Christmas
"I think you should go with this one, Nessie. You don't wear nearly enough green or pink, and they both suit your hair and eyes so well." I nodded my head, trying to pay attention to Alice. Alice was holding a pink sweater up against me with the same sweater in green right next to me.
"I know, Alice, but I just don't really like pink." Alice gave me a look like I had just committed a cardinal sin.
"Renesmee Carlie Cullen, you're beginning to dress more and more indifferently these past few months and I won't have it. I will not be the only one in the house that has any fashion sense." I giggled.
"Rosalie always dresses nice." Alice rolled her eyes.
"Yes, she does, but that's because that's how she's always been. She grew up in a society where looking your best made you a cut above the rest. Honestly, if it weren't for that upbringing and her overall obsession with herself, the woman would be a grease monkey in every sense of the word." I started laughing. I always laughed when Alice went on one of her little fashion rants.
"Well Jasper dresses nicely." I knew why of course. But it was fun to hear her reason out loud.
"All because he has his beautiful, loving wife to lay out cloths for him. Honestly, we're talking about a man that wore nothing but his confederate uniform throughout most of his first few years as a vampire. And the man wouldn't know his way through a closet even if you gave him a map." I laughed again. I finally answered her when my laugh settled down.
"Okay, okay. I get it Alice. I'll start wearing more pink." Alice gave me her sweetest smile.
"I'm glad you finally see it my way, Nessie." We continued through the store looking for new cloths. I don't know if I inherited it from momma or if it was from all that time I spent with Jacob, but I really didn't like shopping. I found it dull and tedious. I always had a headache at the end of each shopping trip. The shopping trip always went more smoothly if I just agreed with everything Alice said. She was honestly the only reason I didn't wear blue jeans and a t-shirt every day.
We spent a lot more time in the same store than I personally thought was necessary, but I didn't complain. Once we were finally done in one store, she dragged me to another. We were primarily Christmas shopping. I couldn't imagine why Alice had waited until a week before. The mall was a zoo around this time. More so than it already was, anyway.
"Ah, Jasper will love this." She was holding an old rifle. We had landed ourselves in a weaponry store that had opened up recently. It wasn't the kind of gift I would give the man I loved, but at least Alice wasn't dragging me into Victoria's Secret. Now that I actually knew what the purpose of those things were, I shuddered at the thought of ever stepping foot in that store again.
"Will that go with his old uniform or something?" Alice nodded her head.
"Yeah. He's wanted to get a new gun since he took out his uniform to show you a few months ago, but he just never got around to doing it. I figure what better time to get it for him than for Christmas?" I shrugged in agreement.
"I still haven't thought about what to get Jacob. I already gave him a piece of junk to fix up, and he's been happy as a clam with that gift. I'm coming up short on what to get him." Alice giggled.
"You'll have to talk to Rosalie about that one. She figured you wouldn't know what to get him after such a big gift, so she looked under the hood of his car and looked to see what he needed for the engine." I was now hopeful.
"And?" Alice giggled.
"He's having a hard time finding the 2.5 liter 5 cylinder that he needs." I had no idea what that meant, but it was a start. My knowledge of cars was extremely basic.
"Can we go to a specialty store?" Alice nodded.
"We'll have to look at every specialty store if we have a prayer of finding one, but we'll find it." I beamed a happy smile at Alice and she smiled back. Once she had done all the Christmas shopping she had wanted to do, we went back to her yellow Porsche and drove to the closets specialty store.
We looked all over Seattle , Port Angels, Hoquiam, Sequim, Olympia and just about everywhere that was within a thousand mile radius. Eventually, we found one in Olympia. It wasn't cheap, but we got it. Thanks to Alice 's erratic driving and the speed of her Porsche, we managed to finish what should have taken the whole day in a matter of two and a half hours. You've got to love vampire drivers.
When we finally had the cylinder, we drove back home to hide it. Rosalie and Esme had finished the tree this morning. They had ornaments from every generation imaginable, so the tree was breath taking. They even had blue, pink, and a wide array of colored ornaments. They didn't sell those anymore. The Denalis had arrived earlier today. They wanted to spend Christmas with us.
"Hey, Nessie. How was shopping?" Garret asked me, his voice thick with laughter. I shrugged. Garret knew I hated shopping. In fact, he hated it more than I did. Ironically enough, Kate was a lover of the mall. You'd never think she'd like that sort of stuff, but the girl was a pedigree shopaholic, second only to Alice .
"It was good. I got a cylinder for Jacob's car project." Rosalie looked over to me.
"You got the 2.5 liter 5 cylinder, right?" I nodded my head. "Good. That's really the only thing he was having a hard time finding." Jacob had managed to find most of what he needed in the local junkyards. One or two of the things he needed, he ordered through his shop. The cylinder was the problem. Not only was it hard to find, it was expensive.
"You don't think he'll get mad at me for spending money on him will he?" Momma and daddy laughed.
"Don't worry, honey. He'll pretend that you shouldn't have, but trust me, he'll be on cloud nine when you give him that." Momma nodded her head in agreement.
"Is the pack joining us for Christmas?" Carlisle said this from his second floor office, the place where he seemed to spend most of his after work time. Daddy answered.
"No. Just Jacob and his family. That means Billy, Rachael, Paul, Rebecca and John. And Charlie is coming too."
"Is grandma coming?" Daddy shook his head.
"I'm afraid not. We invited her, but she told us that Phil wanted to spend Christmas with his mother. She was just diagnosed with lung cancer, so he wants to be near her."
"Oh." I knew it was selfish, but I was a little mad. I'd never met grandma. I'd only heard about her from everyone who had met or known her. They all said she was a bit feather brained but somehow still insightful. This meant another year that I wouldn't know her.
"You'll meet her one of these days, Nessie." I couldn't help but think that they were waiting to introduce us until a time when my existence as Edward and Bella Cullen's daughter was actually plausible by human standards. "That's not why, honey." Momma asked daddy what I was thinking and agreed with daddy once he told her.
I went into the music room to play the piano. Jacob was coming over right after work, but work didn't end for him until five. It was only one. I played the piano for a few hours. Daddy and momma sat next to me while I played the piano. When it was almost six, I heard Jacob's car pull up the driveway. I pulled myself off of the bench and went to the door, daddy taking my place in the center of the bench and playing for momma.
Jacob walked out of his car and walked up the porch. I waited for him at the door. He never needed to knock or ring the door bell. There was no point to him doing so. We all knew he was coming and he was here all the time anyway. He let himself in and smiled at me when he saw me.
"Hey, Nessie."
"Hey, Jacob. How was work?" Jacob chuckled.
"Everybody's looking forward to the holidays. The owner of the shop set up Christmas decorations all over the place. The shop looks more like a section of Macy's instead of a car repair shop." I giggled.
"How's fixing up your car going?" He looked sad.
"I can't find an affordable cylinder. And I've looked in every junkyard I could find and I haven't gotten lucky." I smiled to myself.
"That's unfortunate. I'm sure you'll find it eventually." I giggled to myself as I led him with me into the house. I felt a feeling of triumph go through me. I needed to remember to give Rosalie a big kiss later for her help.
"So what should we do?"
"Well, there aren't any more decorations that need to be hung. Could you help me wrap some presents?" Jacob smiled and nodded his head.
"I'll warn you though, I've never been the best gift wrapper in the world." I giggled.
"I'm sure no one will care." We laughed at we walked to the room that had all the gifts we had gotten for everyone. I had already wrapped everything that Jacob was getting. The cylinder was my big gift to him, but I'd also bought him a new pair of jeans and daddy and momma had bought him large strips of black leather for his car.
It took a little longer to wrap all the presents than I thought it would. Jacob wasn't kidding when he said that gift wrapping had never been his specialty. He did start getting the hang of it the more presents we wrapped.
"Any interesting car damages while at work today?" Jacob laughed lightly.
"We did have a guy whose whole front half of his car was smashed because he hit a deer." I giggled.
"That's unfortunate."
"What's worse about it is that the deer got up and ran away, healthy as ever." I laughed harder.
"How is that possible?" Jacob was laughing too. He shrugged his shoulders.
"I don't know. I think deer are immune from death by cars." We were still laughing.
"It sounds like it." While wrapping presents, Jacob told me about other minor damages he had to look over as well as several usual procedures throughout the day. When we finally finished wrapping the presents, I went to the kitchen to make him some dinner. I stuck with something simple and just made him some fried chicken.
"How do you make this? It's amazing." I giggled.
"I put garlic and cayenne pepper for some spice into the breading. I know you like spicy food." Jacob smiled.
"You know me so well." I blushed and felt a sense of pride at his words. He ate his chicken with his root beer and a twice backed potato. It didn't take long for him to eat his food. The man was a bottomless pit. I heard daddy laugh at my thoughts. By the time Jacob was finished eating, it was nine thirty.
"Do you have patrol tonight?" Jacob nodded his head.
"Yeah, I do. I better get going now. I still need to drive back home." Jacob took his dishes to the sink and began to clean them.
"No, let me do it. I don't want any of the pack members being mad at me because I made you late." Jacob continued cleaning.
"They wouldn't be mad at you. And besides, you cooked me dinner, the least I can do is clean up after myself." I shrugged and didn't push it. Why argue over chores when they're getting done? Momma and daddy came into the room. Once Jacob was finished cleaning everything, he kneeled down to my level and kissed my forehead. "Night, Nessie. I'll see you tomorrow." I smiled at him and he smiled back.
"Night, Jacob. Be safe out there." Jacob let out a quiet laugh.
"Don't worry about me Nessie. I can take care of myself, and so can the others."
"That doesn't mean things can't go wrong. So just listen to me and be safe okay." Jacob chuckled one last time.
"Okay, Nessie. I'll be safe. I grinned back at him.
"Thank you." Momma, daddy and I walked Jacob to his car and said our final goodbyes for the night. When he was out of sight and hearing range, daddy told me it was time for me to go to bed. Momma and daddy took me back to the cottage so I could do my nightly routine and get ready for bed. They were waiting for me in my room, ready to tuck me in.
Christmas Morning
It was Christmas morning. Alice, Esme, and daddy were prepping the food that we would be serving later today. Jacob had already arrived. Everyone else would be arriving later near the afternoon. We would start opening presents after dinner. I was wearing the sweater that Alice had bought me the other day while we were shopping. She was happy to see me wearing something pink for once. I was wearing the pink sweater with black leggings and those black fuzzy slipper shoes that were really cozy. Needless to say, Alice had been the one to dress me this morning.
Alice had even convinced Jacob to wear a sweater. It was a dark, navy blue sweater with a white dress shirt underneath. I wasn't used to seeing Jacob wear something like that. His body was plenty warm on its own without any help from wool. I could only imagine how uncomfortable he was.
Jacob had said that Rebecca and John would most likely be the last ones to arrive. Apparently, Rebecca was an absolute perfectionist and refused to look at all out of order at any time. It didn't take daddy, Esme and Alice long to prepare all the food. Now we were just waiting for everyone invited to show up. I heard a car pull up the driveway and looked towards the door. It was the cruiser. That meant that Billy and grandpa were here. I went to the door to greet them.
"Hi, grandpa. Merry Christmas." He was holding a few boxes that would need to go under the tree. He handed them to Billy so he could take them in. Jacob came behind Billy and lifted him into the house.
"Merry Christmas, Nessie. Is that sweater new?" I nodded my head.
" Alice forced me to wear pink." Grandpa chuckled and took the necessary steps towards me to give me a hug.
"You look adorable." I heard Alice yell an 'I told you so' from the kitchen, but I ignored her. Everyone was laughing lightly. I pulled grandpa with me inside the house and into the living room. Everyone was immersed in conversation. Emmett had a game on that Billy had joined in watching. I swear, they could always find a game to watch. Grandpa sat next to Emmett and joined in watching the game.
I went to Jacob, who was sitting in the off chair next to the sofa. I sat on his lap and watched the game with them, not really paying any attention. I rested my head on my nook and took in Jacob's scent. He smelled like his usual woodsy self, but there was a hint of something else. It was a really powerful smell. It wasn't a bad smell, but it wasn't Jacob's smell.
"What's that smell?" Jacob chuckled. I heard a car pull up outside, but disregarded it.
"It's tag body spray." I gave him a confused look.
"And what, may I ask, made you decide to wear body spray today?" Jacob laughed at the critical tone of my voice. The one's who'd been in the car had let themselves into the house and were coming closer.
"I hate the smell of Abercrombie. I'll never know how Alice found an Abercrombie sweater that fit me, but it smelled horrible."
"Why didn't you just wash it?"
"I tried. I put it through the wash four times and the smell wouldn't come out. I weakened it at best. As a last resort, I sprayed it with John's tag body spray. Now all I can smell is the Tag."
"Same here." I gave him my lecturing look.
"Don't give me that look Nessie. Smelling like cologne is a lot better than smelling like a store. Besides, I don't smell that bad." I smiled at him.
"It's not bad, but it's not your scent. I like your scent. Don't ever wear cologne of any kind again, okay." Jacob chuckled.
"Yes, Nessie." I heard someone else start laughing too.
"Whipped like the family pig." Jacob turned his head to face the person who'd made the comment.
"You're one to talk, Paul." Jacob and Paul kept laughing. Rachael put the presents they brought under the tree.
"Hi Rachael." I smiled at her. She lifted her head from under the tree and smiled politely at me.
"Hi, Nessie."
"Are you happy that Rebecca's back home?" She smiled almost reminiscently.
"Yeah. It's been too long since the last time I'd seen her. We still talked over the phone, but it wasn't the same." I smiled back at her. Rachael had finally started to open up to me. We weren't best friends, but we were something, and that was better than nothing. I just hoped that Rebecca wouldn't be this hard to win over.
"How long is she staying?" Rachael shrugged her shoulders.
"She said they'd be staying until next week. Her and I have a lot of catching up to do after all."
"That's good." Rachael gave me one last smile, then walked over to Paul and they went over to talk to Tanya and Kate. I looked back at Jacob when I was sure she couldn't hear me. "Do Rebecca and John have any kids?" Jacob shook his head.
"No. John doesn't want any kids. Rebecca's tried to convince him otherwise, but she hasn't been able to budge him." I changed position on Jacob's lap so that my head was resting sideways on his chest. I suddenly missed his hair. He had cut it short. It was getting too long, so he cut it a few weeks ago. I understood why he needed to, but I missed his hair when it was short. Jacob was the only man I'd ever thought looked halfway decent with long hair. And he never let his hair get too long.
"Why doesn't he want kids?" Jacob shrugged.
"I think I have something to do with it." I looked at him from my nook.
"You?" Jacob chuckled.
"Yeah. He doesn't know that I'm the one who played all those pranks on him, but I wasn't exactly polite to him while he was here." I gave Jacob a critical look.
"How do you mean?" Jacob chuckled again.
"I may have called him a cradle robber and a pimp the last time I saw him." I gapped at him. I heard Paul's voice from the kitchen.
"You would know, wouldn't you Jacob?" I ignored Paul's comment.
"No wonder he doesn't like you." Jacob chuckled at the look on my face. When he was done laughing, he gave me a crocked, cocky smile.
"Believe me, Nessie. Once you meet him, you'll hate him as much as I do." I rolled my eyes at him and looked back at the TV. Jacob chuckled and didn't say anything else. Just about everyone was in the family room watching the game. Carlisle and daddy were playing a game of Gin. Momma and Esme surrounded them. Eventually, it was one.
"I'm going to call Rebecca and see if she needs directions." Billy rolled himself into another room so he could call Rebecca. I overheard his side of the conversation, but I tried not to pay attention. I had to admit that I was extremely nervous about meeting Rebecca. I didn't know much about her.
"Hey, Jacob?" Jacob looked from the game to me.
"Yeah, Nessie?" I sighed.
"Did you, Billy or Rachael tell Rebecca much about me?" Jacob hugged me closer.
"I told her a lot about you. As much as I was allowed to at least. She knows that you're a relative of the Cullens. She knows you and I are really close. She knows that you're…..advanced for you your age."
"Do you think she'll like me?" Jacob smiled at me.
"I'm sure she'll love you. She's not as to herself as Rachael is. She's much more energetic and outgoing. I'm sure you two will be instant friends." I smiled when he said that. I really wanted both of his sisters to like me.
"I'm glad to hear that." After another minute, Billy rolled himself back into the living room. Jacob looked back at him.
"Are they having trouble finding the house?" Billy shook his head and rolled his head.
"Yeah. She said they have a map and all, but John is refusing to ask anyone in Forks for directions. She thinks they're almost here, though." Jacob nodded his head and looked back at the game. Something happened in the game and everyone got excited. I had no idea what they were cheering about.
When it was pushing two o'clock, we heard the doorbell ring. Billy cleared his throat and was about to roll himself to the door. But daddy rose first and said that he would get it. Billy looked relieved when daddy offered. Daddy walked over to the door and opened it, giving the people on the other side a welcoming greeting.
"Hello Rebecca, John." They nodded at daddy.
"Hello. Where should we put these?" She lifted the small pile of presents she had slightly indicating what she was talking about.
"Just put them under the tree, it's in the corner of the family room. Everyone's already gathered there." Daddy escorted them to the family room and to the tree where they rested the gifts they brought. When Rebecca turned around, she and I made eye contact. I smiled at her.
"Hi." She smiled kindly back at me.
"Hi. So you're Renesmee I'm assuming." I grinned wider and nodded my head. "It's nice to finally meet you. Jacob spoke of nothing else." Jacob just smiled his silly smile at me.
"It's nice to finally meet you too." She smiled wider at me and came over to sit on the couch next to grandpa. When she was seated on the couch and John was sitting close to her, she turned towards me and started talking to me. The couch was cramped with the addition of the two people.
"So tell me, Nessie, what school do you go to?" I didn't change my facial expression, but I did panic slightly on what to say. I heard daddy mumble, 'tell her you're home schooled', from the kitchen.
"I'm actually home schooled." She seemed surprised by this.
"Oh, really? Interesting. What's that like?" I shrugged.
"It's nice. I don't have to worry about being distracted by other students, I don't have to leave my house and I can go at my own pace." She nodded approvingly.
"That's good to know. Do you converse with other kids your age?" I shook my head.
"Not really. When I try to talk to kids my age they don't seem really interested." Jacob laughed lightly to himself at why that was ironic.
"I guess you're a little more mature than other children your age. It's common with children that are homeschooled." I looked at her for a moment before saying anything more.
"You're in psychology aren't you?" She started laughing.
"Not professionally. I'm just really fascinated with the subject. I'd love to take college courses on psychology when I can afford it." I smiled.
"You'd be a good Psychologist." She smiled back.
"Thank you, it's nice to hear that from you." John finally started to talk.
"Aren't homeschooled kids really socially awkward or something?" I looked at Jacob and he gave me his, 'I told you so', look. Evidently, John was one of those people that spoke before he thought. I finally understood why Jacob didn't like John. Rebecca looked back at him.
"It happens, yes, but it doesn't appear that's the case with Nessie." John shrugged his shoulders and looked back at the TV. Daddy changed the subject.
"We're going to start cooking the food. It should be done in about two more hours." Everyone nodded their head. Daddy, momma, Esme, Alice, Tanya, Kate, Carmen, Rachael and even Rosalie, followed daddy to the kitchen to help with dinner.
After having spent several hours watching nothing but a ball game, I hopped off of Jacob's lap, went to where Emmett was sitting, snatched the remote and ran back to Jacob and sat back on his lap, my head resting on my nook on his shoulder and started browsing through the channels. Eventually, I found a channel that had something that I liked. Jacob grinned when he saw what was playing.
"If there's an Invader Zim marathon, you'd always know where to find it." Jacob chuckled at his little joke and I smiled triumphantly. I heard someone sigh heavily.
"Could you tell her to turn it back to the game? I would rather not watch a cartoon." Rebecca looked at John.
"Honey, it's their house, they'll watch what they want. Don't make a fuss out of nothing." He rolled his eyes, but didn't argue further. I touched Jacob's arm.
You were right. Jacob looked at me and brought his face a little closer to mine so he could whisper to me.
"About what?" No one heard him but me and the other vampires.
He's a total prick. I heard daddy clear his throat from the kitchen, silently telling me to watch my language. Jacob was trying with all his power to fight back his laughter. Rebecca and John both noticed. I only wish that John hadn't been the one to acknowledge it.
"What are you laughing at?" Jacob let a small portion of his bass laughter release. When he had enough control, he answered John.
"There was a squirrel outside." I just stared at him. That was a lame excuse. John felt the same way.
"Why is that funny?" Jacob kept grinning.
"There were two squirrels on a branch outside and they got into a fight. The squirrel pushed the other squirrel out of the tree. The one that fell out of the tree looked like it was crying. I just found it funny." John stared at Jacob as if he was insane. My hand was still on Jacob's arm.
You're not very good at spontaneous lying, you know that? Jacob started chuckling again, trying to keep in his laugh.
"Now what's so funny?" Jacob chuckled a little more.
"It's those damn squirrels." I rolled my eyes and pinched Jacob's arm. It no doubt hurt him, but he didn't even flinch. Paul was laughing now too. Then Garret joined in. Before we knew it, just about everyone was laughing at nothing. Even I started giggling. Throughout the afternoon, we all watched Invader Zim whether everybody wanted to or not. And just as daddy said, dinner was ready in two hours.
Everyone helped get the food to the table and took their seats once they did. Daddy and the other vampires in my family made themselves a plate of food that they weren't going to eat. Daddy put my portion in front of me and the smell made me feel sick. Everyone started eating.
"This is really good Rachael. I have to admit, I didn't believe Paul when he told me your cooking had gotten better but he was right. The turkey's a dream." Rachael had taken on making the turkey this year. Everyone had been nervous to let her, but it appeared that everyone liked it. Rachael blushed.
"Thanks Rebecca. I worked hard on it."
"It certainly tastes that way." Rachael and Rebecca smiled at each other and then went back to their food. The majority of the meal was spent with everyone having their own conversations. When Jacob finished his first plate of food and went to grab another helping, I noticed he had an amused look in his eyes. I looked at daddy. He was just pinching the bridge of his nose and shaking his head gently.
"Hey, John." John looked up from his food. Daddy's apparent irritation grew a little, but he otherwise said nothing.
"What?" Jacob's smirk grew.
"It suddenly occurred to me that we were lied to by the Jetsons." I looked at Jacob with my dumbfounded face. What was he talking about?
"What are you talking about?" John sounded annoyed.
"Well, according to that show, we should have been cruising around in flying cars by now. And here we are, still driving cars that keep their tires on the ground." John's face got more annoyed. I really hoped there was a point to this little conversation, because I wasn't seeing it.
"Well, Jacob, most logical people weren't banking on a cartoon to give us a glimpse into the future of technological development." I looked back at Jacob. His face was suddenly pondering.
"Hey," John looked back up from his food, "what would you be willing to trade for the flying car?" John's face became critical again.
"What are you talking about?" I noticed Jacob was fighting a smile. Anyone else but me wouldn't have noticed.
"Well, let's say some German scientist walks up to you and says, 'I have invented the flying car, and I'll give it to you on one condition.'" John suddenly looked interested for some bizarre reason.
"What's the condition?" Jacob gently shook his head.
"He's not going to tell you." John rolled his eyes.
"Then it's no deal." Jacob gave John a critical look.
"The guy is offering you the flying car. You're going to look a gift horse in the mouth? Just take the car, dude."
"Not until I know what the catch is." I think John was taking this conversation a little too seriously.
"Fine." Jacob sighed heavily. "The catch is you've got to cut off a foot." John's eyes bugged out.
"No way, dude." Jacob was even getting defensive now.
"Are you saying you wouldn't cut off your foot for the flying car? You're that selfish?" John raised his voice slightly.
"It's my foot, how am I supposed to walk?" Jacob rolled his eyes as if the answer was obvious.
"What walk? You'll have the flying car. After that you could buy a couple hundred prostatic feet." John sighed.
"Which foot? Right or left?" Jacob shrugged.
"Either is fine."
"Alright, fine. I'll trade my left foot for the flying car."
"Awesome. It's a deal then. Your left foot for the flying car. You're sure?" John rolled his eyes.
"Yes I'm sure."
"You can't back out?"
"I won't back out!" John had said this a tad louder than what was necessary.
"Good. Because the whole world is counting on you."
"What the hell kind of scientist is this man anyway?" Jacob smirked a little.
"A man with a lot of free time on his hands." Jacob made a small pause. "And a really creepy foot fetish." Emmett, Garret and Paul laughed lightly. "Okay. Now you find out that the scientist is going to take off your foot with a hacksaw."
"What!" John's eyes looked like they would pop out of his head.
"And no anesthetics."
"Fuck that!" Rebecca and daddy gave him an appalled look. Just about everyone else rolled their eyes.
"Come on, dude, its part of the deal of which you agreed to."
"You didn't mention that before!" Why was John taking this so seriously?
"Oh come on. It only hurts when they're taking the foot of, Navy boy. After that, he'll use a local on the stump and corduroys the wound." Emmett, Garret, Paul and even Jasper were laughing now.
"Why can't I have the local before he starts cutting?" Jacob was really fighting a smile now.
"Because, he is a sick degenerate who likes to inflict pain." John's face looked shocked.
"You said he was a scientist!"
"What? You don't think Einstein liked hacking people's feet off? No one ever said anything about it since he was one of the greatest minds of our time. But come on, dude, take a hit for the team, will you? It's a few short seconds of pain for a lifetime of riches and zero traffic."
"Fine. But only if I get the local as soon as he's done cutting." Jacob's face became concerned.
"So you want the local?" Johns face became even more annoyed.
"Who do I look like, the Marquis De Sans? Yes I want the local!" Jacob shrugged.
"Alright. If you're sure." John's face was worried now.
"Why did you say it like that?" Jacob shrugged again and put on a mask of indifference.
"Nothing. It's just that the local he gives you knocks you out. And when you're out he…well, he diddles you pinny." John's face became shocked. What was a pinny?
"Oh come on!" Jacob chuckled very lightly.
"Sorry, dude, you're the one that made the deal."
"To have my foot cut off for the flying car! Not to be tortured and molested by some mad German scientist."
"And his friends."
"What?"
"Well, when he's done with you, he gives his friends a shot at you too." John rolled his eyes.
"Deals off!" Jacob's face became offended.
"What are you, some kind of homophob?"
"No! I just don't want to be diddled by some mad German scientists and his friends after they've hacked my foot off!" Jacob rolled his eyes again.
"Need I remind you that this is for the flying car?"
"It's not worth it!" Now Jacob's face became angry.
"See. You're what's wrong with this country. Hell with this world. You're always thinking about your own comfort level, never thinking about the rest of us." I could see John getting angrier and angrier by the second. "And you'll forever be remembered as the sad foot note in the book of life, the wimpy little scumbag who could have breached the chasm of becoming and being, but instead opted to cover his own ass and foot in the process." John had reached his breaking point.
"ALL RIGHT!! I'll go through with the deal! I'll let some mad German scientist hack my foot off, then he and his friends can have their way with me, all for the sake of having the one and only flying car!" His voice ended in sarcasm. Then Jacob answered him with a straight face.
"You would do it with a bunch of guys just to get a car?" The whole room burst into laughter, even the ones that didn't want to laugh. At least I finally got the joke. John wasn't laughing though.
"That wasn't funny." He was glaring at Jacob.
"The whole room appears to disagree with you." Even I couldn't help but laugh. When Jacob finished his food, he took his plate with him to the kitchen and I followed with my food. When we were alone in the kitchen and I had laid everything on the counter, I looked up at him.
"Where'd you find that joke?" Jacob looked so proud.
"Youtube." I laughed and so did he. I was shaking my head while I was laughing.
"That was cruel." Jacob shrugged.
"Maybe, but it was funny."
"When did you find time to look for a joke like that?" Jacob smirked.
"During my lunch break at work. Craig needed me to look for something online, and I figured I'd look at youtube while I was at it. I ended up finding that video and decided I wanted to try it on John. Looks like it worked." I giggled.
"It would appear so." Jacob and I were still laughing lightly when daddy and momma came into the kitchen with their full plates of food. Daddy's face was critical, and momma's face looked torn between amusement and disappointment. Daddy took momma's plate and put it in the sink with our dishes, never taking his eyes off Jacob.
"That was an interesting joke." Jacob shrugged and smiled.
"I thought so. I just wanted to see if he would fall for it." Daddy rolled his eyes.
"I wish you hadn't picked such an inappropriate time to tell it." Jacob chuckled.
"Oh, come on, Edward. You were laughing too. Admit it, you thought that was funny." Daddy grinned.
"I was more amused by how seriously he was taking you, not the joke itself."
"That's part of the joke. If he didn't fall for it, then it wouldn't have been funny. He fell for it, hence it was funny." Daddy rolled his eyes again.
"Whatever you say Jacob. But just so you know, John isn't too fond of you right now." Jacob pretended to be all innocent.
"Why ever would he be mad at me?" Now I rolled my eyes and smacked his arm. Jacob chuckled when I did and put his hand on the spot I had hit him. Daddy chuckled too. Momma was laughing to herself.
"Youtube, huh?" Jacob nodded.
"We are the Youtube generation after all." Momma shrugged and smirked at Jacob.
"Is that what we're called now?" Jacob nodded.
"That's what my boss calls us, anyway." I had never met Craig. But from the way Jacob talked about him, I assumed that he wasn't crazy about him.
"Isn't he close to the same age as you?" Jacob looked at me weird, then his face became a little more knowing.
"No. He's a baby boomer. I don't know exactly when he was born, but I do know he went to Woodstock and such. I think you're thinking of Andy. You've never met Craig, have you?" I shook my head.
"Nope. I haven't met him." Jacob and daddy chuckled.
"Good for you." Momma and I joined their laughing. We went back to where everyone was sitting. Some were still eating, but they were close to done. Rebecca had brought in some dessert for everyone. Those who were done and wanted some got themselves a piece of the cake she brought. It was green and had a strange sour smell to it. While Jacob was eating his piece, I touched his arm.
What is that? Jacob looked at me and finished his bite before answering me.
"It's key lime pie. Do you want to try it?" I shook my head. My hand was still on his arm.
That's okay. The smell kind of reminds me of the baby formula. Regardless of one's age, that stuff has no business being called food. Daddy and Jacob chuckled lightly at that comment. Jacob put his hand on my head and patted gently once.
"If you insist." We smiled at each other, then he went back to his pie. While Jacob and everyone were eating the rest of their food. I became curious.
"Jacob?" Jacob finished chewing his piece.
"Yeah?"
"What would you do for the flying car?" Jacob chuckled lightly and daddy just rolled his eyes, but said nothing.
"I don't know. I wouldn't hack my foot off if that's what you mean. I wouldn't do it with a bunch of guys either." I giggled.
"Wow. That's selfish of you Jacob." Jacob chuckled.
"Why? Would you?" I shrugged.
"That depends. How many friends does this mad German scientist have?" Jacob kept on a forced straight face.
"They don't say. Not too many, I would imagine. There's only so many friends one can possibly acquire when they're insane." I giggled.
"Well, the number of friends he has would certainly effect my decision." Jacob chuckled lightly.
"You wouldn't have to worry about that anyway, Nessie." I looked at him with a confused face.
"Why do you say that?" Jacob shrugged. He was about to talk, but daddy cut him off.
"Don't tell her that, it's not true. And I would appreciate it if you two ceased this conversation." Jacob and I laughed lightly. I could always ask Jacob later. "You won't ask him at all, Renesmee." His voice was stern, so I let the matter go.
Once everyone was finished with their food and everything was in the dishwasher in the kitchen, everyone went into the family room where the tree and presents were. Emmett and Jasper had already separated everything into sections of who got what. Daddy pointed to where we were sitting. Momma, daddy and I were sitting on the couch with me in between them. Jacob sat with his family. Everyone else sat in couples or as a small group. Tanya sat next to Garret and Kate.
Jasper was the first one to go. Alice insisted that he open her present first. He really did like the gun she bought him. He even showed me how to load it.
"This takes a while." Jasper laughed.
"Yes, it does. You have to do everything manually. Guns these days do everything for you. But I was a good shooter. When I was human, I could shoot four a minute. That's faster than most." After he'd loaded the gun, he took me outside as well as a few others, and shot the gun at a bird he'd seen. Jacob ran to get it. I began to think of a golden retriever.
"We're not getting a dog, Renesmee." I looked back at him.
I didn't ask for one. Daddy chuckled.
"I know. I was just stopping you before you could." Daddy gave me a teasing smile. I couldn't resist.
What's wrong with dogs? Daddy rolled his eyes, but not in a mean way.
"They're drinkable, honey." His voice was low enough that human ears didn't hear him. Jacob came back with the bird in hand. He walked over to Jasper and handed him the bird.
"Nice shot." Jasper laughed and patted Jacob's head.
"Good boy. Let's go inside and get you a treat." Everyone who really got the joke laughed hard. John and Rebecca only laughed lightly. Everyone walked back inside and Jasper opened the rest of his gifts, which comprised mostly of new cloths. Alice was the next one to open presents. A lot of the gifts she got were either jewelry or more cloths. I couldn't help but laugh to myself. The woman went through cloths like tissues. Jacob had gotten her tarot cards as a joke.
Rebecca and John didn't get the joke, but that was okay. Esme had gotten Carlisle a few new volumes of medical journals that he had been wanting, along with more cloths from Alice. I shuttered to think the new closet full of cloths she'd gotten me. Daddy caressed my check lightly and laughed lightly at my thoughts. Esme received a few new cooking utensils since she was now cooking so much more.
Everyone opened their presents joyously, even if they didn't really like the gifts. When it was Jacob's turn to open presents, I got really excited. I wanted to see how he would react to his present. My gift was the first one that he reached for.
"Jacob, save my gift for last." Jacob looked confused, but didn't argue. He reached for Rosalie's present. Jacob just grinned.
"Oh wow, Rosalie. I never thought you would waste any money on me." I looked at Rosalie, who rolled her eyes.
"I didn't, actually. I found it in the women's changing room while I was shopping in Seattle." Jacob started laughing.
"It figures." When his laughter calmed down, he opened the gift. He pulled out a used book of blonde jokes. He laughed even more. "You do know that I plan on using this right?" Rosalie rolled her eyes.
"You're allowed one a day." Everyone laughed again. Jacob opened it and looked through the pages.
"Here's a good one. As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the copilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system. 'Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona . It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons struck the earth at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep.' From the cabin, a blonde passenger was heard to exclaim, 'Wow! It just missed the highway!'" Everyone laughed. Rosalie kept a straight face.
"Okay. You've used your one joke for the day." Jacob smiled and put the book back in the box. He then took the gift momma and daddy got him.
"Leather?" Daddy shrugged.
"You needed the leather so you could fix the leather seats in you new Rabbit. I thought we'd save you the money of buying it yourself." Jacob chuckled.
"Thanks. It's really cool." Jacob put the leather back into its box and moved to other gifts, avoiding mine as I had asked him to. Jacob picked up a present that was from Emmett. Jacob laughed lightly. "Where'd you find this one, a men's locker room?" Emmett laughed lightly.
"No. I bought it. I didn't pay much for it, but I bought it." Jacob gave Emmett a teasingly suspicious look, then started opening his gift. Jacob smiled when he saw what was in it.
"Pants?" Emmett nodded.
"The sweats you're always wearing are getting old. Let's leave it at that." Jacob and Emmett shared a good laugh. After unwrapping the rest of his presents, he finally go to my present, saving it for last. Jacob looked at it. It was a big box.
"What is it?" I giggled.
"You tell me." Jacob smiled, shrugged, and tore the wrapping paper. When the wrapping paper was torn away, Jacob tore the tape closing the box with his nail. His eyes seemed to pop out of his head when he saw my gift to him. He looked from the gift to me.
"Where did you find this?" I shrugged.
"Alice and I finally found it when we were in Olympia . It was a pain to find, but we found it." Jacob looked at the gift again. Then his face looked really guilty.
"Was it really expensive?" I rolled my eyes.
"Jacob, think about the family you're talking to. It wasn't too expensive." Jacob laughed lightly at the joke.
"I guess." He picked up the part and looked it over. "This is awesome. Thanks Nessie." I smiled triumphantly. He liked my present. Daddy rubbed my arm with his hand, his way of silently telling me it was obvious he would.
"Put it in as soon as you get home, you hear me. I want to hear that car purr." Jacob laughed harder this time.
"You got it, Nessie." Now that Jacob had finished opening his presents, Billy started up with his. He was surprised to see that he'd gotten so many. John and Rebecca opened the presents they had gotten from their family.
Tanya and her family were the next ones to start. For some reason, they were making me last. But when it did get to me, I got the majority of things that I expected. A whole closet worth of cloths from Alice of course. And she was serious about wanting me to wear more pink. Momma and daddy had bought me a new cover for my razor phone. My old one had broken a short time ago.
Rachael and Paul had even gotten me a gift. It was a necklace that was sweet and simple. It was beaded with blues and purples and a beaded leaf in the center. I thanked Paul and Rachael for the necklace and put it on. After I had finished opening most of my presents, I finally came across Jacob's gift. It was a medium sized box that was wrapped in silver wrapping paper.
I tore the wrapping paper to reveal a white box. It was the same kind of box that my plumeria comb came in. I opened the box to reveal another handmade wooden hair piece. This one was a comb through headband. The base of the comb was designed like vines that went out as teeth. It was lined with small wooden roses. The inside of the roses were yellow and they gradually became pink as they went to the tips of the petals. It was stunning. I looked at Jacob with a big smile on my face.
"Do you like it?" Jacob was grinning, waiting for my answer. All I could do was nod at him. My hair was down, so I ran it through my hair and into place. Rosalie handed me her new mirror so I could look. It was beautiful, and the contrast against my bronze curls was stunning. Kim would love playing around with it.
"It's beautiful Jacob." I hopped off of the couch and ran over to where Jacob was sitting. I hopped into his lap and gave him a hug. He hugged me back. For the next hour, everyone admired their gifts and talked amongst one another. Jacob looked at his new cylinder and thanked me a few more times and complemented me on how beautiful he thought I looked in my new hair piece.
Around nine o'clock, everyone started leaving. I gave Rebecca a hug goodbye. I wasn't sure when I would see her again. Her and John were having their own fun over New Years. And most everyone was going to their own parties. When everyone except Jacob was gone, Jacob told momma and daddy that he would take me back to the cottage to get ready for bed. Momma and daddy stayed at the house to help clean up.
Jacob held my hand as we walked back to the cottage. We talked about the events that passed throughout the day and the funny things that happened and how Jacob was never going to wear a sweater again. I laughed at that. I knew Jacob would hate wearing that sweater. He had taken it off the moment we were a couple hundred feet away from the house. Now he was just wearing the dress shirt that he'd worn under it.
"I thought that sweater made you look very handsome." Jacob rolled his eyes teasingly.
"I looked like your dad. Edward may be able to dress in sweaters, but he doesn't run at a constant 108 degrees." I giggled and Jacob squeezed my hand. "And you're about the same temperature as me. How do you tolerate wearing sweaters?" I shrugged.
"I don't know. I guess it's usually so cold outside that wearing a sweater isn't very uncomfortable. And besides, it would be kind of strange for me to walk around in a short sleeve shirt or a tank top in the middle of winter." Jacob and I laughed at the comment.
When we got to the cottage, Jacob went to my room to wait for me. I went to the bathroom to go about my nightly routine. I put the stool in front of the counter and reached for my stuff. I had grown slightly this month, but it was only to 4'9". At least I was the same height as Alice now. When I was cleaned and dressed into my pajamas, I went back to my room. I took off my new headband and put it on my vanity next to my jewelry box. Jacob pulled back the covers and I hopped in. He pulled the covers over me.
"Did you have fun today, Nessie?" I nodded.
"I'm glad that I finally got to meet Rebecca. I'm glad she liked me." Jacob smiled.
"Yeah. I knew you two would get along." Jacob kissed my forehead and caressed my hair gently and soothingly. I kissed his cheek when he was close enough to me.
"Can I help you put in your cylinder?" Jacob chuckled.
"Most definitely. I would love to have your help." We smiled at each other. "Get some sleep, Nessie. We've had a long day." I put my hand on his arm. I showed him an image of him resting his head next to my pillow sitting on my vanity chair, sleeping. I asked him if he would do that for me. Jacob chuckled lightly. "Sure, Nessie. I'll stay."
I smiled at him once more before closing my eyes. Jacob pulled my vanity chair near my bed and made himself comfortable next to my pillow. The smell of the tag body spray had worn off. Now all I could smell was Jacob's masculine, musky, woodsy scent. The smell of musky maple surrounded me and soothed me. I heard Jacob's snoring start, and I fell asleep a few minutes after that.