Nightmares ~ Chapter 6

Christina's POV

"What the hell Tris!" I exclaim.

"What?" She asks, obviously oblivious to what I'm confused about.

"I just walked in on you and Four making out!"

"Keep it down!"

"He's our instructor!"

"So what?" Tris asks.

"Isn't it, like, illegal?" I ask.

"No!" Tris exclaims.

"But he's our instructor!"

"Well, I'm sorry that you aren't happy with my relationship choices. If you aren't going to support me, then I guess we aren't friends!" Tris says with tears in her eyes. I'm speechless for a moment. She turns to walk away but I grab her arm.

"Tris, I'm sorry. I am happy for you," I say, smiling. She smiles back at me. "I just never thought that Four had actual feelings. I thought that he was some sort of emotionless drone." Tris and I laugh.

"I wouldn't blame you for thinking that!" Tris exclaims.

"So how did it happen?" I ask.

"Well, it happened today. Four was talking to me about a few things that Max had decided. One of those things is that I am to stay in Four's apartment until I get my own. I said that I would be fine and that I could protect myself and Four said that he knew that I could. He wanted to protect me himself! Then he said that he liked me and then he kissed me." Tris says. She smirks and I squeal.

"Shut up, Chris!"

"Well, sorry! But wow! I can't believe it! anyway, let's go get some food!" I say. Tris and I walk to the cafeteria, talking about boys and giggling.

— R.I.P PAGE. I BROKE IT —

Tris's POV

Christina and I walk back from the cafeteria. I'm glad that she is cool with Tobias and I's relationship. When she found out, I was worried that she would think that I'm sleeping to get ahead. But I'm not a slut!

We keep walking until we find a large crowd gathered around the Chasm. I wonder what was going on. Christina and I walk through the crowd and we find Will. He looks like he's on the verge of tears. Christina asks him what's wrong but he says nothing. He just leads us to the front of the crowd. Then we see it.

Al, his body beaten and bruised, being pulled out of the Chasm. He jumped. I run forward, to Al's body. Christina and Will try to hold me back, but I escape their grasp. I reach Al's body and sobs rack my body. I don't know why I'm so upset. I mean, Al tried to kill me! But he was my friend, and it was my fault. Al would never have done this if I had forgiven him. It's all my fault.

"Excuse me, miss, but do you know someone named Tris Prior?" A man asks me. I look up.

"I'm Tris Prior." I choke.

"Well, Tris, there is a suicide note addressed to Tris Prior." The man says, handing the note to me. I take it, my hands shaking. He gives me a sympathetic look.

"I'm sorry, Tris, but you'll need to move." The man says.

"NO!" I shout, sobbing.

"Tris, you need to move. Come here." Will says.

"I'm not leaving!" I exclaim. Someone kneels beside me.

"Tris, please, come with me." The familiar deep voice says. His hand grabs mine and squeezes it gently. I squeeze his back.

"It's all my fault!" I exclaim.

"No, it's not. Come with me." Tobias says. He helps me up and releases my hand. He places his hand between my shoulder blades and leads me away from the Chasm.

Tobias and I walk to his apartment. The note is crumpled in my hands. I will read it later. We walk into the apartment and I can't take it anymore. I fall to my knees, sobbing hysterically. Tobias's strong arms lift me up and take me to the bed. He sits me on his lap, his arms wrapped around me, stroking my hair while I just cry. We stay like this for what feels like forever. I start to finally calm down.

"Tris, it's not your fault. Al was a coward. He was your friend and as soon as he felt you were a threat he tried to kill you. He was just a scared, cowardly being." Tobias says.

"I don't care." I say, looking down and fiddling at the note in my hands.

"Tris, what is that?" Tobias asks.

"The suicide note that Al wrote. It was addressed to me, so they gave it to me." I say.

"Maybe you should read it. It may help. I can give you some time to read it if necessary."

"That's a good idea, but I can't do it alone."

"You want me to stay?"

"If you could, that would be great."

"Its fine."

I flatten out the crumpled note and start to read:

To my dearest Tris,

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything that I've done. I wanted to tell you in person but no-one would let me see you. Not even Christina or Will.

I didn't want to end it, but I had to. I can't live without you, Tris. You are what I live for. If I can't have you, then I can't live. I love you, Tris.

I know that you don't love me, I mean, how could you? I helped Peter. But the truth is, I never knew that he was going to rape you, or kill you. I thought that he was just going to scare you. That's why I did it. I was scared. I don't want to become factionless. I knew you would get through because you're amazing. I couldn't picture living a life without you. I know that you will never forgive me for what I did, but I love you. Ever since I first met you, I loved you. I know that I always will.

I know that even if you did love me too, you will move on. You'll probably marry someone else. Like Four. I know that you love him. You stare at him the way that I stare at you. But know this: Four will never love you. Not like me. I love you. Even if he did, he doesn't deserve you. No one does. Not even me. But if I had the chance, I could've come close. I'm sorry that I'll never get that chance.

Please tell Christina and Will that I'm sorry.

I love you, forever and always.

— Al

As soon as I'm finished reading it, I pass it to Tobias. I can't seem to speak. Or breath properly, for that matter. Why? Why did Al have to do this? It just makes everything harder. I don't like Al, I like Tobias. I'[m pretty sure that Tobias likes me. But what if Al is right? Maybe Tobias doesn't like me. Maybe he wants to use me for…that. But I'm not ready for that! But wouldn't he go to someone else if he wanted…that. I mean, he could get any girl in Dauntless. Those girls would have way more experience than me. I mean, they're prettier than I. They have better bodies than I. I know that Tobias said that he doesn't care, but I do.

"Are you okay?" Tobias asks.

"I don't know." I reply.

"This must be hard for you. I mean, Al just said that he loves you." Tobias says.

"No shit, Sherlock." I say, remembering the old phrase that I learnt a while back.

"No shit, Sherlock?" He questions.

"Sherlock was a fictional character, back when they didn't have the factions. He was a detective, a really smart one." I say.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"But Al is right." Tobias says. I shoot him a puzzled look. "I don't deserve you."

"No, it's me who doesn't deserve you."

"You deserve better than me, Tris."

"There is no-one better than you, Tobias. However there are people who are better than me."

"Oh really? Like who?"

"Like majority of the girls in the Dauntless compound. Peter was right, I am hideous." I say, tears threatening to spill.

"Tris, come on. Peter was an asshole. You are beautiful. And you know that I don't like the other girls. They overwhelm me too much. They've got all this experience and I have…well, none." Tobias says shamefully.

"Wait, what?" I ask. I'm very confused.

"I mean…I haven't, uh, done…anything." Tobias says. He refuses to look me in the eyes.

"Do you mean to say, that the might Four, Dauntless prodigy, is a…virgin?" I ask, smirking slightly.

"I, uh, well…y-yes." He stutters. I giggle at how embarrassed he is.

"But why? I mean any girl would easily pay a million dollars for one night with you."

"Because, as I said, I don't like them. You were different. I knew I liked you from the moment that I met you. I remembered you from Abnegation. At my mothers funeral. And when you played outside with your brother."

"How do you know that I played outside with my brother? No-one ever saw you!"

"I, uh, might have watched you a bit when we were kids."

"Why didn't you ever say hi? Or talk to me, for that matter?"

"Because, Marcus wouldn't let me out of the house unless I had to go out somewhere. Like if he had to appear in public with me or if I had to go to school. They were the only times I got to leave the house."

"Oh."

"Yeah. So I took up the hobby of staring at you from afar."

"Well, that's not creepy at all." I say. And for the first time since Al jumped, I feel genuinely happy.

Who cares about Al? He was wrong about practically everything. Tobias likes me. Tobias does deserve me. Al doesn't deserve me. But Al was right about one thing, I don't love Al.

When we finish having our little moment, I get up and take a shower. Showers can be quite relaxing. I enter the bathroom and strip off my clothes. I turn on the water and step under. The warm water spreads through me, making me feel warm inside and out. The water washes the days hardships away ready for bed. I wash myself and step out. I grab my shirt and some sleep shorts. I brush my hair and walk to the bedroom. Tobias is sitting on the bed wearing dark grey sweatpants and no shirt. When I walk in, he looks up.

"Hey, Tobias" I say.

"Hey, Tris. You look lovely." He says with a smirk on his face.

"I'm wearing my pyjamas." I say, rolling my eyes.

"And they look lovely on you." He smirks. I roll my eyes and sit next to him on the bed.

"What sleeping arrangements will we be doing tonight?" I ask.

"I don't mind. I'm happy to sleep on the ground if you don't want to share." He says.

"No offence, but I don't think I'm ready to share. I'm sorry, I know that's selfish, but I don't want to rush things." I say.

"That's fine, I really don't mind. I just want to let you know that I'm not going to push you to do something that you don't want to do. I would never pressure you into doing…it…or anything to do with that."

"Okay."

Tobias smiles at me. I smile back at him. I look into his eyes. His beautiful, dark eyes. He places his arms around my waist, pulling me on top of him. I am a little shocked, and kind of nervous. One of his hands move to the back of my head and he pushes his lips against mine. I don't hesitate to kiss back. I rest my hands on his chest, feeling his heart beat beneath my palms. He turns his head to deepen it. I get a new feeling. More like the feeling I get when I'm in the fear simulations. I pull away and sit up.

"Too much?" Tobias asks.

"Just a little bit." I reply. Tobias nods. He kisses my cheek and stands up. I get under the covers.

"Goodnight, Tris." Tobias says.

"Goodnight, Tobias." I reply. And with that, I fall asleep.

Hey! It's been a little while. Not too long, though. I went away to a family wedding. It was pretty good, but getting my wheelchair in and out of the wedding was pretty hard. I saw a paediatrician the other day. It was okay-ish. The doctor was annoying as fuck. He's too happy. But he is good at what he does *sighs deeply*.

He's given me some news, though. He believes that it's more of a nervous system problem. That my nerves are sending too many pain signals, which makes my muscles confused, causing them to have horrible spasms. The spasms are so bad that they dislocate my joints. It's pretty painful. They still don't have a name for it, so I decided to call it 'painful-as-fuck-syndrom'.

I've also got some new medications, which have helped with my hands. It means that I can update more frequently! SO YAY :D

I'm sorry to bother you with all this medical shit, I know it's pretty unimportant, but you guys have been pretty awesome readers, and I feel that you should know.

Anyway, I'd like to thank Mizu kuresu, bladau lili o gerddoriaeth, TheDauntlessProdigy46, Sissy921, Anti-AntiPotatoeLeague, TheDragonLovesThePrincess, Ashlee Love, GiveLifeLemons, BarkingStarfish, TheFaultyDauntless46, Udementium and the 8 guests who have left reviews on chapters 3, 4 & 5. It means a lot to me XX

Keep Calm and DFTBA!

- divergent4plus6