Disclaimer: As usual, FFVII and its characters, etc. are Square Enix's and not mine. Kadaj hated this chapter. Aeris snickered through most of the writing.
---
Open Hands
Chapter 4: Resolve
---
Kadaj was getting cross.
After Brother had gone, the wolf had appeared again and led Kadaj off into the Sleeping Forest. Kadaj thought he might actually have slept a while there—he wasn't really sure. But the next clear thing in his memory was the wolf leading him toward a clearing. He'd climbed a hill to get to the opening in the trees, and the full sunlight had fallen in his face, blinding him for a moment—
Then he'd suddenly stepped out onto a busy city sidewalk.
It'd startled him badly. He'd grabbed for Souba, but of course it wasn't there. People had looked at him oddly and walked wide around him. He'd looked back from where he'd come. It was a dead-end alleyway.
He understood the message, even if the method of delivery had been annoying. No going back.
He'd eventually stepped out onto the sidewalk and followed the flow of the pedestrians. The wolf had disappeared; he didn't have anything else to guide him. He couldn't identify the city. He supposed it didn't matter.
Following the crowd had still gotten him nowhere. He'd finally jerked himself free of their sheeplike slow-motion stampede to sit down for a minute on a deserted bus stop bench. Since then, he'd been sitting there, watching traffic and pedestrians pass, and growing angrier.
First they get Brother to tell me that Loz and Yazoo are in some terrible danger and I have to save them before it's too late… and now they cut me loose in this ridiculous illusion and let me cool my heels? What the hell do they want me to do?
He heard footsteps, and glanced over to see a mother and a little girl standing by the bus stop sign. The little girl looked at the bench and tugged her mother's hand, but the mother glanced nervously at Kadaj and shook her head, gripping her daughter's hand more tightly. The girl sighed, shifted her weight, and looked at Kadaj.
Kadaj glowered back, but the little girl didn't seem intimidated. Suddenly the mother patted her coat pocket, and her mouth dropped open. "The bus pass!" She let go of the girl's hand, hefted up a rather large purse and starting to rummage through it. The little girl, momentarily unfettered, glanced at her mother to gauge her distraction; then she tiptoed over and sat on the other end of Kadaj's bench. She set her sneakered feet neatly together and looked at him.
Kadaj looked away. Just another of their games. I'm not interested in playing, thank you. She'll probably say something cryptic and then disappear. If Someone wants to tell me something, why don't they just come along and say it themselves? He scowled at the grayish sky.
"Mister?" The girl was whispering, trying not to attract her mother's notice.
Kadaj grunted unwelcomingly and folded his arms.
"Mister, why are you wearing a dress?"
Kadaj's jaw dropped, and he turned a glare on the girl that would have had Loz's lip trembling. All right, Someone out there is going to pay for that. "It's not," he hissed, "a dress."
The girl pouted back easily. "It looks like one."
Kadaj stood up and turned, towering over the little pink-jumpered figure on the bench, brushing the legs of his—admittedly loose—pants into place. "See?"
"Lyddie!" The girl was abruptly hauled off the bench by her mother; the woman backed the ten paces to the bus stop sign, scowling at Kadaj. "You stay away from my daughter!"
Kadaj gritted his teeth. None of this is real. This is just someone's idea of a pathetic joke. He glared back at the woman, who held her purse as if weighing its value as a bludgeoning weapon. The bus lumbered up, and the woman vanished into it, trailed by the girl's thin protests. "But Mom, we were just talking…" The driver glanced at Kadaj, who dropped heavily back onto the bench. The driver shrugged, and the bus labored on up the road in a cloud of exhaust.
Why should that bother me? It's not the first time something like that has happened. When Loz and Yazoo and I passed through towns, looking for Brother and Mother, people always looked at us like that. They'd run away when they saw us coming. We laughed at them and told each other they'd run even faster once we found Mother.
Kadaj leaned his elbows on his knees and his head on his hands, letting the illusions of the city float past him unheeded. He closed his eyes.
They hate what they fear, and they destroy what they hate, so we were going to destroy them first. We always knew they hated us.
So why should it hurt?
---
---I was right. You really are evil. Do you really want to help this guy?
-Actually, most of that came from him.
---Really?
-I did say "most".
---All right, then. But he's not going to take the hint.
-I didn't really think he would. But I thought I'd give him the chance. And I wanted to see what he would come up with. He has some crude control, but only over others. I'd guess the concept of changing himself is alien to him.
---About what I'd expect. Y'know, given the whole "resurrect Sephiroth and take over the Planet" thing.
-He's never had a reason to change himself. He never had to grow up to find his own place in the world, because he was only a placeholder for Sephiroth.
---…When you say it like that, you almost make me feel sorry for him. Almost.
-Oh, he isn't the one you should feel sorry for.
--Why do I not like the sound of that?
-He's got to learn how this is going to work.
---I really don't like the sound of that.
-Cloud can't bail you out this time.
---I knew I didn't like the sound of that. Do I have to?
-He needs you.
---Oh, don't give me that look…all right. All right! You know me; you knew I'd do it. Don't get all smug, you didn't talk me into anything.
-Of course not.
---I better not see that smug look when I get back.
-Be careful.
---Don't worry…I'm a professional. Don't ask "professional what…"
---
"Hey."
Kadaj jumped, and stood up.
A young man stood casually near the bench, hands in the pockets of his long gray coat. Black hair was slicked back from his forehead and caught in a shoulder-length tail at the back of his neck.
Kadaj suddenly realized he was shivering in an autumnlike chill. He looked around. He'd arrived in this place—illusion—in what had looked like midafternoon. Now the last few shreds of the sunset traced the tops of the buildings. Down in the street, the gloom of post-twilight had already fallen; the streetlights were on, and the pedestrian and vehicle traffic had thinned.
The young man still stood with his hands casually in his pockets, looking at Kadaj. "Little nippy, isn't it?"
Kadaj stared at him. "What do you want?"
"I'm Zack. I was looking for you. If you want someone to show you the way around, that's me." He flashed a sudden magnetic smile. It didn't put Kadaj at ease at all. "C'mon. We should talk someplace warmer. You had dinner yet?"
Suddenly Kadaj recognized the voice. He scowled. "I'm dead. I don't need food." He was there. He spoke when I was talking to Brother. I didn't see him, but I heard him. "Neither do you."
Zack shrugged. "So, it doesn't mean I don't miss it sometimes. Come on. Your little dream world here is making me freeze."
Kadaj blinked. "My…"
The young man lifted his arms, encompassing the city streets with a wave. "Sure. This setting was your choice. Why, did you think somebody else stuck this on you?"
Kadaj gritted his teeth. What kind of idiot does he think I am? "Of course they did. I'm not controlling any of this."
Zack smiled. "You may not think you are, but you are. So why don't we go someplace you think is warm? Preferably a restaurant. Come on. Your choice, my treat."
---
-Well, how am I doing?
---I think you're doing just fine.
-Do you think I'm doing the right thing?
---Yes. I was surprised, but—yes. I'm very interested to see what sort of young man is hiding inside him. Not to mention his brothers.
-I wanted to ask you…
---Yes?
-Well…what can be done for them? Can they make it back?
---Maybe. None of them has their predecessor's power. Only the youngest comes close.
-I can heal the older two. The youngest…
---Yes, that's a bit more complicated.
-I'm not sure what he wants.
---I don't think he is, either. He isn't thinking past saving his brothers. But at least he's thinking beyond himself. That's more than you had to begin with.
-That's true.
I can help if you get in over your head, but I don't think you will.
-What if we really can't help him?
---Then you'll know that it couldn't be done.
---
This is ridiculous. Kadaj glared across the diner table at his erstwhile guide, who was polishing off a large chocolate chip cookie. I don't understand a word he's been saying. To help Loz, I have to go into his mind? How can I even do that?
Kadaj grimaced as he felt his mouth water. He'd never cared that much about food, only eating when it was necessary to keep his strength up, never paying much attention to the taste of it. But damn it, he's making me hungry now!
He stopped on that thought. He says I'm controlling all this myself. Well, if I really am, then I ought to be able to change that, right? Kadaj clenched his teeth. He wasn't sure how to go about it, but he closed his fists slowly, and tried to make the delicious smells wafting from the diner's kitchen go away.
For a moment, nothing happened. Then it was as if he'd suddenly caught a cold. The odors were gone. The room had no smell at all.
Zack stopped chewing, swallowed, looked ruefully at the last bite of his cookie, and laid it on the plate. He looked up, one dark eyebrow raised. "You're starting to get the idea. But do you really have to take all of it away?"
Kadaj frowned. "What are you talking about?"
"If you don't like how the food smells, you could just keep yourself from smelling it. You don't have to make it stop smelling at all."
"What's the difference?" Kadaj folded his arms. In spite of himself, he felt a little smug. "It worked."
"The difference is that where we're going to go, that isn't going to work."
Kadaj rolled his eyes. "Yes, yes. Into Loz's mind."
"Into the reality he's projected for himself," Zack corrected him again, with a sigh. "In that place, he controls the reality. If you don't make an effort to fit into it, he'll just ignore you. That's if you're lucky."
"And if I'm not?"
"Well, in a worst-case scenario, he might see your presence as an attack, and fight back."
Kadaj smirked. "Loz would fight me? Even if he would, he'd lose."
Zack shook his head, sighing and running a hand into his dark hair. "That's not the point, Kadaj. For one thing, I'm not talking about a physical fight. It would be a mental attack. Even if it didn't hurt you, you'd be ejected from his reality—and then he'd be on guard against you. I doubt you'd be able to get back in."
Oh… Kadaj stared down at the table. The clatter of dishes, the sizzling of the cooking food he couldn't smell, and voices of the other diners faded into a background buzz in his mind.
I only get one chance at this? Is that what he's saying?
The bell on the door jangled as a customer left; Zack glanced up, and then turned his attention back to Kadaj.
"Kadaj, you're going to have to make the same choice you did with Cloud--to listen to me, or not. You can't have it both ways. You've come too far to start digging your heels in now." Zack leaned back in his seat and folded his arms. "What's it gonna be?"
Kadaj looked up and found Zack's eyes fixed intently on him. "I said I want them back," he snapped. "And I'm going to get them back, no matter what you say!"
He expected to be contradicted, but Zack just smiled and rapped on the table. "Good. Then do what you have to do instead of whining about it. We don't have time to waste, so let's go." He pulled some gil out of his pocket, dropped it on the table, and headed for the door. After an open-mouthed moment, Kadaj got up quickly and followed him.
Yazoo…Loz…wait for me. I'm coming.
---
End Chapter 4
---
A/N: Okay, so that was still a little long (over 2 months… --;) But it could be worse! Yes, this is actually Chapter 4; the Interlude doesn't really count. I'm thinking about taking it out, instead of continuing to put one in every three chapters. Thoughts? Let me know.