On a warm summer morning in Gravity Central, Dipper and Mabel sat on the steps that led into the Mystery Shop, watching as their Grunkle stan was swindling another huge crowd of tourists. The twins were used to seeing the gullible city folk get reeled into scams, but not at this magnitude. Stan was standing at the curb, on a raised podium with a shoebox by his side. As the crowd congregated before him, He adjusted his bowtie and cleared his throat.
The crowd of people died down and turned to him.
"Good morning, everybody! I'm Stan Pines, 'man of mystery!'" There was a dead silence, with the exception of a cough from one of the townsfolk.
"Please, contain your excitement!" He smiled and gestured for the noiseless crowd to be quiet. "As you all know, our beloved city of Gravity Central lays on a series of fault lines, so we get a lot of earthquakes, causing hundreds of dollars in damage and opening sinkholes all over the place."
They murmured to each other, but didn't get to what he was pointing to.
"But what you don't know is that one hundred percent of them can be prevented."
Looks of inquiry came from the crowd, not sure of this supposed statistic.
"That's right, you can, by giving me fifteen-er, twenty dollars a day, you can prevent earthquakes from coming to your town!"
Lazy Susan stepped forward. "But wait, we can just get earthquake insurance from Bud Gleeful Insurance!"
"Yeah, he says, 'fifteen dollars there can save you fifteen minutes of work!'" Tyler Cutebiker yelled.
They all started yelling and throwing things.
"Hey, hey!" Stan ducked as a shoe sailed over his head. "Alright, but think about this: how many earthquakes have you gotten since you got earthquake insurance?"
The crowd reluctantly mumbled various numbers of quakes they've experienced.
"A lot, right? And how many earthquakes have we gotten with earthquake prevention so far? None."
Dipper turned to his sister. "Does Grunkle Stan know how statistics work?" Mabel just shrugged.
"But if you still don't believe me, you can consult our earthquake expert: Quakey the Snakey!"
He stepped aside to reveal soos shuffling forward in a shoddily made snake costume stitched together from old sweaters.
"Only you can prevent Earthquakes, Dawg!"
The crowd started cheering and rushed towards the podium.
"I'll do anything for an animal mascot!"
"I want to prevent earthquakes!"
"I'm not sure, but herd mentality pressures me to do the same!"
Everyone was clamoring to get their money in the box and to take pictures with Quakey the Snakey. With the box full of cash, Stan broke away from the mob and opened the door inside, and the twins followed.
"Grunkle Stan, are you sure that was ethical? You know, telling people this money will go to stopping earthquakes?" Mabel asked him.
"Yeah, I think that's sort of embezzlement." Dipper put in.
He set the box down and began to count the bills.
"Look, kids. Nature is for everyone. So therefore I can use it for whatever scams I want. It doesn't matter if it's 'ethical' or 'legal'. And if I can get these suckers to cough up some dough using natural disasters, there is no one and nothing that can stop me." The con artist was alerted by a sudden folksy music from outside.
"What the heck?" The strumming of a ukelele and the pungent smell of strange herbs permeated the shop, and the hiss off a car's brakes was heard.
"What-what is this?" Stan burst out the door to find a van with an air-sprayed mural on it's side. A young man in a black shirt and beanie was sitting on the roof of the van with the ukelele and other college-age students filed out, sporting tie-dyed shirts, bead necklaces and various costumes. Stan's eyes darted around to take in this new site.
"Rainbow clothing? The stench of musk?"
The guy on the roof of the car strummed some chords on the ukulele.
"Everything should be legalized
all my shirt are so tie dyed."
"Country music!? Who are you people!?" Stan yelled.
"We're warriors against the corporations, man!"
"What?"
Seeing he wasn't getting it, Dipper tapped his shoulder. "Grunkle Stan, those are hippies,They're usually just liberal protesters and college drop outs. We have a bunch of them in Oregon."
"Yeah, they're like homeless people, but happy." Mabel lit up. "I love those shirts! They're like rainbows on fabric!"
"That's beautiful." All the Hippies nodded in approval. "We're here to spread peace and community to people, and we're gonna do it colorfully.", The ukulele hippie said.
"What you're spreading is driving away the tourists!" Stan fumed. And sure enough, the dense rabble of townspeople had started to scatter when they caught whiff of the newcomer's unwashed...everything.
Stan, too recoiled at the stench. "Agh! I want you nature-communing freaks out of here!"
"Hey man, It's our right to be here, The county's free, dude!" A female hippy objected.
Another wearing branches in his hair and brown body paint came out of the van to join them.
"Yeah, we're here, we're deer, get used to it!"
The twins and Soos looked to each other uneasily. It wouldn't be out of character if Stan got out the crossbow at this point.
"Look, look. I like rights as much as the next guy", Stan assured. "I like them so much, in fact, I take them from people to have more!"
The hippie with the ukulele came forward. "Come on city dude, we're just spreading freedom to the people." The others started to cheer. "Starting with the freeing of animals!" They whooped and ran past Stan to grab Soos, still in his Snake costume.
"Hey, that's my handyman!" The swindler objected.
"You can't oppress this creature! He is a discriminated snake-man!" More shouts of approval from the hippies.
"Uh, actually dude, I really am just a guy in a suit." Soos rustled in the cheap disguise.
"Shh" The Hippie shushed him. "That's just what they tell you. Be free!" They insisted on continuing to "liberate" the confused 22-year old.
"Alright, that's enough!" Stan was getting infuriated. "I don't care about your stupid movements, and I don't care about what animals you're letting loose!"
"You're heartless, old man! Do you know how many animals they killed to make your fascist products?"
"No, but I want to find out how many hippies it takes to tie-dye my house red!" The two were nose-to-nose now, and were on the brink of a street brawl.
"Ok, boys, let's break this off." Mabel laughed shakily as she pushed them apart.
The hippie softened a bit. "Fine.", He said. Come on dudes, let's go to the old part of town and protest!"
"Yeah, let's go protest!.
"Then we'll find out what to protest about!"
After leading Soos back into the Shop, Dipper helped drag their grunkle back inside as the radical reformers rolled away in their van. Grumbling, he retired for the day than risk assault charges.
-Quebec-
The next day Dipper was woken by a sudden scream. He quickly shook Mabel awake and they hurried outside to where the cry was coming from. On the street Stan was on his knees in front of the Shop's front, which was splattered in a myriad of painfully bright colors. Somebody had also put Waddles outside, and it was freaking him out.
"Waddles!" Mabel frantically chased her confused pig around in circles before he could run into a gun range or chinese restaurant.
"I guess now we know how many hippies it takes to tie-dye a house.", Dipper said dryly.
"Those darn tree huggers!" Stan slammed his fist into the shop wall. Standing to face his great-nephew, he began pacing back and forth."They came in the middle of the night. Those deadbeats tie-dyed the shop, "freed" the pig, and startled Soos!"
"It was like a break-in, but with musical instruments instead of guns and neckties instead of ski masks.", Soos shuddered.
"You know what? I'm gonna go give those punks a piece of my non-organic fist!"
Stopping him before he can storm off to do just that, Dipper said, "Grunkle Stan, I don't think that's such a good idea."
Mabel had caught then Waddles and reminded him, "Yeah, remember when you got in a fight at the pool house? They wouldn't let you out of the house for a week!"
"I m know. Had to pay for the cue removal surgery." He grudgingly recalled. "But something's still got to be done about them!"
"Ok how about this." Dipper suggested. "We go and talk to the hippies about this. If they're like the ones at home, we'll really just need to talk to them. And maybe use a spray bottle."
The shop owner considered for a moment. "Alright, but take Soos with you. I got to go harvest some stuff for the 'no questions asked' friday sale."
Mabel pumped her fist. "Yes! I hope we get to see if they have those magic mushrooms I hear about 'round town."
"I don't think they're magic, Mabel." Dipper advised.
The weird part of town was, as usual, ominous in a sort of post-apocalyptic wasteland kind of way. All the buildings were deserted, and because of the weak building codes,many buildings overlapped into each other to create back alleys and even solid bridges of steel beams lapsing across apartment complexes. The whole area was essentially an unfinished ghost town with a few too many real ghosts.
The trio pulled into a parking lot that, for the most part was empty with the exception of the rickety van their peace-loving protesters had parked in a corner covered in landfill. Soos was still in his Quakey the Snakey costume because Stan had originally wanted to do some more earthquake prevention ads today. While leaving the mystery cart, a noise resonated in a sort of angry growl, and the ground began to shudder. Soon, it was erratically shaking, cracking and breaking.
"Earthquake!" Dipper screamed.
Soos enclosed himself over his two charges to shield them. The pavement depressed into a shallow crater in front of them. The twins and Soos waited for aftershocks, but none came. It was like the entire ground had come and passed, almost...Alive.
"Is everyone ok?" They looked around, and dusted themselves off, thankfully ok. With caution, the three headed to where the hippies had set up for the night.
They had made the place look like a beach camp, with a bonfire, bins where clothes were washed in a few dozen dyes and the group in a circle tapping drums and plucking various instruments. The van was open, and inside the back was the leader,with the ukulele.
Mabel was quick to take in the sparkly trinkets.
"Hey, Coriander, tap me a rhythm, yeah?" The Hippie started to play on his miniature guitar
And even better-or worse-, when Mabel entered the van, she found they had a big, heaping stash of-
"Smile dip!" Her eyes expanded in elation at the banned treat.
"Oh no" Dipper reached out to stop her but tripped over some beads laying on the floor.
When the hippie noticed him, he looked up with a smile and stopped playing.
"Oh. Hey city dude, snake-bro and dudette, what brins you here?"
Dipper stood up indignantly. "We want to know why you released our pig and painted the Mystery Shop!"
"And maybe get one of those really big spiral-y T-Shirts." Dipper shot Soos a look.
"Or not. I'm a size XXL" He whispers.
"Look, little man, we did what was right! Now that shop will have better feng shui, and that pig deserves to be free, like all of us."
"Look, can you just apologize to my uncle or something? He's really mad about it."
"Now hold on brosef." Mabel was still somehow standing up after digging through four packs of smile dip. "I like how these guys do stuff! Just look at how worry-free they are."
The hippie grins. "This little lady's got the right idea, man!"
"Don't encourage her."
"Look" He put down his ukulele. "I don't like getting in fights. It's just not what I do. And I can respect if the geezer doesn't roll like we do. But how about we show you a little of our life, and you can make the judgement after, cool?"
"Dude, I think we should do it. I am getting good vibes and bad smells from this guy." Soos says to Dipper.
Hesitating a second, the preteen decided. "Yeah, sure. But you still got to do something about the shop."
"Alright, that flies with me, bro! Here, let me introduce to you the gang."
He ducked out of the van, and Soos and the twins followed.
"First, I'm Matt. That over there-" He points to the girl- "is Acacia,",Coriander, and he-" Matt looks to the man in body paint and fake antlers- "is Elch."
Coriander was stoking the flames of the fire and was stirring a pot of stew with his drumsticks.
He used a seashell to scoop out a little to have a taste- test.
"Aah. Tastes like how your Grandpa made it" He says to Elch.
"Hey, isn't that beef? I thought you guys said meat was murder", Dipper pointed out the swirling brown chunks.
"No, Man! that's tofu." He replied.
Acacia poured a bowl for everyone and added some scraps of newspaper to the fire. "Yeah, we don't eat meat. We also don't eat gluten, GMOs and we're vegan.
Soos scratched his head. "Hold on, aren't like, a bunch of plants modified and animals are in basically everything? How do you guys, you know, survive?"
"We do it by avoiding grains, corn, hormone-treated products,and anything that doesn't explicitly say 'vegan' on it."
"By doing so, we make a difference!"
"Yeah!"
After finishing off the strange-tasting stew, they were more or less full, and continued to learn about their host's radical beliefs.
"So what do you guys protest for, anyway?" Mabel asked.
It was Elch that answered. "Right now, we're trying to keep the native species from being wiped out!
"Native species?" Dipper and Mabel looked at each other. How does a city have a native species?
"Yeah. they're like moles, that live in the caverns and sinkholes, burrowing to make their homes."
Acacia held up a sign attached to a post that read Save the Moles and showed it to the siblings.
"Even though we haven't seen them, we know they're there. It's like I can sense them"
"They're huge and can turn dirt into clay, or glass.
Soos shifted uncomfortably. "Yeah, uh, speaking of which I'm sensing those magic mushrooms not agreeing with me!" A bit awkwardly, the handyman shuffled towards an unfinished building at the other end of the lot.
Turning to back to the activists, Dipper started his usual set of questions for people that can sense things.
"So, Amber-"
"Acacia!"
He cleared his throat.
"Right. Acacia, you said you can sense the moles, right?"
"Yeah"
"When you say that, what do you mean? Like, would you describe it as more like brainwaves, magic, or maybe a sixth sense sort of thing?" He clicked his pen, waiting.
"I don't know, it's sort of like, I just know when they're around. Or well- You know! I commune with nature."
"I just mean like describe it-"
"Jeez, what is she, on trial?" Elch broke in. "This is what kids raised under the system become like: always on our case, doesn't have any faith,-"
"Ok, Ok!" Coriander gave a weak laugh. That's enough."
"Well, I don't know about you, Dipper but I can have faith in stuff! Right, Matt!?"
Matt returned a smile and a high five. "You know it."
Dipper looked at his sister. "Mabel, the last time you started to believe you could sense things it turned out to just be your allergies!"
"How do you know?"
"Because mine acted up too!"
"Oh yeah." The two simultaneously sneezed.
"You know, I think you just need to hear some good music to get you to be a believer!"
"Not really feeling for singing, and I'm pretty sure they aren't either" Acacia said flatly.
Dipper sniffed. "Where's Soos? He should be back by now."
"Maybe he got stuck in one of the outhouses. Like The one Grunkle Stan did that one time.
Coriander burst into giggles. "Man, your uncle got stuck in one of those? Reminds me of when we we were at a music festival, right, and me and some friends, we tipped went and tipped over-"His story was cut short by an enormous rumble.
"What's happening?"
"It's a quake!" The earth beneath them formed veins of cracks, snaking towards them. Pieces fell one by one, and was swallowed into a seemingly bottomless abyss below.
Dipper grabbed Mabel and leaped off of a collapsing platform. The pair risked a glance down at the concrete, dirt, stone- all tumbling into the jaws of the widening pit. They backed away, with the hippies alongside. Near the end of the convulsions, Dipper saw something red and slimy pour down, and across the gap in the hole.
"Mabel, Look!" She got a small glimpse of it as it disappeared with everything else. And then finally, it stopped.
Matt had his arms out, and legs set wide as he tried to keep balance and distribute his weight.
"Ok, Everyone! We got to get to somewhere there isn't- Aaaughh!" He was cut off when the foundation under him fell, and soon, everyone fell down, too.
They landed in the bottom of the sinkhole with the hot remnants of the campfire and musical instruments alongside
"Is everybody alright?" Dipper coughed and looked around for his twin.
Acacia was the first to answer.
"No! We just fell into a cave ! How would we be okay!?"
"Hey, calm down, Ac." Elch helped her to her feet.
When they had all gotten up and brushed themselves off, they took a look at the room they were in. It was an enormous pit, half in an underground cave and half in an incomplete basement, the opening too high to reach. Covering the hole was a polished, dark material, as if someone had melted and polished the walls to refract light to make a sort of faint reverse disco ball in the space around them.
"Ok, I think we're under the apartments." Coriander blatantly stated. That much was obvious. But it did not seem like a natural occurence. The walls on the undug side were somewhat smoothed, and there were no stalagmites. It was almost as though the whole cavity was sisolved through. Examining the sides, Dipper was struck with a jolt.
"Soos!"
Soos was glad the quake happened after he went, or he might have had a very messy situation. It began when he had just about gotten his suit back on, and scared the living daylights out of him. The factotum had fallen several feet into a hollow in the ground. When he had opened his eyes, faint, slightly reflective surfaces stared back. He sat up and surveyed the area for his friends.
"Hello?" His voice echoed. He was underground, in a dark space with a gaping window above but only had a dark corridor in front, which seemed suspiciously burrowed by something.
"Anybody here? Dudes?" Soos then noticed a scarlet stain all over the suit. Fearing for the worst, he felt for cuts- before realizing it was just paint that was to be used in the construction site the porta-potty was in. With only one way to go, He inched his way through the tunnel, still unable to shake the feeling that he wasn't really alone.
-Uniform-Alpha-
The Group was walking down the roughly excavated passage, searching for a way up.
"I'm crawling underground
losing it in the blackness
a lot of creepy sounds
I will soon be gone to madness"
Acacia grabbed the neck of Matt's ukulele before he could do another depressing verse. "Dude, that's not helping."
"Well, what else could we do?" Matt asked her.
"I don't know. Just don't sing, It's weird to do it down here."
So they trudged along in silence, the sound of crunching becoming more audible with every step.
It became louder as the tunnel widened. Eventually they found a large cavity littered with holes, and more of the ground was bored smooth than not.
"What are these things?" Dipper cracked a shard under his foot, and took a piece to examine. it seemed to be soil, just put into a single piece.
"Maybe it's the shell of a giant mole egg!"Mabel pipped up.
"I don't know." Coriander twisted a piece around. "I don't think moles usually do this, but I have never seen one myself, either. Acacia, you sense any of 'em down here?"
"Umm, no. And yeah, I think moles do this. All the time."
Quickly, Elch spoke up.
"Can we just get out of here? Smells like barf, and I honestly know that smell a little too well."
He adjusted his crooked horns, and by now his body paint was replaced with mud.
Despite his protest, they hung out a little bit longer though, and sat down for a rest. As they did, Dipper took the chance to talk to his sister.
"Mabel, do you think there's something wrong with that hippie girl?"
"You mean other than she isn't yours? Ay-oh!"
He quickly shushed her. "No, I mean she's being suspicious. I think she's hiding something, and that Elch guy knows it!""
"Who knows, brosef. I think she's just a mole enthusiast."
"No, Mabel. I'm pretty confident that this-" he takes out the glassy soil from earlier.-"can not come from a Mole!"
As he was trying to decipher the hippie's shady behavior, a speck of dirt fell on his nose. Then another. And soon the hollow they were in started to be lined with moving bulges, creating mounds in the walls, ceiling and floor like sharks with fins out of the water. They all clustered together, unsure of whether they should run, wait or what.
"It's ok", Matt said. "They're just Moles, one of nature's creatures. See, that one's just about to come out and greet us."
A dirt mound burst open, spraying the glassy substance everywhere. But from inside was not a mole. In its place was a giant red worm, writhing and spitting a yellow liquid randomly.
"AAH!" Mabel pulled Dipper away towards a tunnel as a worm spit acid inches from his feet, turning the dirt into a chemical-fused lava, which solidified quickly to glass. They ran way through the nearest corridor. Around the next bend the Pines twins ducked to find themselves in an abandoned room with a network of pipes sprawled through it. The rusty pipes were very old, still leaking water and the instruments on the wall were ancient.
"Ok, worm, worm, worm… Ah! The mongolian death worm! A burrowing creature that can go through sand easily, and terraform territories effortlessly. They can spit a corrosive acid, and spend most of their time underground. Because of this, I believe they may be evolved to be blind, however be very careful if you encounter one. WEAKNESS: ?
"Dipper, what do we do? Don't you have like, monster repellant or something?!"
"Shhh!" A worm was burrowing only feet away under the linoleum.
They watched in quiet paralysis as it indecisively went back and forth, and eventually left towards the sound of water dripping on the asphalt. They managed to breath a sigh of relief.
Wait, where were the others?
-Kilo-Echo-
Soos wasn't having the best time. The smell was getting unbearable, but he was starting to get used to it. Luckily, the shop employee eventually found, past a door labeled "Emergancy exit", more strange tunnels, but seemed to lead a bit more upwards..
"Alright, Soos", He chided himself. "You can find your way out of this. Just find familiar things. Suddenly he heard a chilling Ssssstthh of a slithering body behind him. He turned around to find several monsters poised behind him.
"AAAHHHH!"
-Yankey-
Dipper and Mabel burst through a steam pressure room, presumably for the apartment complex above decades ago. They didn't know where to go, they needed to warn the hippies about the the worm's weakness.
Panting, Mabel looked around. "Dipper, how are we going to beat those things? And what if they got those poor dropouts? Or Soos?"
"Come on Mabel, we just have to find those guys before they do anything to attract the worms."
As if on cue, a piercing wail behind the wall made them flinch, and they turned to each other.
"Acacia."
Together, they hefted up a heavy monkey wrench and tore through the old drywall to find the rest of the group , cornered by the death worms. Coriander and Matt were on the sides, and Elch was putting himself between the worms and Acacia.
"Guys!" They turned to them, and with a rush, they came inside to the concrete room, narrowly missing a volley of acid. But they were worms were finding their way in, sensing their prey close by. And blocked the only exit. Desperately, Elch used the wrench to bat away a glob acid, but it melted to an sizzling goo.
"Any Ideas?" Coriander thumbed his drumsticks nervously.
"Well, we found out they're blind, but not deaf!"
"How's that going to help us?" Acacia blurted.
"Wait!" Matt grabbed his ukulele." Maybe we can use music to charm them!"
"That may not be such a good idea-" Dipper began to warn them, but to no avail. They all took their instruments, and started to play.
"do-do-do-do-do-do-do
Everything should be legalized
My Tshirts are all tie-dyed
Take down all the corporations
rich should give to poor
Assimilate every nation
We can end every War.
do-do-do-do-do-do"
Strangely enough, the worms were slightly swaying, as if entranced.
Mabel gasped "I think It's working. The power of music reigns supreme."
"do-do-do-do-Aaagh!" Matt stumbled back as his ukulele was melted before him, and the worms continued to advance, destroying the instruments with almost a personal hatred. Dipper and Mabel held tight to each other, fearing for their lives.
"I'm sorry." Out of nowhere, Acacia spoke. "I'm sorry guys. This is my fault."
Matt tried to give a reassuring look. "Hey, it wasn't your idea to sing. Probably should've taken music in college rather than quantum mechanics."
"No, I mean… " She turned to them. "I've been lying all his time. I'm not a true activist. I always just pretended like I was in harmony with everything. Now karma is punishing you guys along with me. The real reason I joined you guys is because… because of elch. I'm sorry." Her eyes couldn't meet his.
Elch whispered to her, "I know." and held her was a silence. The worms had found their way over, rearing their heads to spit.
"Well Dipper, at least Waddles will survive to carry on my legacy"
"Not helping, Mabel."
"STOP!"
They opened their eyes. The death worms had stopped attacking, and left. Something else approached, even larger and red, a serpent that was… baby-like?"
"Soos?" Mabel dared.
"Sup, dudes?" The friendly handyman showed his face to reveal a wide grin and a familiar figure.
"Soos!"
"Big dude!" They gave him a hug before realizing his costume was not originally red.
"Soos, what happened to you exactly?" Dipper brushed off bits of the flimsy disguise.
He thought for a moment. "So I used the toilet near the construction site, but then the ground, like split open and ate me. I walked down looking for you guys, met those worms, did some cool hissing sounds and stuff, and Boom, I'm their king." He looked over his shoulder, and back. "Ok, dudes, I want to get out of here, cause those things freak me out." Nobody objected to that, and using a building map, they finally found their way out. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief when they saw the sun casting it's last rays befoer sundown. When they got back to the van, Matt sat in the back, eyes downcast.
"I'm sorry about your ukulele, Matt.", Mabel said.
"Aw, it's fine, man. All I really hoped is that you guys would learn something about us, you know? So everyone is closer together."
He noticed his friends packing up what they had, and piled in. Coriander took the wheel, while Elch and Acacia loaded into the back, not for a moment leaving each other's eyes.
The colorful van pulled away, leaving the trio to go back to the Mystery Shop with no hippies in tow. When they explained everything that happened, Stan just shrugged it off as another wild imaginative adventure of theirs.
Yet that night, A new tremor was still recorded. One longer, larger, and faster than Gravity Central had ever seen before. And at its epicenter a new sinkhole emerged.
Goauiw iuyc: Md uurdlokukow qjclv lyfjex, cmk bafil'j aifil uhoekf cinoc!
Hello, it's the secret twin again with a new chapter! We''ll be using a new cipher system, as you see so we will not be releasing the cipher keys the chapter after.
Last chapter's key: STANTOLOGY