An Immodest Puppet's Proposal

Chapter 4:

Where's Zelda?

'Ow, my head...' Zelda thought as she turned restlessly in her sleeping bag. 'Wait a minute... Why am I in a sleeping bag?' She looked up and around at her surroundings. It seemed she was in some kind of cave. 'And where am I?' She wondered, 'Was I kidnapped...? No, that can't be it. If I had been kidnapped, I would probably be tied up, and I wouldn't be in my own sleeping bag,' She reasoned.

Suddenly, Zelda a moan coming from one of the caverns. "Bend over and suck it, bitch!" Someone commanded from down the same tunnel. She wasn't sure, but Zelda had a feeling that someone was being raped. Fear wracked her body. She must have been abducted by one of those serial rapists she had heard so much about!

Her imagination ran wild. She thought about all the things the man might have done, and what he could possibly be planning to do to her... But wait a minute! When she thought about it further, she realized that it didn't make any sense. From what little she knew, Zelda was certain a rapist would never abduct such a high-profile target.

In fact, she knew of only one thing that fit the bill: the wicked Troll-Men from her bedtime stories. They would seek out fair and proud maidens, and abduct them. Once they had several such women, they would head home to the halls of the Troll-King. They would only travel at night, for the touch of sunlight would turn them to stone. So at the end of each night, they would find a cave to hide in. Then they would select the least beautiful girl, and they would pass the day by doing horrible things to her. At sundown they would finish it by eating the poor thing alive to keep up their strength.

They would go on in this manner for several days until they were finally home. They would then give the remaining women to their fell king as a sacrifice. Those fairest maidens would suffer the worst fate, for they would have to endure the most insidious torments of the Troll-King for six moons, after which he would swallow them whole, where they would writhe with agony in his belly while being digested for another six moons.

In spite of - or perhaps because of - the fact that it was a most gruesome tale, it was Zelda's favorite bedtime story as a child, and she would request it from her nursemaids every night. She had been fascinated with the outlandish Troll-Men, their king in particular. By the time she was too old for bedtime stories, Zelda had overheard the chambermaids telling a decidedly more mature version of the story, where the gouging out of eyes with red hot iron brands was replaced by the methodical and thorough violation of various bodily orifices at the metaphorical hands of the comically and grotesquely oversized genitals of the Troll-Men.

For many years after that, Zelda would pleasure herself to her own versions of the story, which mostly concerned the Troll-King becoming smitten with her beauty and subsequently asking for her hand in marriage. Every one of these stories would end with her fictionally betrothed mate magically transforming into a handsome prince (while still retaining his gargantuan penis) and consummating their union in a series of imaginative ways.

Zelda silently hoped she was really as enchanting as she had always believed, for she did not like the idea of becoming a snack for some commoner. She was a princess, damnit! If she had to be eaten alive, she would rather have it be at the hands (or gullet, as it were) of the mighty Troll-King, not a lowly minion.

'And who knows?' She thought idly, 'Maybe my stories will come true...' Her nether regions grew moist at that thought.

All of a sudden, an icy chill shot down Zelda's spine. She felt like someone had just tread upon her royal grave in a most disrespectful manner. She looked down the tunnel that the moaning had been coming from. She heard footsteps coming up.

Her eyes darted left and right, and upon spotting a good path, she quickly and quietly made a run for it. She could feel a breeze coming from the tunnel she had chosen. As she ran down the tunnel, she thought she heard a vaguely familiar voice shout: "Where the hell is Zelda?"

She quickened her pace.

Midna swore and Link frowned. Rita cocked her head to one side. "Might I be of some help, master?"

"No," Link shook his head. There wasn't much Rita would be able to do for him in this situation. She might have been great at giving head, but that was pretty much her only talent.

Midna frowned. "Link, when Zelda fell into the water, did she happen to hit her head?"

"Yeah, why?" Link responded, unsure what Midna was thinking.

Midna swore. "She must have a concussion..."

"What do you mean?" Link asked. He didn't like the sound of that.

"I mean, she's probably lost and confused. She shouldn't have gone to sleep with a concussion. Now she could be anywhere, and who knows what could be going through her head?" Midna replied. This wasn't good. As much as she hated to admit it, she liked Zelda. She was one of the few people Midna considered her equal. As far as she was concerned, she and Zelda were the only sane people in Hyrule.

"Oh! I have an idea!" Rita bounced up and down eagerly.

Link groaned internally. He now remembered why he had severed ties with Rita the first time. Fish or not, Rita fit the stereotype of well-endowed airhead to a 't'. "Yes...?"

"Why don't we split up and head down the separate tunnels? That way we're sure to find her!" Rita chirped.

"Or I could just turn Link into the sacred beast and he can sniff her out," Midna interjected calmly. She knew that her plan was their best chance of finding Zelda. Except she had a nagging feeling at the back of her mind that it wouldn't work. But what could it be?

Link scratched his chin. "Wait," He said, "Wasn't Zant's power shattered with the defeat of Ganondorf? How do you propose we would carry out the transformation?"

Midna's shoulders slumped. There it was. The reason her plan couldn't work. "Well..." She conceded reluctantly, "I suppose you're right. Rita's plan it is, then."

Link nodded. Not counting the tunnel Rita and he had just come up from, there were two others connected to the guest chamber they were occupying, and Link knew for a fact that one of the paths split into two further on. "Okay. Rita, you go through the northeastern tunnel, and Midna and I will go down the northern one. If any of us finds Zelda, we will whistle for the others, got that?" The girls nodded. "Good. Now, let's go!" With that, they were off.

Zelda looked around to see if anyone was following her. She couldn't see anyone. Good. With one last look at the water falls, she darted down the tunnel.

She wasn't sure why, but she felt like it was getting colder as she ran.

Link gave a start. "I think I know where Zelda is!" He exclaimed.

"What? Where?" Midna asked.

"I think she's going to snowpeak!"

"Huh? Where did you get that idea?" Midna frowned.

"Oh, it's just a hunch," Link muttered, "But we'll have to warp there if we want to head her off." Midna stared at him like he had grown a second head. "What?" Link asked.

"'Head her off'?"

"... Oh, shut up," Link snapped, "And just warp us there already!"

Midna smirked. "But of course, master," She said sarcastically. She was getting a feeling for Link's mood swings, and it seemed that he only acted strangely when he was horny. Midna planned to use this knowledge to her advantage. "But what will we do about Rita?" She flicked his forehead irreverently.

Without warning, Link struck Midna across the face. "Don't you ever talk to me like that," He grabbed her ass. "Got that?"

Midna looked away from Link. "Y-yes,"

Link squeezed Midna's ass more tightly. "Look me in the eyes and say it," He commanded.

Midna looked into his eyes. They were icier than the top of snowpeak mountain. She blushed a dark purple. "Yes, master," She found it very hard to look into his eyes without seeing what he had done to Iza.

What was happening to her Link?

Woohoo! I can log in again! I've been waiting to post this on this site for a few days, but it looks like they finally fixed the problem.

Also, since I have to read a seven hundred page biography and then write a book report on it, it'll probably be a little while before I can update again.

Hot damn, this chapter took forever to do, and not just because I had to spend four hours copying the first page and a half of this chapter on to paper, and then type it onto another computer (It's a long story). That's how devoted I am to you guys, so you all had better review (or not).

And on a related note, I almost never have these chapters planned out much more than what you see, so while I do have a rough idea for where the story will go, the journey will, for the most part, be largely spontaneous. But that's just how I write, I suppose.

Lastly, I must say that I have come to, in a way, hate Metroid Legacies. So... Yeah, don't expect much to happen with it, other than maybe an occasional update (and that's a big maybe).

TTFN!