Earning Back What's Been Lost Chapter 13: You're Still You and I'm Still Me, a gossip girl fanfic

A/N: Here is the last chapter of this fanfic. Thanks to all of you loyal readers. If you're interested I'm starting a new fic that's a little of a throwback. I'm basing it around the episode 1.10 Hi Society and working from there.

WANT TO READ MY CHAPTERS BEFORE ANYONE ELSE? IF SO READ THIS:
So this new fanfic I'm starting I really want a beta for because I feel like my work needs one during the times when I get busy and don't put as much effort into it as I should. That being said, I thought I would be a little untraditional and ask if any of my readers are interested in filling the role for that fanfic (or one of my others, I haven't beta requested for any of them because I didn't want somebody to have to start halfway through). The only thing that I require is that you are fairly punctual as in like if I post it one day, I kind of want it back the next, unless there's like an extenuating circumstance or something. I'm only asking for the new fanfic but if you are interested in doing one of my others instead or aswell, I'd be ecstatic.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or its characters

Rated: T mostly for language.

Special Thanks to Chelle2911 for the readover!

PS: If anyones wondering about the title change, I did it because when the story was complete What He Can't Have just didn't seem to fit anymore. I'm not in love with the new title either so if you've got any ideas, let me know.

When Blair walked into her homeroom Friday morning there was a simple red rose on her desk. She rolled her eyes; did Chuck honestly think that she could be persuaded with a flower when nothing else had worked? As usual Blair was the first in the room so no one else had seen the flower or she assumed that it would have already been on Gossip Girl just like the rest of Chuck's gifts. Blair took her seat and picked up the rose; that's when she noticed the note.

One rose is hardly enough

Blair laughed a choking sort of laugh; only Chuck could know what she was thinking quite that precisely. But she sat there through homeroom studying the one simple rose. It still had most of its thorns; something that surprised her. She would think that Chuck of all people would pay extra to have each and every thorn removed. As she sat there tracing her finger along one of the thorns, she began to contemplate the possibility of maybe giving Chuck one more chance. He had been wonderful over the past week; doing everything possible to prove that he had grown up. Then in a moment of distraction at that thought, the thorn stuck her thumb drawing blood and she remembered. Loving Chuck hurt too much.

As Blair walked out of her homeroom she expected to see Chuck but instead found an out of breath Serena holding another rose. "I know. You were expecting Chuck." Serena said with an eye roll noting that Blair looked more disappointed than happy to see her. "Truth be told so was I. He got caught up this morning and won't be here until around lunch time."

"Caught up with what?" Blair asked narrowing her eyes.

Serena smiled. "That's for Chuck to tell you because truth be told I only know what he's told me and that's not a lot. But I have to go. I have a Chem exam first period."

Blair narrowed her eyes a little more before nodding. She looked down at the rose as she walked and noticed there was another note attached.

To explain how sorry I am, to make up for what I've done.

Blair shook her head. She was getting so tired of hearing that word. She knew that he was sorry. That wasn't the issue. The issue was that no matter how sorry he was she still didn't think that she could trust him. She was surprised as she walked into her first period English class to see another rose sitting on her desk; that was unexpected. She lifted it to read the note.

But I have done everything else that I know to do.

All through English she had trouble concentrating. She just kept thinking about everything that Chuck had said or done for her over the past week.

On Monday with the hydrangeas, where she had furiously thrown them at him and how he had promised that he could make her happy. Then on Tuesday, he had sworn that he would win back her trust as he gave her chocolates at every corner. Wednesday, he had come back to her, even after finding out about what she had done with Jack. Even then he had pampered her with jewelry and returned to her her favorite piece. On Thursday she hadn't seen him but the photos had all been so perfect but when he had called that night she had hung up for a reason. She knew that she was going to have to make a decision once and for all today and she had a feeling that this time, it might very well be the final decision. Whether Chuck admitted it or not; he was running out of ideas of how to get her back and he was getting tired of chasing her. One way or the other, this was ending today.

Blair walked out of English to find Nate standing there with a rose. "Messenger number two, huh?" she asked.

"Yep." Nate said sticking his hands in his pockets. "I believe I am also, messenger three, four, six, and eight."

Blair raised her eyebrows. "Why?"

Nate sighed. "Blair, Chuck's my best friend. You know that."

Blair laughed a little. Unlike Serena, Nate had a free period next even though he also had the senior independent study later in the day. The coaches had pulled some strings so that he could use it to practice whatever sport was currently in season since he was the captain for soccer, basketball, and lacrosse. So she knew that she was free to talk to Nate for a while. "No silly, I mean why are you having to be a messenger at all? Where's Chuck?" She asked looking down at the next note.

You've probably noticed, all of the roses have their thorns.

Nate shook his head. "Honestly, I don't know. Chuck just stopped by my house this morning at the crack of dawn and handed me roses and instructions before taking off. He said something about an emergency meeting but I don't know what it was for."

Blair sighed, of course Nate didn't know. Nate probably wouldn't have known, even if Chuck had told him. That's when she saw the rose through the lock on her locker. She took it and placed it with the others looking down and reading the note.

It's because I can't promise you a perfect relationship

She looked back at Nate, suddenly serious. "You have known me as long as anyone has and you and Chuck have been best friends for just about forever. There is no one person who knows the two of us better than you do."

Nate nodded perplexed. He wasn't sure where exactly Blair was going with this but he couldn't deny that everything that she was saying was true. Chuck, Blair, and Serena had been his friends his entire life.

Blair just needed someone to tell her what to do. Serena couldn't or wouldn't, or maybe Blair just didn't want to ask her because she already knew what Serena was going to say. S had made up her mind a long time ago about who Blair should be with; but Nate, Nate should be slightly more neutral if not biased in the opposite direction. If there was anyone to tell her what to do, it was him. So in a soft tender voice, one that she knew Nate would have to answer, if only for fear that she would burst into tears if he didn't, Blair asked her ex-boyfriend something. "Nate, what should I do?" After a brief pause, she continued tears filling her voice. "Please, just tell me what to do."

Nate simply reached out and pulled Blair into a hug. He had had no idea that everything Chuck had done had caused her so much pain but looking at her right now told him that it had. "I don't know Blair. I don't know." He said soothingly.

The bell rang and they broke apart as Blair hurried off to her next class, only to find another rose.

I can't promise that there won't be any thorns along the way

She read the note but pushed it from her mind and tried to do something that she had been unable to do for weeks and concentrate in English. She failed and instead pondered what Chuck was saying. With grand gesture after grand gesture he was working to prove himself but he wasn't promising her a fairy tale, which surprised her. The only thing that she could think was that he knew that if he tried to promise a fairy tale, he would have to break that promise eventually. The bell sounded as she was still mid thought. She walked out of the classroom to find Nate waiting on her, holding another rose.

"Go ahead and read it." Nate said handing it to her as they walked. Even though he didn't have a free period, he still seemed content to just linger with her as she moved towards her locker.

All I can promise is that I'll be there through it all

Blair read the note and smiled. Her assumption about not promising a fairy tale had been correct. She looked to Nate once more and noticed he was retrieving another rose from her locker and passing it to her. "Chuck really went all out for you B."

She nodded, "He has been all week you know; but the question remains, is it enough?" She glanced down at the note as they walked towards her next class.

No thorn will ever send me running again

Nate spoke again as they neared her classroom door. "I think that's something that you are going to have to decide. It's not a decision that anyone else can make for you."

She nodded as she entered her French class, walking over to find yet another blood red rose. She was assembling quite the collection and she was getting to the point that she didn't know what to do with them. She couldn't resist reading the note that was attached to the latest addition though.

No matter how large it might be

If nothing else, Chuck had indeed proved that to her this week. He should have gone running when she told him about Jack and he didn't. He still wanted her even though she had made one of the biggest mistakes of her life. Perhaps she had subconsciously been testing him on that point. If so, he had passed with flying colors.

Her French teacher interrupted her thoughts and asked her a question about a museum that they had been studying. Luckily, her father had taken her to the museum on her last visit so she had plenty to say; but Mrs. Boviar knew that she hadn't been paying attention and made sure that changed for the rest of class. When class was finally over she found Nate waiting for her once more, holding a red rose of course.

She took the rose and read the note immediately. They were beginning to fall into a pattern. She read the note, they talked briefly, she read the next note, he reassured her that it was her decision to make and it was time for her to go to her next class, where she found another rose. This time the first note said,

I know how much I've hurt you

And the second read,

If I could change that, you know that I would

And the third,

I've learned from my mistakes, I think I've proved that as best I could

Blair sat in her AP Bio class, allowing Nelly Yuki to dissect the frog, simply because she was too distracted. She had been right in homeroom, she knew that everything was going to be decided today because quite honestly Chuck couldn't do much more. He had said everything that he could say to make things right again and she had a strange feeling that the headmistress wasn't going to be putting up with these shenanigans much longer. Plus, if she didn't start paying attention in class, her grades were going to slip.

As if on cue, Nelly slammed the scalpel to crack the skull a little too hard and the teacher came by tisking. "Now now ladies, you are going to have to start over. Maybe this time you'd like to help Miss. Waldorf." He said with a glare.

She nodded but couldn't have been more glad to get out of there at the sound of the bell. As she exited the classroom, she found Serena waiting. Her class was right next door and so of course after Bio would go to her.

Serena handed her the rose with a smile. "So what does this one say?" She asked anxiously. She and Nate had enough trouble remembering which rose was which even though they were numbered on the back of each note, so they hadn't really gotten to set them all out and read the entire message. Plus there were other roses involved that neither she nor Nate had laid eyes on because neither of them had known about the lockers. Hopefully, by asking Blair what this one said, she would be forced to tell her what the rest said.

Blair read off the note. "I know that we can't magically go back to the way things were."

"Aww that's sweet." Serena said as she held the roses while Blair took the next one from her locker and read it.

"All I can suggest, is that we go forward." Blair said, adding the rose to the bouquet and getting her things from her locker.

They walked to lunch with Serena gabbing on and on about something. Blair wasn't really paying much attention and Serena definitely lost her when she saw the single rose sitting on the steps of the Met. Blair walked away from Serena and picked it up, reading it aloud because she knew that Serena would make her anyway. "In our past we were best friends." She read out.

That's when Serena interrupted. "Whoa, B, what am I missing here? When were you and Chuck ever really friends, much less best friends?"

Blair looked at Serena disbelievingly. "Didn't you read the backs of the photos yesterday S?" She said sitting on the steps.

"Something was written on the backs of the photos?" Serena asked mystified. Hmm, she never would have guessed. This was news to her though, she never knew that Blair and Chuck were that close. This kind of changed things in her mind. Now she was 100% sure that they belonged together.

Blair shook her head and plastered on a fake smile as the other girls rushed up. This was going to be a long lunch, she thought, glancing at her flower collection.

It seemed like hours later when Blair finally walked into her Independent Study. Still no Chuck, but there was a rose sitting on her favorite desk in the library. She picked it up and looked once more at the note.

I felt the same way about you then that I do now, but you belonged to someone else

She had of course suspected after yesterday that Chuck had always had feelings for her but this was the first outright confirmation of the fact. She tried to think back, to see if maybe she had felt the same. Back then feelings hadn't been a choice for her. Her mom told her that Nate was her Prince Charming so she accepted that as fact and tried to perpetuate her mom's wishes. If she thought about it though, Chuck was the only person that she had felt truly safe with. He had been there for her when no one else was and he knew her inside and out from the time they were children. For the first time Blair realized that she had felt something for him then as well. She was supposed to be with Nate but Chuck had been her first kiss and later on her first period. There was something to be said for that. Plus his pain had been her pain, always. When the bell rang this time, she was startled.

Nate walked up to her and simply handed her the rose. "I've gotta go this time B, I have Pieser for Chemistry next and he said if I'm late one more time he's going to flunk me." He said apologetically.

Blair half laughed. "Go, go, I'll see you before eighth." As Nate ran off she kept walking. She would look at the note when she had retrieved the one from her locker and from her next class as well.

She took a seat in her AP Euro class and started reading the notes. The first was a continuation of the last,

And just being your best friend was enough

The note from the locker read,

I know you better than I know myself

And the one from sixth period,

Everything that's good in me, comes from you

She added the roses to the now large set but couldn't help to worry about the last note. Chuck was so wrong to think that. Yes she brought out the best in him, but it was there all on it's own. Just as she was about to lose herself in thought Mrs. Anderson announced that they would be having a pop quiz today. Blair groaned with the rest of the class but was secretly thankful because it would give her a break from thinking. When she finally finished and exited the class it was once more Serena waiting for her, holding of course a rose.

Blair smiled and took the flower, automatically reading the note aloud. "In these past few years I've gotten to really be with you." She read knowing that the next note would complete that statement.

"All of these are so adorable B." Serena said as she turned the corner to Blair's locker. She was in front of Blair and saw Chuck sliding the rose through the lock.

Chuck noticed Serena and raised one finger to his lips, letting her know to keep this between them before he ran off.

Serena distracted Blair by pulling her into a hug.

"Whoa S, what's gotten into you?" Blair asked, surprised by the sudden affection.

Serena pulled back smiling after she was sure Chuck had gotten away. "I'm just so excited for you B!"

Blair narrowed her eyes slightly but shook off the feeling that something was a little off. Serena was just like that sometimes. By the time she read the next note, she had forgotten all about it. "I don't want to lose that" She read aloud.

"B!" Serena squealed. "He doesn't want to lose you guys's relationship!"

Blair just shook her head smiling, Serena could be really ditsy sometimes but she loved her. Blair was once more glad that she had a test next period because it gave her a reason to get away from the overly peppy Serena and a reason not to think about what the next note meant.

But I'll be with you in any way that you want

Luckily the physics test was a piece of cake, it just took a long time. The bell rang just as she finished checking over her test. She walked into the hall to find Nate standing there holding a rose, with a perplexed look on his face.

"What is it?" Blair asked, accepting the rose and walking towards her locker. She could tell that Nate was thinking hard about something because his expression was almost pained as they walked.

Nate laughed a little. Blair knew him a little too well. They had reached her locker by now and she had retrieved her next flower. "Go ahead and read your notes, then I'll tell you." Nate said gesturing towards the roses in her hand.

Blair nodded and read the notes. First the one Nate had given her,

I just want to be part of your future Blair

Then the one from the locker,

So please, just let me

Blair pushed the notes out of her mind for now, she wanted to hear what was puzzling Nate. "Okay, what's on your mind Nate?"

Nate gave her a small smile before he started talking. "So I've been thinking a lot about what you asked earlier about what I think that you should do and I think I have an answer of sorts." Nate said walking with his hands in his front pockets.

Blair's eyebrows shot up, this isn't what she was expecting. "Go on." She said intrigued by what Nate had said.

Nate looked right into Blair's eyes as they approached her last class of the day. "Just listen to what I'm about to say and think about it, okay? You don't have to tell me anything, just think about it."

Blair nodded, even more intrigued than before. The pained look was still on his face and Blair knew that he had thought about this all day.

"My question for you to think about is: Do you, Blair Waldorf love Chuck Bass? Because if you do, I don't think you have a choice of whether or not you forgive him." Nate said pausing and continuing slowly making sure that his words were exactly what he was trying to say. "When you love, you love with your whole heart and I know that you will never forgive yourself if you don't forgive him and give him one last chance."

Blair looked at Nate in awe. That was one of the most thought out things that she had ever heard him say.

"That's all I have to say." Nate said before kissing her on the cheek and walking away.

Blair turned and walked into her classroom. She had a lot to think about so it was a good thing they weren't doing anything in AP American Government today. First she looked at the new note,

When I was preparing this, this song reminded me of you

She supposed she would find out the song later, so she went back to the past couple of notes which tied in with what Nate had asked her. Did she want Chuck in her future? According to Nate, if she really loved Chuck then the answer was yes. Did she still love Chuck? She thought about that for only a moment because the answer was clear in both her head and heart, whether she liked it or not, she was in fact still in love with Chuck Bass. But did that really mean what Nate said it did, would she never forgive herself for not forgiving him? She knew that the answer was somewhere deep in her heart and she knew that when the time came, her heart would tell her what to do. She didn't realize how much time had passed until she once more heard the sound of the bell. At first she wasn't sure what her classmates were doing but then they all started walking up to her, one at a time with roses. The first one read:

It's Your Still You by Josh Groban

Suddenly Serena appeared in the room and spoke, her eyes twinkling. "Hand me your books B, you aren't going to have hands for them."

"What?" Blair asked as she handed Serena her books and read the next note. It was the lyrics to a song.

Through the darkness
I can see your light

Another student walked up to her and handed her yet another rose.

And you will always shine
And I can feel you're heart in mine

Next it was Penelope, who actually smiled at Blair as she walked up. "He's amazing B. Just wait until you see."

"See what?" Blair asked anxiously. But she couldn't keep the smile off her face as she read the next lyrics.

Your face I've memorized
I idolize just you

Penelope just walked off and Hazel replaced her. "P's right B. You are totally going to pass out when you find out what he has done."

Blair just shook her head and read the note.

I look up to
Everything you are

These lyrics were beautiful and she knew Chuck meant them or he wouldn't have been presenting them to her. That's why her breath caught as she read the rose that Iz handed her.

In my eyes you do no wrong
I've loved you for so long

He had actually written it down, she was amazed. Nelly Yuki walked up next, "I didn't really want to help with this but even I won't say no to Chuck Bass."

Blair just glared at her as she took the rose, Nelly was holding out.

And after all is said and done
You're still you
After all
You're still you

Blair couldn't help but be reminded of what she said when she told Chuck that she loved him. "You're still you, and I'm still me. We're Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck."

A girl named Jack handed her the next rose.

You walked past me
I can feel your pain

Blair was surprised as her Am Gov teacher walked up to her next and handed her a rose. "That boy has done a lot for you child. Perhaps, a second chance is in order."

Blair's eyes went wide. She forgot how in tune with the student gossip most teachers at their school were; but Mr. Andrews was an old man that she thought had probably fought in World War II, it wasn't like him to meddle. So she paid heed to what he said. "I'm thinking about it Mr. Andrews."

The man nodded and she read the next note.

Time changes everything
One truth always stays the same

Suddenly Nate was by her side, handing her another rose. "After you read it follow me and I would suggest bracing yourself for what you are about to see."

Blair knew that if Nate thought that this was big that it had to be. So she read the note on Nate's rose and prepared herself.

You're still you
After all
You're still you

"So have you thought about what I said?" Nate asked as they walked through the doorway and Blair was handed yet another rose.

She nodded. "I have." She spoke accepting the rose and looked at the hallway lined with people, several of them holding roses. "Oh. My. God." Blair said quietly as she read the next note.

I look up to
Everything you are
In my eyes you do no wrong

"I know." Nate said quietly. "This isn't the last of it either."

"There is more?" Blair asked completely flabbergasted, as she was handed yet another rose. Her arms heavy with them by now.

And I believe in you
Although you never asked me to

That rose's note meant a lot to her because it was true. She had never once asked Chuck to believe in her but he always had; even when they were just children.

Nate interrupted her thoughts. "So did what I said help at all?"

Blair smiled at him. "Yes it did. So thank you very much."

Nate smiled brightly at the girl that he once believed to be the love of his life. A girl that he happened to think was actually the love of his best friend's life instead. He noticed as she was handed another rose.

I will remember you
And what life put you through

Blair smiled at Nate as well. She began to think that she was hearing singing and with everything else, it really wouldn't surprise her in the slightest. "Is that singing?" She asked Nate finally.

Nate laughed. "Yeah, that's definitely singing." They were nearing the large main entrance to the school now and Blair had just received another flower.

And in this cruel and lonely world
I've found one love

She read. Wow, he had written it again. That's when she noticed that the people she was passing in the hallways were filing in behind her. Seemingly following her outside. As she stepped through the main entrance she realized that Hazel was right; she was lucky she didn't pass out right then and there. The students of Constance and St. Jude's lined the staircase, all the way to where Chuck was leaning against his limo holding the final rose. The Constance a capella group was arranged near by the limo and was singing the song that Chuck had just sent her on the roses. But that wasn't the last of it. Roses lay at the feet of all of the students, and not just a few roses, bundles of them. As she descended the staircase in complete amazement, students continued handing her roses, now without notes.

It felt like it took forever to reach Chuck and she supposed metaphorically speaking that it truly did.

Chuck reached out and handed her the last rose and allowed her to read it before he began to speak.

You're still you
After all
You're still you

Blair looked up at him, tears glistening in her eyes. As far as grand gestures went, this one definitely topped them all.

Chuck motioned to the girls singing and they settled into a low hum. Chuck remained standing against the limo as he began to talk. "You're still you and I'm still me. We are still Chuck and Blair; Blair and Chuck. And I'm asking you; no I am begging you to give me one more chance because I believe, with all my heart, that your life is better with me than with out me." He took a breath before shouting as loudly as he could, to ensure that every single person gathered to watch heard him. "And Blair Waldorf I love you."

Tears were pouring down Blair's face as she stepped closer to the limo, closer to Chuck. "Is that what you were going to tell me last night?" She asked, almost wishing that she had gone to meet him if that was the case because the way her heart was reacting right now, was telling her everything that she had ever needed to know about hers and Chuck's relationship.

"No." Chuck said seriously, "That was always going to be saved for today. Last night I was calling to tell you that I got the company back. I turned the board around on Jack and I am now CEO of Bass Enterprises. As my toughest critic, I thought that you would like to know."

Blair had begun to smile until she heard Jack's name then she suddenly looked guilty. "I'm sorry about Jack."

Chuck wanted to reach out and wipe her tears but he knew that she had to come to him first and she was still a few steps away. "Don't be. He was there for you when I was off acting like a five year old. I had abandoned you and you didn't owe me anything."

She had been correct before, when the time came her heart knew exactly what it wanted and it told her exactly what she needed to say to make things right. "Yes I did Chuck." Blair said taking a step closer and saying the words that her heart was providing. "I think I've been almost as mad at myself as I have been at you." Tears were still running slowly down her checks. "Because I told you how I felt and that means something regardless of the fact that you ran away. I was spending my time trying to make up for what I had done with Jack because those kind of words have strings attached."

"Well in that case, attach all the strings you want as long as they are tying me to you." Chuck said with a smirk. "I love you, I love you, I love you." Blair smiled through her tears and stepped until she was within Chuck's reach. As she did, Chuck smiled and wiped her tears with his thumbs. "I love you." He said softer now. "I love you." He whispered at her ear. "I love you." He said pulling her into a hug.

"And I love you." Blair said as he held her. She let the now gigantic bouquet of roses fall to the ground as Chuck took her face in his hands and kissed her for the first time since the night in her bedroom when he had told her to chase him. The flowers hit the ground and the cameras snapped but Chuck and Blair couldn't have cared less. They broke away smiling and Chuck opened the door to the limo smirking. "Care to take a ride Ms. Waldorf?"

Blair looked at him and raised her eyebrows before answering. "Well you know how much I love limos."

As Blair stepped in Chuck responded in a low husky voice. "I think you might need to remind me."

Blair smirked and grabbed him by the shirt collar; pulling him into the limo. "Oh, think that can be arranged."

Well Upper East Siders, look's like Chuck and Blair got their happy ending after all, for now at least. But you and I both know, that on the UES there's drama around every corner and with me here I can assure you that no matter what goes down, I'll be the first to know and you'll be the second.

you know you love me,

xoxo

gossip girl

A/N: Well that's it everyone! Thanks for sticking around until the last chapter :) I hope you enjoyed the final chapter of What He Can't Have. Any similarities of the ending to the actual Season 2 finale ending are purely coincidence, I've actually had the last scene written for months, it just took me a while to get here lol. In case anyone wants to see them I've included what the notes said if you read them all together.

Thank you guys for being such wonderful readers this whole time. Your support has meant so much to me throughout the story and I do hope that you enjoyed the concluding chapter. You guys are awesome.

xoxo
Kate

One rose is hardly enough to explain how sorry I am, to make up for what I've done. But I have done everything else that I know to do. You've probably noticed, all of the roses have their thorns; it's because I can't promise you a perfect relationship; I can't promise that there won't be any thorns along the way. All I can promise is that I'll be there through it all. No thorn will ever send me running again, no matter how large it might be. I know how much I've hurt you. If I could change that, you know that I would. I've learned from my mistakes, I think I've proved that as best I could. I know that we can't magically go back to the way things were. All I can suggest, is that we go forward. In our past we were best friends I felt the same way about you then that I do now, but you belonged to someone else and just being your best friend was enough. I know you better than I know myself, everything that's good in me, comes from you. In these past few years I've gotten to really be with you. I don't want to lose that; but I'll be with you in any way that you want. I just want to be part of your future Blair; so please, just let me. When I was preparing this, this song reminded me of you; it's Your Still You by Josh Groban.