Disclaimer: Final Fantasy not mine. Kadaj not mine, which is a good thing because otherwise I'd slap him around for being so hard to write. Also, for the record, I do not condone cruelty to animals; obviously, the Remnants are not as nice as I am.
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Open Hands
Chapter 2: Reflection
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Kadaj rocked slowly back and forth on his heels, his harsh, irregular breaths echoing faintly up in the eaves of the church. He kept his eyes closed even after the brief but intense spasm of pain passed.
I've failed. I've failed Mother.
He surged back to his feet and started to pace restlessly, arms wrapped around himself, moving away from the glimmering pool.
…Am I being punished?
That idea froze him in his tracks, and for a few moments he stood motionless, eyes wide open, expecting…something. He wasn't sure what. A ball of flame? A sword from above? Some acid poison boiling up from the floor to consume him—a waste product, no longer worthy to exist—and reduce him to nothing? All his worst fears came yammering up at the back of his mind, and he hunched his shoulders, braced for a blow.
But nothing happened. The water behind him rippled softly. Dust motes floated gently in the crisscrossing beams of light and tickled his nose and throat when he inhaled. A floorboard creaked slightly under his feet when he finally shifted his weight. And slowly he felt the subtle scent and the placid quiet of the place pervading him again, loosening his rigid muscles, steadying his breathing, gradually smoothing away the fear and restoring calm.
He sat down cross-legged on the floor again, and tried to collect his wits, thinking about what he'd seen in the pool.
He closed his eyes, trying to call back his last moments. He remembered flinging himself off the ledge…freeing Mother at last.
Falling… and fearful pain…
"You can let go now…everyone's waiting."
Yes, and the voice calling him. He'd been so sure it was Mother.
Then…nothing. After hearing the voice, he'd awakened by the stream.
Kadaj opened his eyes and looked around again. He frowned. I remember this place now. I fought Brother here. Fought, then fled when the water suddenly surged up from the floor in a geyser, the droplets stinging his skin and burning his eyes.
He winced and glanced apprehensively over his shoulder, but the pool just glimmered peaceably.
All right… I'm in the Lifestream. So why am I in this place?
He'd fought Brother here, but there was no one here to fight now. He'd tried the door and he couldn't get out.
"Mother?" he said tentatively. "What do I do?"
He waited, but this time the voice didn't speak.
The only thing here that had really seemed to respond to his presence was—
Kadaj grimaced and looked over his shoulder again. He got up and paced slowly back toward the pool. He crouched next to it.
"I want to see Mother," he said firmly.
He had just long enough to start feeling impatient, and then the pool flashed again. He was ready for it, and shut his eyes.
---
When he opened them, he blinked a few times in the sudden darkness.
He was standing at the top of an incline much like the place where he'd fallen asleep by the tree. Laid out below, like a jeweled carpet, were the lights of a city.
No…not a city… A camp. The lights flickered—firelight. A gentle breeze touched his face and ruffled his hair. It had the chill of autumn, and brought the scent of wood smoke and something savory cooking, and voices: conversation, laughter, and singing.
There was the faintest breath of a whisper in his ear. "Go."
As strangely appealing as the rustic settlement was, Kadaj was irritated. He was starting to lose patience with this voice that told him where to go and what to do but didn't tell him what he wanted to know. If it wasn't Mother, then why should he listen?
He folded his arms. "No. I said I wanted to see Mother."
"You will."
He stared down into the settlement, not sure whether to believe it. I don't have much choice, I suppose. He ventured down the hill.
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In spite of the almost total lack of technology, it was much like any other town he'd passed through with his brothers. Children chased each other among the tents; adults stirred cooking pots, played instruments, and danced as others cheered and laughed. The people he passed didn't seem to see him. No one looked up or spoke to him as he approached the edges of the camp.
They aren't real, he challenged.
"They once were real," came the reply. "Now they are only a memory."
He paced into the camp, ignored even by the dogs that sniffed around for scraps. Kadaj hated dogs; most of the ones he'd encountered in his life had taken exception to his presence and barked madly at him and his brothers…the ones Yazoo hadn't used for target practice, anyway. Any dog that barked at Yazoo would soon have to learn to walk on only its hind legs. These dogs didn't even acknowledge his presence with a sniff.
The good cheer of the scene might have warmed anyone else, but it only compounded Kadaj's irritation. All very pretty, but it wasn't getting him anywhere. "Where—"
The sky went ablaze.
Night became fiery midday, and Kadaj flinched, clapping his hands over his stinging eyes. Then he felt the rumble in the earth, a catastrophic crash that was felt, not heard. It traveled through his feet into his bones, and then the ground lurched and hurled him down.
As the ground seemed to ripple under him, rolling violently, he heard the people screaming. The sound drove into his ears like spikes.
Gasping, eyes screwed shut, he moved his hands over his ears, but it didn't block out the cries—like the crash they seemed to travel through his bones, reverberating behind his eyes.
"The calamity from the sky."
He seemed to hear the voice not above, but below the chaos of screams and the earthquake. He turned his head toward it—
He was sprawled on the ground, back on the cliff. The earthquake was over, and it was another starlit, moonless night, but he could see a glow far, far away. Slowly he pushed himself up to his knees.
The camp was destroyed. Tents were crushed and collapsed, and great cracks had opened in the earth. He could see a few motionless shapes that had once been human.
He pushed himself to his feet—
And staggered backward, abruptly finding himself on the very brink of an icy cliff. He fell back again, wincing, and looked around, angry and confused.
He was on the edge of the Northern Crater. The entirely new Northern Crater, its edges jagged and fresh…and suddenly he heard the screams again.
Not the people… the planet.
The Lifestream was surging and rushing from the fresh wound like blood. And at the bottom of the crater…
Mother!
He scrambled forward and pitched over the edge of the cliff.
Instead of a rough tumbling fall down the long slope, he seemed to fall a short distance through empty space; but his impact with the ground was as hard as if he'd fallen much farther. Stunned, he groaned and rolled onto his back.
Mother was standing over him, immense and hideous and beautiful. Beyond her—
He gasped.
Yazoo and Loz. Pale, still, and silent, frozen inside huge, clear chunks of ice that were incongruous with the snow and shattered stone rubble littering the bottom of the crater.
Mother looked down at him. She smiled.
And suddenly he was terrified. His throat seemed to have a lump in it the size of his fist. He couldn't get his breath. He tried to sit up, but he couldn't move. "…Mother?" he whispered.
She raised her hand, and he felt the ice creeping up around him… up along his ankles, over his knees…toward his shoulders…compressing his chest…approaching his face…
No!
He wrenched with all his strength… and felt the ice shatter just before he was plunged into blackness again.
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-Well… that's progress.
---I know you didn't like doing that, but he's really singleminded, isn't he?
-Yes.
---Ha. If he can test even your patience…
-Perish the thought. I think he's moved beyond where he needs to be contained, though. Now he needs guidance.
--Oh, don't tell me…
-No, it doesn't need to be you. In fact, I have someone else in mind.
---…Okay, you may look innocent, but that's just evil. He's really going to love that.
-Which one?
---Both.
-You're probably right. But let's try it.
---You're the boss.
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Kadaj lay curled up in a fetal position, arms over his face, still shivering. He heard the quiet ripple of water, and opened his eyes, expecting to be back in the church yet again.
Instead, he found himself lying on the ground near the entrance to the Forgotten City.
It was daylight, and the sun glittered through the leaves above onto the lake. A light breeze brought a quiet whispering from the trees.
"Nice choice."
Kadaj sat up abruptly and twisted toward the voice.
Brother was leaning casually against a tree nearby, arms folded. He smirked faintly.
"It's about time."
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End Chapter 2
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A/N: Kadaj switches locations a couple of times in the blink of an eye as Aeris is showing him the Cetra and the coming of Jenova. I hope it wasn't too confusing.