He hasn't spoken to him in three days.
Roman counted, it's been three days, seven hours, and a whole shitload of minutes since he's spoken to Dean. After the party Dean had come back upstairs. Roman told him that he ended up cursing Ian out in the bathroom for disrespecting him, and he tried to apologize for not automatically taking his side but Dean was being so... despondent. He barely looked Roman in the eye before he managed to tell Roman he had to go; and the next thing Roman knew, he was packing his shit and on the next flight back to Ohio. He didn't mean to fuck up with Dean this badly. Not after Dean had given Roman all his trust and his love... Roman sighed. He looked out his bedroom window and could hear the busy New York street below. The sound of ruckus and ambulances rushing towards their destinations were his only saving grace now. His head plopped down onto the pillow and his fingers itched around his IPhone for the millionth time since he got home.
"Please pick up." Roman begged to no one as he speed dialed Dean's number yet again, hoping that the 100th time would be the charm.
"Hello?" When Roman actually heard a voice on the other line he got excited. Dean finally picked up, maybe this meant they could actually have a conversation and talk our whatever issues that were going on between them?
"Dean? Baby?" Roman sat up immediately and smiled. His prayers have been answered. "Babe... please... talk to me?"
"Oh hey Roman, uhh... it's actually... Seth." The smile on Roman's face faded almost instantly as Seth let Roman know it wasn't Dean. "Dean's sleeping but this is like the twentieth time you've called so I figured I'd give you some peace of mind." Roman nodded; he was thankful for at least that.
"Oh. Thank you Seth." A permanent frown was now placed on the lawyer to be's face. "Can you umm... at least tell Dean to call me? I wanna know how he is and I want to hear his voice. If he needs space I'll give him that, I just can't take the silence." Roman ran a nervous finger through his hair and exhaled, "Please?"
There was a pause on the other end of the line for a little while. Roman couldn't take the silence for much longer. "Okay, I'll make sure he calls you and tells you everything. " Seth reassured him, "I'm gonna hang up now... bye Roman."
"Bye Seth." Roman hung up right after that then laid his head back down. He seriously hoped that Dean would just call him back, even if it was to break up with him. At least he wouldn't be in the dark anymore. Roman let out a deep sigh then buried his head into his pillow, forcing himself to fall asleep.
xxx
"How did she die?" Dean asked the nurse over the phone. There wasn't a hint of sadness in Dean's tone either. His mother was living in a retirement home in Florida. Denise gave up any rights to call herself a mother the very moment she let someone hurt him. As far as Dean was concerned, Denise Ambrose died when he was 10 years old.
"She had incurable ovarian cancer. Her time was very limited. She knew that. That's why she tried to contact you..." The nurse began to reply. "Her body, along with her belongings are all here, waiting for you to claim."
"Burn her, then send her shit to goodwill. I want nothing to do with her. At all." Dean said back. There was no way he was giving her a funeral. She didn't even deserve one. As Dean was talking to the nurse saw Ian leave Roman's apartment building in tears. They caught eyes for just a second and then Ian just looked away, walking fast up the block.
"Mr. Ambrose will all due respect... She may not have been the best person in the world but she was your mother..."
Dean laughed at that, "The fuck she was." He spat back at the nurse. "Like I said... Burn her then send her shit to goodwill. And don't EVER call me again." Dean screamed at the lady, then hung up on her. He looked around into the night and suddenly he could feel the sting of tears in his eyes... she was gone. His mom was gone. Dean didn't even know why he was crying. He hated her, he hated her with everything in him. But it just... hurt so fucking bad. He choked up, violently wiping tears away that force themselves out of his eyes. Fucking hell, why was he crying? Dean looked up at the window to Roman's apartment. The party was pretty much still going. He didn't want to go back in so Dean walked...
And kept walking until it didn't hurt anymore.
".. Okay that is the very last time I'm lying for you!" Seth yelled at his best friend who wasn't asleep at all. Dean happened to be wide wake, with his drawing pad on hand. "Dude... Roman sounded... God he sounded awful, like he was hurting just because you weren't speaking to him." He tossed Dean's phone at him then laid down next to him in his bed. "When are you gonna call him?"
"I don't know." Came the contrite response from Dean who was spending his time coloring in an old drawing he did of Roman when they first started dating. Dean drew it after their first time. Roman was in bed in the drawing, covers half off of him, his beautiful upper body exposed; sleeping with a smile on his face. Dean remembered it like it was yesterday, he stayed all night, and it reaffirmed everything Dean already knew. One, he was really into guys, and two... he was madly in love with Roman.
"Okay..." Seth sighed, "When are you going to tell him that you found out your mom died then? Or that in her will... she left you 20 grand? Or that you had her cremated her and gave her shit to goodwill because you hated her that much?"
"I don't know." Dean said again as he picked up his colored pencils and started to draw Roman's lips in color.
"Dean!" Seth grabbed his drawing pad and abruptly he tossed it across their dorm room. Dean's pencils spilled on the floor as well, making a mess in front of his bed. "I understand you shut down whenever things get tough. Trust me, I do. But you gotta start dealing with your problems head on bro. You're mad at Roman? Fucking tell him. Call him out on that shit then work it out. You're mad about your mom? Say it! Yell, scream, bitch, moan. I'll be here to listen to it all and care for you after it all. But DON'T treat the guy you love like shit because of a mistake, DON'T bottle up your anger until it explodes and you take it out on me or our friends. You gotta deal with your shit dude! SERIOUSLY."
Seth kicked the blanket off of him then got up and walked out of their dorm room angrily. Dean watched him go; and as the door slammed he began picking up his art supplies off the floor. As he picked up pencil after pencil Dean started to break down. There he was; in tears over a woman who never truly loved him. He sniffled and finally he picked up his drawing pad and placed it back on his bed. Seth got overly angry, but he was still right, about everything. He needed to start dealing with with his issues. Starting with being honest with his boyfriend. Dean picked up his phone and dialed Roman's number. He nervously waited as the phone rang. But Roman didn't pick up. So Dean had to leave a voicemail. When the voicemail message popped up Dean started to smile; Roman hadn't changed his cell phone voicemail from the last time Dean was there. They were playing around in bed and Dean took Roman's phone and ended up recording his new message.
"This phone and the man carrying it around are property of Dean Ambrose. If you want to leave a message please do so at the tone, Roman will get back to you whenever he can thanks!"
"Oh god babe... change that voicemail message." Dean said after the beep. "Actually umm... don't it's cute. Umm, I know you're sleeping but I just called to tell you I'm coming to NYC. Tonight. There is something that happened that I thought I didn't care about but I kind of did? And it sorta fucked me up a bit? But umm... I'll explain more when I get there. We can talk more in depth about it and stuff. I umm I love you. See you soon."
Dean hung up after that, then got up to start packing. He needed Roman right now, more than ever and he was a fool to just leave without talking it out with him and telling him what's wrong. He'd get there in the morning since he had to take the bus this late at night but it didn't matter. Throughout the year he knew Roman one thing was crystal clear...
He was worth it.
Seth was typing up one of his final assignments when his phone rang. It was Nikki calling. They had been fighting ever since Roman's party and have yet to stop. Nikki kept saying she wasn't jealous but she kept bringing up Paige every single chance she got. Seth didn't want to be one of those couples who always fought all the time over small stuff, but that's what they were turning into. He knew that the root of this was more than Paige, and more than jealousy, he just wished that Nikki would be honest with him for once and let all those walls she had up protecting her heart down a little bit more. He picked up his phone, sighing before he answered. "Hey Nik." Seth greeted his girlfriend, "What's up?'
"I wanna apologize…" Nikki began to say. "I was being such an asshole last night, and I know you probably went to bed mad at me." Seth could hear the pout in her voice. "I'm sorry."
"Yeah, I was kind of pissed." Seth admits with a laugh. "I think I actually took some of that anger out on Dean." Seth stopped typing for a second so he could focus on his and Nikki's phone call. "Nik I don't like fighting with you…"
"I don't like fighting with you either." Nikki interrupted.
"Then why are we doing this?" Seth asked softly. "Why do you keep starting things with me? You know I'm not cheating, and you know I'm crazy about you. What's going on Nik? Tell me honestly?"
"Honestly?" Nikki sighed. They have been fighting for a week now and even though Nikki didn't want to admit it, it was mostly because of her own insecurities. But she loved Seth and as much as that scared her, losing him over petty arguments scared her even more. So it was time, for Nikki to be honest and for her to finally let her walls come down. "I think it's because this is my first real relationship. I mean, I've met guys who have offered to wine and dine me, give me jewelry, take me to Paris or Italy. But none of them ever cared about me the way you do. You scare me because even though I'm fully capable of doing everything by myself… I always end up wanting to do them with you. You make me happy and when you're around I feel so in love. I've never had that before. I've never needing anyone the way I need you. And even though I love you, I'm scared that the closer we get, the more I'll lose myself."
Seth was really caught off guard by Nikki's confession. He really thought that they would just end up fighting again but she actually opened up to him and expressed her worries and insecurities about their relationship. It opened Seth's eyes to a lot of things. He already knew she had commitment issues but to know that she loved him enough to worry about losing her own independence gave Seth a clear idea as to why she was always jealous and angry. She was ready to give him everything… that the expense of losing herself. "Nik…" Seth breathed out softly, "I understand that you're afraid of us, I am too a little bit. But you got to understand that you're not the only one who's falling here. I love you just as much as you love me and if you ever get insecure, or worried I'll be there. If you get sad, or feeling like you're slipping away, I'll be there too. I love you Nikki Bella, and I want you to know that I'm in this for the long haul. You can lean on me whenever you need too, and I'll be there to stand by your side. Okay?"
Nikki nodded. Even though she couldn't physically see Seth at the moment and Seth couldn't see her, Nikki was smiling. She had opened up to him and Seth didn't turn her away or make her feel stupid about her insecurities. He promised to be there, even if things got tough and Nikki was thankful for that. Seth honestly loved her and even though it still scared to dive in completely, Nikki felt as though she was almost half way there. "Thank you, Seth." Nikki said with a smile. "For everything."
"There's no need to thank me…" Seth told her. "That's what people do for each other when they are in love. They care about each other."
"I love you." Nikki said it with more confidence now. "You know that right?"
Seth smiled and nodded. "Yeah I know." He said softly, "I love you too."
Roman woke up in the morning and turned to his left side. He yawned and without rubbing his eyes he walked stoically towards his bathroom. Roman looked in the mirror at his reflection as he urinated. His black hair was messy falling all over his face and his beard was in desperate need of a trim. Roman sighed, then washed his hands and walked back to bed. He got in and once he did, someone tried to put their head on his chest. Roman snuggled into them for a second then started to realize... he wasn't sleeping alone. He looked down and noticed that it was Dean who was actually sleeping on him. He was in one of Roman's shirts and his boxers, sleeping on top of the covers. The AC was on, so Roman knew Dean was probably freezing. Roman adjusted Dean until he was underneath the covers, snuggled up and warm. He knew Dean probably came to talk things out and Roman wanted to do that too, but first... he was going to let Dean sleep. Roman quickly made his boyfriend the small spoon then closed his eyes, going back to sleep.
The lovebirds both woke up about three hours later. Dean's eyes were the first to open. When he got in last night, he was so tired and so worried that he ruined their relationship that he didn't even sleep under the covers. But now, waking up in Roman's arms proved that all Dean's worries were just that... worries. He caressed Roman's arm softly, effectively waking his boyfriend up from his slumber. "Dean..." Roman's voice was still full of sleep. "Hey baby." He kissed into Dean's neck, and that one small kiss sent shivers all over Dean's body. He loved it when Roman was affectionate with him. "Wanna talk?" Roman whispered, turning so that he was laying on Dean now, instead of behind him.
"Yeah..." Dean smiled while looking into Roman's eyes. He pushed some of his unruly hair out of his face, and softly caressed his fuller beard as he continued, "I'm sorry for leaving the way I did... especially on your birthday. I should've spoken to you first but I was so fucking hurt that night... I just had to get out of there." Roman shifted to in-between Dean's legs, so he could fit more comfortably. "Seth said I run away when things get complicated..."
"Ha, that's an understatement." Roman added, cutting him off.
"Shut up." Dean rolled his eyes with a smile, "Regardless of how true that is, I still wanted to come and see you and say I'm sorry for everything that went down that night." He casually ran his fingers through Roman's hair, smiling when Roman bit his lip at the caress.
"I'm sorry too." Roman apologized, "I realized that I should've been defending you instead of trying to keep the peace... so I cursed Ian out in the bathroom. I told him that he's never to come around again unless he can accept you for me... always."
Dean blushed at that, "Yeah?" His fingers brushed against Roman's bottom lip softly. Dean's baby blues bore into gray and within a few seconds... they were kissing. Roman couldn't resist those perfect pink lips of Dean's and even though they both pretty much tasted like sleep still, it didn't matter. The only thing that was important right now was this. Their connection, their hearts beating for each other... in love. Roman's tongue found its way inside of Dean's mouth and his boyfriend happily accepted it, letting it entangle with his own. Dean's arms draped easily over Roman's shoulders as they made out in bed. It was intense and heavy like always, filled with desire, lust and very deep affection for one another. Roman pulled away after a minute, looking down at Dean's beautifully kiss swollen lips. He smiled when Dean smiled, then they laughed while looking at each other. It took less than a minute for Roman to lay his head on Dean's chest, and even fewer seconds for Dean to hold his boyfriend in his arms.
They laid together for a while, just enjoying the feel and warmth of their bodies entwined. Dean had his hands in Roman's hair, playing with a few strands when he decided that it was time to tell Roman everything. "My mom died." Dean blurted out as he curled a strand of hair around his finger. "She died the day of your party." Dean sighed, "They called me from whatever hospice the bitch was staying at and told me she finally kicked the bucket. I told them to cremate her and give shit to goodwill. After that they tried to send me her ashes but I told them I didn't want it. Then to put the final nail in the coffin... her lawyer based in Ohio contacts me just yesterday. I go in the office and it turns out... she left me 20 thousand dollars. The check is just sitting in my drawer. I don't even know what to do with it."
Roman listened to Dean speak and could hear his heart beating extra fast as he spoke of his mom. He knew Dean hated Denise and he had every right to want no part of her death. But Roman also knew that Dean was internalizing it, and as much as he probably wanted to just move on... he couldn't. After all, it's hard to separate yourself from the person who gave you life. No matter how shitty they are. "I'm so sorry baby." Roman told him while he looked up into his eyes. "I wish you would've told me. I would've been there for you."
"I know you would have." Dean said back, smiling at Roman. "That's kind of the reason why I didn't want you to be." Roman was confused but he still let Dean continue. "I never truly got over what she done to me. Or how she was supposed to love me but never really did. And finding out one of the main causes of my pain died... it was shocking. I needed... I needed time to process it. If I came to you, you would've did everything in your power to make me feel okay again immediately. Although I need that now... I guess what I'm trying to say is... I needed the pain. I wanted to cry and get angry and after all the resentment was over... all I wanted was you." Dean saw Roman blush, he smiled and cupped his boyfriend's face. "I'm sorry I always run away with things get hard. I promise, I'll try not too anymore."
"Pfft." Roman scoffed with a laugh, "Who are you kidding? You're gonna wanna run away again... but it's okay because this time..." Roman immediately sat up in bed, and pulled Dean into his arms. Dean smiled while straddling his boyfriend, feeling Roman hold him by his waist, "This time I'm not going to let you. You have me Dean. You're not alone anymore okay? I'm here for you always. No matter what babe." Dean nodded his answer then gave Roman yet another passionate kiss. Roman growled near Dean's lips then kissed him back softly. They made out in the middle of the bed for at least ten minutes before Dean pulled away, love dazed and nursing a very hard erection.
"Name a place we haven't had sex in this house..." Dean whispered against Roman's lips.
"Mmm... I think, my laundry room... and the kitchen counter." Roman replied, "Why?"
"Because... I'm moving in here in a couple of weeks... and I want every single place in this apartment to be christened by our sex before I do." Dean licked his lips then got up off of the bed, pulling Roman up with him.
"I can't wait for you to move in baby." Roman said that as he grabbed Dean from behind, and pressed his erection into his ass. Dean moaned when Roman kissed at his neck. Roman knew all his spots so well by now. He turned around with lust filled eyes and gave his boyfriend a smile.
"I can't wait either." Dean said honestly. "Now come on... I want your neighbors to hear how good you fuck me."
A/N: What a good sentence ender no? Lol My friends... two more chapters then we say goodbye, Once my baby… I'll miss you. *tears up a bit* - Melle