Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.
Whenever any student walked into the cafeteria, the first thing they would see is the popular table. Long, rectangular, beautiful students lounging on the chairs or on the table, chatting, laughing, looking like a scene from a movie. The table was right in the middle of the cafeteria, by the door, so no matter what, you would have to see them when you first walked in.
Edward was used to this. Normally, he tried not to pay attention to the table, choosing instead to wait until he was safely seated at his table—a small round table in the corner, as far away from the popular table as they could get in the tiny cafeteria—to stare longingly at the table, but today he noticed something different about the popular table.
There was Victoria, sitting on James' lap and cooing into his ear and he smirked like he was the luckiest guy on Earth. Emmett was sitting near him, Rosalie leaning against him, his arms wrapped around her. Tanya was, as usual, surrounding by various boys, all of whom longed for her affection (Edward felt a familiar pang in his chest as Tanya flirted with them). The only difference was Alice Brandon. Short, perky, and the nicest in the group, Alice normally sat with Rosalie and Emmett, choosing not to be like Tanya and flirt with her many admirers (and she had plenty).
But today, Alice Brandon wasn't sitting with Rosalie and Emmett. In fact, she was sitting at the other end of the table, with a tall, lean blond man, their heads close together as they talked, a genuinely happy smile on both of their faces. At first, Edward just thought it was new student who had caught Alice's eye. But as he examined the boy, he realized there was something familiar about him. The blue eyes, the tall, thin body, the pale blond hair.
Edward froze halfway to his table, eyes going wide. He had just gotten close enough to the blond and was squinting, trying to place him. And close enough to hear the conversation going on between Alice and the boy. Close enough to hear Alice's bell-like giggles as she spoke his name.
"Jasper, stop," she giggled, cheeks flushing pleasantly. Jasper. Edward knew it. His best friend Jasper…was sitting at the popular table.
How was this possible?
Edward had tried for ages to get an invite to that table, and it took Jasper one day to do it? After all of the years of being considered a loser along with him, Bella, Ben and Angela, Jasper was just suddenly…popular? Sure, he had sprouted up at least a foot over the summer, his hair looked cleaner and it looked like he had found some miracle acne cleanser, but he was still the same geek on the inside, wasn't he? So what did they see in him that they refused to see in Edward?
"Keep walking Edward," a voice whispered from behind him. Edward didn't realize he had been frozen and staring for much longer than was appropriate, until Bella came up from behind him and began steering him towards their usual table. Edward walked slowly, mechanically, feeling an odd mixture of envy, fury and hurt. He just didn't understand it.
"Are you okay?" Bella asked, placing one hand on his cheek to try and get him to look at her. Edward just shook his head. The moment Bella had seen Edward frozen, and seen Jasper at the popular table, she forgot all about her anger at Edward, and had to help him, knowing the pain he was feeling would be awful. Bella turned to peek at the popular table, and noticed Jasper was looking their way. He had an apologetic look in his eye as he met Bella's gaze. Bella just shook her head, trying not to let the tears in her eyes show. They were a mixture of tears for herself and Edward—of course she missed her friend, but she knew what this would do to Edward. She knew that he would see it as something he did wrong, something that was missing in him that made it impossible for him to become friends with the jocks, whereas Jasper was able to manage it after a summer away.
"Did you guys see Jasper?" Angela whispered, sinking into the chair next to Bella, a lunch tray in her hands. Bella nodded, dropping her hand from Edward's cheek. Ben was sitting next to her, glaring over at Jasper. Angela looked close to tears as well, but she was much better at concealing them than Bella was.
"He grew so tall," Bella commented absentmindedly as she stared at Jasper again. He was absorbed in his conversation with Alice again, not paying attention to them. Jasper had definitely given his hair a good wash and cut, and he had grown, taking away his chubbiness as well. His face looked smooth, and without the thick glasses he usually wore, his icy blue eyes shone with enthusiasm. Bella could tell by the way he looked at Alice that this was the reason that he had changed himself to fit their standards.
When Jasper had confronted Bella about her secret infatuation with Edward, he had admitted to his love for Alice Brandon. Bella thought, at the time, that it would be impossible. Even if he did manage to talk to Alice, she would never go against her friends, at least Bella thought so. Jasper admitted that they had worked together on a project that their teacher had paired them together for. Jasper said that he fell in love with her smile, her laugh, her bubbly personality. She had been perfectly friendly to him as they worked, but after merciless teasing from her friends, she eventually ended their friendship, and broke Jasper's heart.
Bella knew he would do anything, anything, to get Alice back, and it seemed he had finally succeeded. Bella knew she should feel happy for him, for finally managing to secure the girl of his dreams, but she could only feel jealous and angry. Jealous that he had gotten his love when she had yet to get hers, and anger that he was ignoring them, and hurting Edward this way. He knew that Edward wanted nothing more than to be with Tanya and her friends, and he knew that this would hurt Edward. But his love for Alice was stronger than his loyalty to his friend.
Bella understood. She knew she would gladly give up Angela and Ben if it meant she could have Edward. And she also knew she would give up Edward if it would make him happy. She knew that she would turn her back on the world for Edward, and she couldn't blame Jasper. As much as she missed her friend, as much as he had hurt Edward, she couldn't really blame him. He had done it for love.
"I just don't understand," Edward admitted after a moment, and his voice was weak and tired. He just wanted his friend back. He wanted the popular kids to accept him, so he could get his friend back and be with Tanya, and live the life he ought to live. How come Jasper got to live out his dream, but he didn't? It didn't seem fair. It wasn't right. Jasper had never even told Edward he wanted to be popular. Never.
"Look, let's just forget about him for now," Bella suggested, wanting to help Edward feel better. "Are you hungry? Let's go get a sandwich or something." She took Edward's hand and stood, trying to pull him up.
"Fine," he sighed, reluctantly getting up. Another part of the popular table, a part they had chosen, no doubt, was that to get to the lunch line, you had to pass right by their table, no matter what angle you came through. Bella and Edward didn't want to pass Jasper, but they knew it was inevitable. Edward kept his eyes averted as they passed, fidgeting with his fingers, but Bella looked over, meeting Jasper's eye again. He looked apologetic, and pain and tears rushed to her eyes as she remembered the countless hours she had spent with Jasper and Edward. Jasper made a move that made it look like he was going to get up, but thought better of it and sank down onto his chair again. Bella bit her lip and looked away, trying not to cry.
When they reached the lunch line, Bella didn't feel very hungry anymore. She grabbed a banana and a water bottle for herself and Edward ordered a turkey sandwich. They paid quickly and hurried back to their table, neither of them looking towards the popular table. They sat back down with Ben and Angela, who were sharing a tray of food. Ben had pulled out a comic and immersed himself in it, and Angela was switching between picking at her food and staring over at Jasper.
Edward picked at his sandwich, not really tasting it, and wishing he had packed something instead of bought, since cafeteria food was always disgusting. Bella picked at her banana, eating bits and pieces before finally just tossing it in the closest trash barrel. The four friends didn't talk much—they were all taking the loss of one of their close friends to "the dark side" pretty hard.
They were all grateful when the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch. Bella and Edward walked together to gym, Bella grumbling complaints the whole time. She hated gym, but at least she had Edward to catch her if she fell, and to be on her team if they had to pick. Luckily, since it was the first day, they didn't have to change. Instead, uniforms were distributed and the teacher droned on about which sports they would be studying this semester. Bella read the whole time, leaving Edward to wallow in self pity for the period.
Bella was angered and annoyed when Jasper walked into the gym with Alice and Tanya. Jasper and Alice were walking side by side, almost, but not quite touching, and Tanya was on Alice's other side, chattering away as Coach Clapp rolled his eyes at their lateness. Bella saw Jasper's eyes flicker to her, then Edward, and then to his shoes. He looked embarrassed and ashamed, but Bella couldn't deny the happiness in his face when he looked at Alice. She wanted Jasper to be happy, of course, she just wished it didn't have to hurt Edward so much in the process.
After gym, Bella headed to her creative writing class alone. She didn't know of anyone in her class, and was surprised when Alice and Jasper sat down at the table next to her. Jasper gave her a pleading look, and Alice smiled in a friendly way. Bella smiled tentatively back. Jasper was sitting closest to her, and when Alice was distracted, he leaned towards Bella.
"I'm sorry, Bells, you know that," he whispered rapidly.
"You know this kills him," she hissed back.
"Bella I love her," he muttered, glancing over his shoulder to make sure she hadn't heard. "You know that. Wouldn't you change for Edward?" Bella bit her lip—she couldn't deny it. She would give everything for him; she would change herself in any way.
"I would," Bella finally answered with a sigh. "I just…I wish he wasn't hurting so badly. I wish I could help him, but I can't. Can you talk to him?"
"I can try," Jasper said. He glanced at Alice over his shoulder and turned back to Bella, his voice intense and low. "But you know I won't give this up. I won't give her up." As their eyes locked, a moment of understanding passed through them. Bella knew Alice was more important to him than anything. Jasper knew that Bella understood him, and that she would do the same for Edward.
"Okay. Just…try." Jasper gave her a small, sad smile.
"I do miss you guys Bells. All of you." Bella gave him a weak smile back, trying not to cry.
"We miss you too Jas."
"Jasper, look at this," Alice said with a giggle, pulling out her cell phone. Jasper gave Bella one more small, apologetic smile, before turning back to the love of his life. He looked at whatever was on her cell phone and chuckled before giving her one of the most adoring looks ever. It was so clear to see that Alice was like the sun to him, and he was the Earth, circling, dependant on her light and warmth to keep him strong. Bella just hoped she wouldn't hurt him. He deserved happiness.
The school day ended and Bella made her way back out to Edward's car, waiting for him to arrive so they could go home. Bella was getting a little anxious when Edward didn't show up in the next ten minutes. Almost all of the students had already filed out, getting into their cars and driving off. The popular crew had passed by a few minutes ago, and Bella had sent a glare their way before turning back to wait for Edward.
After fifteen minutes, Bella finally spotted him. And she gasped when she did.
His eye had been blackened, clearly someone had hit him. He was holding his glasses in his hand, which were bent out of shape with one lens missing, although Bella could see it was clutched in his other fist. The papers in his hands were damp, like they had been tossed into a puddle. Bella ran to Edward instantly, feeling hot tears of anger rushing to her eyes at whoever had done this.
"Oh, Edward, are you okay?" she gasped.
"I'm fine," Edward growled. There was embarrassment and fury and resentment in his voice. He had met up with James a few minutes ago. James was looking for revenge from his earlier shame of getting taken down by a girl. So he took it out on Edward, since he knew he couldn't take it out on a girl.
"Look's like your girlfriend's not here to save you know, Masen," James had taunted before promptly punching Edward in the side of his eye, causing his glasses to smash into his skull and stars to pop up in his vision. By the time Edward had regained his strength, James was gone. He took off his now crooked glasses and made his way outside—where he had met Bella. And his embarrassment grew, knowing she had defended herself against James and he couldn't. He felt weak. Not masculine.
"Are you sure?" Bella asked tentatively.
"I'm fine," Edward hissed again, slamming himself into the car and jamming the keys into the ignition. Bella slid into the passenger seat next to him, feeling slightly afraid. Edward turned on the radio and backed out of the now empty parking lot, already speeding towards Bella's house. Normally, they would hang out at his house, do homework and chat, but Edward wasn't in the mood. He just wanted to go home and brood by himself. He wanted…to be honest, he wanted to be popular.
He wanted to be with Jasper and the popular kids. He didn't want to deal with this life of an outcast. Sure, he loved Bella, Ben and Angela. They were his best friends, especially Bella. But…if there was some way he could be popular and could finally secure Tanya as his own—well then, maybe it would be worth it. He bit his lip as he thought of the pain that would surely cause Bella. But maybe he could somehow juggle both, being friends with Bella and being popular.
Why am I even thinking about this? Edward wondered to himself. It's not like it's ever going to happen. Edward sighed. Of course it wouldn't. Jasper may have succeeded in climbing to the top of the social ladder, but it seemed that every time Edward tried, he just got kicked back down to the bottom.
Bella watched Edward's face carefully during the car ride. He was silent, and she wasn't going to break the silence. She saw all sorts of emotions flit across his face—anger, longing, envy, pain, sadness—it seemed impossible that he could feel this many things at once. Bella knew he was doing some serious thinking, and she could only hope that whatever he was thinking him was leading him in the right direction. To a happier life.
If Bella was being honest with herself, she never wanted Edward to become popular. She would much rather have him stay with her, and maybe, impossibly realize the love she felt for him, and feel it back. But she wanted him to be happy more than she wanted herself to be happy. So she hoped that he could find his popularity and his dream girl, even as the pain burned deep in her chest as she thought of it. She would endure the pain to make Edward happy.
They were at Bella's house sooner than she would have thought possible. She didn't realize that he had been speeding more than usual in his anger. Normally she would've protested, but she knew he was angry, and she didn't want to stoke the fire anymore than it already was.
"Thanks for the ride," Bella said weakly and Edward nodded curtly. Bella bit her lip, feeling like she should say or do something, comfort him, anything.
"I talked to Jasper today," she blurted and then flinched as Edward whirled around to face her, glaring.
"What'd he have to say for himself?"
"He loves her Edward," Bella said gently, softly. "You know he didn't want to hurt any of us. But he…he truly loves Alice. You would give us all up for Tanya, wouldn't you?" Bella hoped Edward didn't notice her flinch at the thought.
Edward had to admit, he would. But not without an explanation. And he would try, at least, to stay friends with Bella, Angela and Ben. He wouldn't just…leave them behind. Or would he? How would Edward ever know if it didn't happen?
"Look, Edward, I know it hurts to lose a friend. I know it hurts that Jasper has…well, he has what you want. But…Jasper is happy now. He's in love. Don't you want him to be happy?" Bella continued, noticing the thoughtful expression on Edward's face as he thought through her words.
"I suppose," Edward sighed after a few moments. "I want him to be happy. I just…can't believe he would leave us like this. After so many years." Edward just shook his head.
"Are you sure you're okay?" Bella asked softly. She began to reach towards him, but thought better of it, dropping her hand back down to her side.
"I'm fine," Edward said, blinking twice before turning back to Bella. "See you tomorrow." It was a clear dismissal. Bella bit her lip and climbed out of the Volvo. She made her way back inside, hoping that Edward found whatever it was he was looking for—even if that meant leaving her behind.
A/N: What'd you all think? Any good? I hope I explained Jasper's situation well enough...I don't want him to seem like a bad guy. He's just a guy in love. Thanks to my wonderfully awesome beta .miserable . fate. for helping keep my tenses correct and my grammar proper.