A/N: Chapter revised to clarify time jumps for easier reading - as suggested! :)

I used to split my time between sick beds and the stables when I was a girl. Both people and animals found my touch soothing and calming when they were unwell. I was in the stable that night, calming a mare that was getting ready to foal. I didn't feel much like celebrating any longer. I had attended the wedding ceremony last night, as was expected of me. But I wasn't going to walk around like it was joyous event. People around here had very few reasons to celebrate, so weddings were a week long affair. I planned to spend most of that time here, getting to know the newest addition to the stable.

"I thought she would foal tonight." His deep rich voice made me jump.

"A few hours to go yet." I said flatly.

"I'm sorry Ylva" His steps were muffled by the straw floor.

"For what, Rollo? Not loving me? Breaking my heart? Or taking my virginity the night before your wedding was announced?" I rounded on him at this point and began advancing. He didn't budge an inch, just leaned against the wall and waited.

"I do love you Ylva." He reached for me and I jerked away.

"Not like you love your wife. Not like you've loved Lagertha for as long as any of us can remember. You can't love me in the same way you love them because you only see me as a child." I glared at the smile that spread across his face.

"How can I think of you as a child, little wolf? When it was me that made you a woman." Ragnar was the only one of us to ever call me by my name sake, but the way Rollo said it made a chill run up my spin. He sensed my hesitation and saw his opportunity.

"No, Rollo." I said, pushing against him was a losing battle as he pulled me to his chest.

"Why are you fighting me?" His voice was low and deep and rich, it wrapped around me like a warm winter cloak. I was young, naive, curious, and I'd loved him since I was a little girl. I turned my head away when he bent down to kiss me. The gesture exposed my neck and I gasped when he bit down on the soft flesh.

"Please." I said breathlessly as he moved up to my ear. I was as malleable as clay in his hands and he knew it. He ignored my pleas, instead taking my earlobe between his teeth. When he ran his tongue around the outer edge I couldn't help the shivers that ran up and down my spine. I felt his lips widen into a smile.

"You want me Ylva, and I want you." Hands trailed down my back to grasp my bum, he pulled me closer so I could feel his arousal and it did exactly what he wanted it to do. It filled me with longing, a dull ache began to spread across my lower abdomen.

"Why are you doing this?" I tilted my head back and looked up at him. He leaned down and whispered into my ear.

"Because you want me to." And he was right. Even though I knew I'd hate myself later. Even though his marriage was less than two days old.

"I do want you Rollo. I'll always want." I kissed him then, eagerly, almost violently. He growled low in his throat before laying me down on a pile of straw. Within seconds he was inside me, pumping in and out. I wrapped my legs around his waist pulling him closer as I moaned, withered, and panted beneath him. That encouraged him to increase the pace, and a tingling sensation began to spread throughout my groin. I grasped onto his shoulders and called out his name as I felt the tension explode between my legs. With a grunt he released himself into me, rolling to the side before looking over my shoulder with a smirk on his face.

"Ylva?" A voice sounded from the doorway.

"Ragnar" I jumped up, scanning the floor for my dress. It took me a moment to realize that Rollo was chuckling as he raised up onto his elbow, still naked and unashamed.

"Ylva?" Ragnar repeated a bit more forcefully. His hurt and disappointment made the air so thick, I could hardly breath.

"Hello, brother." Rollo's voice had an edge to it as he stepped into his pants.

"Your wife is looking for you, shall I tell her where to find you, brother?" Ragnar's mouth twitched with the hint of a smile.

"Do what you like, it won't change a thing" Rollo widened his stance.

"Her heart is not a plaything. She is not your toy." Ragnar looked as if he were ready to charge at any moment.

"What if she wants to be brother? I coaxed her, yes, but I didn't force her. She was begging me for it Ragnar, how could I refuse her? Would you?" Rollo grinned as Ragnar advanced towards him.

I was struggling to catch my breath, the room was zooming in and out of focus. Sweat rolled down my face in rivulets.

"Ylva?" Rollo walked towards me, grasping my arms. Ragnar stopped in his tracks. "Are you alright?" The concern in his voice did little to calm the rapid beating of my heart. I pushed Rollo away from me and froze when he went flying into the side of the stable.

"Ragnar, what's happening?" I turned to my best friend, the only person I could fully trust.

"I don't know Ylva." He took a step towards me.

"No." I yelled. "Stay away." I felt like my skin was melting off. The pain was so great, I thought I would die from it. Then all of a sudden it was gone and I was looking at the world from a different point of view, through different eyes and on four feet instead of two.

I was startled to find two pale blue eyes staring at me when I woke up. I smiled, marveling at the resemblance, it was like looking back in time at a young Ragnar.

"Good morning Ubbe. Didn't your father teach you not to sneak into a lady's bedchamber?" I reached out to ruffle his hair and he backed up towards the door, running into a pair legs as Ragnar turned the corner.

"Actually, I've told him to do it as often as he can." He picked Ubbe up and threw him over his shoulder. The child squealed in delight as Ragnar tickled him before swatting him on the bum and sending him running off down the hallway.

"You have handsome boys, maybe one day I'll met your eldest." I turned onto my side and rested my head in my hand. The morning sun was shining through the window, lighting up even the darkest corners of the room.

"You should have come back sooner." He sat in the chair beside the bed and leaned back, stretching his long legs out in front of him.

"I should have." I agreed with a sigh as I rolled onto my back.

"Why didn't you? You could have met Bjorn long ago, and Gyda before she was taken from us. Did you not hear of that during your wanderings?" He rested his chin on the tips of his fingers and looked at me intently. There was a hint of accusation in his voice.

"I wanted to come home sooner, but I couldn't." I sat up and leaned my back against the cold stone wall.

"Couldn't or wouldn't?" He pulled his legs in and rested his elbows on his knees.

"It's complicated."

"There's that word again. Tell me, Ylva, do you think I'm so daft that I can't understand complicated situations?" I turned my head to look at the opposite wall.

"I couldn't Ragnar. Just leave it." The chair creaked as he rose. He stood over me, taking my chin in his hand and tilting my face upward.

"Once, we told each other everything." His piercing gaze made my stomach flutter.

"I will tell you this as well, in my own time, not yours."

"That's all I ask." He stroked the side of my face with the back of his hand before letting his eyes wander down to the thin sheet that covered me.

"Is it?" I crossed my arms over my chest and he withdrew his hand.

"I would never ask anything of you that you wouldn't give willingly, Ylva." He turned to leave, closing the door quietly behind him. I let my head fall onto my knees and took deep breaths. I didn't feel anything when he touched me and I was glad he had chosen to hide his emotions from me. That way I can be sure that what I'm feeling is really coming from within my own heart. I've never allowed myself to explore my feelings towards Ragnar because of my sister's feelings for him. Plus, it was easier for me to continue things with Rollo. I knew what to expect from him and when I finally decided to leave, it was easy walking away. Ragnar would not have let me go so easily had I been sharing his bed. He deserved more than what my fickle heart could offer him. He deserved to settle down and have children,a home, a wife who loved only him, everything he ever wanted. I could give him none of those things. But now that he had his sons and another wife that wasn't my sister, he also had my attention.

The wind coming off the sea still held a bit of winter iciness. The people lining up to bid the warriors goodbye were wrapped in heavy woollen cloaks. Slaves, free people,all of the women and children, old men, even Rollo had sobered up enough to stand off to the side, by himself. Ragnar bid Aslaug and his children goodbye at the edge of the village before walking towards me.

"Have you come to a decision." He threw his arm around my shoulder and lead me towards his ship.

"My feelings are unchanged. Rollo is back in your good graces, but only just and slighting Borg was a poor decision." I said loudly, making sure I was heard as we passed Horik's ship.

"Horik would say this is men's business." His playful smile did little to ease the tension I felt.

"He will retaliate Ragnar, I don't know when or where, but he will. He's not the kind of man to take a slight insult lying down. This, was an enormous insult" I wrapped my arm around his waist as he tossed his pack onboard.

"You're right, and I know I need someone here I can trust. But I'm selfish and still wish you would come with me." I looked up to see Aslaug staring at us.

"You only wish to be with me alone, without your wife around every corner. Do you think my defenses will be so easily thwarted once we are away from her prying eyes?" Our flirtations had gotten bolder as the weeks passed by. But we had yet to give in to the temptation that wove itself between us, which was mostly my doing.

"No, I think your defenses will melt away once there is a sea between you and Him." He nodded towards Rollo, who was watching us just as intently as Aslaug. I laughed.

"He hasn't said one word to me. When I walk into a room, he walks out. He even crosses to the other side of the laneway to avoid me."

"Only because he was ashamed. He's been forgiven now. He wants to fight again and he's angry with me for not letting him. He's angry with me for having such power over his life. And let's be honest, you've never been able to resist him before, do you think can now?" The men were all onboard and they were all waiting for Ragnar, who didn't seem to be in a hurry.

"I don't belong to you Ragnar. My life and body are my own, to do with as I wish. I will promise you this. I will look after your family, your wife and sons. No harm will come to them. I swear my life on that. But I will not make a promise to you that I can't keep, so don't ask me to." His bright eyes became stormy but he smiled nonetheless and pulled me into his embrace.

"That is why I trust you, my little wolf." He kissed me on the top of my head before jumping into the boat next to me. I walked beside the ship to the end of the dock where I sat down on the edge of the pier and watched him disappear into the distance. I sat there until the sun began to sink. A sense of loneliness had fallen over me. There was no one here that I really knew, besides Rollo. I'd never been the best at making friends. The only friends I had had been with me since before I could remember and they were all sailing away. When you're a wanderer you don't become particularly close to anyone, nor are you expected to. But here things were different. Aslaug and Siggy would expect to get to know me, seeing as how I was so close to their husband and lover. The fact that the feelings that complicated our childhood had obviously spilled over into adulthood despite my long absence, didn't help matters.

"You should come in out of the cold." Helga's soft voice sounded from behind me as she sat down, letting her legs dangle off the edge on the dock.

"I will." I uncrossed my legs and let them dangle next to hers.

"Aslaug has invited you to have dinner in the main room with her and the family." Her voice was soft and airy, she was the perfect mate for Floki. Soft, pleasant, understanding. She was easy to be around, easy to talk to.

"Whose family?" The wind was beginning to pick up as the sun sank over the horizon.

"Her, the children, and Rollo." I rubbed my hands across my face and stared out at the spot I had last seen Ragnar's face, just like I'd done every evening for the past month and a half.

"I guess it would be rude to refuse yet again." I said getting up and stretching.

"You can't refuse this time. Rollo has commanded that you attend." Helga said the words slowly but I still asked her to repeat them.

"He commands me? Does he fancy himself an Earl now?" I asked for the third time.

"Yes, he commands you. I'm only the messenger, remember. He has the authority in Ragnar's absence. He seemed quite amused when he gave me the message." She placed a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"We'll see how amused he is when I'm done." I jerked away and made for the longhouse.