Entry 11:

I AM NOT GAY.

I—THIS IS ALL GUY'S FALUT. ALL OF IT.

Also, do not believe a word Natalia says as she is clearly suffering from dementia or turrets or-or-or I don't even know, a severe case of Girl.

I would just like to make something clear. My aggression towards certain individuals is not due to UST. It is due to my inability to smash their head in with a rock, as certain princess generally frown on such things. Not that I haven't tried. Except Tear caught me and saved the stupid dreck before any satisfying damage was done. And now I think she hates me.

Or maybe she's just situationally deaf, but my pleas for help mid-battle were pretty loud. And she was only like five feet away. And she might have smirked in my general direction.

Women are terrifying.

I have to go meet with Guy now. To discuss how we're going to prove our innocence.

Entry 12:

GOD DAMMIT.

WHY IS HE SO DUMB? FREAKING HELL.

I think the blonds of this world are out to get me. Largetta keeps on accidentally shooting me in the foot. Guy makes a point of attempting to ruin my life at every possible opportunity, (we will discuss this shortly) Peony tried to seduce me just so he could later laugh about it, and Natalia—

Well. I think she tries to be nice. It's just that she somehow ends up being more trouble than all the others put together.

As I was saying. About proving my innocence and straightness and absolute and total availability. I mean. I mean, wait, that came out wrong. What I meant to say was that I'm single. And shall always be single. Because relationships are for the weak. And pitiful. And Guy.

Not that he'll even be in a relationship. I mean, I—he just shouldn't be. He might reproduce. And he certainly isn't allowed to be in a relationship with—

I DON'T CARE WHAT HE SAYS, HE ISN'T BI. I KNOW HE ISN'T. EVERYONE KNOWS HE ISN'T. Except Natalia and Luke. Even Mieu called him on it. At least, I think he did. His voice is very squeaky, so it's kind of hard to tell.

So now, Natalia thinks I'm gay. She thinks this because Guy (crushkillmaimcrushkillmaim) freaking implied that we were—were. Involved. WHICH WE AREN'T.

Unfortunately I was too busy hyperventilating to straighten this all out. It was bewildering. I had absolutely no idea why he would tell her this. Until Natalia got this thoughtful look on her face and went, "Well, that certainly clears up your gynophobia problem, Guy."

And then she beamed at him. Like she was happy for him.

In the background, the stupid dreck was looking sufficiently creeped out, and kept muttering things like, "He gave me baths, now he's gay?"

To his credit, Guy only stared at Natalia in total despair for like half a second, before choking out an obviously rehearsed, "No, actually, I like both. Asch here's the one way door."

So then I had to try to kill him. Obviously, I failed, but only because I was—blinded by rage. Not because Guy is freakishly hard to catch and probably injects his legs with steroids.

Yeah, well, we'll see if he's so fast tonight.

…That came out wrong again. I was implying that I was going to stab him in his sleep, not that—I—OH, SHUT UP.

Entry 13:

I HAVE BEEN DEFILED.

I—AUGH! WHY DO I KEEP TRAVELING WITH THESE PEOPLE?! I'M LEAVING!

…Jade ambushed me while I was washing up. And sidled in. And I, foolishly, foolishly thinking him an ally, continued scrubbing, until he said quite loftily, "So, Asch, I hear you like men."

And then he put a hand. On my ass.

And then I fell in the stream.

When I popped back up, intent on strangling him, Jade was sniggering in a very self-congratulatory manner, and Anise was scurrying out of the bushes, cackling, "Good one, Colonel!" and then she took one look at me and said, "Wow, Asch, getting a little pudgy around the hips are you?"

She and Jade leered evilly. Which is ridiculous. I don't have pudge, I am made of muscle.

I told them as such and then gracefully took my leave.

Except then I got lost.

For three hours. And then Guy found me, which is just Lorelei being an asshole again. He sort of sneered at me, and went, "Hey, lover boy."

I tried killing him again. This time with a branch. It didn't work. Guy skipped off, and then I was all alone in the forest again.

Eventually, Luke found me. And just sort of stared at me, and then blurted out, "If the original is gay, does that mean the replica will be too?"

Luke is much easier to catch than Guy is. Except hitting him over the head with things usually results with him just sort of blinking, and then shaking it off.

Entry 14:

I told Natalia I wasn't gay. And not involved with Guy. And that I would appreciate it if she would order him beheaded.

She just patted my arm, got a bit misty eyed and said, with quavering bravery, "Now, Asch, I must admit that I am a bit…disappointed. However, I shall continue to support your relationships, even if they are with—with Guy. Your happiness is one of the most important things for me. " And then she sniffed.

I did what most men do in the presence of a crying woman, and basically turned to stone. Natalia continued to sniffle. I was just working up the nerve to say something comforting, when Guy sort of materialized, held his breath, and sort of patted her shoulder. Very gingerly. Looking sort of green while he did so.

Natalia turned around, said, "Oh, Guy," in a very strange tone of voice, and launched herself at him. Guy managed to maintain consciousness for just long enough to say, "We're not involved, Princess. Don't worry."

But he did put his arms around her. And look pleased. Underneath the terror and the nausea. Also, he touched her hair. I know he did.

So. I'm on to him.

…Why does nothing come out the way I intend it to, anymore?