Enigmatical
By wired2damoon
Chapter 15: Smoothes And Stars
A/N: Please, after reading this chapter, don't hate me too much… XD
- Claire's POV -
In all my sixteen (nearly seventeen) years of being on this earth, I can say that I've had my fair share of awkward moments. I mean hell, awkward is practically my middle name. Ever since I was a kid, I was the social-outcast, and damn proud of it, so yeah, you can say that when it comes to being awkward I'm the frickin' Queen. But, growing up the way I did - having full knowledge of a supernatural world beyond all imagination, was never the cause of any awkwardness or discomfort in my life, believe me - it probably should have, but no, I was just this way all on my own.
But even with my special adaptation to uncomfortable situations, nothing, and I mean nothing, could prepare me for the situation I found myself in tonight. Just like nothing could prepare me for how unbelievably confused I'm likely to feel for a long time from now…
As I sit here, on my bedroom windowsill, tears streaming down my face, I cast my mind back to how I got here, how I locked myself out from the rest of the world, and for once, let my emotions take over…
- Flashback -
I shifted uncomfortably as Cody and I walked back into the living room, feeling everyone's stares on us. Thankfully, Nessie seemed to feel my discomfort and leapt forward to greet Cody.
"Hey Cody, I'm Nessie, nice to meet you," she smiled, shaking his hand, and even I (who could not see his face) could tell that Cody's jaw dropped as he saw Nessie in full light, her beauty emphasised. She really was so beautiful, it often makes me want to cry…
"Nice to meet you Nessie," he mumbled, turning his attention to Erin who was now standing to greet him. "Hi, I'm Erin," she smiled, extending her hand. Cody smiled back and turned his head, stilling instantly. Quil, it seemed, didn't bother to rise to greet him, he just sat in the armchair, adverting his gaze. Cody didn't bother acknowledging him, and to be honest I don't blame the guy…
As I ushered everyone to sit down, the doorbell rang out, once again. Gritting my teeth and grumbling under my breath, I stormed back out into the hallway, wrenched open the door, not bothering to greet whoever it was and just walked back into the living room. Soon, we were joined by Jake and Embry and finally all the gang were here.
Yippee! Let the sheer disaster begin!
For the next hour everything went reasonably to plan. Cody was getting on alright with the guys, Quil it seemed, even managed to be somewhat tolerant with him, and the pizzas arrived with no mishaps - believe me, it would have been complete pandemonium if there was something slightly amiss with toppings or the 'right crust'.
So yes, everything was going well. Embry even got to sit next to Erin - whom of course remained oblivious to the fact that during the entire movie Embry's stare was directed only at her, seriously, how can imprints be so blind? I mean for God's sake, if I ever had the luck to get someone to imprint on me, I'd sure as hell know about it! Okay, so maybe Erin doesn't know about imprinting and all yet but geez, can't she tell that the guy is like practically drooling over her?
I envied Jacob and Nessie the most though, out of all the shape-shifters and their imprints. They had by far, the weirdest relationship known in the history of imprinting, with not only Jake imprinting on someone so young - but the fact that she was technically half his ultimate enemy. It was the stuff of legends, literally. But it wasn't their strange relationship that captivated me, it was the sheer comfortable, solidity of it.
Despite what I led others (namely Quil) to believe, I wanted desperately for something as solid as that. For another half, true love or whatever you want to call it. I feel pathetic for it really, I mean, I know I'm only sixteen but that doesn't mean I don't think about my future. Believe me, I'm not all about commitment and crazy-serious relationships right now, but as I sit here and watch Jake and Nessie merely hold hands as they fix their stares on the TV, I can't help wanting what they have…someday.
Unfortunately, that just further leads me to think back on my very current problems. Quil. Me and Quil. Our relationship. Or lack of. Slowly, I lift my gaze, my eyes darting to the left where I can see his profile from the corner of my eyes. I notice that, if Cody failed to be here, the rest of us would look like three couples: Jake and Nessie, Embry and Erin, Quil and Claire.
My heart plummeted at that thought. It just killed me that, two out of those three, really were proper couples, the last would never be…
My eyes widened as I came to that revelation. Quil and I were never going to be a couple. EVER. So, why was I killing myself by dwelling on dreams and hoping on the hopeless? More importantly, why the hell was I about to throw away the chance to be in a relationship with a guy who was actually interested in me?
The more I thought about it, the more I could not believe I actually brought Cody here tonight to tell him that I just wanted to be friends. What the hell is the matter with me? I think I'm in serious need of some sort of mental health help.
With that in mind, I smirk as I feel Cody's arm stretch out behind me, curling around my shoulders. Thank god he wasn't as lame to fake a yawn before hand. Nodding my head - more so to force myself, I ignored everyone in the entire room and brought my hand to rest upon Cody's free hand.
Yes, I could make this work. I just fell off the wagon for a bit, fantasying about stupid things like my best friend naked. But, I'm finally thinking clearly now. Here, I have a good guy, who seems to like me and I like very much (okay, not love, but…maybe in time…okay, maybe not, I am only sixteen and already find it difficult to be in love with my best friend, but I'll work on it) and who could help me get over Quil.
I'd be crazy to throw that away right? Especially for something that will never happen, with a guy that will never want me…
I sighed, and gripped Cody's hand tighter…
- End Flashback -
That wasn't the reason for my current anguish however. No, that bit came later.
I ignored the soft knocking on my door now, and the gentle voice of Nessie asking me to open up. She can call all she wants, I can ignore everything all night…
- Quil's POV -
I growled and kicked the trash can with all my might. It flew about a hundred feet away from me, before crashing against a tree - splintering it instantly. I felt the fury flow through my veins as I began to shake uncontrollably.
"Quil, calm down man," Embry cautioned, hanging back a little as I continued to yell and kick things. I let out a roar of frustration at his words, "I CAN'T CALM THE FUCK DOWN!"
Embry let out a low whistle and ran his hand through his hair. "C'mon man, Jake will be here in a minute, try and control yourself…"
His words just angered me more, and a familiar rush came over me, a shaking, deep down in my core. Embry, noticing this, began shoving me towards the woods, "go on, phase, quickly!"
I definitely didn't need telling twice, and found that I was already bursting out of my clothes, tearing them to shreds…and then, I ran. Ran with all my might, delving deep into the woods. Almost instantly, familiar voices began to fill my head.
"You okay Quil?"
Gritting my teeth I hissed back, "do I sound okay to you Seth?"
I heard Seth's murmured apologies, but I was far too worked up to care about it right now. "Just, leave me alone Seth, please…"
Silence met my words and I presumed that he'd already phased back. Sighing, I stopped running and sat down near an old log. I could feel my fur rustling in the strong breeze as I stared transfixed at the night around me.
I have no idea how long I sat there. It could have been seconds, minutes, hours…it didn't matter. I couldn't pay attention to anything really. Nearby, I knew crickets sang, birds flapped their wings and small creatures moved almost silently. But none of this nature could possibly serve as a distraction for the complete and utter torment I was suffering from now.
Every time I close my eyes the flashing images streaked across them, making me wince with definite pain. I don't know how much more I can take of this…
Suddenly, my ears pricked up at a shuffle behind me. I sniffed the air eagerly and instantly relaxed as I recognised it. Jake.
"I brought you some clothes," his voice crept into my mind, remaining indifferent. I felt his large form brush past, to halt opposite me. I saw the clothes in question, tied tightly to his leg. I murmured a soft noise of gratitude.
I sighed and lay down on the ground, my snout resting on my paws. I could feel Jake's gaze burning into me but he remained mostly silent, merely glancing around himself. After a few moments, when I felt calm enough, I voiced my thoughts: "it was hell Jake. Pure hell."
I saw him bow his head, "yeah Quil, I know. I don't blame you for getting a little out of control, I just, I think it upset Claire…"
I whimpered as I saw the image of Claire's beautiful, hurt face flash across my eyes. The last thing I ever wanted to do was upset her…but every time I thought about her and…him, I just felt so… betrayed and my pain at hurting her, swiftly turned to anger. Pure, unadulterated fury.
I snarled loudly, breaking the quiet, completive moment between Jake and I. He didn't look at all surprised however, merely turning his head to regard me. "What am I going to do Jake? I can't put up with this anymore, I just can't!"
He murmured apologetically as I shook my head, trying to rid myself of the vivid images that kept creeping back into my brain. It was all in vain however, as it all came flooding back to me…
-Flashback-
I gritted my teeth tightly and watched from the corner of my eye as Mr Jackass put his arm behind Claire on the couch. I struggled to keep my eyes on the TV but quickly found that my attention was snapped back as I saw Claire's hand reach out to clutch Cody's.
I felt the gazes of Nessie, Jake and Embry on me as my hands shook dangerously.
"Hey Quil, will you help me get more drinks from the kitchen please?" Nessie asked suddenly, her voice giving away nothing as she pulled me successfully out of the armchair and roughly pushed me towards the kitchen.
As soon as the door closed behind us, I gripped the counter with all my might, making the wood groan under the pressure.
"Quil! Calm the hell down will you?" Nessie hissed so low that I knew human ears would fail to hear her.
"I…am…calm…" I spat, my shoulders hunching as I cracked my knuckles.
"Oh yeah, you're as cool as a cucumber," she replied sarcastically, "you might want to ease up on the table there Quil, I don't think Lana would appreciate splintered wood all over her kitchen floor."
I loosened my grip instantly, taking a deep, steady breath.
"She-she was holding his hand, Nessie," I muttered, turning around to face her, the grimace evident on my face. She nodded curtly, sitting down on the kitchen table, heaving a deep sigh.
"Yeah, I know Quil, I know, but you can't freak out alright? Claire will just get angry and upset and its already bad enough that she's starting back school tomorrow, you know how she despises that place…" she trailed off looking pensive.
I grumbled in agreement. Nessie was right, as always. I couldn't lose my temper, no matter how much I desperately wanted, and surely needed to. I would not hurt Claire by doing something…well…I won't say stupid, I wouldn't think ripping that Cody guy to pieces and hanging him up on a flagpole by his underwear, particularly stupid, but somehow I don't think my Claire-bear would see the funny side to it…
Either way, I couldn't risk Claire getting hurt.
But that still left me in one hell of a predicament. Dilemma. How exactly am I going to cope?
"I-I think I should go…" I mumbled, rubbing the back of my neck. I saw Nessie glance up at me in surprise, but ignoring her, I started pacing around the kitchen. She stood up, folded her arms and watched as I walked back and forth.
"What do you mean go?" she asked suspiciously, as if what I was telling her was somehow too good to be true. Truth be told, I could see her point.
"I mean go, get the hell outta here before I do something that I definitely won't regret but Claire might castrate me for! All I know is Ness, there is no way, and I mean no way, I'm hanging around here to watch that jerk make kissy faces at my girl!" I growled, being careful that my voice was extremely low.
Nessie rolled her eyes, muttering something under her breath. Probably to do with the 'my girl' part, she knew Claire would hate that. Sighing, she leaned forward and rested her hands on my shoulders, looking up at me.
"Look, Quil, you do whatever you need to do right now to prevent causing some sort of scene but for the love of all that is good will you please tell Claire the truth soon? For all our sakes…" she half-grovelled , giving me a gentle push towards the kitchen door that led out into the hall.
I wasn't quite sure how to respond so I just nodded grimly and left the room to go grab my coat. I hastily threw it on as I strained my ears to hear what was going on in the living room where Nessie had just gone back in. Everyone was relatively quiet and I decided that I better be decent enough to say goodbye or I'd never hear the end of it.
Sighing, I pushed open the door and frowned when I saw Nessie still standing, glaring down at Jake and Embry, hands on her hips, hissing lowly. Neither Claire nor Cody was anywhere in sight. My blood began to boil…
"Where the hell are they?" she hissed, either not realising my presence or just plain ignoring me.
Jake shifted uncomfortably, if this had been any other type of situation I would of smirked at how one glare from Renesmee could make him squirm like a unhappy puppy, but this was definitely not the time.
"Uh…well Erin's upstairs grabbing some CDs and uh…I-I'm not sure where Claire and Cody went, I think Claire said something about getting some air…" he trailed off and I noticed that this was one time where Jake was actually intimated by me. Which was completely understandable as I probably looked like I wanted to brutally murder someone right about now.
"And you just let her?" I hissed, trying desperately to control myself, friend or no friend, Jake still is my Alpha after all.
Jake and Embry stood up, "well I mean what was I supposed to do Quil? Tackle her? Put a barrier in the middle of the couch to block her from Cody? Tie her to the chair until you got back? You can't stop her from going outside for some air," Jake snapped back, he too keeping his voice low.
I rolled my eyes and shook my head, "whatever," I muttered, before turning on my heel and storming out, banging the door behind me. I could hear the noises of protest behind me but I was already wrenching open the front door, not paying attention to anything around me.
That is, until I looked up.
My jaw dropped.
There, standing on the porch, in full view of the whole neighbourhood, stood Claire and Cody…kissing…
My heart shattered as I looked on, completely speechless, as Cody hands planted themselves firmly on Claire's waist as her arms came up to wrap themselves around his neck, her fingers running through his hair…
No, no this couldn't be real. My eyes were deceiving me. I was dreaming. It was an illusion, a mirage a…ANYTHING! But it was definitely not real that was for sure, it couldn't be!
"Quil wait you-"
Nessie's talking abruptly stopped as she reached the doorway and witnessed Claire and Cody spring apart from each other as if they were electrocuted by one another.
I wanted desperately to look away, but immediately my eyes sought Claire's and I inhaled a sharp breath at what I saw in her beautiful cerulean gaze. Shame. Pure and utter shame.
"N-Ness…Quil…how-how long have you been standing there?" she asked, her voice delicately soft, something I know happens when she's extremely nervous and uncomfortable.
I felt Nessie's palm slide across my back and suddenly my mind was flooded with calming images, sunsets and puppies playing in the park and ice-cream sundaes…I gritted my teeth.
"Oh, only a second, Quil and I were just leaving actually, I got a call from my mom, gotta get home, Quil offered to drive me…" Nessie lied automatically, which I was undoubtedly thankful for, considering I was finding it particularly difficult to even think coherent sentences, never mind say them.
I saw my angelic girl frown at Nessie's words, confusion clouding her once untainted features, that now, every time I looked at any part of her, my mind just saw flashes of her embracing that moron…
As my jaw tightened, I felt another wave of pleasant thoughts begin to wash over me. It seemed Nessie wasn't fooled by my quiet demeanour anymore then Cody was by the looks he was giving me. He was like a scared rabbit…pathetic waste of-
"-Quil are you ready?" Nessie broke through my ranting by giving me a soft shove, causing me to stumble forward. Claire reached out to grab my arm but I quickly wrenched myself back so not an inch of my body came in contact with her.
The look of pain on her face made my heart ache…but not nearly as much as it had (and still is) moments before.
"I-I guess I'll see you tomorrow then Quil, same time, same place as always right?" she asked, her soft voice sounding hopeful, her eyes shinning bright.
I looked down at her, but not directly into her eyes, I really could not handle any more of that gaze. "Uh…I'm not sure Claire, Jake has a new client lined up for tomorrow and I'm the only one available…so, maybe get your mom to drop you and Erin home from school instead?"
I hated myself right then. But I knew, I knew by tomorrow, I still wouldn't be able to look at her without wanting to go completely insane with sheer agony.
Her gaze lowered to the ground. "Yeah…sure…" she whispered, barely audible. Nessie was really beginning to shove me now, her hard fingers digging into my lower back, egging me to go, and go now.
"Well, I'll see ya in a bit Claire okay? I'm just gonna head home for a few minutes, see what's up with mom and I'll be right back," Nessie promised, giving Claire a one-armed hug (which she did not return) and practically led me down the steps, across the driveway and to my car.
"Get in," she hissed frantically, grabbing my keys, jumping into the driver's seat and slamming the door.
So much for me 'dropping her home.'
-End Flashback-
I opened my eyes slowly. I can't believe its been five hours since then. It feels like years…well…you know what they say about tragic events.
"Quil…" Jake broke through my thoughts, "look, maybe you should just tell Claire the truth, now, before any of this gets any way further out of hand."
I thought about that for a moment, but like all the other times over the years, my usual fears came creeping up on me.
"No Jake, she's still too young, she's not ready to hear it yet. I-I can't risk her getting freaked out and running, that's what Claire does when stuff gets to her, she avoids it at all costs! I don't want her to flip out and never speak to me again, I have to wait and tell her properly, and not just because I saw her…kissing…some other guy," I thought determinedly.
Jake sighed, the true impact of my problem hitting him.
Why was it, that us two, out of all of the two packs, had the most difficult imprints? It just didn't seem far.
"Will you be alright?" he asked after a moment's silence. I nodded, "I'll phase back in soon, just, can you leave the clothes? I wanna be alone for a while…"
I watched as Jake bent down to his leg and pulled off the extra clothes with his teeth, leaving them resting on a log nearby.
"Take it easy man okay? I'll talk to you soon…" he called out as he retreated away from me, back out through the woods.
I didn't respond.
I glanced up at the night's sky and found myself naming all the consolations that Claire had thought me when she was in the seventh grade. It made my heart ache painfully in my chest.
With the crickets' songs echoing in my ears, I took one last, long look up at the sparkling stairs, opened my mouth and with all my might, my pain seeping through, howled into the darkness…
A/N: Wow…angsty huh? I've decided to stop it here as if I keep going it will just depress everyone so…stay tuned for the next instalment, it should be up soon! I promise, it won't be too bad from here, things will get a little more exciting, fun, happy, scary and weird! (Great combination huh?) And I'm sure with shocks, surprises and more questionable imprinting, things are bound to look up soon right? Well…let's hope for the best anyway!