Chapter Sixteen:
Bones just stared at her partner. She refused to believe the words he had just spoken. After everything they had been through, how could this happen? How could something like this have been the one thing to go wrong? It wasn't the worst thing, he was still alive after all, but it was the most unexpected. Her heart was shattered. In the moments after he spoke the words, she wanted to turn and run. Bury herself in some distraction and let him go on with his life. She could adapt. She could compartmentalize. He would never know.
Except now there was a child to think of. It wouldn't be fair to him to deny him the knowledge of the baby. The baby who had been conceived by their expression of love that had taken so long to come to be. She couldn't start over. There was no way. She didn't even know exactly when she had fallen for him because she denied the feelings to herself for so long. She had no idea what had made him fall so hard for her either. Or when it happened. She met the man's eyes again and he was still looking at her. Confusion was the only emotion she could read in them.
"Booth, you really don't know who I am?" She had to try. She looked at the grandfather for help, but he was shell-shocked. He hadn't seen this happening either. He knew his grandson better than most, and he was almost mourning for the loss of the younger man's memory. He did not envy Brennan. He was watching her heart break before his very eyes.
"I don't know... I had a dream... it seemed so real...but no, I don't know who you are. I'm so confused, why does my head hurt so much?"
Tears streamed down Brennan's face. Her whole body started to tremble as the sobs that threatened to release grew closer to the surface. The grandfather came to her and held her gently by the waist. She gripped his arm tightly.
"Do you know who I am?" The older man asked the man in the bed.
Booth tried harder to open his eyes to get a good look around him. He kept his gaze on the older man for awhile and finally said,
"You look like my grandfather, but about thirty years older than I remember." Booth's voice was still scratchy and weak. "What happened? What is going on here? Where am I?"
Brennan couldn't take anymore; she slipped from the grandfather's grasp and fled through the door. As soon as the door clicked shut behind her she leaned on the wall and let the tears flow without worrying about who saw them. Before long she felt a hand on her shoulder and she stifled the next sob to look up into the eyes of her best female friend.
"Sweetie, what the hell just happened? Is Booth okay?" Angela had never seen her friend like this. The look on her face was one of complete desperation.
"Booth is awake." The sobs started in full mode again. Angela held her tightly.
"Why are you crying then? Isn't that good news?" Brennan wasn't able to get a hold of her for a few minutes to answer the artist. Her voice finally became audible and she whispered through the tears,
"He doesn't know who I am!" Angela was as shocked as Brennan had been.
"Oh honey. I'm so sorry." The tears came from both of them now. They hugged in the hallway as Doctor Callaway approached the door to Booth's room.
"Doctor Brennan is everything okay?" The Doctor stopped to put his hand on her shoulder. She found his eyes with her own, and the Doctor saw the pain pouring out of them.
"He's awake but he seems to be suffering from some degree of Amnesia. He doesn't seem to know where he is, or who I am, but he remembers his grandfather."
She tried desperately to get a hold of herself, but so many chemicals were being released by so many different glands in her body, that she feared she was going to become hysterical. She could not recall anything like that ever happening before. She took a few deep breaths. That helped.
Doctor Callaway made the gesture that he was going in to see his patient, and Brennan nodded to him. Angela hugged her again. She was very worried for her friend. She had never seen her so close to the brink. Angela assumed that the pregnancy hormones were not helping in any way. She knew that Booth's situation was major though. They had not had to deal with anything like this before.
Temperance finally seemed to bring the worst of the sobs under control and she removed herself from her friend's embrace. Angela kept hold of her arm as she tried to walk further down the hall. Further away from him.
"Where are you going Bren?" The artist asked her friend with a firm voice. "Booth needs you right now."
"Ange, he doesn't know who I am. He doesn't want me in there. He doesn't need me." Angela saw a flicker of the old Doctor Brennan, the one before she had met Booth and he had helped her discover the love in her soul. The one who was cold, and detached.
"Yes he does. He needs you now more than ever. He might not remember you, but that doesn't change how he feels about you. He just needs to learn again. You need to show him." The artist continued to hold onto her friend's arm, as she continued to try to pull away.
"I don't know how. I don't know what to do. How do I convince him that he loves me?" The tears started again, but she stopped struggling to remove herself from Angela's grasp. The artist let go of her arm and she stayed put. For now.
"Well, I know for a fact how capable you are when it comes to learning new things. It's time to put that big brain of yours into use. How did you convince him that he loved you before?"
Brennan thought for a minute. How had she?
"I guess... I waited until the time was right and I told him how I felt. I knew he felt the same way, and things just went from there...I didn't actually plan it. It just happened."
"You convinced him by being yourself, and showing him the wonderful, compassionate, caring person that you have become. Get in there and show him that again. Don't abandon him. Don't do that to yourself. You need him too... Don't tell yourself that you don't." Angela's facial expression showed no sign of a smile. She was very serious.
Brennan stared at her friend. The showdown she was prepared for, melted back into her, and she knew that Angela was right. She had never been happier since her and Booth had officially hooked up. And then once he was out of the coma. And then once he was out of the coma again. She couldn't let the last few minutes of pain that she had experienced to eliminate the four years of tension that was finally cut by their true feelings being spoken to one another. The happiness they had felt only the week before, she remembered the night before his surgery and knew that night was worth everything. All the pain, all the agony, and in a lighter sense, all the happiness and love. She knew he was still in there somewhere; he just needed to be reminded of everything.
His situation should not have changed her feelings. She searched deep inside herself and found that to be true. Her feelings were still there, they were just momentarily pushed aside by fear. She noticed that her sobbing had stopped, and she looked at her friend.
"You're right Angela. It's my fault he's like that. I am the one who convinced him to go ahead with the surgery. I was the one who convinced him that he would be just fine. I think it might be up to me to help him now."
Angela didn't necessarily agree with her logic, but her heart seemed in the right place. Brennan no longer looked like she was going to run away, but there were still some nerves there. She reached her hand back towards the door and turned the handle. Angela saw her close her eyes and take a deep breath before she pushed the door and took a tentative step into the room. Angela could hear the Doctor talking to the Booths before the door shut.
As soon as the door shut completely she reached into her pocket to call someone who could help.
"Doctor Sweets. Hi... It's Angela. We need you to come down to the hospital; there's been a bit of a development with Booth and Brennan. We really need your expertise here...No, everyone is fine physically, but there are some mental health issues that need to be resolved quickly, before they take another downward spiral. Just come quick, and I'll explain everything to you."
The FBI Psychologist let her know he would be right there. He wondered what could have happened.
Brennan walked carefully up to the side of the bed as the Doctor gave the FBI Agent a thorough examination. The man's eyes met hers and he smiled just slightly. More out of courtesy than any sign of recognition. The grandfather approached her and met her eyes. She was reassured by his presence. He would help her with the situation. He knew more about their relationship than perhaps both of them who were diectly involved. He had been Booth's confidant in the years leading up to their affirmation of their mutual feelings. He knew everything that Booth knew about her. She whispered to him while the Doctor distracted the man on the bed.
"I might need your help here. We need to restore his memory, and you know him better than I do. Will you help me?" Her blue eyes were still tear-filled, and her eye lashes were still wet with the already spilled tears.
He wrapped a very compassionate arm around her shoulders and kissed her on the cheek.
"Anything you need Sweetheart. I am here for you. We're in this together...family sticks together." He managed to get just a little smile out of her. She leaned on him gratefully as the Doctor did a few more tests and asked Booth a few questions.
Doctor Callaway asked if he could have a little privacy with the recovering man and Brennan and the grandfather made their way into the hallway. Angela was still there. She eyed the anthropologist carefully, and noticed that she held the hand of Booth's grandfather. The artist felt better knowing there was still a Booth who knew how important she was. This was going to be a marathon, not a quick sprint resolution to the problem. Brennan was going to need all the help she could get.
Angela made it her prime goal at that moment to not let her friend, and the love of her life, be destroyed by the unseen circumstance that they found themselves in. Brennan had more allies than she knew. No one would let her run away now. They had all put too much effort into bringing those two together. Angela knew she could be more stubborn than her best friend when it came to this. They would all help bring Booth back to her.
After a few minutes had passed, the Doctor came back into the hall and filled them in on what he had learned. Booth had definitely suffered some damage to his long term memory. He seemed to be missing about the last fifteen years or so. Callaway wanted him to meet with a psychologist and a neurologist to determine the extent of the damage and to see what could be done to help him improve. He looked directly at Doctor Brennan when he spoke the next words.
"I am so sorry. There's no way we could have known that he would react so poorly to the anaesthetic. This risk didn't even cross our minds when we planned the surgery. I'll do whatever I can to help you two out with this."
Brennan nodded at him and told him that it wasn't his fault. No one could have predicted this. She reached her hand out to him to shake his hand. To let him know there were no hard feelings. She didn't say it out loud, but she knew exactly who was to blame. Herself.
The Doctor in charge of Booth made his way down the hall to make plans on how to deal with the turn of events, leaving the three in the hallway to discuss how to deal with the memory loss of the man they all loved.
The Grandfather said he would be willing to spend the night with his grandson and help fill him in on whatever was left blank in the man's brain. He knew the most about the lost years and he was quite capable of filling in the earliest of those years.
He promised Temperance that he would stop the stories where she had come into his life, and let her fill him in from there. He made her promise that she would go home and get a proper nights rest. She started to argue, but he reminded her that she was taking care of more than just herself now. She had to consider the baby. She agreed and Angela promised her she would spend the night at her place, to make sure she was okay.
On their way out the door they ran into Sweets. Angela had completely forgotten that she had called him there to help. He recommended they go for a cup of coffee and discuss the situation when Angela filled him on briefly on the events that had taken place in the last hours. He was stunned.
They sat around the table at the cafe in the hospital. Angela brought them all a cup of coffee and Brennan asked her if hers was decaf before she took a sip. The artist nodded with a smile. Sweets took a minute to comprehend what had just been said.
"Doctor Brennan, why are you drinking decaf? I thought you would need the caffeine jolt by now." He looked at her carefully while she tried to decide whether to tell him the truth or not.
"Because Doctor Sweets...I'm pregnant."
"Whoa. Congratulations. That changes everything doesn't it? This is a reason you can't compartmentalize this and just run away. Am I right?" He looked at her until she looked back at him.
"You're right Sweets. I can't just pretend everything that happened in the last months didn't actually happen. I can't forget certain things for the sake of convenience. Booth deserves to have the happiness we experienced even though I don't know how to duplicate it on my own. It's up to me to make things right. It's my fault this happened." Tears welled up in her eyes again and Angela rubbed her back.
"It's not your fault Sweetie. Nobody could have seen this happening. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. Things that are out of our control."
A few of the tears fell down the cheeks of the woman at the centre of attention, but no new ones formed in her eyes. She nodded at Angela.
"I know that, but sometimes my brain gets in the way of my heart. I am not the most skilled at dealing with my emotions. You guys, I have no idea how to deal with this. How do I remind Booth of everything we shared together? How do I make him remember how we feel about each other?" She looked back and forth between the two of them, waiting for an answer.
Sweets was the first to reply. He had an idea that might help.
"Doctor Brennan. Why don't you go home with Angela tonight and the two of you together, compile a list of the moments in your and Booth's relationship where you sensed that things had changed. Where you sensed that something had happened to take things to the next level. When you come back tomorrow, tell Agent Booth about all those moments, and see if the sentiments spark anything in his memory. If the moments were important to you, then perhaps they were as important to him as well."
Brennan looked at him for awhile. She wasn't sure how she felt about homework from the psychologist, but she had already admitted to herself that she didn't know where to start. This seemed like somewhere. She was willing to try anything at this point. She told him how she felt.
Angela was intrigued to find out what had finally happened to change the mind of her best friend in regards to how her partnership with Booth had finally escalated. She would find out some secrets from the woman who always kept her hand very close to her chest.
The ladies stood up to leave, and thanked Sweets for his help. Brennan asked him if he would like to be there in the morning after she had compiled her list of memories. She would appreciate his help with what she had to do. He was touched that she would ask him for help after all this time.
He wondered if her pregnancy was affecting her more than anyone else thought. She seemed to be releasing the appropriate emotions at the appropriate times. She had come a long way, and Sweets desperately hoped that she would not take two steps backwards while dealing with the trauma of her partners affected memory.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Angela and Temperance sat on her couch through the evening while the two of them discussed the events of the last four years. Brennan had her friend laughing a few times with tales of events that had been unknown by the other squints. Private moments between the partners that cemented the relationship that was inevitable.
The list compiled eventually, and after Angela brewed them some tea in the kitchen, she came back to the living room and discovered that her friend had fallen fast asleep. She covered her with a blanket and curled up on the chair beside the couch to keep an eye on her and soon fell asleep herself.
Angela woke in the morning and found that Brennan had gotten up before her. She briefly panicked when she couldn't find her, but when she heard tell-tale sounds coming from the bathroom; she knew that morning sickness was winning the fight. It seemed like Brennan was in the bathroom forever while Angela prepared some breakfast while she waited. She figured that as far as her friend had come emotionally, she still wouldn't think to eat.
The Forensic Anthropologist came into the kitchen eventually and Angela looked twice at her. She looked like hell. She was pale, and there were dark circles under her eyes.
"Are you okay Sweetie... you don't look great right now."
Brennan sat down at the table and gratefully accepted the cup of tea that Angela handed to her. She sipped for awhile before she spoke.
"It would seem that this child is as much a fighter as its father. Another Booth making its presence known in the world." Brennan gave her friend a slight grin, and Angela noticed the slight warm glow on her face before it was replaced by the concern for the baby's father. "I wonder how Booth and his Grandfather fared last night. I wonder if Booth remembers anything."
"I hope so. But Bren... I just want to point out, that even if Booth never remembers what you guys had; you can always create new memories. You owe it to each other to recreate the happiness you shared." Her words seemed to sink in, and Temperance eventually replied,
"Well, I owe it to him anyway. He owes me nothing. He's already done everything for me. It's my turn to rescue him, so to speak."
Angela smiled as her friend left the kitchen to get dressed. For the first time, she felt like there was a chance that everything was going to be alright.
An hour later they were walking through the front doors of the hospital. The action was becoming redundant to Brennan. She tried to count how many times she had walked through those doors in the last few months. Far too many.
They made their way up to where Booth's room was and they saw Booth's Grandfather and Doctor Callaway talking in the hallway. They stopped talking as the ladies approached.
"How is he this morning?" Brennan asked the Doctor and the grandfather.
"We played a rousing game of 'This is your Life' until the early morning. He doesn't remember anything on his own yet, but he is aware of major events that have occurred." Temperance looked confused.
"I don't know what that means."
"Sweetie...it's an old television game show. It's not important." Angela saved the grandfather from having to elaborate on his comment.
The Grandfather looked back to the woman who his grandson was so in love with.
"I told him about you, but I didn't tell him about the baby yet. I thought that fell into your duties."
Doctor Callaway's glance went to Brennan and his eyes opened wide.
"You're pregnant?" When she nodded affirmation, he continued, "Congratulations. We'll get him back for you. We did some tests last night, and the surgery has proven to be a complete success. There is no physical reason for the amnesia, we don't have any idea what's causing it. We can only hope for improvement. It may happen on its own, and it may not. With a support group there's no reason why Agent Booth cannot go home in the next few days."
Relief and concern was on everybody's face. Brennan went for the door handle; she needed to see him now. Whether he knew who she was or not. She braced herself and opened the door. The others did not follow, giving her and her partner a chance to be alone. They had a lot to catch up on.
Temperance entered the room, not really knowing what to expect. Her eyes immediately locked onto his. He was sitting up on the bed, eating something from the food tray in front of him. All the tubes were gone from his arm, but his head was still wrapped in bandage. He smiled at her and her heart skipped a beat like it always did when he greeted her like that. She approached the bed cautiously.
"Hi." He started the conversation carefully.
His grandfather had filled him in on their relationship last night. He knew this was the woman who he had fallen completely and irrevocably in love with, but he had no recollection of any of their time together. It was eerie to know that years of his life had passed without him having any memory whatsoever of any of it. It had been a long night. He couldn't imagine how she felt.
"Hello." She answered, unsure of where to take the conversation next.
He reached out his hand to her, but she didn't reach for it. Yet.
"I have to apologize for something..."
"What could you possibly have to apologize for Booth?"
"I'm sorry that I don't remember you. It must have broken your heart yesterday to hear me say that." He grinned just a hint of the charm smile at her.
"Yes. It did. It's not your fault though. I know that it was because of the major brain surgery. There were risks." She finally reached out to his outstretched hand. When their fingers met, there was an audible snap as a shock passed between them.
They both grinned.
"Apparently there is a spark between us!" He laughed and she joined him. "I need your help to remember. Are you willing?"
"I will do whatever it takes. I will be there for you. I can fill in the blanks for you." She smiled as he kissed the top of her hand, and she sat down in the chair beside his bed, keeping her hand in his.
They began a long conversation about the years that were absent from his memory. She was brutally honest with him about events that had transpired. She started with the day that he had her detained in the airport to force her to help him with a case. He laughed,
"That sounds like something I might do."
By late morning, Sweets had joined them, as well as Angela and the Grandfather. The psychologist worked with them, but despite the fact he laughed regularly at the antics they had used to solve certain cases, it was obvious that no memories had resurfaced on his own. He only learned what the others told him. He tried to hide his frustration, but it became obvious by the afternoon. Everyone noticed that he was looking tired and they made polite excuses to leave him.
Brennan was the last one to go. She leaned over to kiss him on the forehead, and she noticed that he blushed slightly.
"There's something I need you to know..."
She let him continue.
"I think you are absolutely beautiful. Just for the record, I can see what drew me to you."
"Thank you Booth. Rest well; I'll be back later if that's okay?"
He nodded, and shifted in the bed to rest.
"Thanks Bones."
She left the room, hitting the light switch on her way.
It was hours later when something dawned on her and she gasped out loud, startling her dinner companion, Angela.
"What's wrong Bren? Is it the baby?" The artist looked slightly panicked.
"No, Ange. When I left Booth's room earlier he called me Bones. He remembered that was his name for me!" Her blue eyes looked so optimistic.
"Maybe his Grandfather told him that?"
"Maybe, but it seemed so natural that I didn't even notice it right away. It might be something right?"
Angela couldn't break her thoughts.
"It's definitely something Sweetie. He's still in there somewhere. He'll remember.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Booth went home to his own apartment three days later with a clean bill of health. Physically anyway. His mental health was another matter. He had made no more breakthroughs regarding his memory. He was starting to get frustrated at all the people who knew more about him than he knew about himself.
He sat with his Grandfather one night, a few weeks later, discussing some of the case files that Brennan had brought him to read, in hopes that one of them would jog something in his memory.
He and Brennan had spent a lot of time together, and there definitley was something between them. He could tell. He just wasn't sure how far to push things when it was all so new to him. They had gone on a date a few nights earlier, but she had claimed by the end that she wasn't feeling very well, and had gone home alone. He didn't think that it was an excuse; she had become very pale suddenly, and run off to the bathroom. She had apologized profusely and promised to make it up to him.
The day after he left the hospital, he had met his son Parker, for what was the first time for him. The small boy didn't even flinch when he explained the situation to him; he only asked how Bones was. The boy obviously adored the Doctor, and they spoke about her for awhile.
Parker told him how happy he was when he and Brennan were together. It was obvious to even a seven year old boy. Why couldn't he remember? It was getting more frustrating all the time.
He and his Grandfather now sat at his kitchen table reading the files. So far nothing seemed familiar to him. It was like reading the story of his life written from someone else's point of view.
The two Booth's sat reading and discussing the file about the Gravedigger when something flashed through Booth's peripheral memory...
He was digging desperately in a pile of dirt. She was there somewhere, he just knew it. He scooped an armload of dirt away and he felt her arm. He pulled with all his might and removed her from the ground. She said something to him, and he kept digging, pulling someone else out of the dirt. He sat beside her and they smiled at each other. She was safe.
The Grandfather watched the man across the table from him, and sensed that something was up. The younger man's eyes seemed very far away, like he was remembering something.
Another memory passed through Booth's mind.
It was Christmas. He was kissing her under some mistletoe. It felt so right, but it didn't last nearly long enough. She pulled away and said something about Steamboats to someone standing nearby.
Booth felt his heart tug at that memory. Suddenly a flood of memories crashed at him,
They were dancing in a bar. Lots of other men were watching her, but she only had eyes for him. He dipped her after a twist and she laughed.
They were in Las Vegas; she was wearing this red dress that stopped his heart. Her arm was around him. He was bleeding.
He stood in front of a grave. He saw the name Booth written on the headstone. That was not the part of the memory that stopped his breath, his grandfather had told him how Jared had died; it was the emotion of the memory that brought a smile to his face.
He stood in front of her, with his hand on her abdomen. His heart soared with what she had just let him know. He was going to be a father again.
The Grandfather watched, hopeful, as the younger Booth sat there with a huge smile on his face.
"What's going on Seeley?"
"I remember her. She's pregnant! Why didn't anyone tell me that?"
Booth stood up from the table, and reached for his coat that he had carelessly tossed on the counter when they had sat down earlier. He looked at his Grandfather with an expression that was pure bliss. The older man smiled at him, and tossed him his car keys from his pocket.
"What are you waiting for... go get her!"
Booth grabbed the keys and was out the door before another word was spoken.
He drove the again-familiar route to her place and was at her door knocking before he knew it. He heard her footsteps coming towards the door and he took a deep breath.
The door opened, and she looked as though she had been sleeping.
"I'm sorry Bones, did I wake you up?" His dark brown eyes showed his regret.
"No, but, what are you doing here? Did your Grandfather drop you off?" She let him in to the foyer, and wrapped her robe a little tighter around herself.
"Nope. I drove myself. I saw your lights on from the street, and I had something to tell you."
She looked at him suspiciously.
"You saw my lights from the street?"
"That is correct." The conversation brought a sense of déjà vu to the woman. She looked at him carefully.
"Will you come in?"
"Of course." He entered her living room and dropped his coat on the couch before turning back to her.
She seemed nervous, as though she was entertaining him for the first time.
"Can I get you something to drink?" He smiled at her. It was time to spill the secret.
"Do you have any of that crazy foreign beer that you know I like so much? And something non-alcoholic for yourself?"
She nodded at him, unaware of what he had just said. She took two steps towards the kitchen, and snapped her head back at him.
"How did you know I had non-alcoholic beer in my fridge?"
"Because I saw it there the day before my surgery. I remembered that you had it."
She looked at him just stunned. A smile crept onto her mouth and she turned fully back towards him.
His grin was so huge that her broken heart pieced itself back together in seconds. She took a step towards him, unsure if she could believe it.
"I remember everything Temperance. Everything. It all came back to me in a flash about an hour ago."
She took another step towards him.
"I want to thank you for not abandoning me. For guiding me back..."
She took one more step, and she was nearly in his arms.
"Isn't that your Ranger motto Booth...Leave no man behind?"
"Something like that..."
She took the initiative to remove any more space that was between them, and she kissed him with every bit of passion she could muster on such short notice. He kissed her back with more passion than he knew he even possessed.
Her robe hit the floor seconds later, and a trail of his clothes followed him into the bedroom where the rest of his memories came flooding back in an expression of true love. Laws of Physics were nearly broken that night and the two came pretty damn close to becoming one. A few different times through the night.
He was back. He was just lost for a little while.
He was back... heart and soul.
*
*
*
TBC...