One Night 7

AN: I'm sorry for the wait guys! I've been focusing on my other thing, my 100 themes challenge and I was so in the zone with that I didn't want to stop... plus play rehearsals have been killing me and yeah...

Extra long chapter to make up for it~!

Oh well... on to the story~!

----

By the time July was nearing its end, Lavi was so wound up he felt like he was ready to burst. He hadn't realised how much Allen had become part of his life until she was gone. He'd never wanted to see a person so badly, he had never longed for anyone like this! They had been best friends before sleeping together, and they had put up the facade of being best friends afterwards, but Lavi had known the second he had woken up beside her nothing would be as it was, no matter how hard he tried to make it seem that way.

Simply because Lavi just didn't get caught up in the heat of the moment.

Something about Allen had changed that.

The nightmares had started about a month after Allen left for where ever the hell she was. It would always be the same, or at least similar, but it always involved his newborn child, Allen, and the earl. They terrified him on the level that no other dream had before and that confused Lavi, because even as a child he had never really believed in dreams. His logical side had never allowed him to even think that they were worth examining.

Something about Allen changed that.

It was horrible, not being able to think of anything other than a person he wasn't supposed to care about. Wishing he had been able to catch her before she left, to do what he wasn't sure, but he had wanted to see her at the very least. He had approached Koumi countless times, under the guise of wanting to know where Allen was because of his bookman duties. But that clearly wasn't working, as the man refused to be co-operative. And Kanda sneering at him for being a coward and attempting to impale him at every opportunity wasn't helping things.

Lavi sat on his bed, staring out the darkened window and putting off going to sleep. Lately he had been sleeping less and less, to try and avoid those dreams, but he knew he was only stressing himself out more. The one good thing about the whole situation was that bookman wasn't there, having left on a clan mission a week before Allen did. Part of Lavi was glad the old man wasn't breathing down his neck while he tried to get things sorted out in his head, but another part screamed that he needed the bookman now more than ever if he wanted to take over the old man's place someday.

Lavi's thoughts stopped suddenly as he realised where they were taking him.

"If... I want to take over?" he muttered to himself, furrowing his eyebrows as if that didn't make sense. Of course he wanted to be bookman! That was what he had been working for his whole life wasn't it? But... an image of Allen floated across his mind and he bit his lip, running a shaking hand through his hair. Why was he longing for someone so much? That had never happened before... it confused and scared him. He felt such strong emotions when he thought about Allen...

And that terrified him.

But thinking about the situation they were in, Lavi couldn't help but wonder how it was even possible. The spells placed on him by the clan were supposed to prevent him from feeling emotions so acutely, were supposed to prevent him from even being able to have children. It didn't make sense... had the spells somehow worn off early? Lavi wasn't familiar with the inner working of the spells that the bookman clan used yet, mostly because he was still an apprentice, but he knew that there were certain conditions that had to be met before the spells would vanish. He didn't remember anything special happening before finding out Allen was female, and there wasn't anything that he could think of after the event that would have triggered the emotions...

The image of Allen kneeling on the ground, wrapped in nothing but a towel with water droplets trailing down her skin and clinging to her long lashes while begging him not to tell anyone before he had understood what she meant popped into his mind and Lavi paused, enjoying the mental picture. He had always thought Allen was incredibly attractive, even before he knew that she was female he had thought so. Finding her in that position had been one of the best and worst breaks of his life so far he decided.

It was the best because it lead to them having the best sex Lavi had ever had in his life, and it was the worst because it led them to having the best sex Lavi had ever had in his life. It wasn't like they'd done anything particularly kinky or anything; it had just been straight drunken sex. And yet... it had felt so different than any of the other times he'd had sex! It had been more then feeling good, more than just having fun.

It was almost as if he had communicated on the deepest of levels with the girl. That connection, that level of understanding with another human being had been amazing.

And terrifying.

He sighed, pushing the mental image out of his mind as best he could and laid down, staring up at his ceiling forlornly. The constant anxiety he had been feeling since he had discovered Allen was pregnant all those months ago and the mere fact HE was capable of creating life with another person, a person he actually cared about was getting to him. He just wanted to get a decent night's sleep and not think about the implications of what they had done together swirl in his mind like some kind of twisted merry go round. He just wanted to put it all aside for just long enough to get his emotions in order, to get enough rest to think properly.

But part of him knew he wouldn't unless Allen was beside him.

Lavi groaned at the thought and rolled over, closing his eye and trying to banish any thoughts from his mind that shouldn't be there. He just had to go through this for one more night... tomorrow; he was going to get Koumi to give him Allen's location. He knew it wasn't a good idea to try and talk to her, to explain things to her in his emotional state or even see her at all right now after what he'd done to her. Lavi knew that if someone had walked out on him like that when he need them the most he wouldn't be very keen on seeing them, hell, he wouldn't be surprised if she hated him for the horrible thing he did, but... He just needed to talk to her, to see her, to hold her, to comfort her, to be there for her. He needed to be with her and he prayed to any God that may or may not exist that she wouldn't hate him. He didn't completely understand this drive to see Allen, but he was going to find her and make things right.

No matter what.

----

"What the fucking hell do you think you're doing Rei-Kei?" Allen sighed, rubbing her swollen abdomen as Fou berated the scientist who had just been bringing the girl her lunch. Fou had taken to threatening anyone who she thought might be looking at Allen in the wrong way. It was endearing, really it was, but it was also very irritating. It had gotten to the point where if even Rou-Fa, another female, wanted to feel the baby kicking Fou would glare daggers and threaten her well-being before allowing her to feel the little movement.

"Fou, its fine, please allow him to come in." Allen smiled at the over protective guardian who glared for a moment before moving aside for the young scientist.

"Ah... thank you Walker-Dono..." the man smiled, setting the tray down, "Another scientist will be in with the rest of your meal soon enough, I just need to do a little check on something." The man moved to put a hand on Allen's stomach but a flying kick from Fou stopped him in his tracks.

He landed face first on the ground, turning around to glare at the ancient deity as he grumbled

"Ow..."

"Fou! Honestly, that's really unnecessary..."

"That bastard was going to try something!" the orange haired girl huffed as she crossed her arms.

"I was following orders!" the protest sparked an argument between Fou and Rei-Kei and Allen shook her head.

"Ugh... I'm getting a headache..." Allen sighed, rubbing her temples in an attempt to calm the throbbing ache within her skull, prompting both of them to stop their fighting and turn to her in concern.

"Your head hurts Walker-Dono? This could be bad; it could be a symptom for something!"

"What has this bastard done wrong? Want me to kick his ass for you?"

"You could both just shut up! Honestly..." Allen usually wasn't one to snap but she was getting more than a little annoyed at the whole situation. Not being allowed to leave the bed, not being allowed to eat anything but the 'health' food that Bak had prepared for her was really just starting to grate on her nerves.

"I'm not in the mood for your bickering. Fou, I appreciate what you're doing, but its really unnecessary and its stressing me out! Rei-Kei, please don't fight with Fou because I honestly don't want to have to deal with all of this! I'm as big as a house, I'm hormonal, I'm sick of this stupid room, I'm sick of this awful food and I'm sick of listening to arguments! So please, stop fighting or kindly get the hell out of here so I can have some peace and quiet!" there was a shocked silence as Fou and Rei-Kei stared at the young woman, who twitched irritably at their stares

"What?"

"N-nothing W-Walker-dono! I um... I'm just going to go report to the supervisor, Fou; he also wanted to see you so..."

"Yeah, I'll go. Like I want to hang around a pregnant lady with mood swings anyway." The orange haired girl stormed out of the room with Rei-Kei trailing almost timidly behind and Allen breathed a sigh of relief as she leaned back on the soft pillows, staring up at the ceiling. She felt bad about scolding them like that, but it was the only thing she could think of doing to get them out of her room so she could just sit back and think.

She was several months along, and she had known at some point she'd get bigger and the baby would start moving inside her, but Allen hadn't really expected to so big so fast. She was only sixteen, and a small person herself, so she wondered if she could really give birth to the baby who seemed as big as a baby elephant inside of her. It had shocked her last week when Bak-san had told her the baby was a bit too small and she needed to try eating more, not that she was going to complain about that.

Whenever she stood up not that she was allowed to stand up very much, she felt off balance and disproportionate, like her legs were too short to hold up her torso. None of her bras fit, her clothes were all too tight, and she'd been forced into wearing a silly floral dress. She hated dresses especially floral ones! They were feminine and unnecessary and uncomfortable and if she had anything else to wear she would take it off in a heart beat! And the fact she was getting woken up in the middle of the night by the child's kicking sessions wasn't exactly helping her mood either. As soon as this little one could walk Allen was going to give him or her a soccer ball, because he or she could kick harder than a lot of enemies she had fought in the past. She wasn't blaming the baby for this; she was actually looking forward to being a mother. She wanted to support the baby, to help it learn and grow and become a strong person, but she hoped to god after he or she was born she'd be able to go back down to her old clothing sizes when he or she was born. It sounder frivolous and vain, but Allen liked her size, and she was going to have to go back to the battle field eventually. She was going to have to be able to move as fast, strike as accurately, and protect the people around her as well as she did before. Twenty extra pounds would not make that easy to do.

Allen exhaled as she sat up, picking up her utensils and digging into her meal. She couldn't help but let her thoughts wander to when she had dinner at the Order. She'd be surrounded by mountains of plates and dishes, and Lavi would sit beside her with that cheerful smile the one that always lit up the room as he teased her. She'd retort back, pretend to be annoyed, or tease right back, but inside she'd feel a warmth, because he was smiling at her. Or because of her. Allen had known she was in love with the older boy, she knew from the second she'd seen him that if she were in a different situation... something might have happened between them. Of course, she hadn't even considered that he might discover her gender, or that he would even be interested in her as she was. Allen had always thought that her scar and white hair would turn away possible suitors anyway so pretending to be a man hadn't been very hard for her, relationship wise.

Lavi was different.

He saw the white hair, he saw the scar and the Innocence arm and he still was attracted to her. Or else he wouldn't have had sex with her, even if he was drunk. That was another thing Allen often thought about, Lavi's drunkenness. He hadn't seemed drunk, and as far as she could recall he had only had four or maybe five glasses of wine. Allen herself had only had two, but it was a strong wine and she was a small person so it effected her much more than anyone else. Lavi had laughed, and wrapped his arm around her waist when she stumbled, pulling her left arm around his shoulders and supporting her, saying that 'Bean sprouts shouldn't drink so much when they're not used to it.'. He didn't slur his words, and the steps he had taken towards her bedroom had been a little uncertain, but he hadn't seemed smashed.

when she looked up at him to thank him for helping her back to her room, face flushed from alcohol and eyes shining he had stared down at her for a long moment, as if in awe before bringing his lips down on top of hers. Allen remembered tasting the wine on his lips and knowing she should have stopped it right then and there before things went too far but she couldn't bring herself to. She had spent too many nights alone.

She Loved Him.

Allen shivered at the memory of his hands on her body, his voice calling out her name, the way he had held her close and breathed in her scent when they were through. She loved him, more than she would like to admit. The white haired girl didn't know when the redhead had become so dear to her, when she started hoping to go on missions with hi so that they could stay up late together around a campfire, talking about anything and everything, or sitting together over a meal and not needing to speak because they just enjoyed each others company, because just being together was enough for them.

She loved him and that was all there was to it. The when's and the where's and the how's didn't matter anymore, because they weren't going to change the fact that Allen wished was the only thing untrue about this whole situation.

Lavi didn't love her.

He had seen her as a brother and a friend, and she had lied to him. He may have found her attractive but that wouldn't have led to anything, because she had betrayed his trust.

Love couldn't be built on lies.

Allen finished her meal and wiped at her hot eyes, hating her weakness. She didn't need a man to define her; she didn't need a man to help her raise the baby. She was a strong, caring woman who didn't need anyone to look after her anymore. No matter how true that was, she wanted all of those things. She wanted Lavi to be part of her, she wanted Lavi to help her raise their baby, she wanted Lavi to hold her, comfort her, Love her. She wanted to support him and be supported by him during all the trials that parenthood brought. She wanted everything that the mothers walking down the streets with their husbands had. She wanted some kind of normalcy for her baby.

But that wasn't going to happen.

Lavi was a bookman. He couldn't love, he couldn't form attachments, he wasn't even supposed to have a child! He had made it clear that he wasn't going to be part of the baby's life the moment he found out about its existence. It had hurt, and Allen hated how much she wished things were different, because she hated looking back. Allen walked forward, she didn't think about what she gave up along the way, she didn't think about how she lost it along the way, but here she was, crying over something she couldn't change again.

Allen laid back down on the bed with her back to the door, curling up as best she could around her pregnant belly and let the tears fall. She was tired of being strong; she was tired of keeping that brave face up for everyone else. She just needed to allow herself to be weak, she needed to get it out of her before the baby came and she wasn't ready.

Allen hated dwelling, but when you can't walk, you need to reflect on where you've been.