*~*~*Dr. Giggles' Point Of View*~*~*
Deep breaths, Collin. Deep breaths. They may all be clinically insane but it's too soon to diagnose them. First things first. I have to interview the boys.
"Good afternoon gentlemen. I'll tell you just as I told the girls, everything you say in this room is confidential. Please try to be as honest as possible and don't be afraid to express yourselves. If your not honest with me and with each other, we will never get anywhere," I said, looking at the boys.
They all looked at me skeptically, as if they knew something they shouldn't. I really didn't like the feeling they gave me. I was sure any one of them could crush me with their pinky finger's alone.
"Well, why don't we start by saying a bit about ourselves. Who would like to start?" I asked. Everyone pointed towards who I believe was Edward. That's an interesting start. Maybe his suicide attempt was recent enough that the rest believed he should be the one to start. I wonder if hell own up to the suicide attempt.
"Oh why don't you all bite me. Fine, I'll go first. A few years ago I attempted suicide as I'm sure you know. It was just a misunderstanding. I can be very protective of my family, especially Bella, Renesmee, and Alice. After all, Bella is my loving girlfriend and Renesmee and Alice are like sisters to me," Edward said quietly, his eyes charcoal black. I felt scared looking into them.
"We'll have to address that farther after we're done. Jasper, would you like to share?" I asked, looking at the boy who looked like he belonged on the cover of GQ and not in my office.
" I love the Civil War. Sometimes I feel like I was born in the time of the Civil War because of how much I know about it. The south will rise again! Umm, I struggle with being a vegetarian but it has gotten a lot better lately," Jasper said, looking at the ceiling. He was so quiet while speaking I had to strain to hear him. The only thing he said with true emotion was 'The south will rise again!' and even then it wasn't that loud.
"Emmett, would you care to go next?" I asked, not bothering to comment on Jasper's words.
"Sure doc. Let's see. I am in love with my sexy kitty. I love seeing her shake that little thang. I pride myself on being the strongest in the family! I love betting with Jasper," Emmett said, his whole body shaking with silent laughter. I didn't know why but to be honest, at this point I didn't want to know.
"Thank you Emmett. Jacob? How about you go next?"
"Dude, I don't know what to say. My greatest joys in life include loving my girlfriend and insulting my sister. Oh my god! I just thought of a new one! Rosalie! How did the blonde die drinking milk!? The cow fell on top of her!" Jacob shouted. I heard an angry hiss from the other room and yet another crash. I shuddered to think what all had been broken out there. Maybe I shouldn't have the others so close, due to the fact that they seem to have excellent hearing.
"Oh…kay…Seth? What about you?" I asked.
"I'm here because I love my family enough to not disrespect them by refusing. Doesn't mean I want to be here and it doesn't mean I think I should be here. Just so were clear. I'm a fairly peppy guy and my wonderful girlfriend makes me all the happier. I don't really want to say anything much," Seth said, not shyly but reserved. As though he thought talking to me would be disrespectful.
"That's understandable. Lucas, why don't you go next?" I asked, looking at the young man. He hadn't stopped fidgeting since he sat down.
"I love the past. The olden days and such. That which as already come to pass has always fascinated me. For without a past we would have no future. I also love keeping my little pixie calm. I swear I'm the only one that can keep her calm. She's my favorite sister. Leah is my girlfriend. She's my little firecracker. Anything else you want to know? Ask someone else," Lucas said, giving me a strange look.
"Okay Lucas. Nahuel?" I asked. Such strange names in this family.
"Well like I said, I'm only here because Maggie would have dragged me anyways. Just going seemed more logical. Not that I don't appreciate your efforts to fix the family, I just don't think it's going to happen. Some things aren't fixable. Besides as dysfunctional as we are, we're happy. As far as personal things go, I have nothing to share. My mother died giving birth to me and my father is an evil man that I want nothing to do with. My aunt was my caretaker for the longest time but she needs to have her own life," Nahuel said earnestly.
"That's understandable. Quil, what do you have to share?" I asked.
"I'm not sure where to start. Jacob, Embry, and I are always getting into trouble. Nothing serious though, don't get me wrong. We just really enjoy trying to outdo Em and Jazz. We even took out a couple walls in the last house we lived in because we were over exuberant with our wrestling matches," he said, grinning at his family. They broke a COUPLE of walls?? What the hell? How? Did they wrestle with sledge hammers?…
"Okay. Umm…Embry? How about you go next?" I asked.
"Yeah doc, I guess your running out of people to ask. I don't really know what to say to you. I love my family. I'm single but it's by choice. I've just never met anyone that's really caught my eye so to speak. To be honest, I'm jealous of my family. Everyone has someone. Even Quil has someone to be with. He's single right now but we all know he's destined to be with Claire when she's of age. Hell even Leah finally found Lucas. And we thought she was going to be single forever. Ever since Sam left her for Emily," he said, causing Seth, Lucas, Quil, and Jacob to glare daggers at him.
"Carlisle, would you like to finish it off?" I asked, the pen in my hand flying across the paper. This family was going to take forever.
"Well Collin, I'll admit I have a slight OCD. I use work to escape from the family when they all go crazy. Some people seem to think I have a 'God complex' being a surgeon and all. I really don't though. I became a doctor to save lives, not be God," Carlisle said. I had to be careful about what I say about him, he's a really important member of the hospital and I'm sure he could get me fired if desired.
"Thank you Carlisle," I said, looking over my notes. I didn't know where to begin. "Edward, would you like to explain what happened when you attempted suicide?" This should be interesting.
"Why not? It's no big secret. Bella and Jacob went cliff diving and Alice found out. Alice told Rosalie that Bella jumped off a cliff. Rosalie told me, but she made it sound like she was trying to kill herself. I called Charlie's house and Jacob answered the phone. I asked to speak to Charlie and Jacob said he was at the funeral. Of course I thought he meant Bella's funeral so I tried to kill myself because there is no way in HELL I'm ever going to live without her. She is my life," Edward said. I felt my jaw drop. Was he serious? He's only 17 for Christ's sake! I doubt he even knows what true love is. Hell I'm 27 and I don't even know what true love is.
Edward growled and I shrank back without thinking. What normal human being GROWLS?
"Well Edward, what happened that you didn't succeed? And how did you try?" I asked, afraid of the answer.
"I'll answer in reverse order. I overdosed on some pills that were in the medicine cabinet like Alice and Ashley's Ritalin and Embry's Prozac. Alice and Bella found me and called Carlisle. He rushed me to the hospital. The end," Edward said in a clipped voice. I made a note to get Alice, Rosalie, Jacob, and Bella all together for a session to discuss the suicide.
"Jasper, I have a question for you. As I'm sure you heard, Rosalie said you hated yourself because of Bella. Why is that?" I asked.
"Because I almost killed her. You would hate yourself too. It was an accident but I will forever be repentant. We're actually closer than ever now. It really brought us together. That and Edward's attempted suicide,' Jasper said chuckling. Who the hell chuckles while talking about almost killing someone? I didn't even bother getting the details.
"Thank you for that. Jacob? What happened between you and Sam that caused the two of you to almost kill each other?" Once again I didn't think I wanted to know but I guess it's my job. Maybe I should look into another job.
"I used to be in love with Bella. Sam hated Bella. He talked smack about her and I well…smacked him. He hit me back. We fought but Seth and Jared kept us from killing each other. Sam and I still talk a lot. There's really not a lot to say," Jacob said laughing.
"Yeah…Umm…Why don't we bring the girls back in and talk about some more things in depth before we split up…" I said, wondering what would happen now. I'm not sure I cared to know.
"Hey doc, I got a question," Emmett said, looking at me.
"Sure Emmett," I said. Let's see what he comes up with.
"Do they have family wings in the mental ward? Because we're so going to need them," Emmett laughed.
"Well Emmett, we normally don't commit entire families." But for your family I think we'll make an exception.
A/N: I feel so sorry for Dr. Giggles. The Cullen's are so…crazy. Also I would like to explain the whole Dr. Giggles thing. It's actually a movie staring Holly Marie Combs from Charmed. It was the first name that popped into my mind while I was trying to name our favorite shrink. I don't know if you guys are finding this funny or not but I'm trying. My muse is back!! But I haven't had the chance to see him yet. Little shit! I may have to kick his bum. I have another recommendation. Author AliciaCullen1901 (I hope I spelled that right.) I loved her two shot called Bella In Jail. Many thank-you's to BrattyTeenageWerewolf for recommending that I do this chapter from the lovely Dr. Giggles point of view. Also all my reviewers thank you for your sugar highs, laughs, and praise. Jenny, lay off the caffeine girl but thank you! Review! I promise I'll update as soon as possible! Peace and love boys and well mainly girls. Actually, do any boys read this??? I'd love to know!