Disclaimer: I found a Christmas present hiding in the back of my tree for me! I got excited because I thought it was the rights to Twilight—but no, it was a 'Team Edward' bracelet instead. *sighs* I still don't own it. Guess I'll hold out until my birthday.

A/N: I'm super happy with the reviews people are giving me and the new friends I am making on here! This Chapter goes out to Bronzehairedgirl620. I told her I would update when she did, and she did this morning! I'm going to shamelessly plug her story, 'Stop Drop and Roll' because if you don't read it then you don't appreciate good fic. 3

On with the chapter!

[Chapter Four]

It had been three months since my birthday, and some things had changed. Edward and I never mentioned the conversation about him walking again, and I think that was for the better. Jasper came over more often to hang out with Edward, and sometimes even Emmett, although I'm sure he still felt bad about how things went on my birthday. When Jasper would come over, Alice would keep me company, filling me in about how things were with the family and how she and Jasper were hoping to try for a baby soon. Part of me couldn't help but feel slightly jealous. Although I'd never wanted kids, I knew that now it was probably not even an option anymore.

This one particular afternoon, Alice and I were in the kitchen wrapping Christmas presents, while Jasper was helping Edward with some physical therapy. I was surprised that Edward had allowed anyone to help him, but Jasper was definitely the perfect candidate.

As Alice was tying a ribbon on a set of video games for Emmett, we heard a loud crash. I looked over to Alice. "What was that?"

We rushed into the living room to find Edward on the floor, Jasper leaning over him. "I told you this was not a good idea, Jasper! Damn!"

"Edward, I'm sorry. I thought you had a good hold on me."

"What's going on?" I asked.

Jasper turned to look at me, while Edward stared at the floor. "I swear, Bella, I thought I had him. But he slipped and…" he sighed. "He fell. I'm sorry."

I leaned down next to Edward, pulling his chin up to look at me. "Are you alright?" I asked softly.

His eyes darted away from me. "I'm fine. This is just stupid." I could tell he was angry, but not at me. "I don't want you to see me like this."

Jasper had brought the chair back over and helped Edward situate himself. Alice, the holiday elf, came in with a plate and some mugs. "Cookies and hot cocoa?"

We all laughed and sat down in the living room. Edward wheeled over next to me, and I nudged his chair with my foot and winked at him. Edward rolled his eyes as he sipped his cocoa.

"So, Bella, what do you think Santa will bring you this year?" Alice asked, striking up a friendly conversation.

"Hopefully nothing. But I won't be that lucky—so hopefully nothing very expensive. He definitely won't be bringing me any new clothes."

Alice's smile dropped. "Oh, maybe he'll surprise you. What about you Edward?"

Edward played into Alice's little game, a small smile creeping on his face. "Well, I'll probably get a lot of coal. I was a bad boy this year. I'm certain I'm on the naughty list, right underneath Emmett."

Alice squealed as we all chuckled. "At least you'll have coal to keep you warm."

He nodded and stretched, looking at his watch. "Well, it's time for my afternoon medication. I think I'll take that and then have a nap. Thanks for coming over, Jasper, Alice."

"Do you need any help?" I asked him.

He shook his head. "No, you stay here, Bella. I'll be fine on my own." He wheeled himself down the hall to his room and I heard the door shut softly. I sighed. I turned to Jasper.

"Is he improving?"

Jasper took a moment to gather his thoughts. "Well, some days it seems like it, but others, it's like he has no spirit to move forward. And he's so damn stubborn. He won't really let me in all the way, so I can't help him as much as I'd like to."

"I don't think he'll ever get back to being who he used to," I said wistfully.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I really am. But at least he's letting us back in. I know that might not mean anything to you, but it means a lot to the family."

I nodded. "No, Jasper, it does mean a lot. I'm looking forward to Christmas more than ever this year. Especially since everyone was so nice to let us host it here for the third year in a row."

Alice laughed. "We didn't want to push our luck after your birthday dinner. If it makes Edward more comfortable, then we'll do it. We should go, though. I've got to finish shopping—there's only twelve days left until Christmas!"

I heard Jasper sigh and fish his keys out of his pocket. "We wouldn't want the mall to run out of everything you want," he muttered under his breath.

"What was that, Jazz?" Alice asked.

He smiled. "I said, we wouldn't want the mall to sell out of what you want. I know how much having the perfect gifts for everyone means to you, dear."

She kissed him on the cheek, then came over and hugged me. "We'll see you soon, Bella. Let us know what you want us to bring for the Christmas dinner. You know I'm good at desserts!"

I smiled. "Yes, I know, Alice. Just surprise us. Make something you know Edward will love."

I walked them out and then went back into the living room, lying on the couch. I closed my eyes, thinking back to my birthday dinner and how happy it was that we could all be together. Soon, I fell asleep, and the past came falling back at me.

[ Bella's dream of the accident that happened three years earlier ]

Edward and I hardly fought. Usually he'd give in and apologize to whatever he had or hadn't done because he couldn't stand to see me upset. That night, we had just left his parents house, and were arguing about something so minute I couldn't even recall what it was. But it escalated into a fight.

"Well, Edward, I don't like the way you always hover over me like I'm a porcelain doll that might break."

"Bella, newsflash: you might break! And I don't appreciate how you always refuse my gifts. It's not like you don't secretly enjoy them."

"Edward, just drop it. You're getting so worked up about nothing."

"This isn't about nothing, Bella! You told my parents you didn't want to have kids! How could you say that in front of them?"

I threw up my hands. "Oh, so THIS is what's been bothering you all night?! It's the truth! I told you that before we were married!"

"I thought you'd change your mind. Bella, please, be reasonable about this. A baby is a wonderful thing."

"Yes, a thing," I sneered. "Something else for you to be good at while I suck."

He sighed as he turned onto the main road. "Bella, you don't suck. I just think it'd be nice if we had a child."

"We do. Haven't you met Emmett Cullen?"

"He does not count. I don't understand—"

I became outraged. "You wouldn't understand! Because you're Mr. Perfect, and I'm stupid, clumsy, Bella, who can't even walk! How could I raise a child? And to condemn the poor thing to my genetics? I wouldn't dare!"

"Bella, you are being absurd."

"I am not! I do not want---"

It was at that moment that a car slid across the ice, hitting us from the side, the driver side, where Edward was, taking the brunt of the impact. Our car flipped three times before landing in a ditch on the side of the road. I could feel the blood pooling down my face from where I had cracked it on the dashboard. I looked over at Edward who sat hunched over the steering wheel, unresponsive.

"Edward?" I croaked out. I reached a hand over to him but he did not respond. In a panic, I shook him. "Edward!" and still got no response. I immediately called Carlisle, who alerted the hospital and the police. He came moments later, Emmett with him.

By this time, I was in a full out panic attack. I was screaming at Edward, crying, as Emmett pulled me from the car, setting me on the side of the road. Carlisle was feverishly working over Edward, afraid to move him from the car.

When we got to the hospital, the doctors told us the outcome was not good. If Edward were to pull through, there was a major chance he'd be paralyzed. I recalled the scene of the EMTs pulling his body out of the car again in my mind. There was blood everywhere. I felt so sick at the thought. I remember thrashing around, trying to get to him.

[End dream]

At some point, I felt someone shaking me awake. "Bella? Bella, please, wake up."

I shook my head, opening my eyes to see Edward over me, worry across his face. "Are you alright?" I asked him.

He laughed softly at me. "I should be asking you the same thing. Bella, you were having a nightmare, screaming and throwing your arms around. Are YOU alright?"

I closed my eyes, trying to wash away the images still hiding behind my eyelids. "It was the accident."

He looked down at the ground. He knew full well that I was still haunted by that night. "Bella, I'm fine. Look at me."

I looked over at him. "You're not fine. This is my entire fault. If we hadn't been arguing you would have seen the car coming---"

"No, I would not. This is not your fault, Bella, and it never was. You have to understand that. I said some horrible things to you that night and I'm not proud of that. I should have been apologizing and paying attention rather than fighting with you."

A tear slid down my cheek. "I didn't mean it." We had never really talked much about the fight the night of the accident. Until recently, Edward and I had barely talked about anything below the surface level.

"Didn't mean what?"

"What I said to your parents, about not wanting children. Well, I guess I did then. But I've changed my mind since then. But I've ruined that just like I've ruined everything else, haven't I?"

"You didn't mean that?" I think he was truly shocked.

I shook my head.

"Why did you say that then?"

"I was scared. We had only been married for a few years, and I didn't want to rush into that. I thought I would never have to rush into anything. I knew how badly you, Carlisle, and Esme wanted us to have children, but I was so scared. You have to understand, I didn't want to become Renee."

"Oh, Bella, I'm sorry. I never meant to get so mad. I knew you had reservations, I just thought you'd wanted to get past those thoughts by then."

Now it's not even an option, I thought to myself. Way to go Bella.

He looked at me, more serious than I had seen him in a long time. "That accident was not your fault. I want you to promise me you'll stop blaming yourself."

"It was, Edward, it was! You don't get it! I'm a horrible person and you should have stayed away from me from the beginning!" I felt the tears starting to come, and I did the only thing I knew would work: I ran up the stairs, where Edward couldn't follow me. I heard a crash as I'm sure he threw the stack of books on the coffee table onto the floor in frustration.

I looked around our bedroom. I saw my journal on the desk. I sat down and opened to a blank page, writing furiously.

Dear Diary, or Book of Stupid Crap, life sucks. I can't do anything right, so why do anything at all? I put Edward into this mess, and now he's stuck living a life he hates. What kind of wife am I? Who puts there husband through pain and agony? Maybe it would be better if I just left…

The tears were flowing freely now, so I threw myself on my bed and cried until I fell asleep. It was the only way to numb the pain, even if it was just for a little while.

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A/N: Sorry, I know this is a shorter chapter, but it sets things up for the next chapter, which is actually the last chapter. I know it seems kinda short, but I didn't want to drag it on longer then necessary. I hope you enjoyed it so far and enjoy the last chapter as well!