pwtf: This Thanksgiving, I gave thanks for all our readers, and for you, my wonderful wife and co-writer!
LL: Well said boo, I too am thankful for all our readers, my wonderful beta and co-writer (you!) and family, friends and just being fortunate enough to have a roof over my head and food on the table!
pwtf: I have nothing witty to say.
LL: Perhaps I can loosen that tongue for you ;)
pwtf: We'd best post the chapter first, then...or it might be a while!
LL: Yeah, we might not want an audience for this :) Let's do it!
Here is the amazing PWTF with her chapter, it's amazing as always!
Disclaimer: We do not own anything in the Twilight Universe, we have Smeyer to thank for that!
BPOV
Lying in bed yet again, this night seemed far more significant than the previous nights spent mulling things over. So much had changed over the past few hours that I didn't even know what to think anymore. My views had changed completely, done a complete 180 from my thoughts going into the meeting in the park.
I had contemplated standing Edward up, thinking he would deserve it. But in the end, my curiosity about Tanya won out. At four exactly I'd walked into the park, not even noticing him at first until he tapped me on the shoulder and scared the living daylights out of me.
Having mustered up my courage on the way to Hyde Park, I had immediately confronted him, demanding to know what he wanted to say about Tanya. Edward started tensely, but eventually the words began to spill out. I think he told me far more than he had originally intended.
His words completely shocked me. I had expected that all was not perfect in paradise, but discovering that they had only dated because of all the pressure of the media, threw me for a loop. With the amount of pressure it seemed Edward had been under, it didn't surprise me that he had caved. I couldn't very well judge him for something I knew so little about, I was so under photographed it was almost laughable. The intrusion on your life must be devastating.
After Edward had fallen asleep in my arms, I spent the time reassessing all my thoughts. What else was I completely misinformed about? Everything I'd heard about him was under question. I had thought he was a complete snob who thought of nothing but himself and how people saw him. This other side made me question all that I had heard about him through the news. I couldn't bring myself to hate him anymore. Even knowing that he hadn't absolved himself completely, I felt a need to comfort him and be there for him. If Tanya wasn't who she seemed to be in his life, who did he have? Thinking back to all the interviews and stories, I don't think I've ever heard anyone but Tanya mentioned as a support system. How horrible it must be to be all alone.
Though he had never truly loved Tanya, they still had a bond. Plus, though he may not feel for her, she certainly still had feelings for him. And from what I'd seen of Tanya at various meets, she was not the sort of person I would want to cross. How would he get out of this situation? Surely she wouldn't let him go off amiably, but he needed to cut ties with her as soon as humanly possible. It was quite obvious that this was eating him up on the inside.
Shortly after I resolved myself to give Edward a chance, as long as he continued to show he was not, in fact, a snob, he began to stir in my arms.
He had seemed stunned to see me there, as if he thought I would leave. After what he told me, I wasn't sure if I could leave. It would take a lot of convincing to force the helpful side of me to leave such a broken soul.
Then he had run away, believing I hated him. Though I had never given him a reason to think otherwise, it still hurt. I ran after him to catch up. Yup, definitely couldn't leave.
When he disproved my already weakened thoughts about why he hadn't gone to Beijing, any resistance to him was shattered. He looked down at me with an intense gaze, like he was trying to see deep into my soul. The intensity of that look combined with my realization that he was a decent person sent my thoughts all a-flutter. All I could think was that I didn't want our time together to be done.
Coming up with the first excuse I could think of, something lame about wanting dinner and needing a tour guide, I had been surprised when he actually agreed. What was I getting myself into? One look into my eyes and I felt twitter patted and I was supposed to spend the next hour or two eating and conversing with him? I was a goner for sure.
After a dinner where I had an, um, interesting experience with British food and we conversed some more, I felt like Edward and I were friends already. He amazed me once again; his attention never left me for the attractive waitress who obviously had eyes for him.
Then we had walked outside and been bombarded by the paparazzi. Running away from them, I understood even more how Edward could cave under them and date Tanya. I also realized why so many false stories were printed. These crazy people chasing us would jump at the opportunity to print any little story about this star.
We had seemed to lose them, and hid in a relatively clean alley.
That moment was when everything had changed. After catching my breath from the sprint and marveling at the fact that I hadn't tripped, I had broken out into hysterics. I wasn't sure why I laughed, but it was probably at the simple absurdity of it all.
Me, a barely-known swimmer, being chased down the streets of London with the Edward Cullen by every member of the paparazzi. It almost made me laugh again from the comfort of my bed. Back here now in the comfort of the blankets and sheets swathing my body it was surreal, a dreamlike vivacity almost. I shook my head, nope Bella that was all real.
As my laughter had died down, however, the air became charged with an almost electric current. Edward's eyes had bored into mine once again, and I lost all coherent thought. All I knew was that I wanted to close the minimal space between me and this God, who for some miraculous reason seemed to want the same thing.
Our lips had touched in the most incredible kiss I'd ever felt. That brief instant knocked even the longest make-out sessions out of the park. Just as I was about to deepen the kiss, however, we were jerked apart by a sudden flash.
Fuck. The damn paparazzi again. Ruining my seemingly perfect moment. I hadn't consciously known I wanted to kiss Edward, but even now I would give anything for a repeat performance.
Once the shock wore off, Edward apparently decided not to comment and pulled me down the street again. We ran the short distance we had left to our hotel before dashing inside the doors where we would be safe from all the reporters. Breathing heavily against the closed doors of the hotel, we only spared each other a quick glance before silently agreeing to go our own ways.
Our night together had ended there, as much as I would've liked for it to continue. Seeming terrified at the prospect, Edward had regretfully left for his room with Tanya and an almost guaranteed interrogation over where he'd been.
Regretful for a different reason, I had headed up to my room and gotten in bed where I was now.
I hadn't even thought about the implications for Edward at the time of the kiss. At the moment I had been in too much of a daze to comprehend much, but now I realized what the media would imply with that kiss.
Bright and early tomorrow morning, the tabloids across the city would be flashing the picture of us kissing and accusing Edward of being a cheater. Sure it was true in the technical sense, but as he wasn't attached to Tanya in any emotional way, you can't even call it cheating, really.
Oh god what would they say about me? Homewrecker? Harlot? The other woman? I had never been in this situation. The largest interview I had ever given was for my local hometown paper when I found out I would be going to the Olympics. What would this mean for me? Was this the end of my privacy?
It was only one kiss, anyway. But the media being the media, it would be skewed completely out of proportion. I wasn't prepared for the backlash of this and unconsciously I sunk deeper into the mattress. There would be consequences for everyone involved: Edward, Tanya and myself. Edward was going to feel it the worst and Tanya would be made into the victim. For a split moment I almost felt bad for her; she had done nothing to warrant this deception. The moment was brief however as I remembered that I would most likely be the one she took this all out on.
This didn't mean much for myself, but I felt horrible for poor Edward. He had just let out his feelings for Tanya today and was just beginning to decide to end things with her. I was supposed to be there for him to help him ease things gradually, yet all I did was act as the catalyst speeding things up considerably.
The minute Tanya woke up and saw the tabloids, she would confront Edward about it. I groaned. I had made things so much more painful for him. Even in trying to help, I had simply made things worse.
I had a sinking feeling that Edward wouldn't get away easily. A confrontation with Tanya was definitely not high on my list of things to do in my life. Hopefully he wouldn't be hurt in some way. I couldn't live with myself if I caused him to not be able to compete to his fullest, even if he was swimming against Jasper.
They were both my friends now. Either could win and I would be completely happy, though Alice might kill me for that thought.
It wouldn't do me any good to linger any longer on the topic of Edward's impending doom, so I turned my thoughts back to the electricity between us earlier today, resulting in the kiss.
This was easily one of the most eventful days of my life so far. Tense breakfast with Edward. Preliminary race. Meeting and confrontation in the park. Dinner. Kiss. It was too much to have possibly fit into one day, but somehow I had done it.
This morning I had still been so sure of the lie, so sure that I hated him. This afternoon had seen the contradiction of all my hatred. This evening saw a new friendship – and something else?
The kiss was nothing important, I reasoned with myself. I was a woman. He was an unbelievably gorgeous man with the most beautiful green eyes and a perfect voice, complete with a British accent. He was the perfect guy. And it had been a long time since the last time I had sex. Of course I would be physically attracted to him. It made perfect sense.
For me. He, however, had no reason to kiss me. I wasn't anything special, so why would he be attracted to me? We didn't know each other well enough yet for him to be attracted to my personality, though that wasn't anything special either. And he had Tanya to get him off, even if there wasn't any emotion behind it. So he couldn't be desperate for sex.
Then what was his reason for kissing me? It made no sense.
I sighed. Nothing in my life made any sense anymore. Today had turned things completely upside-down.
Returning my thoughts back to myself, I decided to stop focusing on the drama and worry about my race tomorrow. That was what I came here for, and Tanya would be even more determined to beat me after she found out about Edward's and my kiss.
I couldn't afford to let my concentration slip, even for one second, or she would take advantage and grab the gold. The instant I jumped in the pool, I had to concentrate on the race. I shouldn't even be distracted during my preparation.
If I lost to a better swimmer, then so be it, but if I lost simply because of being distracted, I could never live with myself.
With that thought in mind, I got out of bed and hopped into the shower. I forced myself not to imagine Edward in the shower with me, not to imagine him running his hands over my body and kissing me with all the passion we were denied earlier today.
I was definitely sexually depraved right now.
Somehow, I managed to focus my mind by concentrating completely on each part of showering. Lathering my hair with shampoo suddenly became a fascinating task, and I thought each movement through carefully with my entire attention.
There, much better.
After finishing my nighttime routine with much of the same concentration, I finally crawled into bed with some music. Passing on my typical classical music, I put on the loudest rock music on my ipod and turned the volume up until I could feel the beat reverberate throughout my entire body, instantly making it impossible to think.
My thoughts were clear of nothing but the music, and I slowly drifted off and the sound of the music became more distant.
In sleep, however, my mind was not so regimented, and without the music to distract me it was free to think of Edward and send me off into the fantasies I had refused to imagine while in the shower.
Needless to say, it was a very interesting night.
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