A/N, again, flashback warning.
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"I wanted to know if I could talk to you about some stuff.". . .
"Sure Chuck, anything. What did you have in mind?"
"Well, I've just been wondering about some things since last night." Chuck said shyly, as he sat back up in the bed.
"Like what?" I asked, sitting up beside of him.
"Well for one, um, ahem." Chuck cleared his throat nervously. "Well, seeing I'm going to be a dad and all I was kinda wondering, um, where do babies come from?"
"Oh, um, okay." How do you tell the father of your baby where babies come from? I am pretty sure I am the only woman who has ever struggled with this situation.
"This is going to be weird for you isn't it?" Chuck sighed. "Just forget it. It's okay."
"No Chuck, it's not that, it's just I was trying to think of a good way to answer, that's all."
"Oh, okay."
"When a man and a woman love each other very much, they um. . . " Trying to find words he would understand was difficult to say the least. And it's not that Chuck isn't smart enough to understand, but it's just an awkward conversation to have with your eight year old boyfriend.
". . .They um, decide that they love each other so much that they want to give each other a very special gift. And what could be more special to give each other than a baby right?"
Chuck smiled. "Yeah I think a baby is kind of a big deal. It must have cost a lot of money too, because something that special has to be expensive."
I couldn't help but smile at Chuck's simple-mindedness.
"So, don't the mom and dad have to be married? Because you said we're only boyfriend and girlfriend." Chuck asked, continuing his questions.
"Well, it usually helps, but sometimes they don't have to be. The mom and dad just have to love each other."
"Well I must have loved you a whole lot if I wanted to give you a baby."
"Yeah, you did." I sighed.
"Is it weird for you to talk to me because I'm, um, like this?"
"No." I said softly.
"You miss normal-me don't you?"
"Yeah, I do. But I like this you too. You're a good guy Chuck."
Chuck's cheeks turned a warm shade of rose. "Thanks. And I like you too Sarah." He smiled.
I smiled.
"Can I ask you another question?"
"Sure Chuck."
"Does it feel weird to um, have a baby inside of you?" Chuck, always the empath.
"Not really. I mean it's different, but I wouldn't say weird."
"So, is the baby the reason you threw up the other day? Because you acted really weird when I asked why you got sick."
"Yeah, kinda. You noticed I was acting weird?"
"Yeah I notice a lot of things about you. Like how you don't like black olives, or that you are very pretty, and that your cheeks get red when I tell you things that I like about you."
"You do notice a lot of things don't you?"
"Yeah. But I mean, you're my first girlfriend, so I want to make sure I pay attention to the things you like, so I don't get in the doghouse. Ellie would say that dad was in the doghouse when dad and mom would argue. It was usually because he didn't pay attention to something she'd said."
So that's why Chuck- both the eight year old and the twenty-eight year old- was so observant of my likes and dislikes.
"So, any other questions?"
"I can think of a few actually."
"Like what?"
"Um, like, Do you think you'll have the baby before I remember?"
There was something I hadn't thought about. Well I had tried not to think about since my nightmare.
The little boy Chuck holding the baby. . . What if Chuck didn't regain his memory? What if I was going to have to take care of our baby and it's father.
"I don't know Chuck." I said, hoping his next question would be a subject change.
"Oh okay. . So, can you feel the baby?"
"Not yet really. Though from what I've been reading I should in about a month or so."
"Cool. So how big is the baby?"
"Actually, you have an app on your Iphone that says how big the baby is. You bought it as soon as you found out you were gonna be a dad."
Chuck had been so excited even though we were definitely stressed over the timing of the situation. He would check his Iphone everyday. At the time I thought it was silly, but now I saw it as probably one of the sweetest (and geekiest) things Chuck had ever done.
"Awesome." Chuck smiled.
And Chuck had plenty more questions to ask, and I enjoyed answering every one of them. Even the awkward ones.
But when we finally decided to go to sleep, I still had one question on my mind, that I had no answer for. . .
How much longer would Chuck be a little boy?. . .
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A few months earlier.
I nervously walked back and forth across my apartment. Three minutes of waiting. Three minutes of panic.
Three minutes until the results of the pregnancy test showed up.
I felt selfish, standing there praying for negative test results. Because I had always wanted this. The perfect life, the perfect family, the perfect man. But at this point that perfection was unattainable.
I could lose my job, I could lose Chuck. . . I could lose everything if the results were positive.
Those three minutes finally passed and I walked over to look at the pregnancy test. . .
Positive.
It could be a false positive, so I took two more tests. Still positive.
I could wish that it wasn't true, but it didn't change a thing. I was pregnant.
Pregnant with Chuck's baby. That thought actually brought a smile to my face.
Despite the fact that this breaks every handler/asset rule, despite the fact that Beckman will probably- no, most definitely- remove me from the assignment if she finds out (and if I have anything to do with it, she won't know for a long time), despite the fact that I'm still a CIA agent and Chuck is still the Intersect. . .
Part of us will always be together, because I am having Chuck's baby.
It's times like this when I hate the fact that I have to live by CIA rules. The CIA has done a lot of good things for me, they did keep me from the life my father had set up for me, but the CIA seemed to know exactly how to make my life miserable.
So even though I want to be happy right now, I can't help being angry.
And I was completely conflicted as I headed off to work at the Orange Orange. And even though I didn't want to think about my current situation, I couldn't avoid the mass chaos erupting in my brain. What am I going to say to Chuck? I didn't even want to try and think of that.
Above all others, I had one question weighing heavy on my mind that had no answer. . .
What am I going to do now?
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A/N So what do you think? Should I have done anything different? Let me know, Read and review! :D