There is a moment in which Hiei does not know what Kurama will do. He almost expects Kurama to turn around with that gentle smile on his face, laughing at the idea that they would believe Yomi. Or maybe he'll whirl around and ask Yomi what he gains by attempting to trick his friends.
He expects Kurama to deny it. He does not know if he would believe that denial, but everything he knows about Kurama predicts that he will dance away from this, the way he dances from anything so intensely personal.
Kurama's eyes are still as hard as emeralds as he turns to face Yomi. "If you wish to discuss this, perhaps your office would be a better location."
Yomi nods his assent, and the two head briskly down the hallway. Kurama does not even glance back to make sure the three boys are following him. Every line of his body is as hard as his eyes, and Hiei is unsure for a moment that he recognizes the fox. Some part of him clings to the fact that Kurama has not quite confirmed Yomi's statement yet. But now he wonders, if the Kurama he saved was the same that he lost.
Obviously, the three follow Kurama and Yomi to Yomi's office. When they enter the room, Yomi has seated himself behind his desk, and Kurama leans against the wall across from the desk. He doesn't acknowledge them as they enter the room, all his focus on the demon in front of him. Hiei feels like punching something. He grinds his teeth as he takes up his customary pose on the windowsill.
Yomi doesn't speak until the door is shut. "I am surprised at you, Kurama."
"I had no intention of denying what has happened," Kurama says, cutting to the chase. "I simply thought that there was no point in informing the entire world." There's something bitter in that.
"Wait, I'm confused," Kuwabara suddenly says, "what do you mean Youko Kurama is in control? I thought he was always in control?"
"You really don't listen when other people talk, do you, fool?" Hiei's ready for a fight, and Kuwabara's an old punching bag.
"Shuddup runt!" Kuwabara shouts, just as ready to turn this into a punch-up. "That's why we call him Kurama, ain't it?"
"Idiot," Hiei snarls. "Do you need everything spelled out for you?"
"Why you –"
"Hiei, either explain or stop antagonizing him," Kurama sighs. Hiei's eyes dart to Kurama's, because that's what he expected Kurama to say. Kurama's face is still hard and blank, but for a moment Hiei thinks maybe there is something in his eyes, some remnant of the Kurama he knew. It's just a moment, before his eyes turn cold again. Hiei bristles.
He feels like someone's stabbed him somewhere, but he can't figure out where. It keeps moving, from his throat to his chest to his stomach. He wants to tell Kurama to explain it to the idiot his damn self, but he can't, quite. It's what he would have done, were this any other situation. But it is this situation, and Kurama – Kurama isn't Kurama. He thinks he doesn't want to hear Youko Kurama's account of – of his Kurama. "When Youko Kurama died, he wasn't strong enough to fully possess his human host. Our – the Kurama that we knew was not a possessed human, but a merger between a human and a demon mind."
"So, wait, then, what're you?" Kuwabara asks, pointing to Kurama.
"I am Youko Kurama," Kurama replies.
"So then how do you know us?" Kuwabara's got that tone in his voice that says that he doesn't get this and his brain is starting to hurt.
Kurama sighs. "Perhaps I should start from the beginning." Hiei snorts and rolls his eyes. "For the past twenty years, my mind has been merged with the human, Minamino Shuichi's. Together, we were," something catches in Kurama's voice, "we formed the person that you knew. Individually, we each retain all of the memories that – that your Kurama experienced."
"Wait, was Kurama – was it just the two of you making decisions together, deciding what came out of Kurama's mouth? Like two brains with one body?" Kuwabara's voice is edging on hysterical, he's so confused.
"Not quite," Kurama says. His head tilts down, and his eyes are shadowed by his bangs. It's a hiding tactic. "Together we – we formed something else. Someone else. One, new personality." His voice is carefully blank, and Hiei has to wonder if this Kurama misses that Kurama as much as anyone.
"What did he do to you?" Everyone's attention turns to Yusuke, who has been oddly silent through most of this. He is visibly shaking, and he's clearly trying to keep a tight hold on his aura. He looks like he's about to explode.
"Yusuke," Kurama starts, but Yusuke cuts him off.
"What. Did. He. Do. To. You." Yusuke bites out. Kurama swallows and turns away from him.
Kurama breathes in deeply before beginning the story. "He was Karasu's son." The temperature in the room drops a few degrees. "He aimed to avenge his father. I think you can surmise many of his tactics." Hiei blinks back the image of the wall of torture devices before he starts to lose control as well. They already had enough problems. "He was able to grasp the distinction between myself, Minamino, and your Kurama. He knew which one defeated his father, and therefore which he sought to utterly destroy. He settled for torturing the other two."
"He tried to kill you," Hiei points out.
Kurama smiles mirthlessly. "He aimed to hurt you with that, I believe. He had already done his damage to me."
"How?" Yusuke growls. "How did he destroy our Kurama?"
"He made it impossible for Minamino and I to remain merged," Kurama says, quietly, as though he were discussing the weather. He's trying very hard to appear unaffected. Hiei wonders whose benefit that's for.
"Why did he wait so long to take his revenge?" Yomi is perhaps the only calm voice left in the room. Kurama's can't be called calm, not quite, because it is so carefully controlled. Kurama is hiding strong emotions behind a veil of blankness, as he usually does.
"It is not easy to split merged minds. He needed power he did not possess." A chill runs down Hiei's spine.
"What power?" He can't stop himself from asking.
Kurama hesitates before replying. "He had a Jagan implanted." Hiei's eyes go wide and he bites down a swear.
"He must have wanted revenge very much," Yomi mutters. It's a long way to go.
"What happened to our Kurama?" Yusuke has stopped shaking, but not in a good way. Rather, he's gone deathly still.
"He's dead." Kurama's voice is flat and unwavering. He doesn't hesitate, he doesn't try to soften the blow at all.
"What!?" Kuwabara screeches. "That can't be! We – we made it! We saved you!"
"And I am not him." Kurama's voice doesn't change. "He is lost to you."
"But –"
Yomi cuts Kuwabara off. "What do you plan to do now?"
"With all due respect, my friend, I do not think I owe you that." Kurama's eyes shine, hard and cold. If Yomi could still see, they'd be staring one another down.
Something occurs to Hiei. "Your youki was bound," he says, carefully.
Kurama turns the cold stare on him. "Yes."
"And yet you killed Karasu's son." Kurama stares Hiei down, and Hiei knows he's hit upon something Kurama didn't want to talk about.
"Yeah, what was up with that?" Yusuke throws in, stepping towards Kurama. Kurama's eyes flash to Yusuke, and he knows that he won't be able to avoid this question, not without a fight.
"I didn't kill him." He speaks slowly and carefully, watching each word as he says it.
"Looked pretty dead to me," Yusuke says.
"I didn't kill him," he repeats. "Shuichi did."
Those two words drop like stones, and the temperature drops with them.
"Shuichi's still alive?" Yusuke breathes.
"You relinquished control to a human?" If he still had them, Yomi's eyes would gleam.
"Wait, if Shuichi's still around, and you're still around, why is Kurama dead?" Kuwabara wonders aloud, unable to stop himself.
"Minamino and I –" Kurama falters for a moment. "A merger is no longer possible."
"Why not?" Yusuke demands.
Kurama grinds his teeth, the conversation breaking through his pretense of calm. "A merger is no longer possible," he repeats, his eyes flashing. Hiei knows he wants them to leave it at that, but Kurama's a fool if he thinks they're going to just let this go.
"Why?" Hiei pushes forward. "What did he do?"
Kurama is breathing heavily now, in and out rapidly, and suddenly his eyes shine a different way, as tears begin to form. But his face is still hard as stone, and if it weren't for the hyperventilation, he would look like an immovable statue. "He tore us apart. He made it so Shuichi – so Minamino could never stand to speak to me again, let alone share a mindspace. He pushed every boundary, tore down every wall I erected, shattered twenty years of –" He cuts himself off, clearly cursing himself for the break in his reticence. Hiei just stares, wide eyed, because he never dreamed of seeing his Kurama like this, let alone Youko Kurama, legendary for his cold control. He wants to kill the demon who did this all over again.
"Kurama," Yusuke says, rage half replaced by something softer, something sadder. His hand twitches like he wants to reach out to Kurama, but this is not his Kurama either. Kurama doesn't quite flinch, but he can't seem to get his breathing under control again.
"Perhaps taking a step back might help," Yomi murmurs from across the room. Hiei and Yusuke realize suddenly how close they have gotten to Kurama, how they boxed him in physically until he could no longer evade them verbally. In the blink of an eye, Hiei is back on the windowsill. Yusuke startles and takes a few steps back, giving Kurama the space to catch his breath.
There's a horrible, brutal silence in the room as Kurama gets his breath back under control, as his huffs and puffs fade to the quiet breath they are used to. Hiei keeps his eyes on the view out of the window the entire time.
After a very long moment, Kurama breaks the silence. "If that is all –"
"How late?" Kuwabara suddenly asks, like he couldn't keep it in any longer.
"What?" Kurama says, startled.
"How late were we?" There's a tremble in Kuwabara's voice that might be rage but sounds more like bitten back tears. "To save him?"
Kurama's gaze doesn't quite soften; his eyes are still sparkling, dark emeralds. But something in his face or his body or simply his demeanor changes at this question. A breath whooshes out of him like he's been punched. "I don't know." His voice is blank, but quieter than before. Not quite a whisper, but similar enough. Hiei watches Kurama's reflection swallow back any strong emotions. "Some time." Kuwabara's jaw and fists clench at that, but Kurama doesn't flinch at that. He closes his eyes, before saying, "I'm sorry."
Hiei knows that Youko Kurama lies like he breathes, but here he believes him. He feels fire dance under his skin, before clamping down on his aura. An imagined stab wound throbs in his chest.
"Why did he not kill you before?" Yomi asks, quietly, perhaps trying to steer the conversation back into safer territory. "It would appear he had you at his mercy."
Kurama's eyes remain closed. "I don't know."
There is something in the way that Yomi's ears twitch that makes Hiei doubt the truth of that.
Yusuke turns and punches the wall, hard enough to crack it. Kurama almost manages to hide his flinch. "This fucking sucks!" Yusuke yells.
Kurama takes a step towards Yomi. "If that is all," he says, trailing off.
"It was an honor to see you again, my friend," Yomi says quietly. Hiei almost snorts at the ridiculousness of it, but Kurama just nods. Without another word or a glance at his friends, Kurama leaves the office. Hiei watches his reflection go.
"What do we do?" Kuwabara asks after Kurama leaves. "What do we tell people?"
Kuwabara didn't really want answers so much as he just needed to ask, but Yomi gives answers anyway. "Take him to Genkai."
"How can the old bat help?" Yusuke snorts.
Yomi turns his attention fully on Yusuke, who shifts uncomfortalbly. "Take him. To Genkai," he repeats. "Do not leave him alone." Yusuke shrugs noncommittally, not liking being ordered around. "Promise me," Yomi says, quietly, and it's not an order anymore, it's a request. If Hiei didn't know any better, he'd almost call it a plea.
"Yeah," Yusuke agrees, voice a little ragged.
"Hey, uh, guys? Do you think maybe we should go after him?" Kuwabara asks, realizing how much time has passed since Kurama left the room. Hiei bites back a curse and takes off after his not-friend.
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Hiei catches up with him long before Kurama makes it out of the fortress. He follows behind him, keeping his eyes on the fox. Hiei's aura is blazing so brightly, he's certain both the oaf and Yusuke will be able to find him shortly.
Kurama does not speak, does not slow, gives no indication that he is paying any attention to the fire demon following him. All his attention seems to be focused on getting out.
Eventually the other two catch up with them, but still no words are said. Everyone's eyes are on Kurama's tense form as they exit the main gate. It's not until they reach the forest again that the tension in his shoulders eases a bit as he breathes a deep sigh. Hiei's chest throbs for a moment as Kurama leans heavily against a tree, his face still bruised and battered and so, so tired.
"You okay?" Kuwabara asks, stepping towards Kurama but not getting too close.
"I will be fine," Kurama says, but his eyes slide shut and he makes no move to stop leaning against the tree. "Before we return - …" he tapers off, breathing deeply in and out a few more times. Hiei feels the forest breathe with Kurama, feels Kurama pull power, no, not power, strength, he pulls strength from the surrounding plants. Strength for the next conversation he has to have. "What does my mo – What does Shiori know?"
Yusuke kicks at the ground awkwardly. "She's the one who figured out you were missing."
"Ah," Kurama says, eyes still closed, smiling a small, sad, painful smile. "I was afraid of that." He breathes in one more time before opening his eyes. They are calm, focused, but not as hard as they were in Yomi's fortress. If Hiei's heart beat regularly, it would skip a beat; it's the same look Kurama, his Kurama, always had before going into battle. "I assume you have told her nothing?" The question is directed straight at Yusuke.
"Just that we were looking for you," Yusuke says, recognizing Kurama's look as well.
"Good," Kurama says as he pushes himself off the tree and begins to walk again.
"Wait, what're you gonna tell her?" Kuwabara half yells after him.
"Whatever it is, will you go along with it?" Kurama asks, not even glancing over his shoulder.
"Well, yeah, I mean, it's your mom or whatever," Kuwabara says, clearly not wanting to get into the complicated relationship between Kurama and his mother.
"Then it should not matter," Kurama says.
Only, Hiei thinks as they pick their way through the brush to a portal to the human world, it's not actually his mother. His chest throbs again.
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He knows he's being callous. He is, of course, doing it on purpose. These people do not actually know him, he reminds himself. While he may know them, may consider them friends, he is not the person they sought to rescue. He cannot help but wonder if they would prefer to have him or Shuichi, can't help but wonder which one of the two comes closer to the Kurama that they lost. He wonders which one of the two they would prefer to keep.
These are not helpful thoughts. They are not useful or productive, and, perhaps, in another life, he could have pushed them away. Perhaps at one time he had the mental fortitude, the control, to put these thoughts in a box, lock them behind a wall, and not have to deal with them. But even now he feels the effects of the mental torture, feels what Karasu's son has wrought, and he knows that there is damage. He may be able to walk on his own two feet, he may even be able to defend himself if asked, but he is not well. He is not whole. He knows this.
It's not the first time he's been tortured, he reminds himself, angry at himself. He'll heal.
No, it isn't the first time he's been tortured.
But it is the first time Shuichi has.
He feels the lack, more than anything else. He feels the lack of Shuichi keenly. He feels Shuichi, curled tight in a space that is not quite the back of his mind, but rather a place utterly removed from his mind. He feels the space between their consciousnesses, a void he will never be able to cross.
He keeps walking.
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Yusuke doesn't know how to feel. He wants to punch something. He wants to cry. He wants to kill Karasu and his fucking son all over again. He wants to go back in time and get to Kurama in time. All he can do is keep following not-quite-Kurama, keep his eyes locked on the figure of someone who looks just like his friend but isn't.
It's not that he hasn't lost people before, it's just that – well, he hasn't really lost people before. Even Genkai came back from the dead, and a small part of him feels as though something like that has to happen again, because – because Kurama can't just be gone. That's not how it works. Yusuke saves the day, that's just what he does. Or things work out on their own, Kurama doesn't just die.
And if he did – if Kurama had died, was actually dead, wasn't some not-quite version of himself, then something could be done. A deal could be made with Koenma, maybe, probably, or something. Yusuke could have won a tournament, made a wish, something.
But Kurama isn't dead, not quite, not really, he's still there, just not himself. The only Kurama that's dead is, well, Yusuke's Kurama. The dull ache that's been in his chest spreads to the rest of his body.
Genkai, he thinks, remembering his promise to Yomi. Just get him to Genkai.
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Kurama hesitates when they reach the portal. It's slight, just a moment, so small that Hiei is the only one who catches it. But he hesitates. Hiei files that away with all the other weird things this Kurama has done.
Kurama is the first through the portal, the other three still just following him, just watching him. Kuwabara is actually the one right behind him, scared that if they don't follow closely they'll lose Kurama on the other side. Scared that he'll take off without them. Yusuke follows, and then Hiei. Hiei hates the journey to the human world, still not used to the idea that he can come and go as he pleases, but he takes it. For Kurama.
He reaches the other side only to trip over the other three idiots who somehow wound up in a pile on the ground.
"What the fuck?" Yusuke shouts as Hiei comes crashing down on top of him. "What just happened?"
"It's the oaf's fault," Hiei says as he pulls himself up. Kurama lets out a groan from the bottom of the pile, and in a moment Hiei has shoved the other two off of him. Kurama's injured, after all. Plus, shoving Kuwabara is always fun.
"Hey you little shrimp!" Kuwabara shouts as he slams into the ground for the second time in five minutes. "It's not my fault at all! Kurama's the one who just stopped in front of the portal!" Hiei's eyes flicker to Kurama's still prone form, worried.
"Are you alright, Kurama?" Yusuke asks, voice somewhere between agitated and worried, as he scrambles to his knees, perching at Kurama's side.
Kurama takes a moment before he answers in a strained voice, "I am fine, thank you." There's something off, and Hiei goes to help him to his feet, thinking perhaps Kurama has overdone it. He wouldn't put it past Youko to not tell them that he needed help, not wanting to show weakness. He goes to grab Kurama's arm to help pull him up, but Kurama flinches away from his touch. His mind flashes back to Kurama, beaten and bloody and tied to a chair, flinching away from him. He can't retract his hand fast enough.
Kurama stumbles getting to his feet on his own, and finds himself leaning on Kuwabara again. Yusuke, noting Kurama's reaction to Hiei, steps back and lets Kuwabara handle it.
"What happened, Kurama? Why were you just standing there?" Kuwabara asks, looking to see if there's any more visible damage, if maybe they missed something. He's sunk back into that injured kitten voice, still gruff but surprisingly gentle.
Kurama swallows and averts his eyes. "It's nothing. We should keep moving." There's something different about Kurama's voice, about the way he's using it.
"It's clearly not nothing!" Yusuke exclaims. "Look, if you're hurt, we can carry you or something, but you shouldn't further injure yourself, idiot!"
"I assure you, I am not injured," Kurama says, still not looking at any of them. "And I do not think we should keep my mother waiting any longer."
Something clicks into place for Hiei. "Shuichi," he says.
Kurama stops breathing.
"What?" Yusuke asks, frustrated with Kurama. "What the fuck does Shuichi have to do with anything?"
Hiei takes a step towards Kurama, his voice carefully controlled. "You're not Youko Kurama anymore, are you?"
There's a long, still moment as Yusuke and Kuwabara finally catch his meaning.
Then, Kurama – no. Then, Shuichi draws in a long, shuddering breath, before finally meeting Hiei's gaze. "Not quite," he says, quietly. His eyes aren't softer than Kurama's so much as they're younger. "It's nice to finally meet you, Hiei."