Forbidden

Chapter Fourteen: Demon's Nature

Nanami awoke facing a rusty wooden wall of the small room behind the galley. She blinked a few times before sitting upright and looking around. The small, dim room had nothing but about six old cots and a large candle in a metal plate on top of a barrel. Maria quietly mumbled something in her sleep on the adjacent cot. Nanami rubbed her eyes and face before collapsing back into bed. She sighed as she remembered the dream she had.

A year after Nanami's father left to war, she was eight, just a little girl. She was running through a forest covered with a blanket of snow, and with snowflakes still floating down to the ground. She wore a light blue kimono with white blossoms on it, a white kimono jacket on top, and her hair billowed behind her under a white hat. She looked behind her and let out a playful laugh, then ducked behind random trees, peeking out and giggling. Then she let out a loud, unexpected, playful scream and ran further into the forest, laughing. Next thing she knew, a young, ten year old boy with short silver hair and amber eyes, wearing a black and dark red winter kimono tackled her with a childish roar. They both giggled as they threw snowballs at each other. The girl hid behind a tree and when the boy least suspected it, launched a rather large snowball at him, hitting him in the face and making him crash into the snow. She laughed and walked out from behind the tree. When he stood up and growled, she started running as fast as she could. She looked back to see where he was, but he wasn't behind her. She frowned and turned back around, only to be met by him right in front of her. He had a smug grin on his face and a big snowball in his hand.

"How did you do that?" Little Nanami asked in a curious voice about how Sesshoumaru caught her so fast.

"I'm a demon, remember?" He smiled and threw the snowball at her.

Then Nanami's dream jumped to last night, and she saw the grown up Sesshoumaru, his inner demon in control of him. Even though she did not see him attack the soldiers that night, she did in her dream. He sliced through the screaming, fleeing soldiers like they were nothing. No one. Their blood splattered all over him, painted the sand and dock, and their lifeless, mutilated bodies lined the shore line and floated morbidly in the water. He lunged forward at Naraku, but missed. Then he took his vengeance out on Vlad, cutting through his body without any thought of what he was doing. Nanami's dream ended with the image of Sesshoumaru turning to face her when she put her hand over her mouth to silence herself after she saw Vlad die, and she heard little Sesshoumaru's voice say in a whisper, "I'm a demon, remember?"

Nanami opened her eyes and saw a ray of morning light come through a small opening in the wall behind her head. -A demon is always going to be a demon. You cannot change their nature. What did you expect? He would never succumb to his true nature?- Nanami lectured herself. Then she sat up again and put her hands over her head, then brushed her fingers through her hair. She looked up again at the ray of light, then at Maria. Nanami stood up and dressed in loose, silk black pants and a black shirt made of the same material. It was similar to a man's shirt, with a deep v-neck, but it had rather tight sleeves until they grew in size at her elbows. It also had an empire waist but flowed freely down to about 2in below her hips, with two slits on the sides reaching up to her waist. She straightened up and walked out of the room. It was much lighter in the galley because of the open staircase leading to the deck. Nanami stretched, her arms reaching up toward the ceiling, her back arched. She sighed and walked to the stairs, and stopped to listen if anyone else was up. When she was sure no one was, she cautiously walked up the stairs to the deck. She looked around her for anyone, then walked to the railing, watching the colorful sunrise. She exhaled a shaky breath. - I was better off not knowing who he was. What am I supposed to do now? Find the witch and ask her to lock my memory? That would not solve anything. What if they find me again? I'll have to relive this torture again?- Nanami growled in frustration and leaned on the railing, staring at the water. -Why me? What the hell did I ever do to deserve all this? Why was I entrusted to this damn power?... Oh, what's the point. Pitying yourself will not make anything better or easier. Live with it. You handled it for over two centuries. You can do it again. - Nanami turned, still leaning with her elbows on the rail, the sea breeze blowing in her face. Ryuu was leaning against the door of the captain's cabin, staring at her with sleepy eyes.

"When will we be there?" Nanami demanded immediately in a tone colder than her usual voice.

"Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed?" Ryuu frowned at her rude tone.

"Fine. Will you please tell me when we will arrive?" Nanami repeated, in a slightly softer voice.

"By sundown, we should reach the shores. If you don't decide to kill us all." Ryuu snapped. Nanami scowled.

"Do tell, what's that supposed to mean?"

"You're furious. I don't know what you would do if anything goes wrong."

"Well, you can avoid any broken bones and lost teeth by stopping your snapping and unneeded remarks."

"Yes, sir." Ryuu said in a sarcastic voice and saluted her like soldiers do their generals and higher ranking officers.

"Do you know what I meant by that look when I just got on the ship the first time?"

"The Come-any-closer-and-I'll-rip-your-throat-out look?"

"I still mean it." Nanami threatened and walked back down to he galley. Ryuu rolled his eyes, stuck his tongue out and hissed. -What a ...- Then he returned back to his post, wondering what Sesshoumaru was up to.

Nanami searched the galley's barrels and crates for food. She wasn't too hungry, but she wanted to occupy herself with something so she wouldn't have to think about yesterday. She found barrels of grain, wine, spices and strange looking beans and pepper seeds. -Delicious...- She thought helplessly. Then she started digging through the crates. She opened the first one, full of pottery wrapped in old cloths, then the second one, stuffed with luxurious silks from the mainland, and jewels hidden in small boxes wrapped in rags. Nanami eventually got bored and sat down at the single, long eating table next to the wall. Maria stumbled out of the room and yawned.

"Good morning, Zhan- oi, Nanami." She said lazily.

"I'm sorry I cannot say the same to you." Nanami smiled weakly. Maria just barely waved her hand at her, as if saying "eh, whatever..."

Nanami looked down at her right hand. The ring she received from her mother was gone. She clenched her fist and slammed it on the table, causing it to emit a cracking sound. Maria turned and looked at Nanami.

"Whoa..." She murmured. "You alright?"

"No..." Nanami dropped her head into her palms on the table. "Ughhh." She growled in frustration. She had forgotten her ring was missing. -How could this happen?! How can Naraku be in possession of my ring?!- She cursed herself for letting him get it from her so easily, and she knew he would hunt her down again, because he didn't steal the power he wanted, just her very useful weapon.

"You hungry?" Maria tired to cheer Nanami up.

"No." Nanami now seemed more depressed than even yesterday. Maria had an empty clay cup in her hand and ran her fingers around it, looking at Nanami with pity in her eyes.

"Don't look at me like that. It was my fault all this happened. I was too careless. Off-guard." Nanami now started to blame herself for everything. "Can you just give me a moment to think? ... Please? I need to decide what to do... "

Maria nodded and walked up to the deck, muttering "Take all the time you need." She walked out to the deck and looked up from the stairs. Sesshoumaru was standing at the bow of the ship, arms crossed over his chest, staring off into nothing. He heard Maria march up the stairs and glanced at her from the corner of his eye, to make sure it was not Nanami, then returned to his routine, aloof stare.

"Uh... good morning..." She said nervously, trying to be nice just in case he would think to hurt her. It had no affect.

"Maria..." Ryuu's voice called from above. Maria glanced up to where his voice was coming from. Ryuu shook her head, warning her not to talk to him. Maria nodded and walked up to him and stopped next to the wheel.

"Nanami's really upset..." She whispered.

"No shit..." Vlad retorted, rubbing his weary eyes.

"I mean it. I've never seen her this depressed and frustrated. She cried so much last night... and she barely slept at all... What's going on around here? Who is that guy?" Maria whispered in a tone so quiet, no human ear could decipher the sound. Ryuu exhaled deeply and shook his head.

"There's too much to explain right now. Just leave them to deal with their own problems and don't get involved. Those two can really hold a grudge."

Maria looked back at Sesshoumaru, frightened by him, and then back at Ryuu.

"Did I make a mistake coming with her?"

"Honestly... yes."Ryuu sighed wearily.

Up until sunset, Nanami stayed down in the galley, avoiding everyone, not saying a word. Maria would occasionally stay with Vlad, who kept steering toward their destination. Sesshoumaru just kept disappearing into the cabin, then would reappear on the bow, but he said nothing and just stared into the sea with absolutely no emotion. Finally, after a whole day of uncomfortable silence and tension, the ship reached the shores of Japan. The same shores that Vlad had retrieved Nanami from. The ship's bow barely touched the beach when Nanami swiftly walked out of the galley, sword strapped to her back, her small bag of clothes draped around her shoulder. Without a word, she jumped off the ship onto the sand. Maria called after her and asked her to stop and wait. But Nanami kept going. Ryuu just stumbled like a zombie to the captain's quarters and crashed on the cot.

"She left." He mumbled into the untouched pillow. Sesshoumaru was leaning against the window sill, looking at the floor. He looked up at Ryuu, debating in his mind if he should really do what he said. Just try and forget her, and return to his life. He walked out of the cabin and leapt of the ship. He quickly caught up to Nanami... and simply walked past her, like he did not know who she was. Nanami acted not to care either, but her eyes could not help but focus on him. It would be the last time she would see him. Sesshoumaru knew she was staring at him with those turmoiled blue eyes. But he refused to show any weakness. If this was goodbye, he would leave as he was, unchanged, proud, and unaffected. -You don't matter. You're just another nuisance from a long gone past. I just blame myself for not realizing that sooner.- Nanami could feel tears make their way to her eyes again. She fought them off and raised her chin higher. But she couldn't stop her lips from letting a saddened, short gasp escape. Sesshoumaru heard it, and it made him scowl. Not at her. At himself. But he kept up his proud, icy cover, and headed toward Rin's scent. They started to walk further apart from one another, when Inuyasha had popped out of nowhere with his gang.

Sesshoumaru frowned at why he could not smell him coming, until he found his answer- Nanami's powder that disguised any scent. She must have left it here by accident.

"Nanami! You're back!" Kagome shouted happily. But Nanami was anything but happy about seeing them.

"Where's Sesshoumaru?" Sango wondered, remembering that he left to get her. "And who's that?" She asked as soon as she saw the man with short black hair, wearing simple pants and white shirt. Hearing no answer from anyone, Sango turned to Inuyasha, who had a contorted face as he stared at the man.

"Inuyasha... What's wrong?" She asked. Kagome looked closer at the young man still walking deeper into the forest. The her eyes widened.

"Inuyasha... Is that... is that... Sesshoumaru?" She asked, hesitating a bit. Inuyasha darted in front of his completely different half-brother.

"What the hell did you do?! You don't even look like yourself!" He blurted out. As usual, Sesshoumaru just glared at him and walked past him.

"That's him?!" Sango choked as she walked from behind Kagome and stood next to Miroku, who was looking at Nanami. She used the distraction to leave the group, not even bothering to say hello. Miroku nudged Sango gently and motioned to Nanami. Sango ran after the girl and looked at her. Nanami did not talk and just kept walking, trying her best to suppress her tears.

"What the hell did you do? Look at yourself! And you reek of human blood and the sea?! Have you lost your mind?!" Inuyasha bellowed in his brother's face.

A tear slipped down Nanami's cheek, and she started to walk faster. Now Kagome ran up to her, and took hold of her arm. Nanami jerked it out and faced the two young women.

"What do you want?" She demanded weakly. Sango sympathized with the girl, she seemed to know that something bad happened that really hurt her feelings.

"Don't be angry... We we're just worried about you."

Nanami scoffed and turned away to walk again.

"Who did you kill this time, you bastard?!" Inuyasha growled. Sesshoumaru grabbed him by his neck and glared at him.

"This is not the time for your intrusion, half-breed!" He snarled and shoved Inuyasha against a tree.

"What in the friggin' hell is your damn problem? You disappear for five months, leaving your little human Rin following us like a damn tail, then you come back looking like you were born to some human, pissed off as hell, with Nanami looking like she had lived through a nightmare! That doesn't even sound like you! What the hell happened?!" Inuyasha barked.

"Stay out of this, Inuyasha! I have no reason to explain myself to you. Get out of my way." Sesshoumaru threatened.

"You hurt her, didn't you? You did something cruel, as usual didn't you. You-"

"He lost control of himself and ripped apart the whole army, and Nanami's fiancee." An old woman's voice interrupted the arguments and stopped Nanami in her tracks. Inuyasha scowled.

"And who are you?"

"I was the previous guardian. "

"Guardian of what?"

"Her power. Behave yourself, boy, I will not stand such rude behavior in my presence. I am the one that sent Sesshoumaru after the girl."

Nanami turned toward the old witch in shock.

"What?! Are you out of your mind?!" Nanami shouted in Russian.

"Hush! You will not yell at me." The witch replied in Japanese.

"Like hell I will! I hate that man! He's a monster! He destroyed my life! He killed everyone around me! He's a damned killer! How could you send him after me?!" Nanami screamed in Japanese now, furious at her former master.

"You were in danger, foolish girl! You are safer here! Calm yourself!"

"Calm myself?! Psychotic old hag! How can I calm myself after all that heartless bastard had done! After all you have done! It was you who cursed me with this power! Was that not enough punishment for whatever wrong I did?! You had to toy with my heart and send that creature after me?! Well, here! Look at me! Congratulations, you achieved your goal! You drove away all the sanity I had in me! You ripped my heart out and crushed it into a thousand pieces! What else do you want from me?! What else can you take?!" Nanami sobbed. Usually, harsh words would anger Sesshoumaru because he never lets anyone speak to him that way, but now, they just hurt him. Of course, he didn't show it, but deep down inside he felt something he had not felt since when Rin died. Pain. But then his pride and arrogance set in... He began to walk away. -Why should I care? It's over now. I do not care what happens to you.-

"Silence yourself, girl. I merely wanted to help you. I cannot control his actions. He made the decision to go to any lengths to protect you-"

"It was her power I was protecting. Not her. I was simply fulfilling my promise to father. I do not care what happens to you." Sesshoumaru corrected with a stone-cold tone. Kagome looked at Sesshoumaru with a shocked expression. -How can you say that?-

"That is not what you said on the coast." Nanami said sadly, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"I had to do what I needed to get your power out of Naraku's grasp. Even stoop so low as to lie."

Nanami stared at him with miserable eyes.

"Leave." She demanded sternly.

Sesshoumaru glared at her. "You-"

"Leave!!" Nanami yelled. "Leave! And never, ever come anywhere near me! You can go to hell with you damn oath to your father! Leave, Sesshoumaru! I have nothing else you can possibly take from me and crush it in front of my eyes! Go!" Nanami sobbed, tears streaming down her face. Sesshoumaru frowned, but left with no remark, just a cold glare.

The old witch looked at what she had led Nanami too, and just disappeared behind a large oak tree. Nanami turned away and put her hands on her forehead. She cried softly and fell to her knees. Sango placed a gentle hand on Nanami's back.

"That bastard. He has no feelings whatsoever. He has no heart. All he cares about is himself." Inuyasha grumbled to Miroku, who looked with sad eyes at Nanami.

"Maybe... But he is still acting strange, don't you think?"

"He's lost it, that's why."

Kagome sat down on her knees near Nanami.

"I'm so sorry, Nanami... I really am... I cannot believe how cruel Sesshoumaru is. He isn't worth your tears." Kagome tried to comfort her, but Sango glanced at her and shook her head. -I don't think you understand, Kagome... You've never felt pain like this...-

"How could I be so stupid?" Nanami whimpered. " How could I not see what he was doing? God, I am so blind! What was I thinking? Why did I trust him?!"

"It's not your fault." Sango whispered.

"How? I'm the one who let my guard down! I'm the one that didn't realize that he wasn't the same! He is not the Sesshoumaru I knew! How could he do this to me? Hasn't he done enough?!" Nanami growled angrily as she rubbed the tears from her eyes. Kagome and Sango let her calm down a little. Then Nanami looked in Sesshoumaru's direction.

"How? He's a demon, remember?" Nanami whispered to herself, remembering her dream and her past.

Eight year old Nanami ran through the snow covered fields, laughing, trying to catch snowflakes in her hands, Sesshoumaru chasing after her, trying to catch her, laughing. They ran around, chasing and throwing snowballs at each other, until they were out of breath. Nanami sat down on the ground, back to back with Sesshoumaru, panting. He held her small, slender hand in his.

"You can't run away from me. I'll always catch you." The ten year old boy said.

"I know, I know, you are a demon." Nanami giggled and looked up at the falling snowflakes.

Note:I hope you like the story so far! Please review! You don't have to, but it would be much appreciated! I have a feeling I may have made this chapter too dramatic, so if there's anything I need to change, tell me!

By the way, when Nanami says that she will never see Sesshoumaru again and that this was goodbye, she's not thinking of suicide. She never does, it's not an option for her. Just to make sure...