9:00 p.m
He sits at his desk bitterly staring at the wall. His head is pounding. Nothing went according to plan today. Nothing. Well, other than getting the Director booted out of the Post Office. But try as he might, he can't feel happy about that. Sure, it's what he wanted – what he's been fighting for – but the victory feels hollow in light of the days' events. He was so excited when Aram's tap on Tom's phone paid off. He'd expected to finally capture Liz. Expected to finally sleep knowing she was safe. Instead, Cooper – Cooper of all people – had tipped them off. He trusted him and he let them go. Another wild goose chase. Goddammit. It's been hours and his blood still boils thinking about it. Fucking Tom Keen. When would Liz ever see that bastard for what he is? Why does she keep running back to him?
He can't sit still anymore. He needs to get out, clear his head. Grabbing his jacket he flips off the lights and heads downstairs. As he's getting ready to head out, he sees Samar sitting alone on the edge of Liz's desk with her head bowed. He pauses, puts his jacket down and walks over to the doorway. He almost lost her today too. He can hardly wrap his mind around that.
Listening to her grieve her brother, he can feel the tears welling in his eyes. She's been betrayed worse than he can imagine. But the thing is, he can imagine. He gets it. She's got no one. No one at all. They're so much alike. How did he not see that before? And as he's listening to her, he's focused on the desk behind her. Liz's desk. And he feels his throat tightening.
"Are you okay?" Her question takes him by surprise. And staring at Liz's desk, he's honest. "I'm not so sure." The last word catches in his throat and he swallows hard. She gives him a searching look and he turns away, trying not to let her see the tears fighting to escape. Because suddenly it's just all too damn much. He's so goddamn sick of the chase. Of being betrayed. Of being alone. Of having no one – no one –he can trust.
11:00 p.m.
He stares at the ceiling listening to Samar breathe, her arm resting lightly on his bare chest. It's the first time since Audrey died that he's had anyone else in his bed and it feels strange. He can't remember the last time he just let go like that. It was surprisingly easy to lose himself there for a while – forget all the pain of the day and just give in. But now? I can't believe I slept with my partner. He gently lifts her arm, turns away from her on his side, and wills himself to fall asleep.
2:00 a.m.
He's running through the woods – he can see her shape darting through the trees in front of him. Small flashes of blonde hair. He should be able to catch her – when did she learn to run so fast? He can hear the leaves crunching as he runs, but somehow she is soundless. He loses sight of her and stops, listening for any sound. Suddenly he hears a gunshot. He runs in the direction of the shot and as he draws closer he sees her on the ground. His heart races as he falls to his knees in front of her. All he sees is blood spreading across the ground, staining the leaves. In the distance, he hears a voice shouting "Ressler!"
"Ressler!" Samar's voice pulls him from the nightmare. He's on his back and she's leaning over him with a concerned look on her face, her hand gently touching his sweaty cheek. His heart is pounding. He pulls away from her quickly and heads into the bathroom, yanking his discarded t-shirt over his head as he does so. He splashes water on his face and stares at his haggard reflection in the mirror. Pull yourself together. Don't lose it in front of her.
Returning to the bedroom, he avoids Samar's eyes as he climbs back into bed and rolls back on his side, away from her. "How long has this been going on?" she asks softly. "Too long" he answers shortly. He can't talk about this. Not with her. They haven't gotten to that level yet.
"We're going to find her," she says, "I'm certain of it." He doesn't answer her. She turns then and wraps her arms around him silently, her cheek pressed against his back. And suddenly, he can't hold it in anymore and he takes a deep shuddered breath and lets the tears come.
6:00 a.m.
He wakes to find Samar fully dressed, silhouetted in the doorway. "Are we ok?" he asks. "Of course we are," she replies, looking at him evenly. "I'll see you at work." And with that she's gone. As the cool morning light seeps through the blinds and illuminates the room his mind swirls. What the hell do I do next?