Shuichi smiles, he smiles Kurama's gentle smile, but his eyes don't change. Hiei is struck by how young he looks. He's never seen Kurama's face look so young. Kurama had always looked timeless, somehow. Outside of time.
Shuichi turns his smile towards his other two companions. "And of course, you as well, Yusuke." He nods to Yusuke. "Kuwabara." Kuwabara blinks, unsure of what to say. Youko Kurama was something he had understood. If nothing else, he knew demons by now. But there's something about Minamino Shuichi that is unlike anything any of them have ever encountered.
Yusuke just stares. He can't talk. His mind can't even formulate sounds anymore. He is entirely unequipped to deal with this situation.
"Did you take control?" Hiei asks. There's an unspoken, Or were you given it? He had assumed they would be dealing with Youko Kurama entirely. He had thought – he didn't know what exactly he'd thought, because the idea of having to deal with the human half of Kurama had never really occurred to him. The idea that Shuichi could wrest power from Youko Kurama was just as ridiculous as the idea that Youko would give him control willingly.
Shuichi's smile is frozen in place; it doesn't change. "I thought that perhaps it would be better for me to speak to my mother." There's something untrue in that, something that he's hiding, because Kurama never smiles like that unless he's hiding something. Hiei's breath catches in his throat, because, of course, this is Kurama's Shuichi smile. It's his Hello, yes, I am the perfect son, perfect student, perfect human Shuichi smile. He doesn't know how to deal with that. He doesn't know how to deal with Shuichi. Seeing things in Youko that resemble his Kurama was something he could handle, because of course Kurama resembled Youko. He knows Youko, or at least he knows of him. He knows the stories, the legends that made him seek out Kurama in the first place. Youko is somewhat of a known entity.
But this – this – this human smiling coolly back at him is someone he knows nothing of. He doesn't know how much of Minamino Shuichi was a creation of his Kurama and how much actually existed. Minamino Shuichi has never existed on his own, never been his own being before. Merged from birth with Youko Kurama, who knows what this human is like?
That phantom stab wound throbs again. Hiei had made it his mission to understand all he could about Kurama, to be the best partner he could be, but he knows nothing about this human who wears Kurama's face. He feels the fire dance under his skin again and finds he can't quite breathe. He takes a step away from that gentle smile, averts his eyes, pretends he is done with his questioning rather than admit his panic.
Yusuke blurts out the first words his mind can form. "What the fuck?"
Shuichi turns to look at him and tilts his head. "You are surprised?"
"We – We thought – " Yusuke struggles to find a way to phrase this, a way to make it make sense.
"You thought that I could not take control," Shuichi states calmly, still smiling that awful smile. "You assumed that I only gained control before because Yo – because his youki was bound."
"Well yeah!" Yusuke practically shouts. "I mean, he's Youko Kurama. He's not exactly the type to –" Yusuke cuts himself off as he takes in Shuichi's face. His smile hasn't wavered, hasn't changed, but something in his eyes has shut down at the mention of Youko Kurama's name. There's a further distance there. The distant, cold eyes and the cruel, frozen, gentle smile is a terrifying combination.
"You forget that this is my body, not his." Shuichi's tone is as gentle as his smile and Yusuke has to fight down a shiver. "I understand that we have never properly met, but you should really know not to underestimate me. He was more than happy to step down for the moment." Yusuke gulps at that. Shuichi turns to Kuwabara, who is still supporting him. His eyes lose a bit of their distance, but his smile is still frozen in place. "Now, if you wouldn't mind helping me to my mother's house. I'm afraid I find myself incapable of getting there on my own."
"Uh … Yeah!" Kuwabara says, still a little confused about everything that just happened. But he understands the shaking of Shuichi's legs, he understands that someone who is kind of his friend is unable to walk on his own, and he understands the need to go inform Shiori of all that has happened. So he pushes his doubts aside and helps Shuichi out of the alley the portal had dropped them in and towards the train that will take them to Shuichi's part of town.
Yusuke and Hiei hang back for a moment, staring after their friend and this strange new being with shaking legs, a gentle smile, and their friend's face.
"How –" Yusuke starts, before having to pause and clear his throat. "How much of Kur – of our Kurama was him, do you think?"
Hiei doesn't say anything, but his chest throbs in response. He bites his cheek, schools his face into a scowl, and follows after the other two. Yusuke watches him go. He swallows harshly and scrubs at his face with his hand. After a long moment getting himself together, he follows as well.
There's so many emotions swirling in Yusuke he can't get his head on straight. He's never been the best at emotions, usually expressing his through yelling or snark. This whole situation isn't his strong suit, it's so far out of his ballpark he can't even see the stadium. He wants – he wants his Kurama back. Kurama had always been the emotional balance of the group, the one who could diffuse a fight with one well timed comment or raised eyebrow. Kurama was the brains, the problem solver, the planner, the mature one. The group didn't work without him. Only the desperate search for Kurama had kept them from killing each other over the past few weeks.
Of course, the problem was that they weren't even really a group anymore. They were his best friends, the people he had relied on through all the toughest times of his life, but this was the most time he'd spent with them in maybe two years. Since his marriage to Keiko, he'd retreated. Kuwabara was so busy studying to become a vet, so busy with school, and Hiei had been locked away in the Makai for ages, and yeah, maybe the barrier was down, but it still wasn't like you could just pop over to the Makai for a couple hours, and besides he had work for Mukuro all the time, and Kurama – Kurama had gone off to his big fancy university to be the perfect Minamino Shuichi. Yusuke, he'd … well, he'd kind of resented that. He'd resented that Kurama was so good at being human, so impressive, when Yusuke, well, wasn't. There was Kurama, perfect and wonderful and loved by all, on a full scholarship and dazzling everyone with his brilliance, and then there was Yusuke, who barely graduated high school and couldn't even make his marriage work. And yeah, maybe he'd saved the world a few times, maybe he was the best fighter in three worlds, but that was demon world stuff, spirit world stuff. Kurama was just so much better at being human than him.
To see Kurama like this, shattered apart, to meet the human half that he'd resented … he didn't know what to do. He didn't know how to deal with Minamino Shuichi, he'd never known how to deal with him.
He feels the countless, nameless emotions swirl around him as they wait on the train, Shuichi seated and leaning against Kuwabara still. He can feel Hiei's discomfort at being confined, but he can't focus on it, can't focus on anything except these feeling he can't parse. He wants his Kurama back. The Kurama who could help him through this, who could talk him through this, who could take him apart with one glance and knew how to calm him down before he'd known he needed calming.
Youko Kurama had said that his Kurama was dead, but he didn't know how to accept that. There'd been a spark of hope, earlier, when Kuwabara had pointed out that both Youko and Shuichi still existed. He hadn't been able to think about it yet, but it'd been there at the back of his mind. Get him to Genkai. Both halves were still there. Get him to Genkai.
Genkai could fix it. Genkai could always fix it.
But now – now that he's actually met Shuichi, now that he's felt that cold, distant anger that he'd thought was exclusively Youko's, now that he's realized how little he actually knows about this half of Kurama – he doesn't know anymore.
Just get him to Genkai, he thinks, hardening his resolve. Just get him to Genkai.
-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-
It takes them a little over 45 minutes to reach Shiori's house. Shuichi stands and stares at it for a moment, his face blank and his breath caught in his chest and his eyes so young. None of them knows how to deal with this. Slowly, Shuichi detaches himself from Kuwabara, standing firmly on his own two feet for the first time. His knees still quiver a bit from the strain, but he's steady. He takes a deep breath, and then walks through the gate. His head is high and he strides to the door, knocking sharply three times. The three boys hang behind at the gate, unsure if they are supposed to come.
"Just a moment," Shiori's voice calls from within. Shuichi swallows and blinks a few times. He rolls his shoulders back once, then squares them.
Shiori opens the door wearing a flour streaked apron, and it takes her a moment to process the sight in front of her. Shuichi doesn't say anything, doesn't move, doesn't breathe. Yusuke watches Shiori's face and wonders if they should have gone to Genkai first, should have set about healing Kurama's – Shuichi's face, so his mother didn't have to see this. A sob tears its way from her throat, and then her arms are around her son, and maybe it was right that they came here first.
Shuichi stands, frozen, for a moment. Then, tentatively, his arms wrap around his mother, hugging her tightly to him, and then his shoulders are hitching like he's crying the same way she is, which can't be possible, because none of them have ever seen anyone with Kurama's face cry. It looks wrong, it feels wrong, and it hits all three of them right in the gut.
Shuichi buries his face in his mother's hair and pulls her in as close as he can.
They stand there for a very long time. Yusuke has no clue how long the two hug, nor how long he stands there watching them, swallowing down memories of his mother after he died. Eventually, Shiori is the first one to pull away to gaze up at her son's face, at his beaten and battered face. Her eyes are still glistening with tears as she brings her hand up to trace the edge of the largest bruise. "Are you alright?" she breathes out, almost too quiet for the three at the gate to hear.
Shuichi hesitates, unsure how to answer. Yusuke watches the thought of lying, of nodding and just saying yes, occur to him, and he watches him throw it away. "No," Shuichi says, his voice full of the tears that Yusuke reads in the line of his shoulders and the hitch of his breath.
Shiori smiles tearfully at her son, and takes his hand. "Come," she says, and leads him into the house. He allows her to tug him into his childhood home, and relaxing slightly for the first time since they found him. They watch him go, watch him and Shiori disappear into the house, leaving the front door open. Yusuke and Kuwabara glance at one another as Hiei clenches his fists, all of them unsure if they are supposed to follow. Yusuke knows what he'd like to do, of course, but if Kur – if Shuichi wants to be alone with his mom, after all that's happened, do any of them have the right to deny him that?
Before they can come to any conclusions, Shiori's head pokes out of the doorway. Still smiling, still crying, she calls out to them, "Come in!" The depth of emotion on her face throws all of them for a loop for a moment, before they obediently file into the house.
Yusuke's only ever been to Kurama's house like once before, and he'll admit to sneaking in through the window that time. Of course, he's met Shiori, he met her in the hospital and then Kurama took him to her wedding as well, but he's never been very comfortable around her. She's not the kind of person he's used to; she's a really good mom, and that kind of freaks him out.
He's not alone. Hiei's been to Kurama's house more times than he can count, but he's never exactly been invited in before. There was always a sort of open invitation, expressed through Kurama's unlocked bedroom window. But he's never come in through the front door, and he's always avoided Shiori. Something in him screams to run away, to stay outside and come back later, but he steels himself against it. Besides, he wants to know how Shuichi will explain this to his mother.
Kuwabara, the only one who's never been to the house, is, ironically, the most comfortable. He understands Shiori, understands the connection between her and Kurama. His home might not've been the exact same, but there was a similar depth of feeling there, between him and Shizuru. He makes himself right at home on the couch.
Yusuke and Hiei hang back, taking note of Shiori's bustling in the kitchen. Shuichi perches on the edge of a chair at a dining table, his focus entirely on his mother. He doesn't spare a glance for anyone else. Yusuke winds up half lounging on the couch next to Kuwabara, trying to look like he's comfortable. (He doesn't look comfortable, he looks so incredibly uncomfortable it's almost funny.) Hiei positions himself near a window and remains standing.
Shiori enters after a bit, carrying a tray of mugs. "Jasmine tea," she says, handing one off to her son first, then making the rounds of the others. Even Hiei accepted a mug, though more out of confusion than anything else.
Shuichi smiles softly. "To help reduce swelling," he murmurs, his hands clenching tightly around the mug for a moment before returning to his looser grip.
Shiori watches this with a sad fondness in her eyes, at once overjoyed to see her son again, and yet clearly hurt by what has happened to him. After a moment, she sits down in the armchair next to the couch, turns to Yusuke, and says, "You must be Yusuke. The one I spoke to."
Yusuke blinks for a moment, thrown by her attention. "Uh, yeah," he answers dumbly.
Shiori's eyes are still glistening as she grabs his hand and stares him down, the depth of gratitude in her face almost scaring him. "Thank you," she says, "for brining my son back." She smiles at him, and Yusuke's gaze darts to Shuichi, because he doesn't know what to say to that. As far as he's concerned, he hasn't brought her son back. He's brought back someone entirely new. But maybe he has, maybe he's brought her real son back for the first time in his life. Does Youko count as her son? Does she count as raising him? He finds no answers in Shuichi's guarded face. Shiori squeezes his hand tightly before releasing it and turning towards Kuwabara and Hiei. "Am I right in assuming that you two helped as well?"
Kuwabara stares for a second, before nodding. Hiei blinks and finds himself shrugging. Shiori doesn't need to say thank you this time, because the words shine in her face so clearly. Neither of the boys knows what to do as an awkward silence descends over the room, like maybe they should have said something, but they don't know what to say. Hiei's eyes flicker to Shuichi, whose still only has eyes for his mother.
"So," she says, putting down her mug on the coffee table and turning towards her son, "what happened?"
He meets her gaze from across the room, and Yusuke, Kuwabara, and Hiei, all trapped in the crossfire, feel the weight of it. Hiei wonders what lie he'll pick, because no part of Kurama could actually tell Shiori. He's certain of that, if nothing else.
Shuichi slowly puts down his mug, tilting his head slightly so that his bangs shadow his eyes. He lets the question hang in the air for another moment, before quietly answering. "I had a nervous breakdown."
Processing that takes a moment for everyone. Hiei has to admit, that's not the lie he thought Shuichi'd go with.
"What?" Shiori breathes, after a moment.
Shuichi keeps his eyes in shadow, his hands clenched around his mug, every part of him the picture of a sad, embarrassed son confessing to his mother. "I – The work began to increase, and removed as I was from home, from family and friends, I – I found myself increasingly incapable of achieving what needed to be done. Having never experienced this before, I didn't know what to do. I – Disappointing you – Asking for help – Having to ask for help for the first time –" Shuichi cuts himself off with a harsh swallow, his hands on the mug shaking. You had to commend him for his performance, even the three fighters were almost buying it. "I couldn't face it," he almost whispers, shoulders hunching up towards his ears, his body conveying shame and disappointment and fear.
"You ran away," Shiori says, not quite asking a question but not quite making a statement either. It's more of a realization; she'd never considered that option. No matter what the police had implied, she knew her son would never.
Shuichi lets his head drop further with a pained wince. "Yes," he says, speaking just as softly as his mother.
Hiei's watched Kurama tell a lot of lies. He wonders if Kurama's pride came from Youko alone, or if admitting this fault is hurting Shuichi the way it would Kurama. Kurama was perfectly willing to trick people into underestimating him, as long as he eventually found his own way to correct that mistake. But he knows how important the perfect son persona was to Kurama. He knows it wasn't just Kurama's pride that made him need to shine, to excel the way he did. Kurama had few qualms about lying to Shiori, but this lie would have killed him.
Kuwabara watches Shiori. He watches the shape of her eyes, the way her eyebrows draw together, and he thinks of all the lies he'd told Shizuru, of the way she'd looked when she'd believed him, and of the way she'd looked when she hadn't.
Shiori pulls herself up and off of the armchair and crosses the room to sit across the table from her son. She coaxes the mug he's clutching out of his hands before letting him clutch onto hers instead. No other part of Shuichi's body moves as he lets her do this, head still hung and shoulders still hunched. She strokes her thumbs across his knuckles as he clings to her as tightly as he will allow himself. "It's okay," she tells him, warm and kind and accepting. "It's okay." His hands spasm in hers, clutching her tighter than he should, tighter than she should know he can, just for a moment. Her thumb doesn't pause in its movements. "What happened next?"
Shuichi draws in a shuddering breath before continuing his lie. "I had to get away. I couldn't face – disappointing you. Or myself. I left the city." He pauses there, swallowing back tears. It is impossible to tell if he is faking or not, Yusuke decides, because he hasn't seen Kurama, let alone Shuichi, cry enough to know. "I – I fell in with a bad crowd," he says, watching each word he says. He doesn't elaborate.
Shiori blinks back tears as well. "There's more to this," she says, softly, "which you will tell me later." Shuichi hesitates, then nods slowly. "What shall we do now?" she asks. "Would you like to stay here?"
Yusuke panics for a second, because no, no, no, they have to get him to Genkai, but thankfully Shuichi lifts his head slightly to shake it. "I think staying outside of the city would be – better for me, right now," he says, eyes still down cast but tears banished for now. They can hear the emotion of the past hour in the thickness of Shuichi's voice. "Do you remember that part-time job I had in high school?" That, of course, was how Kurama had explained away his time spent on missions or in the Makai. Shiori nods. "These are my friends from there. There is a shrine we used to visit, not very far from here, surrounded by wood. I think perhaps recovery there would be best."
"You will give me the addresss," Shiori says, firm enough to be a command.
"Of course," Shuichi nods, meeting his mother's eyes again.
"Good." She smiles. "Well, let me feed you before you go. All of you." She turns her smile on the other three, before standing and heading towards the kitchen.
"Let me help," Shuichi says, as he starts to stand.
"Not at all," Shiori throws over her shoulder. "You sit right there and let your mother cook for you."
A sad fondness settles over Shuichi's face, a look Kurama had worn so many times that Hiei has to look away. "If you insist."
The three don't talk as Shiori cooks and Shuichi watches. Yusuke watches Shuichi, Kuwabara naps, and Hiei watches the world through the window. Eventually, when Shiori returns with food, she coaxes them into telling stories from high school. (Modified, of course, to exclude demons and what not.) There are moments here and there where it feels almost like it is Kurama at the table, ensconced in his Shuichi façade.
But it isn't.
-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-
Several hours later, after exchanging Genkai's address and some tearful goodbyes with Shiori, the four make their way to Genkai's. Shuichi slumps against Kuwabara for most of the trip, his still recovering body exhausted from the emotions of seeing his mother. Hiei is struck again by how young he is. Logically, Hiei knows that Shuichi is around the same age as Yusuke and Kuwabara, but he doesn't seem it. Maybe because he's comparing him to Kurama, a being made of a young human and an ancient demon, who had made himself timeless because of it. Or maybe it is simply something about Shuichi himself, an inherent innocence that neither Yusuke nor Kuwabara possess. Hiei finds him hard to look at.
Shuichi squares his shoulders as they enter the shrine, though he still relies on Kuwabara for most of his support. They enter the main building, enter the room where Yusuke and Kuwabara had undergone those trials so long ago, to find Genkai and Yukina waiting for them.
Genkai takes one look at Shuichi before turning to Yusuke with an accusatory look on her face. "What happened?"
Botan chooses this moment to come crashing through an inner door, followed by Shizuru at a more sedate pace. The instant Botan spots Shuichi, she starts to run towards him, arms outstretched. "Kurama!" Shuichi quickly dodges her attempt at a hug, stepping behind Kuwabara so that is who Botan ends up embracing. "What - ?"
"There's something off about you," Genkai says, stepping towards Shuichi as Botan disentangles herself from Kuwabara. Genkai narrows her eyes and tilts her head, trying to decipher what's changed.
"He did just get captured," Shizuru says, coming to stand next to her little brother.
Shuichi takes another step back before turning to Genkai. "Perhaps this is a misconception we should clear up quickly. I'm afraid I'm not quite who you were expecting to see."
"He's split," Hiei says, not wanting to listen to Shuichi dance around this.
"What?" Genkai demands, as the room goes very still and quiet.
"Youko Kurama and Minamino Shuichi have split," Hiei says, clearly and sharply. Every head in the room turns to Shuichi.
There is a flash of something on Shuichi's face, perhaps anger or annoyance, before it settles into a comfortable blandness. "Pleased to officially meet you," he says, bowing slightly. "Minamino Shuichi."
Yusuke turns his attention to Genkai, wanting to find something on her face that says that she knows how to fix this. But, as usual, she's next to impossible to read.
"And how exactly," Genkai steps towards Shuichi again, almost menacingly, "was that achieved?"
"Torture," Shuichi supplies, still hiding behind the bland façade. He says it as if it was nothing.
"Bullshit," Genkai spits. "I've never seen the bond between the two of you falter." Yusuke blinks back the shock of that, because of course Genkai knew about the merger, and of course she examined it. "What kind of torture could have broken that?"
Another flash of annoyance finds its way through Shuichi's eyes. "Perhaps this were best spoken of later," he says, attempting to dodge the question.
"No, you'll speak of it now," Genkai pushes.
Shuichi drops the blandness entirely, his face dark with anger now. "I don't want to," he bites out.
"Tough luck," Genkai fires back.
Shuichi clenches his jaw, before something occurs to him. The anger fades slightly as he takes another step back, away from the verbal test of wills. "I have no desire to answer these questions," he mutters, half to himself, half to the room. He draws in a deep breath and closes his eyes, standing utterly still for just a moment, before his body starts to crumple to the ground.
Hiei is once again the first to reach him, catching him before he hits the ground. He carries Kurama's full weight for a second, before his eyes snap open to reveal a familiar cold distrust.
Youko Kurama pulls himself up to his full height and turns to survey the room. "Ah," he says, his voice somehow so utterly different from Shuichi's, his eyes so old, "I see we've come to the shrine."