Renesmee vs. Mario

Author's Note: This isn't the story I was talking about. This is just a cute little thing that came to my head today during gym. My friend thought it was a funny idea, so I decided to share it with you. The other story is coming, I just wanted to add this little tidbit. I hope you like it as much as my friend did.

I woke up the next morning alone in my room. I looked around, trying to find Jacob. I heard daddy's voice in the other room.

"He had to leave last night. Something happened with his pack." I began to get nervous, but daddy reassured me. "Don't worry, it wasn't serious. It turned out to be a false alarm. He needed to tell Billy, but he said he would be back after work today." That was good to know.

I stretched before getting out of bed and made my way to my bathroom and did my morning routine. I heard daddy's phone ring while I was in there, but I didn't pay attention to the conversation when he answered. I went back to my room to get dressed for the day. I looked at the clock and finally noticed that it was eleven thirty. I sighed. I found a pair of blue jeans and a long sleeve pink stripped shirt. Begrudgingly, I had to admit that my shirts looked better now that I had breasts. I actually looked like I had a figure now as opposed to the chick with a big butt and a plank for a chest like I had been for a few months. I preferred the way Jacob said it though. He had said I looked like a woman. I blushed at the thought. I put on my two lockets and my bracelet and then walked out of my room and into the living room where momma and daddy were. Daddy looked at me when I came into the room. He was smiling lightly.

"Guess who just called." I gave daddy a weird look and just shrugged.

"I don't know, who called?"

"Seth. He asked if you were free today. I said you were and that you'd call him back." My face didn't change. I hadn't seen Seth in a while, but when I saw him, I was always with Jacob.

"He called for me?" Daddy nodded. "Why?" Daddy shrugged.

"I didn't ask. He just wanted to know if we had any plans and I told him we didn't. So go call him back and you'll know." I sighed and shrugged and daddy just chuckled lightly. When I got to my room, I suddenly noticed a number next to my phone that had Seth's name on it. I dialed the number on my cell phone and waited for an answer.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Seth. It's Nessie. You called?" His voice became excited.

"OH. Hi, Nessie. Yeah I did. I was wondering if you were free today."

"Daddy says I am. What brings up this sudden desire to hang out?" I heard him chuckle.

"What? Do I have to have a reason to call and ask if you're free?" I laughed lightly too.

"It's not something you do often. Let's say that." He chuckled.

"Okay, point taken. Actually, all of my friends are busy today and I'm really bored. And I know that Jacob's at work right now, so I was wondering if you wanted to do something today to pass the time."

"What did you have in mind?" Seth sighed.

"Well, it's too rainy outside to do anything fun, even for Washington. So how about some Nintendo?"

"What's Nintendo?" Seth made a fake gasp.

"You don't know what Nintendo is? It's an old gaming system that has a lot of really fun group games. I have a lot of Mario to chose from. It used to be Leah's, but she lost interest in it a few years ago, so it's all mine now."

"Well, I have nothing better to do today, anyway, so sure. Nintendo it is." I heard a smile in Seth's voice.

"Awesome. But could Edward drop you off? I don't have a car available to me at the moment." I waited and listened for daddy to object or accept. He told me it was alright from the living room.

"Daddy said it was okay. Is there any certain time you want me there?"

"You can come now if you want. I just got out of bed a few minutes ago, so I warn you, I'm a bit of a mess." I smiled.

"Don't worry. I won't care. I'll be there in a few minutes." We hung up on each other and I took my phone with me while I went out to the living room with daddy and momma. Daddy and momma stood up from the couch.

"Let's get going."

"Are you coming, momma?" Momma smiled and shook her head.

"No. I'll stay here and spend some time with Alice or Rosalie until your father gets home. Have fun playing Nintendo. I always liked that system believe it or not." I giggled.

"Really? Did you play Mario or something?" Momma nodded her head.

"That's one of the best games. That and a lot of people like Link and Soul Caliber. But I never got into those. Just Mario." Daddy and I dropped momma at the house before we left for La Push. It didn't take long to get to Seth's house. He lived only two houses away from Billy. Sue was evidently at work, so it was just Seth at his house.

Seth heard us coming from the sound of the car going over the gravel and opened his front door to wave at daddy. I ran into Seth's house and waved goodbye to daddy and he waved back to me and Seth. He drove away after I got into the house. I smelled something in the air. It smelled like garlic and tomatoes.

"We're you cooking before I got here?" Seth shook his head and smiled.

"No. I was just reheating dinner from last night. Mom made spaghetti." I walked a little further into the small house until I was standing behind the couch across from the TV. I saw the Nintendo system in question and in it I saw a boxy looking thing that had Mario on it. I couldn't see the rest of the title because it was cut off by the system it was resting in. I walked a little closer to the system and took the controller in my hands.

"Is this the Mario game you told me about?"

"Yeah. I hate playing Mario alone. Jacob, Quil, Embry and I used to play this game together and see who could get a higher score. It was always a fun time." I looked back at the game and waited for Seth to come to the living room where I was. I pressed a button on the controller and something happened to the screen. Suddenly, the scenery changed to a tiny man standing on a platform with mountains and clouds and blue skies in the background.

I pressed that same button and the little man jumped. I looked at the button that I had my thumb on. It was X. I pressed the other buttons, but the man didn't do anything. I got a pause screen and a save screen, but that was it. The button that was resting under my left thumb was circular with a plus sigh shape in the middle. I pressed all four directions and only got three of them to make him do anything. Pressing the button to the right made him go forward, pressing the button to the left made him go backwards and pushing the button down made him crouch down.

"I see you've gotten a hang of the controls." I looked back at Seth who was now taking a seat on the floor next to me in front of the TV. I nodded.

"I think so." I pressed the left button to make the little man go forward, but I ended running him off of his platform. Annoying music sounded. "What just happened?" Seth was laughing.

"You lost."

"Well, duh. How do I get him to go to the next platform?" Seth controlled his laughter and answered me.

"You have to hold down the joystick to the right and press X when you reach the end of the platform." I glared at Seth for laughing. The game continued with the little man, Mario Seth had reminded me was his name, landing on the same little platform. This time, I did as Seth said and pressed the right buttons. But when Mario jumped, he hit an invisible block that was now visible when he hit it and fell.

"What the hell?" Seth started laughing again.

"That happens sometimes. You've got to be careful about those invisible blocks." This was unbelievable. What was the point of invisible blocks.

"This is stupid." Seth laughed. Mario landed on the beginning platform and I repeated. This time, I managed to miss the invisible block, but I encountered little walking mushrooms that I managed to jump over, only to be hit by walking turtles. I heard the annoying music and Seth kept laughing.

"The gumbas got you." I gave Seth a questioning annoyed look.

"The what?" He kept laughing. I ignored Mario for the moment as he landed on the starting platform.

"The gumbas. They're Bowser's minions. If you don't jump on them, they kill you."

"By just touching me?!" He kept laughing.

"Yep." I was getting more and more annoyed as the game progressed. I was questioning why this game was so popular. I sighed and got back to the game. I made Mario jump to the next platform and managed to avoid the walking mushrooms and turtles. I jumped again to another platform and encountered a row of walking mushrooms. I jumped and managed to stomp on all three of them and I killed a line of turtles that were approaching me by stepping on one turtle and making his shell fly in the opposite direction. "You're getting the hang of it."

I continued on the little journey and made a jump for the next platform. But my progress was once again halted. But this time, my advances were ceased by a flying black thing that had a sinister look for a face. I heard the annoying song.

"And what was that?" Seth was still laughing. I wasn't seeing why this was funny.

"That was Bullet Bill. Another one of Bowser's minions." I growled in anger.

"What is the point of this whole game?" Seth answered me with a big, cocky smirk on his face.

"You have to save Peach."

"Who's Peach?"

"She's the Princess that got kidnapped by Bowser, the giant turtle." I let go of the controls and faced Seth.

"You mean to tell me I'm wasting time trying to save some dumb bitch that got herself kidnapped by a turtle?" Seth gave me wide, shocked, but amused eyes.

"Naughty, naughty, Nessie. Don't call Peach such a mean word. It could happen to anyone. Bowser's huge."

"He's a turtle."

"Turtles can be evil. Look at snapping turtles."

"Snapping turtles don't kidnap princesses. And even if they did, they're slow enough that they're easy to outrun if one were to come at you."

"Bowser's faster than most turtles." I couldn't believe I was having this conversation. I sighed, trying to calm myself down, and picked the controller back up and started playing from the middle of the game.

Everything was going pretty well, but I was still having a hard time managing to get past the walking mushrooms. I started yelling whenever I came across them.

"This game is stupid." Seth was laughing still.

"No it's not."

"Yes it is. This is worse than reading Withering Heights. I swear it is." Seth was chuckling now.

"Seeing as I've never read Withering Heights, I'm afraid I don't get your analogy." I growled lightly at the horde of mushrooms that came my way.

"It still applies." I yelled when one of the little mushrooms killed me and I heard the annoying music. "Damn it Mario!" Seth was laughing hysterically, rolling on the floor.

"I can't believe it. I've found something that a vampire isn't good at, and it's Supersmash Bros. of all things." I glared and growled and he just laughed harder. I continued the game with more vigor. I was determined to beat this game, just to prove that I could.

"This is a nightmare. This is…this is worse than reading youtube comments. That's how bad this is." Seth kept laughing. I don't think he'd stopped laughing since I started playing. He was making me mad and so was the game.

"Do you want me to take over?" He reached for the controller and I pulled away.

"No! I can win this stupid game. I will beat this game." Seth started laughing again as I continued dodging the gumbas and turtles.

"My god. Remind me to never challenge you to Soul Caliber." I was still annoyed with him.

"Don't you have classes to go to?" Seth smirked.

"It's my summer vacation. College students need breaks too."

"From what? Aren't wild parties and group orgies after classes enough for you people?" Seth couldn't answer me at first. His laughter rang through the house. It was several minutes and I died three times before he answered me. Mario had managed to think of new ways to die, in effect finding more ways to make me angry.

"Do you even know what an orgy is." Seth was still laughing as he forced out the words.

"No, but I know college kids do that sort of stuff." He never stopped laughing.

"Admittedly, some do, yes. But I'm hurt that you would accuse me of such a thing when you don't even know what it is." Mario amazed me by finding yet another way to die. I passed over a green tube that I had passed over a million times. But this time, out of the tube came a weird, green plant with big teeth that killed me to the touch.

"Damn it, Mario!" Seth was laughing again. I looked at him and went to the previous topic. "If you're so offended that I would categorize you as an orgy attending college student, then please explain to me why it offends you." Seth kept smiling, but his face became uncomfortable.

"Look it up. Or ask Emmett. I'm sure he would be thrilled to death to explain to you what an orgy is." I was yelling at the screen because Mario had died again, but I yelled my response to Seth.

"Asking you is faster!" I beamed. I saw a little flag. This was the finish line. I had Mario run up the stairs and prepared to run to the flag, only to be hit by Bullet Bill. "GOD DAMN IT!!" Seth was laughing and held his hands up defensively.

"Easy there Nessie. It's not Mario's fault."

"Yes it is! I'm putting in the right commands, he's the one screwing up!" Seth never stopped laughing. I was put back at the halfway point and I sighed heavily.

"What?" Seth forced the words through a chuckle.

"You know, I have to give Mario props." He was still chuckling.

"What makes you say that?"

"Well, think about it. I mean, if I had been sucked into another world through my toilet or something, and had to save some dumb bitch who got herself kidnapped by an overgrown turtle, I would not have the patients to do it. I give him props for that." Seth smirked at my comment and I continued playing.

I managed to get to the flag and was so close to the flag. I was so excited. I would finally beat the level. I jumped over the Bullet Bills and pressed as hard as I could on the controls. But, of course, I didn't even reach the platform that led to the flag. I'd had it. I threw the controller at the floor and Seth backed away with his hands up, but he still had an amused smirk on his face.

"FUCK THIS GAME! I'VE BEEN PLAYING THIS GAME FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF!! I'M NOT PLAYING ANYMORE!!!" Seth held his hands up as he rode out his laughter. I just looked at him. "WHY IS THIS SO FUNNY TO YOU?" He continued to laugh.

"Because. You have the worst reaction to this game that I've ever seen." He kept laughing. "My god. I don't think I've ever seen you get this angry." His laughter rang through the house as it had throughout most of the day. I breathed. Yelling over a game was stupid. And I felt stupid now for yelling at Seth over something so stupid.

"Sorry for yelling. It's stupid of me to get this mad over a game." Seth added a chuckled at the end of his laugh.

"No. Not at all, Nessie. Your overreaction made my day." I glared at him, but then I couldn't help but start laughing too. When we stopped laughing, he breathed deeply. "I know I said I never would, but how about a game of Soul Caliber?" I smiled.

"Alright. You're on." We spent the rest of the afternoon playing Soul Caliber. This game didn't frustrate me nearly as much, but I would get annoyed with Seth whenever he would use an attack on me and I wouldn't know how to do a cool one like the one he'd done. I actually won once when I choose Cassandra as a character. Seth had nicknamed her the Greek with no breathing room.

I often fought against him as the character, Talim. She was a powerful character to play as if you knew how to use her. I did get the hang of her after a few tries. But Seth and I had started a little inside joke from her winning and starting lines. I managed to win a fight and Talim was saying her parting line. I laughed and made a joke.

"The Wind and I are in love. Isn't that right, Wind?" I waited a moment to say more as Seth started laughing again. "The Wind says yes." We laughed a little before fighting again. This time, he played as Nightmare and I played as Voldo.

"Why did you pick Voldo? He's creepy." We played a little and I managed to make Voldo do some of his cooler attacks. I smirked.

"That's why." We played as every character that was available and played one on one and group battles and everything else. By the time it was five, I heard the front door to Seth's house open. At first, I thought it was Seth's mom, but then I took in the smell of the person that entered the room. It was the smell of car oil and paint. There was also the slightest smell of pot smoke from standing too close to Andy. But above all, I smelled the musky, woodsy scent that I loved so much. I dropped the controller and ran to Jacob. "Jacob!" He smiled when he saw me.

"Hey, Nessie." He took me in his arms when I reached him. I hugged him around his neck and he hugged me around my waist. He lifted me to his height, lifting me a good foot in a half off the ground. "Did Seth keep you occupied?" I nodded my head into my nook and breathed him in. Seth came over with a smile on his face.

"Nintendo kept her occupied. I had her playing Supersmash Bros. for an hour and a half. You should have seen her, it was hysterical. By the time she'd had it, she threw my controller at the ground and started yelling at the game. She even said the 'F' word. It was great." Jacob laughed and looked at me. I looked up at him from where my head was tucked in my nook.

"Did you really?" I nodded shyly and lifted my hand to his face and showed him the earlier portion of the afternoon. He started laughing while he watched just as much as Seth had. "Try not to think about that around Edward, okay." I giggled and nodded my head.

Seth said goodbye to Jacob and Jacob told him to be careful when he went on patrol tonight. Jacob took me back to the house and I told him all about the new inside joke that Seth and I had. I was a little disappointed to find that Jacob and Seth already had that little inside joke from years ago. He did say that he was glad I was in on the joke, though, and that made me happy.

Daddy did hear about my afternoon from my thoughts. He wasn't pleased with me for swearing or yelling at a game, but he couldn't stop himself from thinking it was funny. I showed Emmett my afternoon, and he got as much of a laugh out of it as everyone else had.

"And, Nessie." I heard daddy hiss. "An orgy is when four or more people are participating in group sex. Three people would be called a threesome. Anything above that number is an orgy." Jacob laughed lightly as I stared at Emmett wide eyed. Now I really felt silly. Once I recovered myself, Jacob and I went outside, since it had stopped raining, and played tag in the woods. We hadn't played tag in years and I was in the mood to play.

When daddy told me it was time for me to get to bed, Jacob took me back to the cottage so I could get ready. I did my nightly routine and took a much needed shower. I noticed something when I got into my shower. There was shaving cream and a new razor with a note attached to it.

Hey Nessie,

It's Alice. Well, you're becoming a woman, so you better start cleaning yourself like one. Here's some shaving cream and a razor so you can shave your legs and your armpits. Trust me, you'll thank me. There's nothing a man loves more than smooth, cleanly shaven legs. Think of this as my little 'you're becoming a woman' gift. Have at it, and be reassured that this blade won't get through your skin.

Your Loving Aunt,

Alice

I looked at the razor and shaving cream again and sighed. Oh well. What could it hurt. Along with washing myself with dove soap and washing my hair, I shaved my legs and armpits as Alice asked me to. I was surprised to find the feeling of my legs afterwards was wonderful. It was smooth, like silk. I would have to remember to thank Alice. Not that she didn't already know I would. I walked out of the bathroom after I dried off and put on my pajamas and walked to my room where Jacob was waiting for me. He smiled when I came in and I smiled back.

"Guess what Alice made me do." He shrugged.

"I don't know. Should I be scared?" I giggled.

"Very. She made me start shaving." Jacob chuckled.

"I do it every day." I looked at him like he was insane.

"You shave your legs?" He chuckled.

"No. I shave my face. Men get facial hair and it grows back thicker every morning. We have to shave every day." I giggled and walked over to him. He was sitting on my bed. I crawled into his lap like I used to when I was younger and hugged him around his neck. I touched his face cause I was suddenly curious.

"Wow." He chuckled.

"What?"

"I never acknowledged your stubble before. I always thought that was just something that was unique to you." It wasn't overbearing or anything. It wasn't there in the morning and by the end of the day, you could feel it on his face. I never minded before. I tickled whenever his chin would brush my neck when we hugged. Jacob chuckled and hugged me tight.

"Hardly. It's a man thing. Woman shave their legs and armpits, men shave their faces." We laughed together for a moment before Jacob tucked me into bed. He kissed my forehead and I kissed his cheek. "I better get home. I have to leave for work early tomorrow. Alice said that the traffic will be horrible tomorrow." I smiled.

"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow." He nodded.

"Night, Nessie." He smiled my favorite smile and I smiled back.

"Night, Jacob." He kissed my forehead and my cheek one last time and I kissed his cheek again before he left my room and left me to fall asleep. I thought about Jacob that night. When I dreamed about him, I felt a warmth inside me that I had never felt before, and all I could do was sigh contentedly and let the warmth take me over.