levi pov
How many times have I gone wrong again ?
If you asked me yesterday what I thought I'd be feeling by now, I'd tell you serenity. Serenity at finally knowing and putting it all behind.
Of course, now that I know, I Wish I hadn't asked...
Then I thought hitting Erwin would make me calmer, but now I feel like I need to pin someone and just go all out on them. Hit them, kick them, till I'd no longer be able to feel my muscles... And they would no longer be able to feel their own bones, till you couldn't even recognize them...
I don't even wish for that person to be Erwin.
I no longer want to see him.
I just wanna vent my anger on something.
Someone...
I don't do this often, actually I never do this, but I need a drink. No. Drinks.
This bar is my haven. MY place, my refuge. Everyone here knows me. So they make sure not to look my way, talk to me, not even bump into me when I appear to be in a bad mood. So now that it's obvious I shouldn't be approached by anyone no matter what, I can drink however much I want, nobody cares, nobody questions me, nobody asks unwanted questions. I just revel in the wonderful mix that is good music and alcohol relaxing my nerves...
The usual dark-haired giant comes my way, takes the empty glass and swipes the counter with a damp tissue - he knows I like it to be as clean and as shiny as possible. I don't look at him so he clears his throat and asks me- still as seemingly scared as the first time I came here.
"- A..Anything else? "
I look up. It's not enough so I have to tilt my head back to finally see his face. Fuck his height!
-"Do you need to be a fucking titan to work here?"
He flinches. And no matter how unreasonably irritated I am, I add making sure to get the bile out of my voice:
-"Another beer would be good."
He nods and walks away. I sit there waiting for my beer and my eyes roam around...
Fuck! Shit! No fucking way!
I turn around completely when my eyes catch the sight of a blond head. Fuck! Why am I even looking? My hands clench, and I my mind races as I try to com e up with ways to pretend I didn' notice him walking around. I calm down though when I recognize who I just saw. I feel silly. Of course fucking Reiner is here. He works here for fuck's sake! Oh! He's coming here...
He sees me. Nods and circumvents the U-shaped counter to get to his boyfriend. I see him silently getting close and finally wrapping his arms around the other man's waist, who lets out a yelp and manages to catch the glass he was filling -which I suppose is mine- before it crashes against the small table Behind the bar. Reiner snickers and starts kissing the nape of his boyfriend's neck, Bertholt titls his head denuding more of his pale skin and Reiner kisses a trail going from the base of his neck to just behind his ears. Bertholt moans and I see Reiner flicking his tongue before his boyfriend turns around to completely suck the muscle down his throat. I stop looking as their kiss turns more and more heated... Judging by the sounds they're making.
And I find myself spacing out... Remembering all those times I sat on his lap here. Teasing him by circling my hips as much as I could without people noticing... Appreciating his state of arousal by the size of the bulge I felt against my bottom. Squirming around until his breathing became so heaved people would start casting curious looks our way.
I'm startled out of my haze by my beer being placed right in front of me. I look up to see Reiner staring at me worriedly above Bert's shoulder. He doesn't look away, asking me -silently- if I want to talk about it. I shake my head. And Bert - who has been waiting for me to talk too- shoos his boyfriend away and they go back to their not so private affections. This would feel awkward if I didn't know them from before they got together. I swear seing them making cutesy eyes at each other feels even more like intruding on their privacy than seing them shoving their tongues down each other's throats. It didn't take long before they did, and everyone here just got used to it. Well, they weren't the only ones that didn't think anything of showing affection in public so it wasn't that big of a deal. Of course there was them, Erwin - although I complained all the time about it, I have to admit I never stopped teasing him in public, without people noticing though- Mike and his wife who wouldn't have minded taking their clothes off here and getting it on, audience or not. But they calmed down. And a couple kids we didn't know but kept making fun of... Horse- face and freckles were by far the shiest... They would make out and then blush fiercing red whenever they caught someone looking... Like they didn't fucking know... It looked cute though.
Thinking of all that made me all nostalgic and I spaced out thinking about Erwin and I here again. I turned around and looked at our usual booth. We'd be sitting there cuddled up together, sharing our food and drinks because the goof he was never could decide what to get, and I'd be reluctant to eat food that hasn't been prepared right in front of my very eyes anyway. Of course he'd make a big deal of it by feeding me or forcing me to eat. Which would get us - no me, he didn't really care- eternally teased by Mike and Hanji who would be complaining all evening about being the only single one in our group. I can still see the scene unfold in front of me right now... And no matter how much wrath has feel boiling inside me since I've last seen him, I can't help smiling at how carefree we used to look.
I freeze though when I actually hear us, no them talking. Mike's voice rings in the now calm bar. I focus on the group before me and my eyes zoom in on the tall blond man sitting morosely in his usual place looking just as dazed as I suppose I did a few seconds ago...
Fuck!
I violently turn around. I swallow my drink in one gulp and scream at Bertholt.
-" hey there, giant! Quit sucking tongue and come get me another drink"
He nods and comes my way only to be stopped by his smirking lover and pulled down into another fervent kiss...
I look down to see my hands trembling. My beer gets here, and I order a scotch for the next round. All through the night, I focus on my drinks. I'm not fucking going to run away just because he's here. I'll only get out when I get my fill.
I can feel his stare on my back and looking at Bert's apprehesive but still caring look I'm finally too disgusted - and far too conscious of him to bare with it for even another second.
I tell the couple to put it all on my tab and rush out the door...
Or at least I thought I did. But I end up with my head buzzing after violently bumping into a jaw... Aaargh. I look up for the milionth time this night to stare into big teel green curious eyes,my ears ringing from the crash.
Ugh... My head hurts... No wonder With all the booze I had last night...
I push off my pillow and my hand immediately rushes to my night-table. I always have head-ache medecine and a glass of water prepared for when I wake up with a hangover... Erwin made sure of that.
My thoughts stop at the name though. And my sudden good mood -despite having a major headache- just morphs into my currently permanent depressive state of mind.
My eyes roam around as I pull myself up and I realize this really isn't my house... I never would fucking leave laundry on the floor. And you never would see this amount of dust on my headboard, night-table or even sniff it in the air... Ugh... I walk out the filthy room to find myself in an equally filthy and un-tidy living room. As I look around, I see a head of brown hair on the couch... Guess a man brought me here last night.I was drunk so I can't say I remember what happened. I sniff myself and don't catch the smell of puke ... At least I didn't throw my guts up. My clothes smell of sleep though and I can't wait to take them off.
I write down a simple "thanks" on a paper I found lying around and go home.
You might think that's cruel but the fucker should be grateful I didn't kick him awake and force him to clean up first thing in the morning.
All those thoughts about cleaning and the tension from last night get me even more frustrated and as soon as I get home I throw my clothes in the hamper . I don't bother changing into clean ones and just wear the first thing I find. A white button up that I don't bother buttoning... Then I start on cleaning my immaculate home. It may be useless but it calms me down. And right now I just wanna give my mind a fucking rest!
My eyes fall on a green -no blue- familiar gem-like something hanging from the window knob and I get closer slowly. My heart races as I recognize the emerald bolo-tie. Of course the bastard would leave his bolo-tie here! I can't fucking take a rest without a some kind of reminder.
I space out swearing and cussing at the man to only snap back to the room when I feel my fingers pressed on my lips then unconsciously on the green cristal.
End of chapter 6.
took some time and this chapter is almost a filler but other characters needed to be introduced so ... Hope u enjoyed it.^^