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Disclaimer: Cassandra Clair owns all characters

In the next few weeks, Clary had been growing more distant from everyone. She wouldn't let Izzy come within ten meters of here when she was in any mood of shopping, she would only talk to Alec if it was about training, she only hung out with Simon f he was at the institute for Izzy, she had only been to one family dinner. And Jace, she avoided him at all costs. Although Clary thought nobody noticed that she cried herself to sleep every night, trained almost 14 hours a day, was drinking far too much and wasn't eating nearly as much as she should have, everyone noticed, and where concerned. It wasn't uncommon for Clary to go missing either, whether it was to go demon hunting, to get drunk at Pandemonium or just roam the New York streets at midnight. Also common was to find Clary passed out around random places in the institute, sometimes because she was simply too drunk to walk any further, she had passed out from exhaustion or lack of food, or that it simply looked like a good place to sleep. The only person she refused to let her see drunk, or distanced herself from was Max. She didn't know if it was his childlike innocence on the situation, or the simple fact that he reminded her of Simon before everything got complicated, she loved the boy like a brother. She had become his full time trainer and taken over Jace as his idol. They were best friends. Which is why at 12 o'clock on Friday night, Clary was tucking Max into his bed after a Star Wars marathon.

She then went to her bedroom, got changed, grabbed a dagger and headed to the streets of New York. She found herself pulled towards Pandemonium. The only thing that had stayed constant in her life was the rush she felt, the pounding in her bones of the music, her type of freedom. She walked up to the bounce who just smiled and let her in. Once inside Clary headed straight for the bar. After downing 3 shots she headed to the dance floor for somebody to take her mind of life. After spotting a demon in the crowd, she walked towards him, grabbed his hand and headed straight for the storage cupboard. Once entering the room she pushed him against a wall, grabbed her dagger and stabbed him in the heart. Black ichor spewed from him. It fell to the ground and folded up on itself and went back to hell, where it belong. Where she felt she belong. After exiting the closet she walked back to the bar and had another 3 shots. She was starting to feel that buzz in her skin she loved, and after another two shots she was free. Or so she thought. Unknown to Clary, Jace was also at the club that night, and had seen Clary taking the demon back to the closet. He walked up to Clary

"hey Clary" Jace said "I haven't seen you in days, have you been at the institute?"

"Yup, just really good at avoiding you" Clary yelled with a smile.

"Why? Why do you always have to avoid me?" Jace asked. Clary looked up at him, shook her head and headed back to the bar. After having another shot, she saw that Jace had followed her. She turned and stumbled through the crowd towards the exit. Once she was outside she leant on the wall for a few meters before falling, she laughed because of the looks everyone were giving her. She was having a great time until Jace sat down next to her.

"Why Clary. Can you just answer me that? Why do you have to avoid me" Jace sked once again.

"Because I hate you Jace. I bitterly despise you" yelled Clary. She attempted to stand back up but fell when Jace grabbed her arm.

"Why do you hate me? Is it because of what I did? Is it because you said you were fine with it." Jace was confronted. This was not the answer he was expecting. He heard Clary mumble something. "What was that"

"Because I love you." Clary said a little louder "I should hate you. I should never want to see you again." Clary was crying "I shouldn't still want to be with you, but I do. Every time I see you bring a girl back to the institute my heart breaks more. Jace, I don't know what to do."

"Do what your heart tells you." Jace replied

"But when you hearts in a million pieces, which one do you follow." After a moment of silence Clary continued "to love is to destroy, and to be loved is to be the one destroyed. I can't be more broken than this Jace. I just can't." And with that Clary got up and drew a portal rune and stepped though without looking back.

It was a week before anyone saw Clary back at the institute. They had gotten worried this time. The longest she had been out before that was two days, and she had called Max to tell him not to worry. She hadn't talked to any of them, and there were times she didn't show up after being tracked. But there she was, at midnight, in the training room.

"Clary" Jace said "where did you go"

"Paris" she replied simply

"Clary we need to talk"

"About what Jace, what could you possibly have to say to me."

"I love you Clary" Jace said "I have since the moment I meet you and I always will. And I know you feel the same"

"That's not fair Jace" she looked to him and saw that he wasn't going to drop the topic. "Fine, I'll tell you what, we have a hand to hand combat fight, if you win you can say whatever you want to me, and I'll listen."

"And if I lose?" Questioned Jace

"then you have to leave. Deal?"

"Deal" said Jace.

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