Author's Note: Less on Dick, more on Luke is the maxim of this chapter. What Luke intends to do with his acquired information will be revealed in the next chapter. Enjoy.

Luke 9

It's been two weeks since I was admitted to hospital with a burst appendix. Whatever the doctors put me on cancelled out the chance of infection and now all that's left of my ordeal is a tiny scar on my stomach. To be fair, it goes nicely with the rest of my mementos and is definitely the prettiest out of them all. I was discharged two days ago and just as promised Linda and Charlie started the paperwork to formally adopt me. Today I went back to school and was treated with kid gloves by all the teachers which I hated. They were all nice and accommodating and understanding…and covering their asses with fake concern. Because I've acted like I did when I was on the pills for almost a fortnight, Charlie has been slipping me placebos in an attempt to try and maintain what he thinks is a personality change. He thinks I don't know the difference between them, but I do.

I can't live without my violent urges and keep my sanity. I can't take the pills and feel safe inside my own head, not without the violence to defend me. This way of existing, the way that I have been since I was young, works for me. I have balance and stability this way I don't have any other. Sure I don't love people the same way as I'm expected to, but living with Charlie and Linda has shown me that I can change the way I view certain people. I used to think Linda was a whore and Charlie was a condescending asshole, but I don't think of them like that anymore. Now I think Linda is a very patient and understanding person and Charlie is just an amazing dad, one any kid would be lucky to have. I'm almost glad they want to be my parents, because I can stand to be around them. I still hate and loathe most people, but not them. I guess I actually like them and…maybe, in some sense, I love them too? Why not? I love Charlie and Linda too. And my violence. I love my violence too.

Dick was off sick again today, probably nursing some crime-fighting related injury with Alfred while Wayne goes to work. I don't mind anymore. He came to visit me five or six times in hospital and always stayed until they kicked him out. He's a real friend and I understand he's got commitments and secrets to keep. Even without him there, I get through the day without causing any dramas. I sit with Gordy and his jock buddies at lunch, smiling to myself at the idea of him and Dick making out behind the bleachers, impress my biology teacher with further proof of my dissection skills on a frog and enjoy walking to Charlie's work with a girl from my Geography class. Her name's Ellie and she's kind of into me although I don't know why.

Ellie is a typical example of a good student: quiet, smart and really well-spoken. She's in the debate team and runs a fashion club afterschool that's apparently popular with cheerleaders and other 'good' girls. I don't know how you'd describe her physically. She's not ugly, average or beautiful but probably leans towards above average if anything else with light brown hair and green eyes. Despite being quiet, she's not frigid and has already had a couple of boyfriends, neither of which look remotely like me. I don't normally remember people in that much detail, mostly because I don't care enough to try, but she always makes an effort to talk to me or be nice to me and I'm always impressed so I always remember her.

She wants to come over to my house after school. I go to say no only to change my mind. When I got back from hospital, I got Charlie to take me shopping and then spent the rest of the day decorating my bedroom to reflect my personality. I guess I should try it out on someone other than Linda who thinks it suits me nicely. If Dick can't see it today, I'll make do with Ellie's opinion. So I say she can come over.

Charlie fusses over her first and then Linda follows suit when we all come home. They seem both relieved and happy that I brought a girl back for dinner but I decide not to take it personally, another change in my personality. Introductions are made and then Ellie and I head up to my room to do homework assignments. Her reaction to stepping in my room is almost identical to Dick's, but for the complete opposite reason.

All four walls are no longer the same generic beige but individually painted with one colour each: black, white, red and blue. Framed posters of the front covers of best-selling books by J.D. Salinger, D.H. Lawrence and William Golding hang on the wall above my bed while mahogany shelves on the other walls hold the books themselves and various other trinkets. There's now a mahogany computer desk underneath the window with a swivel lamp, second-hand laptop and a framed photograph of Charlie, Linda, me and the cat on the desktop. Both the curtains and my bedding are covered in stars of the same colours as the walls while the empty storage space underneath my bed is now cluttered with board games, athletics and sports equipment and boxes of DVDs. On the wall nearest the door, there's a gap between two sets of shelves just wide enough to accommodate a wall-mounted flat-screen TV with an in-built DVD player.

How can Charlie afford all this stuff so quickly? According to him, he's wanted to do something like this since before I arrived and had already budgeted for it, but since he needed some of that cash to foot my hospital bill, the man went to his back-up plan: friends, favours and bargains. The man is gifted at making the most out of nothing. He mounted and hung the posters himself, the same with the TV and the shelves. He got the desk, my laptop and swivel lamp as part of a garage sale and got the TV from a friend who owed him a favour. My bedding and curtains was actually his as a kid and the paint was leftover from when he and Linda decorated the house six years ago. I appreciate the effort more than he knows. I appreciate him more than he knows.

"Wow. This is just…so tasteful Luke. Did you design it all yourself?" Ellie says with genuine astonishment at the décor while sitting on my bed. I nod.

"I designed it, but Charlie was the one who financed and built it for me. So, you really like it?" I ask sitting at my desk. She nods.

"It's different from other boy's rooms I've been in. They're always untidy and dirty and, even when they're not, they smell. But this is really nice and it smells like some kind of Yankee Candle."

"Uh, that's because it is: it's Black Coconut and it's over there." I tell her with a little sheepish grin whilst pointing to the large black candle smouldering on one of my shelves. She sees it and smiles too.

"That's a little girly of you…but kind of cute too."

That's how I got my foot in the door with her. We spend the next hour doing our Geography homework and talking weirdly about fashion. According to her, I'm really fashionable for a boy and that apparently everybody at school who doesn't know me thinks I'm gay. That was unexpected I guess, but with the way I'm attached to Dick, it might be true. I'm actually so interested in what she's saying about my status and reputation at school that I forget to either have a flashback or conjure a violent image to counter it. Ellie doesn't get my typical fantasy treatment of decapitation or disembowelment because she's distracting. Distracting is good for me. Then the cat wanders in to distract me further. It meows at me as I sit talking with her on the bed before jumping up and claiming my lap as its own personal observation tower.

"Oh he's beautiful. It is a boy right?" Ellie asks cautiously stroking it on the head. I nod before stroking the cat myself. It begins to purr already.

"Yep. His name's Felix and he's a Maine Coon. That's why he's so big."

We sit and talk and stroke the cat until dinner. I don't think about anything other than her and how well I'm doing until we're sat at the table eating Linda's meatballs and pasta. For a couple of minutes, I go back to when my step-dad threw bricks at me while I ran screaming around the inside of the garage, but quash it with ideas of hanging random people by their large intestines from barns. I briefly consider the method of achieving this goal and the type of knife before centering myself and rejoining the conversation. Like when Dick came over, Charlie and Linda move the conversation forward and dictate the topics without any awkwardness or uncomfortable pauses. They ask Ellie about her parents, what they do and what her hobbies are. When she politely tells them of her interest in classic literature, fashion design and the idea of teaching as a career, both Charlie and Linda are quick to include me, apparently having picked up on my book collection and taste in clothes.

I've never had people notice my interests before; they only tend to see a psychopath or seriously disturbed kid and concentrate on that as my soul defining characteristic. That's why I despise doctors and therapists and counselors because they don't try to get to know me; they just assume I'm devoid of personality because my head's so full of personality defects. Leave it up to Charlie and Linda to notice I'm a person and not just a head case. It's just another reason I can stand them. It's just another reason I keep thinking I love them.

The rest of Ellie's stay is good and Charlie drops her off at her parents' house on the promise that she can come back whenever she likes. Ellie wants to come over again. According to her, I'm sweet, interesting and very surprising. I don't know about sweet, but I'd agree with the rest; I surprised myself with how comfortable I was around her. I don't know how I got this far this quickly, but I'm glad I did; things are actually going well. I'm in my room later when Charlie comes knocking.

"So, you had a productive first day back, huh boy?" The man says with a sly grin as he sits on my bed while I work at the desk. "That girl Ellie is a very mature young lady, isn't she?" He adds. I nod my head.

"She's nice. I like her."

"Yeah? Well, I guess it's no surprise to hear she likes you too. You guys seem to have…really good chemistry. It's good to see." I roll my eyes at the way he's hinting at bigger things. I have to smile though. He's a good guy.

"Trying to marry us off, Charlie?"

"Hey now! I'm not the sort of man to interfere in another man's love life, but it might be worth a shot. That's all I'm saying." I shrug my shoulders and reward him for trying by giving him something more.

"I don't know. She thought I was gay."

"Are you?" He asks. I frown at him.

"Why?"

"Because I never thought to ask you before. I don't give a damn either way of course, but I am interested in what'll make you happy." Charlie means what he says and because of that and because he's trying so hard to engage me, I almost go all out.

"I don't know yet. I really don't know. The way I feel about Dick…" I stop myself for saying anymore. I almost forgot I was speaking out loud for a minute. Charlie's looking expectant and very hopeful right now; maybe he thinks he's making a breakthrough with me and our relationship. I dial back and shake my head. "Sorry, I can't say anymore." Charlie puts a big hand on the back of my neck and rubs it briefly.

"It's alright, son. You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to. But if you ever feel like talking…and I mean about anything, I'm always here for you. Understand? That goes for Linda too." What he says doesn't rub me up the wrong way, but it does exasperate me enough to tell him how I see things between us.

"Look, I'm not trying to sound rude or ungrateful or anything like that, Charlie, but I don't think you're the right guy to tell about my problems; they're pretty gruesome and probably not fit for hearing in any case. I'd rather you never know about them. I like it here and I want to stay here; if I told you, I don't think you'd want to keep me." For a moment Charlie doesn't say or do anything. Then he puts his hand back on the nape of my neck and squeezes it softly.

"You're wrong boy, very wrong. What do you think the foster people have been telling us for the past couple of days? They're telling us not to go through with it and they're dredging up all kinds of nasty stories and reports to try and sway us. Personally, I think it's fucking dumb if they want rid of you, but it hasn't changed mine and Linda's feelings on the issue: we want to adopt you. We love you just because a kid who's been through the ringer as much as you have and still be civilized is a keeper. You don't deserve to be thrown out because your step-dad was a monster and tried to make you the same. It's not fair and it's not right."

"But I can never love you guys the way you want me to." I tell him honestly. Charlie smiles and shrugs his shoulders.

"So love us any way you can. We'll make up the shortage. We just want you to be happy." It's something to say out loud. It means a lot. I close my eyes and feel his fingers delicate massaging the flesh on my neck. No-one's ever touched my neck like this unless it was a prelude to strangling me. I push that idea aside and open my eyes. Charlie's just nodding at me as if he understands it's difficult for me to say anything back or do anything back for that matter. "Do you want a hug Luke?" He asks me, something I have to consider for an awfully long time before answering.

"I don't think I need one Charlie." I stop and think for a moment. "Do you need one?" I ask. Charlie smiles at me and shrugs his shoulders.

"I don't need one Luke, but I'd like one just the same. What do you say?"

I've never hugged anybody before, not that I remember. I've been hugged, a few times at least, but I've never given anybody a hug. With the way I am, why would I ever need to? Until now, the idea to hug anyone had never even crossed my mind. I equate giving a hug with a desire to crush the recipient's ribcage, like I experienced more times than I want to admit, and it's only recently that I've warmed to being hugged at all. Charlie looks even more expectant than usual, excited even by the idea, and I don't want to disappoint him by being shit at dishing them out. But I guess I've come too far to back out now. I nod my head.

"Okay." I stand up and then stoop down to Charlie's chest. I feel stiff and awkward as I move forward and press my chest against his, but amazingly I don't stop trying. I manage to rest my chin on his shoulder and then gingerly wrap my arms round his back, holding him as loosely as possible. I consider this position as finished, but I'm not all that sure. Before I can ask him if I've got the mechanics right or have missed a step, he wraps his arms around my back like he has before and holds me a hell of a lot tighter than I'm holding him.

"You alright son? It's not too tight is it?" He says slackening his grip a little. I shake my head.

"No, it's nice."

My name is Luke Martin and today, I thought about Dick Grayson twice…

The rest of the time, I thought about how good my life is becoming. That's got to be a good sign.