Breathe in..
Breathe out.
Breathe in..
Breathe...
"Mom?" Dean whispered her name, almost in disbelief. This.. couldn't be real. It had to be some sort of sick, twisted nightmare. "Mom?" He said again, this time with more desperation in his voice. Could it be her? Was it the woman who left him emotionally scarred at a young age? The same woman who he hasn't seen or spoken to in ten years. Was it really.. his mom? Dean could hear soft pants coming from the other line, and then a light cough before the woman answered.
"Baby? It's me. It's momma." Suddenly, Dean couldn't breathe. Just like before, she called him baby and all the oxygen Dean had in his body cut off, his heart pounded and he felt as if the entire world was crashing down around him. He quickly looked at Roman who was looking back at him, very concerned. He mouthed something to Dean, asking if he was okay and Dean just nodded his head yes, then turned away from his boyfriend, to focus on his.. mom.
"Mom.." A short breath was released from Dean lips, the air around him was so thick he could taste it on his tongue. He could barely muster out words, his voice was a bit shaky as he continued, "H-how did you get this number?" He asked, as one of his fingers tapped nervously on Roman's bedsheets.
"I may have left you bean.." She had the nerve to call Dean by his nickname too, "But i never stopped watching over you. You're my son." Her voice was hoarse, like she'd been smoking 3 packs a day for the past ten years, and Dean figured she probably had been. She was never really good at taking care of herself. Dean still had bad memories of the many nights he found her asleep in her own mess on the floor.
"I'm not your son." Dean got up off Roman's bed now and walked towards the bathroom. He could hear his boyfriend in the background asking if everything was okay once again, but right now Dean was ignoring him. He sat his naked ass down on Roman's overly clean white toilet seat, mentally seething inside at her having the nerve to call him her son. "You gave up any right to call me your son after what you did. You fucking let a woman.. your friend.. molest me. You and i, Denise.. We're nothing. You're nothing to me." Dean choked up a bit, but wiped his tears away. He didn't want her to know that she had any effect on him at all anymore.
"You think that was easy for me?" His mom cried to him over the phone, "IT WASN'T EASY. You are my son, Dean. I had no power over what she was gonna do! I just wanted a better life for us. A better life for YOU!" His mom ending up coughing right after she finished. Dean could hear her wheezing and although it was cold, he didn't feel one ounce of empathy for her.
"You think her hurting me gave me a better fucking life? Are you fucking KIDDING ME?" Dean got up as he shouted, "That woman raped me five days a week, she would cuff me to her bed and rape me repeatedly. You let someone hurt me FOR YEARS and you think i should..what? Say thank you? Thank you for letting her hurt me? For making me grow up faster than i was supposed too? NO! FUCK YOU MOM." Dean screamed, and didn't notice Roman standing in the doorway watching everything.
"Dean i know! I made mistakes. I made so many mistakes but just listen please.. i'm.." More coughing on his mom's end but this time Dean cut her off.
"MISTAKES? MISTAKES? You were my mother!" Dean gritted through his teeth, "You were supposed to LOVE ME." Dean cried as he looked into the mirror at his own reflection. "You were supposed to keep me SAFE. YOU USED ME AND LET HER USE ME AND I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU, YOU HEAR ME YOU BITCH-" Dean screamed at the top of his lungs, "NEVER." He ended the phone call right after that, slamming his phone onto the floor in the process.
Dean started going crazy; crashing all of his and Roman's bathroom supplies on the floor in anger. Everything from soap to shaving cream got knocked down, causing Dean to hit his hand on the sink in the process. He was planning on destroying the entire bathroom when he felt Roman's strong arms grab him from behind. "Babe! Calm down! It's gonna be alright." He heard Roman say in his ear.
"GET OFF OF ME!" Dean screamed and pulled on Roman's hands to pry them off of him but Roman wouldn't let go. He grabbed onto Dean's arm and put him over his shoulder, letting Dean's feet dangle as he carried him into the bedroom. Dean went kicking and screaming but he couldn't get out of Roman's hold. He dropped Dean onto the bed, and Roman warned him to stay put as he went back in the bathroom. Roman opened the mirror and took out his first aid kit, along with Dean's phone. It was cracked all the way, but still useable. He came back out and saw his boyfriend sitting on the end of the bed, holding his injured hand.
Roman put Dean's phone down on his mantle then crouched down in front of him. "Let me see it." Roman demanded and Dean reluctantly stuck his hand out, letting Roman examine it.
"I just hurt the bone, no need to baby me. I'm fine Ro- OW!" Roman tried moving the fingers and Dean cried out suddenly. "It's tender babe, don't move it."
"Well if you weren't being reckless it wouldn't be. God, Dean what were you thinking? That sink is pure marble. You could've broken your hand." Roman held onto one of his fingers and applied a band-aid to where it was bleeding.
Dean looked down at him as Roman was finishing up with his hand, and suddenly he started crying again. "I don't know what i was thinking Ro. She just..." Dean's eyes began to fill up with tears, "She has no right to call me. She had no fucking right to call me." Roman watched Dean break down and he just couldn't take it anymore. He stood up, then sat down next to his boyfriend, opening his arms. Dean sniffled, but still fell onto him, and Roman held on. Nevermind the fact that Roman was still completely naked throughout this entire ordeal. Dean needed him right now and that's all that mattered.
"I'm sorry Ro.." Dean said as he sobbed into his shoulder. "I'll clean the bathroom..."
"Shh.. don't worry about that right now babe.. just... let it all out." And so he did.
In fact, Dean cried all night long.
*The Next Day*
"I'm worried about him Nik." Roman and Nikki slipped away from their boyfriend's long enough to go to the gym. They decided to take up some strength training today, and Nikki was spotting her bestie when Roman brought up Dean and what had happened last night. "He wouldn't even eat the breakfast i made for him this morning. I got him to shower but after he just crawled back into bed." Roman sighed, "He's already been through so much with Elias, and now.. with that one phone call, his mom fucking got to him. He's depressed, and don't know how to get him out of this.. funk."
Nikki picked up the bar and put it back in place for Roman and then sat down on the mat next to him. "Well why does he hate his mom? You won't tell me anything so I can't help." Nikki responded, before she put herself in position to do some lunges.
"That's Dean's business. I can't and won't share my boyfriend's personal life with you. All I know is, that for the first time in the whole span of our relationship.. i feel.. helpless." Roman frowned, then fell down onto Nikki's mat, a little dramatically. Nikki laughed and laid down with him, putting her head on Roman's shoulder. They were getting a few looks from people around the gym now, but in that moment neither of them actually cared.
"I think all you can do for him right now.. is be there for him. Ya know.. Don't ignore when he's going through, just validate his emotions and give him tons of hugs.." She smiled up at him, "And sex works too. Lots and lots of sex." Nikki nudged him playfully and wiggled her eyebrows at him suggestively.
Roman laughed, rolling his eyes at his best friend. "I don't think he'll be up for sex right now.. We haven't been intimate in a while.." Roman started thinking about the last time they had sex, but nothing was coming to mind. He sighed, slowly rubbing his facial hair, "A very long while.. but anyway, since we're talking about great sex.. how are you and Seth?"
Nikki got quiet when Roman mentioned Seth. She didn't know how to say what she needed to say without sounding like.. an idiot. "Don't judge me okay?" She looked at Roman seriously, her hazel eyes asking him for a promise not to ridicule her for what she was about to say.
"You know i wont. Spill, what's wrong?" Roman nudged her playfully, trying to coax the answer out of his bestie.
"I think.. I kinda... I wanna break up with him." Nikki said the last part very fast so Roman couldn't hear it too well. She looked down at her mat and started picking at it, hoping that Roman didn't ask her why she was planning on ending things with Seth.
"Really?" Roman's eyebrows raised in curiosity, "I thought you two were going great. What changed?"
Nikki eyes shifted from the mat to Roman now. She didn't know how to tell her best friend what she was about to tell him. She knew Roman would try to talk her out of it, and apart of her didn't wanna to be talked out of it, but she also didn't want to keep this from Roman either. "I don't fall in love. You know that about me. I just.. can't afford too right now. I want to be a successful journalist and I can't do that if I'm.. in love with Seth. And.. I love him Rom. I fell in love with him somewhere down the line and honestly? It scares me. I never had a guy who loves me the way he does. He comes with no pressure, no baggage except for the fact that he's waiting for me to love him back. He has my heart and that clouds my judgment. So I have to let him go."
In all the years Roman knew Nikki, never has she ever admitted to loving a guy. Not in high school, college or ever before. He went years hearing about Nikki's boyfriend's, how they were great but not husband material. She was independent and strong, and seeing her like this now.. crazy and truly in love with a guy.. made Roman smile. A big smile that Nikki caught quickly and gave him a push so he would stop- kinda smile. "Nikki. Oh my god, this is so big babe. You love someone. You're in loveeee." Nikki blushed and hid her face in her arm as Roman teased her. "I love that you are scared, Nik. It means you actually care about him. And hey.." Roman moved her head out of her arm so she was forced to look at him. "Love is supposed to be scary. Love is not easy and it clouds your judgement too. But also? It's rewarding to find someone who completes you. Someone who cares about you the way you care about them. I know it's easier to run away from how you feel about him, but you gotta ask yourself... Do you really want to give up a good thing, just because it scares you?"
Nikki looked into Roman's gray eyes and shook her head no quickly. Roman was right. If she did give up Seth, it could be the biggest mistake she ever made. But she also didn't want to lose herself because she loved him. That was her only fear, but Seth allowed Nikki to still be hersef, while they were together and Nikki figured that's a guy you want to keep around. "Oh god.. I'm in love with Seth." She said it again, like she was coming to awesome realizations.. "How do you think he'll take the news?" Nikki asked Roman.
"I don't know." Roman answered honestly. "But please, please record it when you tell him and send it to me?"
"Oh shut up!" Nikki giggled and pulled Roman up, holding onto her best friend as they walked to the locker room together.
Seth woke up midday in Roman's guestroom. He rubbed his tired eyes and checked his phone. He had a text from Nikki telling him that she was at the gym and suggesting he go talk to Dean since he wasn't feeling well. He got up and pulled his hair into a discreet man-bun, then walked over to Roman's door.
He knocked, and no answer. So he knocked again and.. still no answer. Seth felt the door knob and realized it was open so he just walked on in. "Dean? Hey. You okay?"
Dean wasn't asleep. In fact he was laying in Roman's bed wide awake, sheets half off of his naked body as he stared idly out of Roman's window. Seth walked in, and closed the door behind him. He crept towards the bed and then without much warning he got in, and automatically spooned his best friend. Dean didn't push him away either. He let Seth's arms go around him, and felt him breathing near his neck.
"I still remember that time we almost kissed." Seth began to say. "Like usual, we were doing what we weren't supposed to be doing, watching porn back in my crappy basement, drinking super cheap beer and then you laid a bomb on me. You remember what you told me?" Seth asked, tightening his hold on Dean.
Dean's only response was to lace their fingers together.
"You told me someone was hurting you. But you played it off like you liked it. Because guys don't cry when shit like that happens to them. We're supposed to like being violated by women. We're supposed to consider it a privilege. But I saw through your cocky smile, and all your bravado, and then you cried. You cried on me Dean because everything wasn't okay. Everything wasn't great. And I held you, kinda like I'm holding you now and I told you that it was okay. That I'd take care of you. And do you remember what you asked me?"
Dean hesitated for a second.. "I said.. can i kiss you." He stuttered out, embarrassingly.
"And what did I say?"
Dean turned around in his arms at that moment and looked in Seth's eyes. "You said yes." Dean cried out, looking down. "You said i could do whatever I wanted and you wouldn't be mad. You told me to.. share the burden." He sniffled, shaking his head.
Seth nodded, wiping away Dean's falling tears with his thumbs. He held Dean's face in his hands and then kissed him on the forehead softly. "I don't know what's bothering you, and I don't care about how deep it is, or how awful, I just want you to understand that you're not alone. You've never been. All you have to do is share the burden."
He held onto Dean and let him cry, kinda like Roman did the night prior. Seth has been there for him for years, and he happened to be right. Dean wasn't alone. His mom was an evil, vindictive bitch and he couldn't let her win. Dean was surrounded by people who truly loved him. One man in particular that he owed an apology too. Roman. He was cold to him this morning and Dean needed to make things right.
But for now..
He was gonna share the burden.
"Thank you Seth.. for everything." Dean mumbled into his chest.
"Don't mention it." Seth smiled at him, "And don't try to kiss me either. That moments wayy gone."
Dean laughed, "Duly noted."
After the gym with Nikki, Roman still had classes to take. He wanted to go home and check on Dean, but Nikki promised him he was gonna be okay with Seth. He was currently on his computer, not really listening to his professor. Instead, he was just looking through his and Dean's photo album. It was so hard to get Dean to take a picture. He would always either hide his beautiful face, make a silly one or kiss Roman's cheek/lips in each pic. But still Roman cherished every single one of them. Dean's favorite was the one he kept on his own laptop back in Ohio with them in bed together. But Roman's was the one he had of just Dean. He took it late at night after they had gone to the movies. Roman got Dean to smile, a genuine smile and after he snapped it Dean actually admitted "I look good." Roman was so caught up in thinking about Dean that he didn't realize his phone was ringing..
in the middle of class.
"Mr Reigns, care to answer your phone?" Fuck. Roman snapped out of it and then apologized to his professor. He looked down at the phone and noticed Dean was calling him. Roman excused himself and pressed answer when he got into the hallway.
"Hey baby." Roman was smiling even though Dean hadn't said anything yet. "Are you okay?"
"Hey babe." Dean said softly, "I'm okay umm.. are you coming home soon?"
"I'm stuck in class." Roman replied, with a heavy sigh. "I miss you." He whispered it in his little baby voice, the one he knew Dean liked to hear when he was feeling down.
"I miss you more. I actually have something for you when you get home. It's my way of saying... i'm sorry and.. to thank you." There was a hint of something else in Dean's voice. Something Roman couldn't put his finger on. He bit his lip, and looked back into the room where his professor rapidly tapped on his watch, signaling Roman to come back inside.
"Ugh, I gotta go babe. I can't wait for my surprise. I love you." Roman said softly before hanging up the phone.
Dean smiled, and clapped his hands excitedly.
It was time to get to work.
xxx
When Roman entered his apartment building, he didn't know what to expect. Dean said he had something for him, and he didn't go into detail. Little to no details made Roman nervous. That nervousness turned into anxiety as he put the key in the lock then turned the knob, walking inside the apartment. "Dean?" The entire house was pitch black. Roman turned the kitchen lights on and then saw a note left for him on the counter
Put everything down, pour yourself a drink, then sit in the chair I left for you in the middle of the living room and hold tight.
I love you- Dean.
Roman read the note and shrugged, deciding to do as asked. He dropped everything right there in the kitchen, then opened his cabinets, took a cup down and poured some whiskey in it from his bar, then put a couple of ice cubes in. Roman took a nervous sip then began to walk to where Dean wanted him. Like Dean had said there was a chair placed right in the center of the living room. Roman sat down in it with his legs wide open, waiting for whatever was supposed to happen next.
...You make it look like it's magic, cause I see nobody, nobody but you, you, you, i'm never confused... hey hey..
I'm so used to being used...
Roman hears the music playing from his speakers and suddenly out of the shadows Dean appears in front of his room. He wasn't wearing much, except for a fedora, a bow tie and the tight black boxers briefs that framed his ass so well. Dean smiled, then walked slowly over to Roman, his hips sways in time with the beat of the music.. he stops right in front of him then drops down.. crawling over to his boyfriend slowly.
You're always worth it, and you deserve it, the way you work it. Cause girl you earned it... (shit)
Girl.. you earned it. (yeah)
Dean crawled up his legs and Roman couldn't stop his smile if he wanted too. Dean sat on him, ass first and started slowly grinding against Roman's jeans. Roman grabbed his hips and Dean leaned back on him, smiling when Roman started controlling his movements. "Fuck Dean." Roman whispered in his ear. He was giving him such wood right now, Roman couldn't remember the last time he was this hard. Dean rolled his head back on his partner then tossed his cap, turning his head so Roman could give him a needy kiss. He felt the young lawyer's big hands caress his abs as they slowly made out.
Cause girl you're perfect, you're always worth it, and you deserve it, the way you work it...
Cause girl you earned it... (shit)
Girl you earned it.
Dean turned himself around in Roman's lap then sat himself back down, sitting comfortably on top of Roman's erection. He hooked an arm around Roman and then started to grind their hard cocks together. Dean moaned near Roman's mouth, then kissed him when Roman grabbed his ass and squeezed. Their lips smacked against each other until the kiss became wild. Emotionally charged with tongues and teeth all over each man. Roman pulled away to breathe and that's when Dean stood up, and slowly took off him underwear. His cock stood up nice and proud and that's when Roman decided he had enough teasing. He picked Dean up straight off his feet and carried him to the bedroom. They kissed their way there, with Dean's arms and legs securely around him as Roman closed the door.
Roman tossed him on the bed, and Dean laid back against the pillows, stroking his hard cock as he watches Roman get undressed. Roman joined him on the bed, this time replacing Dean hands with his talented mouth. He sucked in the head and as soon as he did, a moan was released from Dean's mouth. Roman's head bobbed up... and down in a repeated motion, his lips were obscenely stretched as he pushed him towards the back of his throat. Dean quickly grabbed onto Roman's hair, fisting those thick black locks to keep Roman in place for just a second. "Fuck babe!" Dean whispered out, releasing some of Roman's hair so he could come up for air. Roman licked his lips and then went to his dresser to take out some lube. He squirted gel on his fingers and then kissed Dean, as his cool fingers rimmed around his pucker.
Two fingers went deep inside of Dean with little resistance, and Roman watched his expression change with every single thrust inside of his tight little hole. "You're so wet baby. I can't wait to be inside of you." Roman whispered it right near his ear, and then palmed his ass with his other hand, only letting his fingers dive in deeper.
"Fuck!" Dean couldn't take much more. He started riding his fingers, tossing his head back in pleasure as he met Roman thrust for thrust. "Ro.. fuck baby I need.." Dean didn't want to beg but it has already been long enough since they made love. He needed him now.
Roman kissed him and pulled out at the same time. He turned over on the bed then laid back against the pillows. "Show me that beautiful ass, and ride me baby." It sounded more like a command and Dean was happy to oblige. He crawled on top of Roman and then turned around, baring down on his fat lubed up cock ass-first. Roman moaned out as he watched Dean's ass take him all in, and then slowly Dean started move his hips up and down on his dick. Roman was moaning something about how gorgeous Dean's ass looked hopping up and down on his cock, then there was a hard slap to his ass making it jiggle just for him. Dean moaned and stroked himself as he got fucked by Roman. The sensation was pleasure and pain from the angle and Roman's hard slaps but Dean loved every bit of it.
"Look at me baby." Roman said it all sweet. "Let me see your beautiful face." Dean gives him what he wants and their eyes connect as Roman starts controlling his movements. Dean can barely hold on and their was a shared look in their eye that told them both they were on the brink. Roman spread Dean's cheeks and watched his dick burrow in and out of him faster and faster. Dean's hand on his own dick speeded up too and without much warning he started to cum all over his hand and Roman's lower body. Roman thrusted deep in him two more times before spurts of thick white cum sprayed hot inside of Dean. He fell back against the pillows and Dean followed, falling right on top of him.
"Babe?" Roman panted, running a lubed finger down Dean's sweaty abs.
"Yeah?" Dean managed to say back, with his eyes half closed.
"That was a hell of a way to apologize." Roman licked his suddenly dry lips and then slowly pulled out of Dean. He rolled over to his side of bed, curling up on Roman's chest, sighing as he played with his chest hair.
"Mm. I love you Ro." Dean's voice was full of sleep and if Roman were being honest.. he was pretty tired too. He got up real quick, leaving Dean on the bed to go clean up in the bathroom. Once he got back he cleaned off Dean as well, then he hopped back in the bed with him. Dean snuggled up to his side, making himself the smaller spoon. Roman gladly wrapped him in his arms, pulled the sheet over them and kissed the side of Dean's neck.
"I love you too." Roman said before they both drifted off to sleep.
In the kitchen, Roman's house phone started ringing off the hook. The lovers were worn out and sound asleep so the voicemail had to pick up the message.
"Hey, it's Roman i'm not home, obviously so leave a message."
"Roman! Hey, it's momma. Listen I need you to call me. It's urgent. Sika bailed out some young boy named Elias last night from Ohio County jail. I over heard him speaking. They were saying something about Dean. i think he's up to something big. I can feel it. Please... call me back. I love you baby."
A/N: I listened to your messages and reviews and you guys were right. I can't constantly let negativity get to me and i try not too. I'm still trying. I'm Fine is still on permanent hiatus but I figured I give you guys some good news. One I'm back in school, and two Once is coming to an end soon. I don't know how many chapters more yet but I already have the final plots and stuff. So show it some love pleasee? Your support is what motivates me. I don't know what I'd do without you guise.
I left at least two easter eggs in this chapter for two future plots. One involved Dean's mom. Anyone know the other? It looks like Elias is back for one last round. Will ambreigns prevail with momma reigns help or will Sika finally win? Hmm. -Melle
Song of the chapter: Earned It - The Weeknd.