Asriel is better at this than I thought. He's very good at getting them to do what he wants.

I thought if I filled Asriel's body with enough LOVE, I could overpower him. But Asriel is holding me back every time I try to make a move.

I have to stop him.

I bring Asriel to our secret spot in Waterfall. We have to talk.

He's already scowling at me.

"I don't understand." I say. "Why are you fighting so hard to hold me back?"

He doesn't answer.

"Do you think I'm just doing this for myself?" I ask. "Do I think this is just for fun?"

He nods. I glare at him.

"I don't want to hurt those people." I say. "I don't care about them. I thought I we could be together, but they always-"

"No." He says. "We're never going to be together."

"That's what you don't understand." I say. "We were never apart, Asriel. Why do you think I was able to come back? You buried me in a wall. You erased my memories. So how did I come back?"

No response.

"I've been living inside you this whole time." I say. "I never left. I just couldn't speak up. Not until I could latch onto those souls and get my voice back. I wanted to stay like that… living inside of you. But I had to stop you when you tried to escape the Underground."

"Why?"

"I knew the others would figure out I was there eventually, and they wouldn't let me stay inside of you. They'd try and get rid of me. You know how it was… You know how they saw me. Mom and Dad never really treated me like their child. They didn't-"

"That's not true." He says. "Mom and Dad never treated us different. We were both their children."

"That's what they said." I say. "But that's not how it was. I could feel it, Asriel. I know they loved me. But they never loved me the way they loved you."

"They always did." He murmurs. "It just didn't matter."

"I'm sorry I didn't trust you." I say. "I'm sorry I tried to control you. But you have always been the only one standing in the way."

"In the way of what?" He snarls.

"Of us." I say. "Mom and Dad were happy we were friends… But you could never quite accept it. I tried so hard, Asriel. I just wanted you to love me the way I loved you. I never understood why you couldn't just let us be together. That's all I've ever wanted. I've fought harder and harder and harder to get you to be okay. I've done everything I could."

I choke up.

"I just wanted…"

I can't speak. If I try, I'm going to start crying.

"This is a show." He says quietly. "You're trying to mess with me again. Just like always."

"Not always." I say. "Back in the early days, things were different. We loved each other and you never tried to hold back. But then you got cold. So I played nice. I was really sweet to you. But you kept acting distant. I think you got it from Mom. She could be really cross with us, but she never stopped loving us. She just hid it. You did the same thing to me."

He looks up at me. He's furious.

"You were afraid." I say. "I knew you loved me and I wasn't afraid… but you were scared of it because you didn't understand it. You tried to shut it off. You stopped telling me you loved me. Before you got scared, you said that all the time."

"I didn't know the real you back then." He says.

"You still don't get it." I say. "You just don't get it."

"What don't I get, Chara?" He asks. "Tell me. What am I missing?"

"All the awful things I did to you." I say. "All the horrible things I said. That wasn't the start; that was the end. I tried everything I could before I started trying to control you. I said everything I thought you wanted to hear. I did everything I thought you wanted me to do. But it didn't work. I had to try something else. I had to try something new. Even if it hurt… Even if it hurt both of us. I knew it was the only way we could be happy."

"You tortured me." He says.

"That wasn't malice!" I cry. "That was desperation!"

I sink to my knees.

"I did everything I could." I say. "Anything I could think of to get you to admit it. You just kept running away… I didn't understand. I didn't know what it meant to be so afraid."

"Desperation."

"You did the same thing when you were a flower." I say. "You tried everything to make yourself feel love again. Even the worst things you could think of. You killed Mom over and over just to make yourself feel something. I was just as desperate. I didn't know what would work. So I tried everything."

I crawl over to them. I put my hands on their shoulders.

"Come on, Asriel. Look at me."

He sighs and looks up at me.

"I'm out of ideas." I say. "I'll do anything for you, Asriel. Anything in the world. Just tell me what I have to do to get you to love me."

He closes his eyes. Trying not to cry.

"Go away." He says.

"I'm not going to-"

"You said you'd do anything for me." He says. "There's only one thing you haven't tried. And there's only one thing I want you to do now. Just go away. Leave me alone. If you really love me, then you'll leave me alone."

"Will… will you come back for me?" I ask.

"I don't know." He says. "I don't think so."

I hug him.

"I'm so sorry." I say. "I thought I was doing what I had to. I wish I'd known. I never wanted to hurt you, Asriel…"

"I know." He says. "I know."

He really knew. After all this time, he knew how I really felt.

"Please come back for me." I say. "Even if takes the rest of your life to decide… please don't ever forget me."

"I won't."

I let go of him. I let go of his body, of his soul, of his determination, of his mind.

I let go of everything, and drift away from my closest friend, back into my coffin, sealed away in a place no one can find me.

Everything I did to him was a waste. I tried so hard, and I failed.

Chara fades away. After all that's happened… they just let go.

They gave up all the power they stole. All the control they took away from me, they give it back, without a word.

They were serious. They were never trying to hurt me. They did those horrible things because they thought it was the only way to make things okay again.

Just like Flowey did.

Just like I did.

I'm messing with things I don't understand. I have no idea what I have just done, but I know something has happened. Asriel didn't think I would let go. That surprised him.

I created a spark in him. Now he feels for me again, just a little bit. Just enough for me to try one last thing.

I've latched onto him. This time, it's permanent. Asriel can't get rid of me, ever. I'm a part of him now.

But now he's a part of me, too. I can't get rid of him, either.

I broke down the last barrier between us. I've been tying us closer and closer together for years now, even though I was afraid I'd lose myself somewhere along the way, but this was the only way I could stay with him.

We're not tied together anymore. We're fused. This might be a mistake, but this is the best idea I've got.

I'm not sure if Chara or Asriel is even going to exist after this. What do you get when you turn two people into one?

Am I taking over Asriel? Will I become him?

Or am I just killing myself?

My last act as Chara. Before I finally go away.

I turn back the clock one more time. We're at the surface again, in Asriel's body. The barrier is broken, and Sans awaits us.

What happens after that?

I have no idea.

By the time I wake up again, I won't even be me.