been through a lot so it makes sense she'd breakdown every once in a while."

The blonde was perplexed by his best friend's sudden change in tone. He frowned in confusion, "Yeeaaahhh…?"

"Austin." The red head spoke calmly yet deliberately as if trying to be both supportive and firm, "Just fix whatever it is that's broken and get here as fast as possible okay. We need you here. Don't forget that."

Austin's shoulders sagged and his lips parted in sudden realization.

Dez knew.

He knew.

Maybe not that there was a bandaged right hand with mint green fingernails gripping Austin by the heart, but the ginger was astute enough to realize that something much more profound than a stubborn Roxanne was trapping their lead vocalist in Miami. It was just like Dez to think up "Coochie Coffins" one minute then exhibit an amazing perceptiveness the next. Austin felt sick.

"When's the next show?"

"Tomorrow at 9:30pm."

He raked his fingers through his hair and attempted to keep a steady voice.

"I'll get there Dez. I'll fix Roxy and I'll get there."

"Ok dude. Keep me posted alright."

"Yeah."

"Later."

"Bye."

They hung up and Austin didn't even hesitate to toss his cell on the bed, set the Gibson aside, and spark up a bowl. Normally he stuck to just rolling blunts, maybe even a weed pancake or two, but his stomach hurt and anxiety was prickling down his back. He didn't have the patience to roll let alone fucking cook. The bowl itself was a gift from the party animals he called roommates. It was matte black porcelain, shaped like an owl, and sporting a gold beak. Austin hastily stuffed the wide eye sockets with some of his milder Mary Jane and ignited it. And for the next few hours he didn't give a shit about ANYTHING. Instead of worrying over festivals or Ally Dawson, he shut himself in his bedroom, blazing and rocking out. Austin finished tuning his guitar with lungs full of smoke and began to play Flesh & Bone's entire set. He moved about the space, sometimes strumming gently and sometimes jamming recklessly as greyish wisps curled and swayed around him like a worshipping audience dancing to the rhythm. He played for himself. He played to soothe his soul and quiet the skeletons banging on his closet door. And once he'd run through every song they had and the owl's eyes no longer smoldered, Austin started again from the top. He was lightheaded from the high, from the music. The guitarist made it halfway through his second round of Flesh & Bone's comprehensive song list before his stomach roared its desires. Where the coke depressed his appetite, the weed stoked it like a brush fire. He set the guitar down, leaning it against the desk with an immovable grin. God he was so happy he'd chosen music over fucking mattresses, even if his hands did feel like they'd never stop hurting. Austin grabbed his cell to check the time. It was almost 6 o'clock.

Opening the door, fresh air rushed in from the hallway and diluted the veritable hot box he'd created. His eyes, half-lidded and red, slid just a little down the hall to Mimi's room. Her door was still closed. He lumbered to the kitchen, flexing his sore hands. Their fridge, stuffed to bursting with various dishes, was almost a pot-head's dream come true. Austin was starving and really not very picky at the moment. He lifted a few lids and peeked under some foil but eventually chose a meatloaf and something else that looked like it might have bacon in it. Austin leaned against the counter watching as 2 giant hunks of each rotated slowly in the stainless steel microwave. He stared, almost hypnotized by the lazy spinning and the gentle hum. Then, all at once, the machine beeped, snapping him back to awareness and telling him that he'd been zoned out for 3 minutes straight. Maybe that weed wasn't so mild.

He made his way to the table, fork and plate in hand. Then, after setting both down, went back to the fridge for a can of PBR. His father was a jerk to him for a long time, the least Austin could do was drink up all of the old man's beer. His aching fingers popped the can open and he took a big swig as his bare feet slid against the tiled floor. Cotton mouth was seriously no joke and that hipster lager bullshit was suddenly like crisp, ice cold water from a fucking magic stream or something. Austin plopped down in his chair with a satisfied exhale and a manly belch.

The meatloaf was okay and the bacon-thing was pretty good but both were scalding hot around the edges and only warm in the center. Still, he devoured it like a fancy 5-star dinner and played around on his phone in between large bites. Among the few new Twitter followers he had, the infamous Ansley was one of them. Under the name "jEsSiCa_RabBiT426" she posed, bikini-clad and seductive, in her avi. Austin followed her back and began to scroll through her tweet history just for the simple fact that he wasn't totally in his right mind. He'd thoroughly exhausted his Twitter feed, checked every new post on Instagram, and practically licked his plate clean before rifling through the fridge in search of the Dawson's Boston cream pie. At his slow, marijuana-induced pace, it took him forever to find it. The glass dish was hiding behind a broccoli casserole and a vanilla poundcake. As Austin cut himself a nice big slice he wondered just how much Ally had contributed to the baking. But where his mind usually lingered on the brunette, now he was flying too high to think of one subject for very long.

He sat back at the table with his pie and began scrolling uninterestedly through Facebook. He'd taken 2 bites of the dessert and drained the last couple drops of beer when Mimi suddenly came shuffling into the kitchen in her bedroom slippers and wrinkled funeral dress. He watched her walk to the fridge.

"Hey can you grab me another beer?"

She yawned as she gripped the can and carried it over to him.

"I figured you'd be gone by now."

"Gig got cancelled." He cracked the PBR open.

"Oh…I'm sorry." She had her back to him as she dug through the various dishes in the refrigerator but he could hear the smile in her voice. The weed kept his temper in check though, prompting him to mumble "Yeah" around a mouthful of pie instead of spouting off a stream of foul language. And with that Mimi grabbed herself a bottle of water then retreated from the kitchen with a disheveled mop of hair and another yawn.

He finished the dessert and the beer in silence.

His bed welcomed him back with sheets and pillow that somehow felt softer than usual against his naked skin. Austin's belly was full and his subconscious was nice and quiet. He drifted off to sleep quickly with the lyrics to "Anxiety" or "Anxious" or whatever it was called running through his mind. His dreams were vivid and littered with black felt hats and harmonicas. The ocean was the sky and the sky was the smoothest ocean known to man, supporting mountains of white powder because the laws of physics were fluid.

Austin awoke with a snort to pitch blackness. His eyes cracked partially open and stared up to the dark ceiling as if hunting for stars. Then, suddenly, with a jerk of his arm and with dread winding around his spine, he snatched up his cell to check the time. It was 11:34pm. He relaxed but only somewhat.

He had 26 minutes.

Austin rolled, literally, out of bed as fast as his sleep-heavy limbs would allow. The AC had fully cooled the house and he felt goosebumps rush the length of his bare torso as it registered the temperature. A yawn, loud and long, built then burst from him as he dragged himself to the bathroom. The reflection staring back at him seemed tired everywhere except his eyes, which were brown and bright as if anticipating something exciting. The blonde rat's nest atop his head looked as though all of the rats had evacuated in a panicked rush. His shoulders sagged and his mouth barely moved even as he scrubbed the taste of weed from his teeth and tongue. There was THC lingering in his system and, really, all he wanted to do was eat and go back to bed but there was something far too important approaching. He finger-combed his hair into submission until it lay down with the proper ratio of messy to neat. The time was 11: 41 as Austin hurried back to the bedroom and threw on some light grey joggers, a black and white Henley, and his black Vans. Then a pivotal question roused him:

What drugs to bring?

He'd brought plenty and he'd brought a variety. His stronger stuff was supposed to be for the wild Atlanta nights at OHA though. Ally was the definition of amateur and he definitely didn't want to melt her brain with his heavy hitters. He ultimately decided on a baggie of coke that was full enough for them to split it 60/40 and a small supply of his second mildest weed, just in case she decided to give Mary Jane another shot. He stuffed the owl bowl in his pocket as well instead of rolling papers, thinking the animal shape might appeal to Ally more. He grabbed his wallet, lighter, cell, and car keys before heading into the bathroom once more for a last minute mirror check. Suddenly hating everything about his hair, Austin quickly threw a black Mötley Crüe snapback on backwards. One more glance at his reflection and he was out of his room and in the hallway where a sound struck him immediately.

Mimi was crying.

Her door was still closed but the sobs carried through like it was made of silk instead of wood. That sore spot of his was practically SCREAMING as he crept past but he bit his bottom lip and ignored it. He didn't have the patience, the know-how, or even, to his own slight disappointment, the real desire to piece his mother back together at 11:55 at night.

Outside, the weather had come full circle, now chilly as the morning had been and just as heavy with imminent rainfall. He wouldn't be surprised if the heavens opened up at any moment and wept. He thought of being in a car with Ally again as rain pattered around them and licked his lips. The night was young.

It was the first time he'd been in Roxanne since arriving in Miami and it kind of felt like stepping foot back in Virginia where he belonged. He tossed the candy bar wrappers and empty McDonald's coffee cups to the backseat. It was 11:57 when he cranked the car up and slowly backed out of the driveway. He rolled past where it'd all began, the puke and the stop sign, then hung a right. It was really like déjà vu as Austin cruised through the neighborhood. His eyes weaved in and out of shadows, searching for the color he always seemed to be searching for. Again his gaze flickered from abandoned tricycles to blooming rosebushes to fancy cars. But none of them were the right red, none of them were the Beetle he suddenly spotted squatting in the distance. Roxy's clock read 11:59 in glowing green as he slowed to a stop just before the Dawson's driveway. His Honda grew immediately silent as he killed the engine. In fact, the entire world around him seemed to go completely quiet. It was as if everyone and everything was waiting too for something dark but intimate to occur. Austin's eyes, the color of coffee grounds or worn leather, regarded the house on his right. And in an instant the nerves pounced on him like a vicious predator. What the fuck was he so apprehensive about? Like he hadn't done much worse things with much worse girls. He inhaled deeply and puffed his cheeks out on the exhale.

It was 12:00.

And then 12:01.

Then 12:02.

He watched the navy blue door open slowly, its gold mail slot and knocker glinting in the moonlight. Ally emerged cautiously at first until she spotted his car. His nerves flared all over again and he took another deep, cheek-puffing breath to calm himself.

It was just coke.

It was just Ally.

But that last thought didn't really help much because apparently "just Ally" was enough to rival the best rock and roll festival on the east coast.

"What the fuck are we doing?" Austin mumbled to himself as the 20 year old who'd only tried weed once and hated it approached his beat up old Honda with trepidation. She was wearing grey leggings and a turquoise sweatshirt and, despite his slight uncertainty, his eyes gave those shapely legs of hers an appreciative glance.

"Um hi." She bent at the waist to speak through the open passenger window. A shy smile played at her lips.

"Good evening Miss Dawson." Austin couldn't help the charming grin that spread across his face. She was beautiful.

"You gonna get in?" he asked after a quiet moment.

Her big brown eyes quickly surveyed the front seat's black vinyl. He'd moved all of the Burger King bags and crumpled receipts to the back but she still made no move to enter the car.

"Where're we going?" her voice was gentle and hesitant.

"Nowhere." He answered, "I assumed you wouldn't be comfortable coming to my house, doing this in my bedroom…"

She shook her head no.

"…or inviting me into your house, doing this in your bedroom…"

Another, more enthusiastic, headshake.

"…so I figured we'd sit out here in my car and if you feel…overwhelmed…or uncomfortable, you're already home."

Even though they'd kissed and she'd begun to open up to him, Austin hadn't forgotten how she pushed him when the touch of his hand felt terrifyingly good, or the way she continued to dodge his questions. Ally still didn't fully trust him and the last thing he wanted to do was scare her off for good. So he waited for the brunette to either accept or reject his offer.

The sound of Roxy's door clicking open was like sweetness for his eardrums. She settled into the passenger seat, hesitating only a second before closing the door.

"Thanks," she pulled her sleeves over her hands and fidgeted with them, "for being so considerate."

"No sweat." Then he smirked, "Is that what you wear to cross over to the dark side?"

She looked down at her white scarf with its grey polka dots and her floral-printed Birkenstocks. "What's wrong with it?"

"Nothing Skywalker, I'm just fucking with you."

She leaned stiffly back into the seat as pink slathered her cheeks. He watched her without really meaning to. Her hair was up in a sloppy high ponytail that still held some of that morning's curls. Suddenly he wanted to know all of the secrets she kept in that musical brain of hers. He wanted to explore her and discover her and make her blush hard for all their intimacy, both emotional and physical. But instead of acting on these urges and undoubtedly frightening the shit out of her, Austin began pulling items from his pockets.

"Okay so I brought coke." He held up the tiny plastic baggy, watching her eyes grow wider before setting it down on the middle armrest.

"Coke like…" she swallowed, her voice barely above a whisper, "…cocaine?"

This time he didn't laugh or tease her for being so oblivious because her hands had found the seat cushion and were beginning to grip it tightly. Austin stared.

"You sure you want to do this Ally?"

Her eyes were glued to the white powder. Her mouth moved as if trying to form words, finally stuttering out a soft "I-I..I don't…"

There was doubt oozing from her undeniably and Austin felt the smallest flash of irritation behind his ribcage. He didn't want to be mad, but he'd given up a day at OHA for this very moment. She wasn't aware of that and she had never asked him too but he'd still abandoned his best friends just because Ally seemed to need him so badly. The blonde ran a hand through his hair and forced himself to remain calm.

She bit her lip and nodded, "Yes I'm sure."

And that hint of frustration subsided immediately. He looked at her until she made eye contact with him, her brown irises nearly black in the night. Her lips moved again.

"I'm sure."

Thoroughly impressed, he sent her a smirk, "Dawson the badass."

She giggled and sent his heart soaring up through Roxanne's roof.

"Oh yeah I brought weed too."

Ally scrunched up her nose unsurely as her hands relaxed.

"I know, I know, you didn't like it that one time but I still brought some just in case you wanted to give it another go."

"Hmmm…I don't know Austin-"

"Just think about it. We'll do our lines and then if you wanna spark up we can."

She nodded in agreement before lowering her gaze to the plastic baggy again. The contents were stark white just like the bandaging on her right hand.

"Can you show me what to do?" Ally peeked up at him through thick lashes.

Austin reached into his cluttered backseat and grabbed an old Rolling Stone magazine with the irresistible Rihanna on the cover. He ripped out one of the little cologne sample inserts.

"Well it's pretty much like you see in the movies." He began to roll the insert into a short tube then paused, "…you have seen a movie with this kind of thing in it right?"

Ally gave him a pointed look, "I'm not all sunshine and rainbows Austin. I've seen Pulp Fiction and Scarface."

His eyebrows rose high in amusement, "Have you now?"

"Well…only because they were my ex's favorites. Otherwise I wouldn't be caught dead watching that stuff." She diverted her eyes as if a thought had just occurred to her, "Maybe I am all sunshine and rainbows."

"You strike me as a chick-flick kind of girl."

Ally thought about it for a second then scoffed with a defeated shake of her head, "Ugh I totally am."

Austin chuckled as he rolled the tube tighter and began smoothing out the magazine's cover, "It's not necessarily a bad thing. Although I will say there are some non-chick-flicks out there that are fucking amazing."

"Like what?" she smiled as if she just couldn't wait to hear this.

"Like the ENTIRE Zaliens franchise." He set the Rolling Stone on the armrest and started opening the baggy, "Well except maybe Zaliens 6, that one sucked ass. But all the others are awesome. There's action, violence, zombies, aliens…what more could you want?"

Ally rolled her eyes playfully, "Geez you remind me of my ex when you say that."

"Sounds like a cool guy." He dumped the snowy white powder right on Rihanna's face. "What's his name?"

There was a very familiar pause. And then Ally turned sideways in the seat to face him.

"So it's just like the movies then?" she asked.

"Yup." The blonde pulled his wallet from his back pocket. He opened it just enough to remove an empty Walmart giftcard and a dollar bill but not enough for her to see his shitty driver's license photo.

Ally was silent as he used the card to create 2 white lines, one larger than the other. This was her very first time and he didn't want to overwhelm her virgin sinuses. The blonde was methodical about it, his gaze focusing intently on the glossy magazine and chalky powder, his pink bottom lip tucked gently beneath his teeth. His fingers moved far more delicately than they did when finessing guitar strings or making some lucky girl's night. They cradled the blue plastic and cut noiselessly into the snowy mound until it was neatly organized. And when Austin looked up, Ally was staring at him. Not the coke. Him.

He wouldn't realize it until days later but the brunette would have let him kiss her right then and there. She was enthralled by his quiet intensity in that moment, especially on something that was so alien and so dangerous to her. And when he looked up with a seriousness in his brown eyes her heart fluttered in fondness and fear. Yeah, he definitely could've kissed her then. She might've even let him touch her face without succumbing to terror. But he didn't. And the opportunity was lost.

"Um that smaller one is mine right?" she pointed a slender finger and gave him a sheepish smile.

He grinned and held out the paper tube, "Yes madam Ally."

She took it, "I hope you don't think that nickname is an insult because I actually sort of like it. So there."

Her facial expression was teasing and a little defiant. It was that inner fire Austin enjoyed so much, just barely breaching the surface. He chuckled as he rolled the dollar bill into a tube for himself.

"Good to know." And then the 23 year old became slightly serious, "Okay you ready for this?"

"Ummm…" she looked down at the lines apprehensively, all traces of humor gone, "…you can go first."

"Alright." He replied, "Just so you know, smoking this in rock form is the fastest method in terms of onset of effects." He tapped the magazine with his fingertip, "Snorting powder is the second."

"What's the third?"

"I think eating it or something. Fuck if I know."

"What does it feel like?"

That one he had to think about. Working with a 10th grade education, Austin found it difficult to come up with something other than 'good' or its various synonyms. So he thought back to 2013 and the very first time he'd gotten a taste of pearl. Needless to say it was the 21st birthday to end ALL 21st birthdays. He was pretty wasted by the time the white horse was galloping up his nose but he distinctly remembered the sensation.

"I think it's a little different for everyone but…." He frowned, contemplating his next words, "…for me it's kind of like a jolt. It's like tiny little static shocks," his finger touched the left side of his nose and began to slowly drag upwards until it stopped directly between his eyebrows, "all the way up. And it's fast. And then it spreads," All 5 of his fingers splayed across his forehead, "like a soundwave…like a bunch of soundwaves actually and in rapid succession. You'll probably squeeze your eyes shut for that part. And by the time it all settles, a minute has passed and you're on your way up."

She was captivated, "How long are you um I guess 'high' for?"

"Hmm I'd say the actual high from a single line only lasts about 15 to 20 minutes before you start coming down. But usually you do more than one line back to back if you wanna maintain the high."

"A-are we doing multiple lines?"

"That depends."

"On…?"

"On how you handle the first one."

And if Austin could see through clothes he would've noticed goosebumps racing across Ally's arms. She just nodded.

"Alright." He began to lean over the armrest, "Just watch me."

Another silent, wide-eyed nod.

Austin made it look so easy. He didn't even really need the dollar but he placed it gently in his nose anyway, wanting Ally to have a good visual example. The paper had that distinct musk unique to US currency. And as he occluded his left nostril and inhaled deeply with his right, the scent poured into his nasal cavity along with a nice dusting of cocaine. Once he reached the end of the line, Austin sat up straight, sniffling like a kid with a cold. He pinched and rubbed at his nose as prickles filled his entire head like an angry beehive. He squeezed his eyes shut for a very brief moment then opened them as the buzzing receded and that awesome freeing feeling closed over him. Ally was staring at him again but this time with a frown of intense concentration.

"Well?" she asked expectantly.

A grin, wide and already euphoric, spread across his face, "Piece of fucking cake."

Despite the skeptical eyebrow raise, she carefully scooted closer to the armrest and began to position her own little tube.

"Any last minute advice?" her voice tremored as she stared down at the white stuff.

Austin pressed a hand over his accelerating heart rate, "Uh well once you start inhaling the line try to keep going until you reach the end. One breath. And you'll probably feel like coughing as it gets into your airway. It'll be tough but try to resist that reflex as best as you can."

With that, the blonde leaned back against the door and simply regarded her with half-lidded eyes. He thought she'd be super hesitant but it seemed like Ally was desperate to do the deed before all of her courage completely disappeared.

It was almost exactly like he'd imagined it.

She leaned forward, the honey blonde tips of her ponytail sweeping forward and sliding over the magazine. The mint green of her nail glinted under invading streetlight as she pressed a fingertip firmly to the left side of her nose. Her pink lips formed a tight line and what was once a perfume sample insert crept just a few centimeters into her right nostril. He couldn't stop watching if he wanted to. They were all alone out there in that slumbering neighborhood. And she seemed to be moving in slow motion either from his own lustful imagination or his drug-addled cognition. Hell, it was probably both. But it took Ally…Allyson, his mysterious brunette…less than one second to draw the blow into her lungs. Her entire body heaved right at the end as she stifled some serious coughs but still managed to complete the entire line. She sat up immediately and with breakneck speed, flinging the tube on the floor and reaching for her nose, swiping and pinching and rubbing as she sniffled like her brain itself was trying to escape out of her nasal cavity. He stared as her eyes shut as tight as they possibly could, just like he'd predicted. She began to cough violently.

"Austin!" she choked out his name in between barks with the desperation of someone lost and afraid.

He played with the rolled up dollar between his fingertips but made no other movements.

"Shhh Ally relax. This part'll be over in a second." His voice was so cool and calm it was soothing for her frazzled mind. Ally began to relax. Her eyes popped open, staring past Austin and out the driver side window. She sniffled less frantically, she wiped at her nostrils like an old pro.

"This part'll be over in a second." He mumbled to himself as his pupils dilated.

The brunette across from him released one last half-hearted cough before her hands dropped to her lap like dead weight. And when the brownest brown eyes slid over to Austin it was with slowly drooping lids.

"Well?" he asked expectantly.

"Geez Louise." She breathed, "I thought I was dying."

"You think I'd let that happen?"

Ally continued to speak as if he hadn't said anything, "You were right. Static." She lifted a fingertip to trail up the bridge of her nose, "All the way up. Fast. But here," she splayed her hand across her forehead, "it was soundwaves and earthquakes…..and fireworks I think." A smile, maybe the most genuine one she'd ever offered, crept lazily across her face.

Sitting up, Austin grinned right back, "That's quite a combo madam Ally."

"I know right?" she laughed.

He picked up the Walmart card and started cutting himself another line. Typically he tried to avoid slamming blow back to back because, in his mind, that was the first step to addiction. But something about being there with Ally as she climbed these specific heights for the first time excited him and chased away his reservations.

"Whatcha doing?" she pursed her lips and blinked.

"Another line."

"I want another."

"Hell no."

"Pleeeaaaase."

"No." he set the card aside.

"Pleeeaaaaaaaaaaase!"

"Fuck! Stop, that shit is annoying."

"Please Austin." She regarded him with sweetly begging eyes that were all big black pupil rimmed with chocolate brown.

He released a defeated sigh before snatching up the giftcard again, "Fine whatever."

"Yes!" Ally pumped her fist like a child.

He grinned.

She snorted her new line with the exact same combination of unintentional sensuality, desperate panic, and cool relaxation. He watched with his own second line already filtering into his bloodstream as her hands began to swipe at her nostrils with less urgency. Her spastic phase was a little shorter this time around and Ally collapsed against the passenger door with all the grace of a corpse. He thought it might've hurt her back but she just shot him a grin with her eyes nearly closed.

"Well?" he murmured.

Her eyebrows rose in goofy confidence, "Piece of fucking cake."

His heart raced as if it wanted to reach some far off destination before it was too late.

"You're beautiful Ally."

"I youtubed you."

He released a burst of laughter, "What the fuck?"

"Well not you I mean I youtubed your band last night." Her hands gestured more than they usually did while her speech remained clear and intelligible.

"Oh yeah?" there was a blush rising in his cheeks but he was too close to the stars to care.

"Yup." She popped the p.

"And what'd you find?"

"I listened to like 15 songs." She sat up as if suddenly very interested, even folding her legs Indian style in Roxy's seat, "Yeah I think it was around 15 or so and I legitimately loved like 12 of the 15. That one song "Green" OH MY GOD I melted. And "Rust" was sooo sad and "Rabid Party Animals" was so creative and- OH MY GOD that one ballad "Crawling" I listened to like 7 times in a row," she rolled her eyes to the roof, "BEW-TEE-FULL!"

He flipped through the oh so familiar tracks in his mind and smirked, "I'll let Dez know he has your approval."

"No no no nononono." Ally rambled, "It wasn't just the words it was the singing." she sighed in content, "Your singing Austin. I mean you rocked out on "Keeping Her Too Long" but then on "Unfashionable" you CROONED." Another sigh as she brushed a few dark brown tendrils from her face, "You fucking crooned like it was 1957 and it was perfect."

He chuckled, blushing a shade of magenta he never had before, "Holy shit you're such a fucking fangirl."

"I won't deny that." She replied matter-of-factly. And then, before he could respond, her eyes shot wide open with a gasp, "We should play together right now! Come on!"

She swung the Honda's door open without waiting for an answer. He grabbed the weed, bowl, and magazine, with its fine white dust coating Rihanna's lustful gaze, and hurriedly stuffed them all into the glove compartment as the car door slammed. Austin followed after her because, hell, he probably always would in some way.

The night was still. The available light was an odd but very suburban mix of streetlights and full moon. Ally led him up the gently sloping driveway, past the red Bug and the silver Accord.

"Okay," she whispered with her fingers resting on the golden door knob, "you have to be as quiet as possible my mom and dad are asle-"

"Penny! Les-!"

Her tiny hand clamped over his mouth as he began laughing.

"Are you insane!?" she hissed.

Austin licked her palm.

"Eeeewwww!" she whisper-squealed, "That was so unsanitary."

"Relax Dawson." He rolled his eyes as she wiped her hand on his sleeve.

"Shush."

They crept through the house in silence. He watched the invading outdoor light come slanting in through the blinds and crooked curtains to illuminate her ponytail as it swung. He followed her hair's chestnut sheen with 4 fingertips pressed lightly to the small of her back so he wouldn't run into anything.

The attic, with its cute little round window, was hers. She flipped the light switch and he blinked twice to adjust. The walls were yellow like the center of a daisy or the rind of a lemon. There were musical instruments everywhere, some leaning against the sunny paint, others locked in cases of various sizes, and more still resting on the dresser or the nightstand or the bed. Those were really the only 2 things his mind cared to, or was able to, register at the moment. Yellow and music.

"This is going to be so much fun!" she grinned as she immediately rushed over to a keyboard sitting on its stand.

Austin chuckled as he turned Ally's little wooden desk chair to face the brunette then plopped himself in it. "So what're we playing fangirl?"

"Hmmm…oh let's do "Crawling" I really love that one."

He stretched his arms up over his head, nodding in approval, "Good choice. Good fucking choice. Hand me that guitar right there."

"Ok- oh hold on I have to pee."

Austin simply shook his head in amusement as she practically flew to the little bathroom behind him and shut the door. He slid a little lower in the chair. He blinked slowly. He hadn't told Ally how goddamn incredible the coke makes a human feel. She'd asked him, with the perfume insert tube practically shaking in her hand, "what does it feel like?". And all he'd done was describe the static and soundwaves, the effects that exploded against the inside of your skull before you could even finish the line. They were the least pleasant aspects of the entire process by far and they were the only ones he mentioned. But she'd welcomed the blow anyway. She didn't give a shit what kind of natural disasters ravaged her mind because he'd told her earlier on the swingset that it also kept nightmares away. That was really all she cared about.

Suddenly there was a muted flush, the opening of a door, purposeful footsteps, and his hat being ripped off of his head from behind, landing somewhere out of his line of vision with a flop. Austin didn't even budge. Well, not until an incredibly comforting sensation, just as sudden but far more attention-grabbing, surprised him. He sat up straight.

For once it wasn't Austin running his hands through his hair. This time there were delicate fingers combing through the blond locks, fingers that could play every musical instrument on Earth and were currently sporting mint green nail polish.

"Um Ally?" he murmured, leaning back into her touch.

"Yeah?" she answered.

"Not that I'm complaining or anything but…" he paused as pleasurable shivers rushed down his spine, "shit…um what are you doing?"

"I have been wanting to touch your hair since I saw you at the wake." She spoke in a voice that probably wasn't supposed to be sexy but fuuuuuck it really was. "Outside in the sunshine, you were smoking and your hair looked almost white." Her hands ran across his scalp in all directions, mussing his hair into complete disarray, "It's even softer than I thought."

Austin closed his eyes as Ally stepped around to the front of him and stood between his legs.

"You're even softer than I thought." He said.

She laughed, loud and uninhibited, "That doesn't make sense."

He smirked, opening his eyes only halfway and studying the smooth skin of her neck. Even sitting down he was only a few inches shorter than her. But he hadn't had her this close since the rain and the kiss, since the church swings and her last name. The scent of her shampoo and body wash tossed coconuts and vanilla beans into his airway. Austin's hands found her hips, gripping them and pulling her closer. She was far too absorbed in the bright blondeness of his hair to object. His eyelids dropped again as he rubbed the smooth fabric of her leggings.

"Austin?"

"That's me."

"Am I still high?"

His fingers massaged the firm flesh of her hips, "How do you feel?"

"I don't know." Ally's hands continued to roam the golden forest on Austin's head. Her eyes surveyed the bedroom around them as if seeing it for the very first time, "I feel like I….just don't care….about anything. I'm…careless." Here she laughed loudly again, "I mean carefree!"

"Shhhh Ally you're too loud."

"For the first time in weeks there's nothing to worry about. And I feel like I have all this energy like- Oh my God we should go running. Well no nevermind I don't want to do that but I could definitely run a marathon like right now. And I think I'm getting a fever. And I feel like I just want to touch stuff! Is that weird?"

"Weird? No. Fuck no." Austin completely rejected that idea because if he could have her massage his scalp for the rest of their lives he would.

"It's like my sense of touch is superhuman or something. Like your hair feels UH-mazing."

Austin's hands crept upwards, slowly burrowing underneath her sweater and sliding around her bare waist. Jesus Christ the warmth of her body was like Florida summer under a cloudless sky. He caressed the small of her back, he smoothed over her bellybutton, savoring the heat and the softness.

"Mmmm that feels good Austin." Ally mumbled, her face practically buried in his hair.

His inhibitions were gone. There were all the active components of cocaine mingling in his bloodstream and Austin was finding it impossible to care about or even remember Ally's intimacy issues. As a young, popular, and charismatic musician, he was used to having pretty girls turn to putty in his hands. But this wasn't just another groupie throwing herself at him. This was a beautiful woman that he'd really just met and was already inexplicably captivated by. Ally Dawson, a genuine musician who didn't even drink because it was technically illegal, a shy brunette who he doubted ever threw herself at anybody was standing between his legs and in his palms and sighing in pleasure. He opened his eyes and the view was all porcelain skin and white fabric with grey polka dots. He inhaled her delicious scent and let his hands continue their explorations.

"That feels good." She murmured again, gently clutching two fistfuls of his blonde locks, "Keep touching me."

She didn't need to tell him twice. Austin angled his head upwards and began pressing big, bold kisses along her neck, tasting her with the tip of his tongue then capturing her skin between his lips. His hands rushed down to her thighs, pulling to hike her legs up until she quickly caught on and managed to straddle him despite her lightheadedness. She was in his lap, the closest they'd ever been, and letting him kiss along the tendons anchoring her head to her shoulder. Austin's left hand traveled up to the middle of her back, crushing her bra strap under his palm. Ally began to giggle for no reason. He ignored it, devouring her heated skin with purpose. And when his lips seized the magic button on her neck, Ally's laughter rolled abruptly into a breathy moan. He teased her there, nipping and licking and tying her nerves into knots like cherry stems. The brunette herself was unraveling and how could she not? There were narcotics kneading her brain like raw dough and a sexy, tattooed guitarist prowling her body like a ravenous lion. And she wanted neither of them to stop. Austin kissed his way up the tender skin of her throat, climbing her chin very slowly and pausing at her lips. She released one last nonsensical laugh before growing terribly serious and leaning into him.

It was nothing like their first kiss. Earlier they'd been tentative, their lips barely pressing before she'd shoved him away in pure terror. Now with white powder lining their nostrils, Austin and Ally both surrendered completely. He'd stifled his desires ever since she blushed over and over in the alley, and now he was done being gently with her. Austin squeezed her thigh firmly and traced the metal and elastic at the back of her bra as they kissed. He pressed his fingertips into her fleshy thigh before running his hand up and around to cup her ass, to pull her insanely close. And, fuck, they met with white hot fire and goosebumps through thin spandex leggings and cotton sweats. The friction sent bolts of lightning all through him. Inescapable tension clenched his hands in the flesh of her upper back and the meat of her butt cheek. His heart was racing uncontrollably, keeping up with hers one second yet somehow lagging behind the next. Ally's pulse was that of a hummingbird's, fluttering at an inhuman speed as he ground her into him again. His dick hardened steadily, pressing against her clit with a maddening sensitivity. Groans, low and feminine, filled her throat as they kissed. Her small fists tugged hard on his hair until Austin was practically primal with pain and pleasure because those two had gone hand in hand since the beginning of time. He caught her bottom lip between his teeth and bit gently as he rode out the prickling along his insides. Then, just as quickly, he was running his tongue over his own bite marks and kissing her again with impossible passion. Austin was starving to death and Ally…she was everything he hungered for.

"Shit." He rasped, unable to breathe as he clutched her ass with both hands and brought her into him again.

"Geez it's like a million degrees in here isn't it?" she gasped, still massaging his scalp and nearly drowning in lust and dopamine, "I wonder if our AC's broken."

Austin didn't respond as he was far too busy devouring her neck and jawbone by the mouthful. His hands climbed her spine, exploring every curve and bump with a strange drug-induced curiosity.

"Ugh I've got to get this thing off." Ally pulled away from his expert lips and released her semi-permanent hold on his hair. His eyes worshipped her, especially the dark magenta of her kiss-swollen lips, as she began removing her scarf. She sighed in relief as the polka-dotted fabric unwound. "That's so much better already."

Austin licked his lips in thirsty anticipation while she tossed the scarf aside because the sweater had to be next right? He was even about to help push the teal fabric upwards but stopped when something caught his eye.

"What the fuck is that?" he mumbled in both confusion and disbelief.

Ally followed his gaze, "Oh that?" she pointed to the medium sized mark purpling and yellowing in the hollow just above her collarbone.

"Yeah."

"It's a bruise." She replied biting her lip with a smile as her hands found his disaster of a hairdo again.

"Yeah no shit Dawson." Austin was slightly sobered by the sight of it but not much. He pulled the neck of her sweater down for a better look. It was far too large to be a hickey. He thought back through the past couple of days with her scarves and fully buttoned collared shirt and his heart sank just a little. She'd been hiding it all this time. Ally fell into a rhythm of gently smoothing his hair down before bringing her fingers to rake through it from back to front, essentially creating chaos of the brief neatness.

"Where'd you get it?" He asked, frowning at the various colors in that patch of skin. He'd had plenty of bruises before, from bar fights and drunken shenanigans, and he knew that in about 2 weeks they were either pale yellow or totally gone. But Ally's had a purple-black center that faded into soft maroon and ended with sickly yellow edges. It looked deep and Austin couldn't imagine how long it'd been there marring her skin.

"At school." Suddenly she got off of him, abandoning both his lap and his hair. "So are we going to play a song together or what?"

The coked up brunette shot him a brilliant grin before reaching for the first instrument she encountered.

"What the hell do you mean you got it at school?" He stood up, adjusting his boner as it gradually softened.

Ally hugged a little ukulele over her boobs and began strumming "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" clumsily with her bandaged hand. She smiled, twirling in slow circles as the song tripped over itself. Austin snatched the instrument from her.

"What the HELL do you mean you got it at school!?" his voice was firm and aggravated because the coke really did keep him calm…except when it didn't.

"Give that back!"

"Not until you tell me what happened to you."

"Fuck you!" Ally fixed him with a challenging glare. "Why should I?"

"I'm not in the mood for this bullshit Ally!" he seethed, "Now tell me."

"Give me back the ukulele Austin!" she hissed at him with tears building in her eyes.

He really didn't want to. He was not a patient person. But even with drugs stoking the fires of his temper, Austin could still feel that faint ache he always got when a female began to cry. Reluctantly, he held the tiny guitar out to her. She snatched it with a fierceness he knew was living in her all along.

"You're an asshole you know that!?" Ally snarled.

"I'm an asshole!?"

"Yes! You're an asshole!" she shouted as she repositioned the uke.

"You won't answer my fucking question! ANY of my fucking questions and I'm the asshole?! That's bullshit!"

Ally began to strum and spin in slow circles again, a serene smile on her face as if he hadn't said a thing.

"My ex used to yell at me too," she said softly, "His name was Trent."

He was quiet, a rare occurrence when nursing a cocaine-influenced rage.

"He used to say," Ally smoothly transitioned from "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" to "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star", "He would say 'Who the hell was that guy?!' and 'Because I fucking said so!' and 'You're not going ANYWHERE!'. The last one was his favorite. Towards the end it didn't matter where I wanted to go. Movies, lunch with my friends, library, as far away from him as humanly possible…." She closed her eyes and grinned, "You're not going anywhere!"

Austin remained silent but plopped back down in her desk chair.

Now her hands were plucking a weird acoustic version of the "Friends" theme song.

"He wasn't always like that. I met him my first year at MUNY and he was so sweet and confident and cooler than I could ever be or had ever been. I was actually a little surprised that he was interested. He went to a community college like 15 minutes off campus. I met him in a coffee shop...God that sounds so fucking cliché. Anyway, our relationship didn't just blossom over the next 9 months, it ignited or…." Her hands stopped and she stopped turning as her songwriter's brain searched to find the right words, "…it exploded, it soared, it climbed to the mountaintops with aching limbs then looked out over the planet in breathless triumph. He didn't just treat me like sweet little innocent Ally. He called me out on my bullshit and pushed me to be better and kissed me with this beautiful kind of tenderness. He was romantic and funny and frustrating and annoying and caring." She started to play an Ed Sheeran song with a happy smile on her face, "I mean we argued and stuff just like normal couples but he was mine and I was so happy. But then…" her face grew comically serious, "…Elliot came to visit." Her fingers plucked out a dramatic 'dun dun DUUUUN!'.

Austin chuckled as she grinned widely.

"Elliot and I dated in high school. He was my first….everything." now an Elvis tune filled the room, "He flew in from California for his cousin's wedding and came by a couple of days afterward to see me. We met for brunch and caught up and laughed. Then, somewhere between my crepes and his chicken and waffles, the atmosphere shifted you know. He was looking at me the way he used to, when I was everything he'd ever wanted." She stared off into the distance, "He told me that he still thought about us sometimes and that he'd even written a few poems about me while he was away at school. Elliot did treat me like sweet innocent Ally and I didn't realize that I kind of missed it until it was too late. I told him not to read me the poem Austin. I swear I did." She was looking at him now.

He started running his hands through his hair, attempting to recreate the feeling from before, "Suuuuure you did."

She laughed, "Fuck you. Anyway, he read me one of them and it was gorgeous and powerful. There's something about words that has always captivated me. And I could feel it then too, right there in that café, pulling at my weaker seams. I awkwardly told him that I should get going if I was going to beat the rain. We paid and stood up but when I started walking to the door he stopped me." Ally swallowed as if reliving that intense moment, then her hands abruptly began to strum "Under The Sea" from The Little Mermaid, "Do you remember this movie? I looooove old Disney movies. Okay so Elliot kissed me. Well no you know what I won't lie to you. We kissed each other. He was my first everything Austin. We went back to his hotel room-"

"Whoa-ho-ho Ally's getting NAUGH-TAY!"

"Shut up!" she held her ukulele up like she was going to hit him with it. Austin simply doubled over in laughter.

"I was 18 and stupid and he was my first EVERYTHING you asshole!" Ally could barely contain her own giggles, "We had sex okay. Happy?"

"I bet Elliot was."

That time she really did hit him. Then, as he rubbed his shoulder and tried to stop chuckling, she repositioned the uke and started to just strum random melodies.

"So afterwards I felt super guilty of course so I go and confess to Trent-"

"YOU CONFESS TO TRENT?" Austin could barely believe his ears, "Ally who cheats and then fucking confesses right after?"

"Trent was enraged. He's always had this thing about being humiliated. I mean no one likes to be embarrassed but it was almost like he never learned how to handle it properly. Like if something even slightly humiliating ever happened to him he would be in the worst mood about it for hours and hours. And what was more embarrassing than having his girlfriend, the one he'd bragged about to all of his friends, cheat on him with her high school sweetheart? He didn't dump me but we did take a break which was basically just as horrible in my eyes. I was miserable the entire time but I knew I deserved it. I deserved to be unhappy because I'd hurt the guy I cared about most. So when he finally took me back like a month later I grinned the entire day and gave myself a migraine that lasted all night. We were back together, Trent and Ally, Trally, like we were supposed to be." She stopped playing abruptly and just knocked on the ukulele's wooden body, creating a simple and slow beat, "The only thing was he started acting differently. He was much more possessive and controlling because I'd broken his heart and I'd shattered his trust and I'd completely obliterated his pride. That's when the yelling and the questions started. "Who the hell was that guy!?" Because I fucking said so!?" "You're not going ANYWHERE!"."

Here she paused for a second to readjust the ukulele and flex her bandaged hand, "Oh!" her eyes widened and so did her smile, "See if you can name this song!"

Austin listened as she played a few notes, "Is it "Hey Jude" by the Beatles?"

"Correct! Okay how about this one."

He laughed inexplicably but kept his ears honed in on her mystery song, "Seriously Dawson? That was "The Itsy Bitsy Spider"."

"Can you touch me again?" she suddenly asked, the uke gripped in her hand and hanging by her side, "Can I stand here?"

Ally moved in between his legs like they'd done before. His hands found her hips immediately as if the coke wasn't dulling his reflexes at all. His fingertips were a little numb and a lot cold but they caressed the fabric of her leggings with all the care in the world. Austin closed his eyes for a moment as his heart continued to beat faster and faster.

"That feels good." She clumsily repositioned the uke with a satisfied sigh, "Trent was playing some video game one day but I wanted him to pay attention to me so I kept climbing all over him and walking in front of the tv and trying to be too fucking cute for him to resist. And somewhere in the middle of telling me to stop for the millionth time he grew really serious. But I didn't notice. I should have noticed. But I didn't. I put my feet on his lap and he said 'Ally quit before I slap you' and I laughed and said 'You're not going to slap me because you loooove me too much'. He didn't answer. So I leaned in and nibbled on his ear. He paused the game, turned, and slapped me so hard my ears rang." She started to play the old school Super Mario theme, "That was the first time he hit me. I was so shocked I couldn't even cry properly. I couldn't cry from my eyes."

"That doesn't make sense." he leaned his forehead into the crook of her neck.

"It does because I cried from my pen. I always write songs to make me feel better but that day I wrote something that was barely a song at all. It was bitter and erratic. I cried on that page…" she started strumming randomly, "…in black ink. You know what he did?"

"What?"

"He just went back to playing his game while I sat there holding my face. I felt like such a fucking idiot." She began to laugh at herself and Austin couldn't help but join in, both of them finding humor in a truly humorless situation.

"So that was the 1st time he hit me. The 4th time he hit me we were in a restaurant and I hadn't smiled, hadn't really smiled, in weeks. I said something he didn't like and he kicked me under the table, right in my shin. And I swear it woke something up inside of me because suddenly my glass was empty and tilted forward in my hand and there was lemonade all over his face and I had to blink like 4 times before it all registered in my brain. He grew silent," she began to whisper, "completely quiet. And his eyes kept darting around the room like he hoped no one had seen. But everyone had seen. "It's over!" That's what I shouted at him. I stormed out of that restaurant and he didn't even chase after me. He didn't even text me or call me. I found a box of my stuff outside of my apartment door 2 weeks later. And at first I was pissed that he hadn't even fought for me, hadn't even tried to apologize. But then I found it strange that he hadn't tried to communicate like AT ALL. It wasn't like him to let me have the last word, especially when he was humiliated and ESPECIALLY when he was humiliated by me. Then came the paranoia. I made up my mind that Trent was going to get his revenge somehow, that I was going to run into him sooner or later and he'd hurt me just like he used to. I couldn't run errands without constantly checking my surroundings and making sure my pepper spray was easily accessible. It was awful and it went on for months. I imploded. I collapsed in on myself. I stopped going to parties and out to eat with my friends. And you know what? It wasn't even just that I was afraid. I felt like I deserved to be unhappy again. It was MY fault that Trent had become this violent, jealous, dangerous guy. It was my selfishness and my disloyalty that turned a sweet, fun, romantic man into a monster. Why should I go out and have fun when I'd destroyed everything good about this guy's character? This guy that I claimed to have been in love with? I didn't deserve happiness or love from anyone. I turned down every guy that asked me out after that because I deserved nights alone, rotting in front of the tv, not fancy dates or a new boyfriend. God, I thought I'd feel free getting away from Trent but it just wounded me, and the guilt made it fester so it would never heal."

He clenched and unclenched his hands, kneading the flesh of her thighs. He buried his face in her neck and listened to her play some slow jam he couldn't identify.

"But nothing happened. There was no revenge. It had been 4 months since I threw the lemonade in his face and I hadn't even seen Trent since then. I had one of my friends stalk him on Instagram and Facebook and I found out he'd transferred to some college back in New Jersey. That's where he's from." Her fingers plucked out a happier tune, "It was like I could breathe again. My social life was slowly but surely rejuvenated you know. I started to go out more with my friends, I went on a couple of dates, and the paranoia melted away. It was normalcy, sweet sweet normalcy and I cherished it. Things were good. But then, one Saturday afternoon while I was working at the bookstore I got a bad feeling." She played around with the uke's lower notes, "I mean my job wasn't especially stressful that day and I'd just gotten a cute text from the guy I was dating but, for some reason I felt the old paranoia creep up on me right there behind the register. It was like there was a storm brewing, big and negative, and I could feel the change in pressure before the rain clouds were even visible. I tried to ignore it. Dallas, the guy I was dating, and I had already been on 2 dates and he'd just invited me over to his place for a 3rd. The text was something like 'Dinner at my place tonight? Be my guest, be my guest, put my service to the test?' And I thought it was so cute because he'd teased me about my love for old Disney movies back on our 2nd date."

"He sounds lame as fuck." Austin scoffed.

Ally ignored him, "He wanted me to walk over to his apartment after my shift was done. I was already a little nervous about walking across campus in the dark and alone and the bad feeling made it ten times worse. But I thought Dallas had a lot of promise and I really didn't want to ruin things and destroy the normalcy I'd finally gotten back. I told myself I was being ridiculous. I worked straight through my break to keep mind busy and by the time I got off I was starving. Hold on I have to pee again."

She broke from his grasp and rushed to the restroom. Austin sat there letting her story sink into him and growing angry. Why the fuck would that Trent asshole take Ally back if he was just going to abuse her? Sure what she'd done was shitty. It really surprised him actually that someone with such a high sweet to spice ratio could cheat on her boyfriend but that didn't give him the right to hit her. Austin's fists clenched in his lap.

When Ally returned, she didn't reoccupy the space between his legs but instead stood in the center of the room where she'd been twirling before. Austin immediately felt the iciness in his fingertips creep into the rest of him. She repositioned the uke and started to play softly.

"So I got off work and started walking to Dallas' apartment. The bad feeling wasn't just a cloud anymore, it was like a cinderblock in the pit of my stomach. And I was trying so hard to ignore it because not only was I starving but I really didn't want to ruin things with Dallas. In my more miserable months I'd gotten this reputation for being an ice queen who didn't date or put out. Dallas seemed like the first really nice guy to come along and not want to jump in my pants right away so I really wanted to make this a great 3rd date. But the way the campus is set up there's kind of a dead man's zone between the buildings where classes are held and the apartments. It's a huge chunk of square footage where all the administrative buildings are and they all close around 5 or 6. So by the time 9:30 rolled around and found me walking there, they'd all been long abandoned. I felt like a lost soul in limbo. I felt like I was stranded in the middle of a dark, shark-infested sea, armed with nothing but my bare hands. I'd forgotten my pepper spray back in my apartment. I swear it was the darkest night I ever experienced. My heart pounded. Do you remember how you told me about your velumiphobia?"

"Yeah."

"That's exactly how I felt walking that night and wondering just what was lurking around corners and behind dumpsters. I felt like my heart was hitting the front of my ribs and at any second the sheer force of the collision would split it open. Do you know what happened?" Ally's brown eyes met his.

Austin leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, "Tell me."

Her face broke into a grin, "Nothing. Nothing happened at all. I jumped at every noise, at every single fucking shadow and nothing happened. I made it to Dallas' place without incident. I was so relieved when I got there that I immediately asked him if I could use the restroom. I locked myself in there and cried. I cried out of relief and I cried because my chest was sore from the violent beating of my heart and I cried because there I was letting the paranoia control me again. I knew I couldn't stay in the bathroom too long without Dallas thinking something embarrassing so I tried to pull myself together. I was drying my eyes when I heard the tv turn on through the door. And I smiled because he'd put on Beauty and the Beast and turned it up full blast."

Ally grinned and Austin scoffed again.

"Fucking lame."

"Now I really REALLY don't want to ruin the date but there's still this bad feeling in the pit of my stomach because I know I'll have to walk back across campus to get to my own apartment after dinner. So I decide I'll just ask Dallas for a ride home no matter how clingy or needy it might seem. With that decision made I take a deep breath and come out of the bathroom. He's standing there and asks me if I'm okay. I tell him yea and hope that my eyes aren't too red-"

"He's standing there when you come out of the bathroom?" Austin raised an eyebrow jealously, "Sounds like a fucking creeper."

"He gestures for me to head into the living room so I start walking in that direction and he follows behind me. The tv's so loud that I barely hear him when he says 'Oh yeah one more thing'. I turn around and he's unbuckling his pants…"

Austin's brain toppled over under the blunt force of sudden realization. But on the outside he simply sat up perfectly straight. Ally started to play "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" again, closing her eyes and strumming with her bandaged hand.

"I asked him what he was doing and he just said "Come on Ally-cat" in a voice I hadn't heard him use before. It was a voice that I imagine he used to seduce other girls but in that moment it was more a gravelly growl that only someone villainous could pull off. He'd started calling me Ally-cat after our second date when I told him that The Aristocats is my favorite Disney movie of all time. But when he said just then, it wasn't cute or endearing anymore. Not at all. He took his pants off completely then his shirt and I just stood there." She laughed hard and loud, "I just stood there can you believe that?" She kept laughing as if she found it genuinely hilarious. Austin felt his stomach twist into a billion pretzels at the ill-fitting sound. "Oh God Austin can you imagine. He's walking towards me, this guy I've only been on 2 dates with, half-naked and with a look in his eye that every girl knows. Every girl in the world knows that look because we're trained from before we even hit puberty to recognize when a man means to take something from you. And I see that look and I understand that look and I freeze. I FREEZE!" another sick, distorted laugh, "And I don't unfreeze until he grabs my wrists. Like we're playing fucking freeze tag or something. Do you remember that game? I looooved it when I was little. It was so much fun. We should play later! Anyway, he grabs me and I'm thrashing around and I start screaming but I doubt anyone can hear me. There's a party a couple of floors down in the student lobby and his tv's volume is so high that Belle is singing over me without any effort. She was my favorite Disney princess."

Ally began to turn in slow circles again, letting her hands play "Beauty and the Beast" in dulcet tones. Austin wasn't nearly as calm but the fat lines he'd done earlier were keeping him from having a complete meltdown. Now the blonde ran his hands through his hair, already not wanting to accept what was next. But the girl twirling before him continued, and in a voice so normal and light that it curdled his blood.

"You know the funny thing about rape?" She asked him as if that was a legitimate question, as if he could possibly answer such a thing.

"Holy fucking shit." he whispered to himself. Then, pinching the bridge of his nose, he asked something he really didn't want to know. "What?"

"When you see it in movies or tv you tell yourself that it would never happen to you. That you'd never accept a drink from some stranger in a club or walk down a dark alley alone at midnight or whatever. Or you tell yourself that even if you do find yourself cornered and pressed underneath some sleazy guy that you'd be able to get out of there. That, even if he has 60 or 70 pounds on you, you'll summon some kind of adrenaline-induced, superhuman strength and push him off without breaking one manicured nail. But when it's actually happening…It doesn't matter how much strength you're summoning or you think you're summoning because he has his own adrenaline rush. You're desperate to get away but he's equally as desperate to keep you there. And you barely have time to ask yourself if it's really happening because he has you pinned down on the couch and you're too busy telling your mouth to scream and your legs to kick even though he's putting all of his weight on top of you and you're also afraid you'll die of lack of oxygen if you continue screaming because you're lungs are already spent and your throat is already raw because fear screams are a lot rougher than any other kind of scream. They're like sandpaper you can't control, rushing through your windpipe and scraping layers of skin from everything." Ally was smiling, SMILING, as she rambled in run on sentences, "And you try to squeeze your thighs together but before long he has a knee in between them and once he gets a knee in between then it's all over because then he has two knees in between then his whole waist is squashed in that precious V. And if you decide to wear a sundress that day then it's even easier for him. He's mostly frowning because he's concentrating on holding you down and controlling your useless but flailing attempts to escape. But he still smiles, if only for a second, when he remembers you're wearing a dress and all he has to do is lift it up. And if you're wearing a thong he's ecstatic because those rip like paper if you put a little effort into it." She giggled like she'd told a joke, "And then, just before he enters you, he yells "Shut the fuck up!" because he liked your screaming in the beginning because that meant he was in control, but after a while it becomes a turn off and he'll be damned if he goes through all this work pinning you into submission and doesn't get to enjoy the fucking. And you know what else is funny?"

This time she doesn't wait for an answer but simply opens her eyes and grins at him.

"When he yells for you to shut up you do it. You actually stop screaming immediately because it frightens you when he yells. Yelling means he's angry and who knows what else he'll do to you if you don't listen right? So he's pressing his forearm across your collarbones so hard you can actually feel bruises forming and his other hand is clutching both of your wrists. And when he rams his dick up into your dry pussy it's like a pain that rips you in half, that travels up and tears through your brain too, not just your vagina. You cry out because you can't help it but it's not a scream, now you're just crying that big ugly gasping kind of cry where the veins bulge at your temples and you're not sure you'll ever stop crying after this. God it hurts so bad. But at some point you go numb, but not numb in the sense that you don't feel the pain anymore. No you feel every little bit of it the entire time and for a long looong time after. But you try to imagine that it's all a dream, that you're elsewhere, that it's all over and your brain will hopefully just repress it forever. And now you're finding the cruel irony because there's really no other kind of irony. You've had the feeling something bad was going to happen ever since you got that cute fucking text message from him earlier and all this time you thought it was because your abusive ex was lurking in the shadows. But no, you knew somewhere deep in your subconscious that you shouldn't go to this guy's apartment, this guy that you just met. Your first date was at a movie theater and your second date was a concert and you suddenly realize that you haven't had the opportunity to really sit down and talk to him or get to know him that well. He's a stranger and you agreed to be alone with him in his apartment because he made a goddamned Beauty and the Beast reference. Even after you made it through the darker part of campus you still had that bad feeling because you knew, you KNEW that something wasn't right but you weren't smart enough or fast enough to realize what it was."

She stopped playing. It was silent between her yellow bedroom walls.

"Your eyes are squeezed shut because you actually ARE smart enough to know that if you see his cum face it'll be burned into your memory for eternity. He finishes inside of you and somehow you already know you have every STD known to man and you're also now pregnant because isn't that how the world works?" she laughed again, "And before he rolls off of you he starts to speak but you keep your eyes closed and try to keep your body from trembling but you can't. He's talking in his normal voice now, the one that asked you if you were okay when you came out of the bathroom a lifetime ago. He says "That wasn't so bad huh Ally-cat? Aren't you glad you came over?". And even though you weren't smart enough to know he was a bad guy before, you are smart enough to hear what he's really saying. You're smart enough to know that you did come to his apartment of your own free will and that it'll be your word against his. You're smart enough to remember that the whole school knows you cheated on Trent and that, despite your months of abstinence, they all think you're just a slut deep down. So when he rolls off of you and you get up as fast as you can and snatch your purse off of the table and rush out of there with barely any energy left and an indescribable pain shooting up through your lower abdomen, you don't even think about telling anyone. Telling would make it real and how can you truly forget something you've spoken into concrete existence? So you run all the way back across campus without any underwear or shoes because your sandals came off in the struggle. The shadows aren't scary anymore because you've already experienced true scary. You shower for 2 hours, long enough for the water to get cold and then hot all over again. You cover the bruises with a crazy amount of concealer and a scarf and you pretend everything's fine when you can actually feel yourself falling apart. You ignore Dallas' texts and phone calls and when your friends ask about him you just tell them the truth, he only wanted sex. They roll their eyes and joke about how guys are always horny and you want to scream so badly that you excuse yourself to the bathroom in the back of the café and go in the stall and hold your breath until you pass out for 6 or 7 minutes. Over time all the bruises fade except for this one," she pointed to the dark purple peeking out from under her sweater, "And you endure the nightmares by not sleeping for more than 4 hours a night. You suffer but you tell yourself this kind of suffering is fine because telling would be whole different kind of suffering and you know you're not strong enough to handle it. You endure for almost a month and half until you can't stand being there anymore because sometimes you do catch a glimpse of him on your way to class and he winks." She closed her eyes and sighed, "He winks every. single. time. he sees you. And it's like he's raping you all over again. And you're letting him. So you drop out of school and move back home and you tell everyone it's because you just don't think MUNY is for you anymore even though it totally is. Your friends eventually stop calling because you've been ignoring them all ever since you left. Your parents walk around on eggshells because they know there's something you're not telling them but you're almost 21 years old and they can't make you even though you really REALLY want them to. You know what else is funny?" she smirked, ready to tell another unfunny joke.

"What Ally?" he rasped, his jaw clenching.

"I still don't get any sleep. I moved back here a month ago. He's literally on the opposite side of the nation. Him and Trent actually, are both hundreds of miles away and I still sleep like 3 hours every night because when the moon rises I know that's when one of them, or both of them, will come for me somehow and the only warning I'll have will be the hairs rising on my arms and legs before a hand closes over my mouth and they take what little I have left. So now here I am, a 20 year old college dropout living with my parents and writing depressing songs waiting for my ex's to come and hurt me again. Sometimes I want them to come and get it over with already just so I can stop being so afraid. Isn't that sick?" she grinned at him like she took pleasure in his obvious discomfort. And then her eyes grew wide with excitement, "Oh I have to tell you the best part!"

"Ally I don't want-"

"So you know how you saw me crying at the stop sign on Thursday?"

Austin sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, "Uh yeah I guess why?"

"Well I went to the boardwalk that day because my mom wanted me to pick up something she'd ordered at this little vintage clothing store she likes to go to. I think she was really just sick of me sitting in the house all day. Anyway, I get there and the whole pier and beach is packed with spring breakers. I'm walking to the store and I literally run into him." She pauses with her eyebrows high like 'isn't that amazing' then clarifies when his expression doesn't change, "Dallas. I run into Dallas. He's there with a bunch of other people from MUNY for spring break and when I accidentally bump into him as they're coming out of a diner I freeze. Just like before."

Finally her smile fell away. The humor was leaving her like a spirit after death, floating off into nothingness. Austin watched her carefully even as his heart continued to rush and the drugs infiltrated his tissues. He felt as though he couldn't be touched by her misery because the white horse was carrying him away at full gallop, leaving nothing but dust in its wake. But he also felt that sore spot of his, the one he had to have been born with because even as a toddler he'd felt compelled to comfort his crying mother, he felt it throb like it always did when the fairer sex was in distress. And Ally, being the fairest of all, made the entire base of his brain burn with pity and the need to help alleviate her pain. Her eyes glistened with tears and he was immediately on his feet. He moved towards her but she took a hesitant step back.

"No stop." She blinked, "Let me finish this. I froze again and he just grinned and said 'Oh hey Ally-cat long time no see' and win-….he fucking winked at me. I ran all the way back to my car like a coward." She started to laugh again despite the tears in her eyes, "I bet he got a good laugh out of that, watching me run away just like I did in his apartment that night. I trusted a guy just because he was nice to me, like assholes can't also be chivalrous. And here I am doing it again." She pointed the uke at him, giggling as it poked his chest, "I don't know you. You're a stranger and something told me to trust you the second I saw you in that alley. You'd just thrown a wooden pallet against a wall and destroyed it, you were sporting tattoos and a leather jacket and smoking a cigarette and, for some reason, I guess my own poor judgement, I wanted to trust you. And I did. I told you stuff about me that I didn't want to tell you: my name, my birthday…I kissed you and I let you kiss me. And now, I've told you my most intimate secret. You know the greatest pain that I've ever experienced, that I'm STILL experiencing. And I fucking HATE how much it hurts and how good it feels."

Austin just stood there in her bright and sunny bedroom with the ukulele's wooden body still pressing his breastbone. He was unsure what to do, what to say. He let his eyes slide carefully away from hers to survey the room. It was like he was seeing it for the first time. Besides having yellow walls and a ton of instruments, there wasn't much there. There were no posters or pictures, no real signs of it being lived in besides a couple of suitcases overflowing with clothes. Everything else seemed to be sitting in unpacked boxes, as if she'd just moved back yesterday instead of a month ago, as if she knew she didn't belong there, not permanently anyway. He ran his hands through his hair, practically crumbling under the weight of this new mountain of information. And when he faced the brunette again, she was staring at him with half-lidded eyes, smiling sweetly.

"Ally I-"

Suddenly a drop of blood trailed from her right nostril and ran across her top lip. Her pink tongue darted out, swiping at the dark red and drawing it into her mouth. She grinned.

"But this is victory right Austin?" she positioned the uke, plucking a few chords, "Metallic and warm and wonderfully painful?"

And he couldn't help but smile as he recalled their conversation about his umbrella tattoo and watched her twirl in fast, happy circles.

"Yeah madam Ally. That's fucking victory."

If you can find it in your heart to forgive me for taking so long to update, please leave me a review. J