Just a Routine Trip to the Past
A.N. Once more an odd idea in my head sprouted a fuzzy tail and cute long ears and bit me on the ass. So now I'm rabid like the plot bunny... Aside from my bad metaphors I decided to add a little something to Rorschach's idea of an odd ideas folder and will be putting summaries before every one shot slash future story so you guys can skip what doesn't sound interesting or is unappealing to you... Oh and my standard "Not the same as canon!" disclaimer applies, and the legal disclaimer that ones important... Enjoy!
Summary- When the Battle of Hogwarts goes wrong Harry decides to get help from an alternate source, and becomes a little batty... When tragedy strikes, Harry is driven all the way over the deep end. So when a ancient spell from Voldemort hits him and he is sucked into the past he decides that the world's in for some chaos.
__________________________________________________________________
As Harry crept silently down the halls of Hogwarts, stunning and silencing any unfortunate Death Eaters, for hopefully the last time he reflected on the state of the war.
It had gone about as well as could be expected after the Battle of Hogwarts, as it had been called, was lost. The light had been shut out of the castle and Harry had lost all of his friends except for Luna. She had stayed with him until just a few nights ago when she had lost her life in a battle with Death Eaters. Harry had cried of course but thought that her death was fitting. She had noticed the curse seconds before it had hit her and he had managed to catch her last words.
"Oh poo and I was so looking forward to making fun of your masks when we had finished, and I never got my Harry ravishing either!"
Harry personally thought that she had a few more choice words but had been cut off quite literally by a cutting curse. In a fit of rage Harry had reduced the remaining 23 death eaters to the consistency of pudding before rushing over.
Before her death and directly after the Battle of Hogwarts she had woken Harry up in the Forbidden Forest and said in the most solemn voice he had ever heard out of her, "We lost,"
Then Luna had poisoned his mind to her odd and quite perverted ways though he was still much more sane then she. He was twenty-one now and over the last four years they had traveled Britain helping any resistance and generally trying to curb Voldemort. When he had figured out that all his horcruxes had been destroyed he had cursed for two solid days before attempting to make more. Apparently seven really was the lucky number because he had almost died trying to make his eighth.
It had been Harry's plan to hope Voldemort would just show up to one of the raids and then he could unleash his 'power the dark lord knows not' or whatever. He had always assumed that Luna was just along for the ride but then she had died which led up to the reason why Harry was now creeping through Hogwarts in the dead of night stunning guard Death Eaters.
The Death Eaters and Voldemort had taken Hogwarts after the Battle and Harry wracked with grief, or insanity it really is a toss-up, was following through on a bet he and Luna had made a few weeks back.
__________________________________________________________________
#Flashback Time!#
"There's no way you can break into Hogwarts single handedly and then kill all the Death Eaters and Voldemort!" shouted Luna.
"I sure as hell can," Harry shot back
"I'd like to see you try," she responded petulantly.
"Maybe I will!" he yelled equally petulantly and stalked off.
#Aw... No more Flashback Time!#
__________________________________________________________________
Sure he had said it all kiddingly but he had said it and in his grief, or insanity, addled mind he had decided that was all that mattered. Which is why we now find Harry blowing a large hole in the Headmasters office door and stepping in. Voldemort had a look of hilarious shock on his face which turned to anger when a flash went off.
"Potter!" he yelled as he sent four killing curses silently at the man.
"Shhh I'm waiting for the pictures to develop," Harry muttered as he dodged the curses.
"What. The. Hell. Are. You. Doing. In. My. Lair!" he shouted punctuating each word with a curse that was either incredibly painful, incredibly lethal, or a combination of the two.
"Oh you know, just checking up on my arch enemy. I mean really if you didn't want me up here you really shouldn't have set the password to 'Voldemort likes little boys'. Honestly, I guessed it on my first try." He responded shielding against a few, and dodging the rest of the curses.
"Damn you Potter! Damn you! I was saving this for a special occasion like my birthday but I suppose you can have it now," Voldemort began muttering to himself, long strings of what sounded like ancient Babylonian before raising his wand.
"I have no idea what this spell will do but it just looked bad-ass! So here you go,"
A glowing ball of blackish gold energy had formed a few inches away from his wand as he spoke his usual idiotic drivel. When he spoke the last few strings of Babylonian, with Harry stuck in place for some odd reason, the energy burst forward like a hurricane of sludge and blew Harry's body to bits of bloody flesh, apparently the sludge was corrosive. As Harry lost awareness two sounds were registered Voldemort's evil laugh, which Harry suspected was practiced in front of either a mirror or an underpaid henchman, and a high voice.
"Hey it's my bitch! You may not know me but I'm fate and I have decided to condemn you to relive this hell I made for you! Enjoy it bitch!" Then it all went black (and a hint of turquoise).
__________________________________________________________________
Wonderful! Harry's voice screamed in his head as he recognized his surroundings. All of Luna's bad jokes make sense now! I really am fates bitch!
Harry had woken up in the cupboard under the stairs and he was pissed!
Well it may be what fate wants but if that whore is going to just drop me off back in the '90s then I'm going to make everyones lives hell! He cackled insanely at this point. Chew on that fate!
__________________________________________________________________
A.N. Okay! I haven't received a review yet for this story/file thing but I'm sure this one is funny/awful enough for someone to comment! I might do more on this one without to much coercing... I seem to have a fixation with time related stories if anyones noticed. Oh and remember there is a pretty little challenge on my profile page and I wish I didn't have to beg but would someone please answer it? At least check it out and show it to all their author friends? I'd be much obliged...