A/N: And so… we continue…(this one was fairly easy to write because most of this chapter was already pretty much in Scorpius' POV). Most of it was converting it and filling in a few blanks here and there.

Disc: All in fun.

Christmas the Seven / Shattering

I had never seen so many people move so quickly. They were shouting commands erratically to each other, sense having long since left the words as they spilled from the mouths of my friends and family. The only thing I could think of was that Lily was not breathing. I wasn't a genius, but I knew damn well that not breathing was never a good sign. I didn't hear the words of anyone, my ears flooded with the thudding of my heart, as if it had decided to go into overdrive to make up for the fact that Lily's heart wasn't beating.

I barely registered my father's hands on me as he shoved me into the front seat of the Potter's van, the heat blasting like fire from the vents. I couldn't feel anything, I was detached, maybe in shock. My father didn't hesitate with propriety, just dove in, yanking my clothes from my body. I didn't see where he tossed them and I shivered involuntarily even with the way the heat baked at my skin. Dad whipped off his coat and covered me, tucking the edges in around me to warm me up.

"Lily?" I asked fearfully. I couldn't bring myself to look for her, her blue, frozen face the image burned on my mind. I could hear the sound of fabric being torn nearby me, close enough I could have turned and looked, but I was a coward. I couldn't make myself look. Commonsense told me that they'd have to remove her clothes, more so than they did mine, and while I was curious what she looked like I couldn't bring myself to look.

"Harry's trying his best," Dad whispered to me, keeping his body close to mine to help me warm up. I saw his eyes glance to the back of the van and I knew she was there, naked and frozen and dead. I shivered.

"Dad, I tried to tell her but I didn't get to," I confessed like a little boy. Even my voice echoed the child of my youth, so small and timid. "I tried to tell her."

"Right now, don't worry about it," Dad murmured as he wrapped his arms around me. The wailing sound of the ambulance pulled my focus for a moment before it returned to Lily.

"Dad," I said nearly hysterically. "Dad, I can't lose her. I can't do it."

"Shh, Score," Dad said as he held me closer. I could smell his cologne and the warmth and loved radiating off of him. My father was hugging me though he'd not hugged anyone since my mother died. I knew then that it was bad.

"Dad," I whimpered. "I'm scared I'll never get to tell her that I love her."

A medic came to me and started checking me out, wrapping me in what seemed like very unusual aluminum foil. I was still in the front seat of the Potter's van when the other medics wheeled a gurney behind me. I watched, wrapped up, as they took off running, pushing an aluminum foil wrapped Lily to the ambulance. Dread washed over me, I had waited too long. One of the medics was up on top of her, breathing for her and pressing on her chest, getting her blood flowing.

"Dad?" I asked him as I turned to look at my father. I had no idea what look was on my face, but I bet that it was tons worse that the horror struck one on my dad's.

"They're doing everything they can," Dad assured me as the doors slammed on the back of the first ambulance and sped away with Lily and Harry inside.

"I don't want her to die," I gasped, my breathing coming quicker as I began a full on panic attack of sorts.

"Of course not," Dad said as he held my face in his hands.

I could see her, naked, and yet it held nothing for me like I had thought it would. Granted, had the circumstances been different, perhaps, but then they weren't different. Lily was ice cold and blue and I felt a shudder shake me through my very core. My medic forced me on my own stretcher and my father followed me into the back of the ambulance. I looked at him from under the oxygen mask they forced on my face. He looked guarded.

It what seemed like an insanely short time, I was being unloaded into the emergency department of St. Mungo's. My father followed, his face etched with worry. I felt my heart rate kick it up a notch, fear stabbing at my insides. I ignored the questions asked of me, and the needle of the warm saline IV that was to help warm me up. I held on, trying to fight the sudden sleepiness that seemed hell bent on consuming. As the adrenaline faded, so did I.

I don't remember falling asleep, or the oxygen mask being taken off me. I didn't know how much time had passed from the accident and my awaking. It was all really disorientating. Like walking into a movie half way through without any clue what had happened up to that point. I looked around my room silently, and at first I was certain that I was alone. I looked at my hand, a nasty bruise spreading where the IV entered my body. A quiet snore interrupted my scattered thoughts and I looked over to the slouching figure in the chair.

"Hello?" I tried out my voice, it coming out huskier than I was typically used to. The figure stirred slightly and Harry leaned forward, looking like he'd been to hell and back a few times tonight. My stomach clenched in fear.

I wasn't really with it, the conversation, and when the nurse came in to check me, I nearly fell back to sleep from the exhaustion. She was cheerful, bubbly and it bothered me. I struggled to remember why I was here in the first place, the words forming on my tongue but failing to escape. After my first pathetic attempt, I shook my head hard, clearing the sleepy cobwebs from my mind and gathered all of my strength.

"What about Lily?" I asked a little more forcibly. The nurse looked to Harry, who looked exhausted.

"I'll talk to him," Harry promised her. She nodded and glanced at the wheelchair in the room, a look that didn't go unnoticed by me. Harry watched her leave before reluctantly looking at me. Fear boiled up in me, threatening to consume me. It had all came crashing back. I had meant to tell Lily and she had slipped under the ice. The last I had seen her, she was blue and cold, not breathing.

"What's going on?" I demanded uncertainly. Harry took a deep, trembling breath. Her father was with me, I couldn't remember why, and no one seemed eager to tell me what the hell was going on. It was worse than not knowing.

"I wanted to wait until your dad returned," Harry said quietly. He took another deep breath.

"Is she… dead?" I asked, barely able to form the word, as dread and fear swept over me. Harry looked up at me, pain in his eyes as he looked at me.

"The thing you have to remember, Scorpius," Harry said in a shaky voice. "There is the rule of three. You can only be without oxygen for three minutes, in freezing water for three minutes. Lily was under that water for almost ten."

"Lily?" I breathed in a quivering voice. I didn't try to hide the tears as they spilled unashamed down my face. I hadn't been quick enough, had I? I failed Lily. I ignored the warmth that seemed to squeeze my shoulder. I didn't care if it was Darla's damn spirit. I had failed Lily and how pointless was it?

"Scorpius?" Dad questioned as he re-entered the small room. I looked at my dad and to my horror, he had tears in his eyes, too.

"Dad?" I cried and he wrapped his arms around me tightly, holding me. "Can I see her? Please?"

"Harry?" Dad asked looking over at the other man.

"Sure, of course," Harry said with his own throat thick.

Though my legs worked fine, I was placed in a wheelchair and wheeled to Lily's room. I didn't know what to expect. After all the last time I had seen Lily, she looked dead. We entered her room, the lights dull and coming from behind her. My eyes fell on her and I felt a sense of relief wash over me warmly. Her lips looked pink, kissable. I knew her mouth intimately, though I'd never admit that to our fathers. I knew that the coloring was good, it meant things were good or at least better than they had been when she was all ice blue and pale.

"They don't know if there will be any effects to her being under water for so long until she wakes up," Dad whispered in my ear as if we were in threat of waking her up. "The healers are being cautious." She looked as if she were just sleeping.

"Can I touch her?" I asked, not looking at them. I had to feel her warm and soft under my hands, to know that she was ok. My dad pushed me closer to Lily's bedside, minding her IVs, and I reached out, my fingers hesitating over her skin. I was afraid of touching her. She looked so fragile, so breakable. It tore at me. I studied her face, unable to touch her yet. She looked like my Lily, sleeping, aside from the tube in her mouth, delivering oxygen into her lungs, the tape marring her otherwise perfect mouth. She, too, had a bruise where her IV went in, though hers was much bigger than mine.

"The IV is a little hard on you guys because the temperature of the saline is higher than normal body temperature, and it is pushed quickly to ensure that it warms quickly," Dad explained. I nodded, reaching out, uncertain what to expect when my fingers brushed hers lightly. She felt warm, almost hot to the touch, soft.

"She's warm," I said in surprise. I looked at my dad and Harry.

"Her temperature is actually higher than normal," Harry said as he brushed some of Lily's hair from her face. He was standing on her other side, protective of his youngest child. You could tell that Harry loved his daughter.

"She has a fever?" I asked as I looked back at her again.

"No," Harry assured me as he stepped away from Lily, towards the door. "They just want to keep her a little warmer than normal to see if that will help reverse some of the effects of her long submerge in the water. They are cautiously optimistic."

"We're going to run down to get some coffee," Dad said to me, touching my shoulder. I didn't even look up, no response, just stared at Lily sleeping. I was alone with her, hesitant as I reached to touch her face. I traced every inch of it, the warmth tingling against my finger. She was ok, she was alive. I could feel my heart release some of the cold fear that had squeezed it. I closed my eyes, memorizing everything about Lily while ignoring the machines that beeped and grinded around us.

Before I knew what I was doing, I pushed up out of my chair, my legs a little wobbly as I stood there by her bedside. I cradled her face, caressed the length of her neck. My fingers rested at her collar bone, her pulse thudding steadily on my finger tips. I leaned forward, wetting my suddenly dry lips before I pressed my mouth against the corner of hers.

Suddenly, unexpectedly she was choking and gagging. The sound was horrid, skin crawling, and her monitors went wild as she fought against her breathing tube. Her eyes looked wild, terrified, disoriented. A hand crashed down on my shoulder, forcing me back into my wheelchair and I was sent quite unceremoniously from Lily's room just as my dad and Harry turned the corner. Harry rushed in, my heart thudding too loudly in my ears to hear what was said, and my father wheeled me back to my own room.

I was released later that same day, but Lily was kept. I paced around the house for three days before my Grandmother agreed to take me up to see her. I had failed, someone else having told her what was up with Darla and everything. I had to know if she hated me. I carried a bouquet of flowers, standing for a moment outside of her room. I took a deep breath, knocking once before I entered. I stopped, uncertain if I should leave or stay.

Lily was sitting up, her head resting against the shoulder of her doctor while he listened to her lungs, the stethoscope pressed again her back. My dad had mentioned that Lily had been trembling sometimes, a lingering side effect of the ice water. I ignored her glares and placed the flowers on the counter. The doctor glanced at me, a smile tugging on the corner of his mouth for some reason. I pretended that I didn't see.

"You're doing fabulously, Lily, and it looks like you'll be back home in time to catch the train back to school," he said to Lily. I busied myself examining a string on my sleeve.

"And the coordination problems?" Lily asked quietly. I froze, this being the first time I had heard her speak since she got mad at me and stomped through the ice. It sounded incredibly wonderful, squeezing my insides.

"I have faith that it will return in time," the doctor said knowledgably. He wrote down something on a piece of paper, something I couldn't see, and showed it to Lily. Lily's eyes flickered to me for a second, confirming it was about me, before returning to the doctor's face. Her face flushed slightly and a smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. She was beautiful, so beautiful, it hurt.

"No, he's not my boyfriend," Lily replied to the doctor in French. I pretended to be busy with the string on my sleeve. These were words I was not meant to understand, though why she assumed I didn't speak French I don't know. A lot of the pure blood families taught more than one or two languages, all to give us a leg up on the competition when we were older. I almost missed the doctor looking at me and grinning.

"Are you sure, because I think he's in love with you," the doctor said, again in French. I wanted to smack him. What I felt for Lily, it was much more than love. Love was a pale word for what I felt towards Lily. I continued to look disinterestedly at the string on my cuff. I caught Lily blushing and I turned my head towards her, wondering if I should let her know, them know, that I understood everything they said in French. Something told me that it wouldn't go over well.

"We go to school together, that's all. He's a friend," Lily confessed. Her words, French or not, wavered on the lie. She knew we were more than friends. The doctor laughed and patted Lily's hand.

"Ok, ok," he said in English. "I'll be back in later to check on you. Son, make sure she eats her breakfast, will you?" I nodded at the doctor, promising.

"Not the eggs," Lily groaned as she glared at the covered dish on the bedside table.

"Will do," I said nodding again, watching as the doctor headed out of the room before I moved towards Lily's tray. "Ok, let see what they try to pass off as food now a days." My heart pounded as I stepped closer to her, as if I could feel her warmth just by standing there.

"Why are you here?" Lily asked me crossly. I looked up at her, confused.

"I'm visiting you," I said simply. I lifted her dish's cover and smiled. "Oh, look. They gave you eggs after all. And bacon. How about a bite of bacon?"

"I don't want any stupid bacon," Lily said tersely as she crossed her arms for a moment, looking to me as if she was trying to hug her insides in. She uncrossed her arms, smoothing the blanket down. "I want to get the heck out of here. I'm fine."

"Your hands are shaking," I told her as I took her hands in mine.

"They say it'll pass," Lily said frowning.

"And my dad said that your dad told him that you're not regulating your temperature properly," I shared with her the knowledge that my dad had passed along to me. Lily pulled her hands away from mine, the pair suddenly feeling rather empty without her hands. She crossed her arms and pressed her hands hard against her body again.

"You know, they said I can't play Quidditch for the rest of the years?" Lily growled at me angrily. I sighed and nodded.

"Yeah, I had heard," I told her quietly. She was irritated, agitated.

"Well, it's crap, you know?" Lily snapped. "I can still knock a bludger like nobody's business."

"I don't doubt that," I said laughing lightly. Silence stretched between us and I wondered if I should bring up Darla or if I should wait on Lily to broach the subject.

"Why didn't you tell me about Darla?" Lily demanded suddenly. I looked up at her, surprised that the silence was shattered and she had blurted out the demand quite like that. She was glaring at me, holding me in contempt, her arms still crossed. I knew no matter what I said, she'd be right. I wasn't going to win this one with her, and frankly I wasn't sure that I deserved to.

"I wanted you to have a nice holiday," I confessed weakly. "I didn't want to put a dark cloud over it by telling you that Darla died."

"Oh, so it's better to have let me erroneously believe that I was making you CHEAT on her?" Lily snapped at me. Anger and detest dripped from every word as if they were molten lava. "Everyone knew about her in my family but me. How could you do that to me? That whole time, everyone knew and I didn't. And what's worse was that I was there, kissing you and being with you, feeling guilty about the fact that your fiancé was at her home without you, and in reality you should have been grieving her death."

"Lily, I didn't want to bring that kind of sadness in your life," I said.

"It isn't your place to decide what sadness should or shouldn't be in my life, Scorpius," Lily told me angrily.

"I wanted to protect you," I practically pleaded.

"No, you wanted to be selfish," Lily accused as she glared at me. I had never known coldness in her eyes until right then. "You knew I felt guilty about Taryn and Darla, and you let it continue when you could have ended my guilty feelings."

"Lily, I didn't think…"

"Exactly, you didn't think. So I suffer because of it," Lily snapped. Her words caught me like she had physically slapped me, the words biting and harsh. She glared at me, her breathing raged filled, coming in shallow little gasps. A healer came in before I could say anything else to Lily, to plead my case.

"Is everything ok in here?" she asked as she checked Lily's monitors.

"Fine," Lily snapped. The healer made a sound of disapproval and shook her head.

"Honey, you're O2 SATS are not very good right now," she said. "I know you hate it, but you're going to have to put the mask back on for a bit. Son, maybe you should come back some other time until she can calm down."

"Ok," I said as the healer turned on the oxygen and started to fit the mask over Lily's face. Lily jerked it off.

"Don't bother coming back some other time," Lily told me angrily as she and the healer began to wrestle with whether or not Lily would allow the mask be on her face. I hesitated at the door, looking back as the healer forced the mask on Lily finally.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner," I promised her. Lily threw a fork at me; I ducked out of the room just in time to miss being impaled by the prongs. She was angry, angrier that I have ever seen her.

I wanted to return to see her, but my dad suggested that maybe I should give her time and space. I needed her to forgive me, to at least try and understand why I did what I did. I wrote her half a dozen letters, sent them to her just to have them all be returned to me, unopened. They added to the dozens of letters I had started and balled up in frustration. The things I wanted to tell her, needed to tell her, couldn't be said on a piece of paper.

My grandfather's funeral was a solemn even. Not many people attended, most of the ones that would have attended were ill and old, two things that don't mix well with the frozen earth. I didn't cry, just stood there strong, between my grandmother and father. I was surprised to see Harry there but by then my father had already forbid me to bother the Potters anymore. Lily needed time and whether I wanted to give it or not, she needed it.

On the last day of holiday, as I loaded my trunk into the train, I could feel a wave of sadness flow over me. I went from having two girls who were crazy about me, to one of them dead and the other hating me. I was taking the early train, ready to get back to school. I knew Elena was using the floo-network, and I believed that Damon was apparating into Hogsmead. I wondered about Lily, how she was getting back to school but I didn't need to. I saw James hauling their stuff onto the train and I was tempted to go and help him before I remembered. Things were different now that we were back to school.

By the time I settled into my favorite chair of the common room, it was rather full, but no one seemed to be talking or making a noise. Everyone had heard about Darla's passing and at least in the Slytherin common room we were subdued. I watched as Damon came in, snow clinging mercilessly to his hair. He began to rake his hands through it, knocking the melting snow free.

"Scorpius," he said quickly, tossing his bag down on the chair. I stood and we quickly hugged, a short, manly hug. "How are you?"

"I'm hanging in there," I said as I returned to my seat. Damon sat down across from me, his hands grasped in front of him. He looked sad, almost worried.

"My parents told me," Damon said shaking his head. "Did you go to the funeral?"

"I couldn't," I said. Neither of us seemed strong enough to say Darla's name aloud. I wondered how Elena was holding up. She was, after all, the one who had known Darla longest, as her older sister. I stared silently at the fire, only glancing up every once in a while.

"It's going to be weird," Damon murmured as he, too, focused on the fire. "To look to our third years and be one less student."

"Yes," I choked out at the thought. How would it be to look at the third year girls and not see Darla? I felt the heat at the back of my neck, strange sensation, and I hoped that I wasn't going mad. I hoped even harder that Darla wasn't haunting me. I looked up to see Elena heading over to us slowly. "It's definitely going to be weird."

"Scorpius?" Elena said in an almost questioning tone. I stood, embracing her lightly and kissing her cheek.

"Elena, how are you?" I asked her quietly. She tried to smile but it came off as pained.

"As to be expected, I guess," she said. She looked at me almost concerned. "And you? How are you? I wasn't surprised to not see you at the funeral. I knew it would be too hard."

"I wanted to go, but I couldn't," I confessed. It was another thing I had felt weak about. I hand't gone to Darla's funeral. Hell, I barely made it to my grandfather's funeral. Death scares me, and losing a loved one scared me more. She nodded as she sat down next to me. She was crying, tears flowing down her face. She dabbed at them with a handkerchief but the tears were coming too quickly to halt them. I felt worse.

"I know, I understand," Elena said in gasping breaths. The three of us sat silently by the fire as others joined them in silent reflection.

"I can't believe she's gone," Damon said quietly.

"She will be missed," I promised her as I rested my hand on Elena's shoulder. She turned to me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. I didn't know how to console her, so I patted her back awkwardly as she sobbed loudly.

"Where are the third years?" Damon asked quietly.

"Professor McGonagall has them in the Great Hall," I told him. "She figured that they'd need a little time to cry it out alone without the rest of us trying to comfort them. They brought in a few professionals."

"I just can't believe she's gone!" Elena wailed loudly. Without thinking, I pulled her in tighter and squeezed, trying to hold her together as the portrait opened up. "Life will never be the same."

"No, life will never be the same," I admitted as I looked over at the third year Slytherins slinking in. Lily's friend, Kate, came in crying, Shale to her left. I felt my heart slam to a stop for a moment before it took off racing as Lily stepped in behind her. She didn't look up, just allowed Kate to embrace her, tears spilling down her face. Lily's cheeks were flushed, her eyes bright with tears. I wanted to push Elena onto Damon and rush across the room, embracing Lily. I held on to Elena a little tighter.

"I just don't understand," Kate wailed. Lily was talking to her, patting the girl's back. Lily looked at the three boys she was with: Shale, Tavis, and Zane. She shook her head, the words she said barely louder than a whisper, something I hadn't heard though my eyes seemed to strain to hear her voice.

Shale and Lily exchanged looks, Lily sighing and nodded. She released Kate to Shale and walked towards us, stopping a good few feet from Damon, Elena, and myself. Damon and I looked up; Elena had begun to pull away reluctantly, sniffling. Lily cleared her throat, not to get our attention, she already had that, but to clear the threat of tears from her.

"Um," Lily said quietly. "Can I please have a pass to take Kate to the hospital wing? Callie and Nina went there immediately but Kate thought she'd be ok. Um, apparently she's not."

"Yeah, sure," I said quickly as I pulled a pass out of my pocket. I held it out to her, almost hoping our hands would brush against each other and I could tell her everything I wanted to say to her in a single touch. Lily took it from me, not touching me and not saying another word. I watched her as emotion played harshly on Lily's face as she looked at Elena.

"I am so sorry for your loss," Lily offered with her voice barely louder than a whisper. Elena stood, pulling away from me. She threw her arms around Lily, sobbing. Lily bit her lip and patted the older girl's back like she had patted Kate's. Lily pulled away. "Darla will be missed."

Lily returned and guided a sobbing Kate back out the portrait hole, struggling slightly under the awkwardness of Kate's weight. I watched for a minute wondering if I should follow. I didn't know what the right thing to do. I thought a bit more on it, but the house elves began to serve us dinner in the common room. Lily never really left my mind, but Elena seemed to need to me more. Elena was in no mood to do her patrolling, so she went to bed in the fifth year girl's dormitory and I did patrol alone.

The whole castle seemed under a dark cloud. Normal voices seemed entirely too loud and everyone whispered. It seemed like coldness and darkness met me at every turn as I did my patrol. I continued silently down the corridor, my hands shoved deep in my pockets. I wasn't even half-heartedly looking for rule breakers. I just meandered along. I saw James heading towards me, his own stance similar to mine.

"James," I said nodding once as I passed the Gryffindor prefect.

"Hey, Scorpius," James said. He touched my sleeve, in essence stopping me from continuing down the hallway. "I heard about your grandfather. I know things were kind of crazy, but I'm still sorry for your loss."

"Dragon Pox killed a lot of people this holiday," I admitted, though I wasn't nearly as sad about my grandfather dying as I had been about Darla. James nodded.

"Darla," he confirmed. "Is Lily still mad you didn't tell her the minute you found out?"

"She's barely talking to me," I said frowning with a slight shrug. "She's not making it obvious, but she's so different."

"She'll come around," James said hopefully. "She had a rough time there."

"I know," I said as James started walking away, though I didn't really believe it. Lily could hold some serious grudges. I continued, heading towards the kitchen thinking that maybe some hot chocolate or maybe even some cooking sherry would do, since I doubted that I could get my hands on some fire whiskey.

"Scorpius! Seriously man, you are the hardest person to locate," Damon said as he touched my shoulder. "I've been looking all over for you."

"Something wrong?" I asked with a slight panic in my voice. I had been so involved in my own thoughts that I hadn't even heard him calling to me.

"No," Damon said. Realization spread over Damon's face. "Oh, sorry man. I didn't mean to worry or panic you. No, I just wanted to let you know Elena decided to go to bed finally. She's not doing well."

"I imagine not," I mumbled as he continued to walk. Damon fell into step next to me, matching his pace with mine for a moment in silence.

"I don't know how I'd react if my kid sister died of Dragon Pox," Damon said shaking his head. "What a freak thing. I mean, I know like older people and really young people die all the time of it, but Darla was thirteen."

"They say she had an underlying medical problem," I said quietly, not wanting to share that I knew. I didn't want anyone to know that we were going to break up. I didn't know why, but I figured that it wouldn't be anything anyone knew. Darla and my last secret, just like I didn't want to let on that Darla had promised to help me get Lily. Stuff people just didn't need to know. Damon nodded, walking silently.

"What are you going to do?" Damon said.

"Well, by proxy Elena should slip into Darla's roll," I said quietly. "However, she and I both talked and neither wants a union. With my grandfather passing, he can't enforce the rules."

"That's great," Damon said. I scowled at him. I knew he didn't mean it like it came out, but still there was so little good coming out of this. Maybe if Lily was mine, maybe, but then she wasn't so maybe not. Damon quickly back peddled. "I mean, it sucks about Darla and your grandfather, of course, but you know, there's a silver lining to this all. You and Lily."

"Yeah, except that she hates me," I said crossing my arms. I know I sounded like a little child, but I couldn't help it.

"She doesn't hate you," Damon assured me. I wanted to demand how he could possibly know, but Damon was my friend and I couldn't.

"You didn't see the way she looked at me when I told her about Darla," I explained as I shook my head. "You would have thought I killed Darla and confessed it."

"Surely it wasn't that bad," Damon protested.

"You're right," I said sourly. "It was worse."

"She'll get over it," Damon insisted. I raised an eyebrow at him and shook my head. The two of us walked along the corridor in silence for a bit more. The big clock chimed eleven and Damon yawned.

"Go ahead," I said smirking. "I'll be along in a bit."

"Think you could give me a pass?" Damon asked sheepishly. I laughed and handed him one.

"I doubt anyone's really whole heartedly upholding curfew," I confessed to him. Still, Damon took the pass and jogged back the way they had come. I looked up, surprised that I had found myself at the hospital wing. I hesitated as the door swung open, pulling back into the shadows for as Lily walked out the door. I watched her as she headed towards me, worried that she might find me lurking in the shadows. How would I explain this to her? She didn't notice me, her face dejected, tears threatening to spill. I admired her ability to hold herself together when she was alone and could afford to cry. She looked like she was struggling to keep her emotions in check.

I slipped out from behind her in the shadow and silently followed her. Lily stopped, searching her pockets for something. I thought I heard whispered swear, though I couldn't be certain, and Lily continued down the corridor. She passed the hall way that would lead to the dungeons and instead headed towards the astronomy tower.

I followed her carefully, not wanting her to find me following her. She broke into a run at the base of the tower, running up the spiral stairs until I heard the door open to the classroom up above. I followed her, hesitating on the outside of the classroom, not sure if I wanted to follow her. If she was meeting someone, I was certain I didn't want to come face to face with that. I knew if she was meeting some other boy, it'd break me into a million pieces.

Curiosity had me following her up the stairs regardless, two at a time until I came to the door. I remained silent as I slipped into the classroom. I could see her in the exterior part of the room, where the balcony over looked the school grounds. I remembered the last time I was there, with her, as if it was yesterday, the muscles of my stomach began to clench and twist in anticipation. It nearly caught me off guard, how much I wanted her. I stealthily slipped onto the balcony. She had her back to me, her hair loose and the snowy breeze catching odd strands of it, elbows resting on the railing. Her hands covered her face.

"Please, just leave me alone," she whispered the words fainter than the wind. It was snowing, the snow trapping in her hair. I looked to the sky, wondering when the light snow had become more blizzard-like. It hadn't been long since I last looked outside at it.

"Why are you out here without a coat?" I asked with genuine concern as I stepped toward her. She didn't need to be out in this weather unprotected, not after already nearly drowning and freezing to death simuatenously. She put her hand up as I came closer; I slid to a stop, nearly losing my footing on the slick, snow covered stone floor.

"I need to be alone," she whispered. Her whispered carried back and I wondered why she wasn't using her full voice, why she was whispering. Out here, we couldn't get caught for being out of bed after hours, especially with me being a prefect. I watched her a moment, her shoulders shaking slightly with silent sobs. She was crying, I realized, and was trying to keep it from me. Guilt washed over me and I moved forward, pulling her firmly into my arms. She struggled, trying to push me away from her, but I held on tighter. I had to show her that I loved her and that I cared. I would always be there for her.

"No, Lily, listen," I breathed softly into her ear, keeping my voice louder than a whisper, but only just so. "It's ok if you want to hate me or be angry at me. I was wrong to keep it from you, and selfish. I didn't want to you to be sad while I was with you because I loved every moment we shared. But you can't be out here with a coat. You can't get careless or sick or hurt just to spite me."

"I…" Lily breathed with her hands on her face. I kept her tight against me, her arms between her chest and mine. I buried my face in her hair, breathing.

"It's ok to cry, Lily. You don't have to be strong," I promised her as I held her tight, ignoring her attempts to push me away. "Shh, it's ok to be sad. I'll hold you together so you don't have to hold yourself together anymore."

"It's not that," Lily wailed loudly as she pushed against me harder. She was strong and she nearly broke my grasp on her. I wouldn't give up that easily, holding her without hurting her.

"Then what is it, Lils," I practically begged as I pressed my cheek against hers, ignoring her nearly frozen tears.

"I'm a horrible person!" Lily cried as she tried to turn away from me, jerking in my arms. I still barely maintained my hold on her. She growled, "I was glad."

"G-glad?" I stuttered in shock. My arms loosened and Lily broke free.

"Yes," Lily hissed at me as she crossed back to the railing. She kept her back to me, unable to meet my confused eyes. She seemed to struggled to form the words. She gripped the railing with her bare fingers, ignoring the layers of ice that had built up on it.

"Why were you glad? About what?" I asked her uncertainly as I took a step forward, a step closer to closing the distance between us. She moved away from me if she had anticipated me moving closer.

"She was such a nasty, mean spirited girl," Lily said distastefully. "When my dad told me she was dead, I was glad because she was the one thing I hated the most about being a Slytherin. I am not a nasty, mean spirited person and she was the embodiment of it. I felt she got what she deserved."

I stood there, mouth hanging open. My heart stopped beating and I stood there for a good few minutes, unable to speak. I had never, ever heard a mean word, a nasty word, ever slip from between Lily's lips and yet she had managed to spill out her whole heart to me on exactly how she felt about my dead fiancé, Darla. I knew that they hadn't been friends, but still. To talk so cruelly, to say that you felt that someone deserved to die, I just didn't know how to react to that.

"Lily…"I said finally, in shock.

"I immediately felt bad about it. No one deserves to die," Lily immediately countered. She looked at me, her face damp from the tears that seemed to torrent down her face. She brushed them away with her bare hands. "What kind of person does that make me, to be glad my dorm mate died?"

"Lily," I said as I stepped forward hesitantly, holding out the handkerchief I had pulled from my pocket.

"Oh, I'm not done," Lily moaned quietly as she took it and began mopping up her face. "When I overheard your dad tell mine that your grandfather died and that your union was unenforceable, I was even happier. I was done of the snotty bitch and didn't have to worry about your evil, loathsome grandfather."

"Lily!" I exclaimed. Now Darla may not have been her best mate, she hadn't really known my grandfather well enough to hate him as much as she seemed to. She looked at me, sad and defiant. I didn't know if I should try to hold her or smack her. Both suddenly seemed too tempting.

"I told you! I told you I needed to be alone!" Lily accused me as I continued to look at her in shock and bewilderment. She bit her bottom lip, hard, as if she was trying to draw blood. "I told you I am a horrible person!"

"Wait, Lily," I tried to stop her but she pushed past me and headed back inside, disappearing from sight. I thought about chasing her but my shock held me firmly planted where I stood. It was a first for me in many ways. I had never experienced someone hating another person to the point that she wished the other person was dead. I never expected to ever hear such from Lily, especially when Darla had never really done anything to Lily. Sighing, I left the tower, taking the stairs two at a time so I could catch up with her. I caught her in the common room, her face tear stained and blotchy. She looked horrible, destroyed. It hurt. I caught her wrist in my hand loosely.

"Let go of my wrist, Scorpius," Lily told me as she tried to twist away.

"I'm not done talking," I growled. The sound shocked me, the deep, ethereal sound that crawled up from inside of me.

"I tried to tell you that I needed to be by myself," Lily said through gritted teeth. "Why can't you listen to me?"

"You made me feel bad about not telling you about Darla, and all that time," I said harshly, the growl still evident, my own anger a manifestation of this raw emotion that burned at my insides. "All that time I was feeling bad about not telling you, you were secretly happy she was gone. Do you know how bad I felt that I had kept it from you?"

"I feel bad enough about it, you needn't remind me," Lily moaned softly as she tried to twist away from me. I tightened my grip on her wrist, her skin clamped under my hand.

"I can't believe you'd keep that from me," I said as I looked at her. I felt hurt, betrayed, though I wasn't entirely sure why.

"Well," Lily said finally pulling free, her hand sliding out from lax grasp. She reached up to her the back of neck and released the clasp of her necklace. I looked at her, uncertain. My mind seemed not to be able to understand what she was doing, though it looked like simple enough actions.

"W-what are you doing?" I asked. I couldn't say it, put the actions into words.

"What I should have done ages ago," Lily said with her jaw still clenched. "I'm finished with you, Scorpius. You were never meant to be with me. Malfoys and Potters just don't mix."

"Wait, Lily," I said quickly, as my eyes and brain caught up with each other. This was not what I wanted. I was angry, yes, but I didn't want THIS to happen. "Please, wait a second. Let's talk about this."

"No," Lily said shaking her head. I refused to take it from her, my hands out of sight. I wouldn't take it and she'd have to keep it. She threw the locket at my feet when she realized that I had no intention of making this easy on her, it bouncing against the floor and landing at the tip of my shoe, the chain falling over the top of it. I watched in horror and anger as she turned her back on me and stormed out of sight, slamming her dormitory door so loud that a few people looked out of their rooms, curious and sleepy.

"Go back to bed," I yelled angrily at them, my voice loud and full of hatred. I didn't want anyone to stand witness to this, the anger that threatened to flood over me and consume me. I didn't even watch as the others jerked back, hiding in safety behind their wooden doors. I glared at the locket at my foot, full of rage and confusion. I drew my foot without thinking about it and I brought it down hard on the locket, it trapped between my foot and the stone floor. The sound of shattering metal and glass echoed in the silence of the night.