I'm baaaaaaaackk! I know, "OH NO!" right? Hehe, well anyway I'm happy to see that you are still reading! Oh, and I have a WARNING this has a flashback in it and you might find it disturbing, so if you'd like, just skip it. Enjoy!

Just plain Italics equal Flashback!

Chapter 7:

"Lost in My Memories"

I got up I prepared to go to the cemetery. It had been a couple of days since I last seen Yoh. Hopefully he had listened to what I had said to him last time.

I had gone to the flower shop earlier but I came back to get my sweater. It was a little chilly outside and I knew that Mrs. Hino would get mad at the fact that I didn't bring a sweater in this weather. Somehow this gloomy weather made my condition worse.

I entered my room and put the flowers down. Then I looked for my sweater…suddenly I couldn't breathe. It wasn't as bad as the others……this was a mild attack, but still……

I fell to the floor gasping for air. It hurt so bad……I clutched my shirt just about where my heart is, hoping it would go away. I couldn't breathe, but I felt like I was going to throw up.

Finally I got some air, but as soon as I got air I started to cough. I started to breathe heavily as it still hurt. If I didn't get to my medicine quick, this mild attack could turn dangerous.

Then I heard a knock on the door.

The first person that came to my mind was Mrs. Hino checking up on me, 'Perfect.' "Oh……Mrs. Hino…is…that…you? I need—"

"No, it's Yoh."

My eyes widened, 'Yoh?' Why did he have to come now? I can't let him know…I have to act normal… "Oh, Yoh………Come in."

I should have known that acting normal was impossible when I was coughing my lungs out, but I still tried it anyway.

Yoh quickly opened the door, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," an obvious lie, "I just……...need a drink………" I walked over to the sink and hopefully he didn't notice me taking medicine and then I got a drink of water.

"Are you sure you're alright?"

"Of course," once again I lied as my breathing finally got to normal, "Just needed some water………"

"But your breathing—"

"I'm fine," I didn't let him finish; I didn't want him to know, "You know how you get after you cough for a while, you lack air. Besides, this gloomy weather makes me sick," I turned to look at him and I noticed what was on his head, "Oh, you're wearing your head-phones! Good Boy!" I walked over to him and playfully patted his head.

"Don't do that!" He growled as he held his head.

I couldn't help but smirk, "So what brings you here?"

"You forgot your clothes," he handed them to me and I felt somewhat disappointed, but I don't know why.

"Is that all?"

I thought he was going to say "yes" and then leave, but he didn't, instead he said, "I……I want to know, did you have anyone to talk to when your parents died?"

"No," I sat down on my couch, "And that's my problem. I almost killed myself; no one was there to save me. So why not? But I met Mrs. Hino, and she gave me a home. She caught me once; she saw me cutting and yelled at me……" And then I remembered it. I didn't tell Yoh in detail, but I remember the details as I shorted it up for him.

I was sitting in my room………I was 13……it had been 5 years since my family's death. Why? Why haven't I died yet? Damn Doctors, Damn hospital, Damn life!

I raised the razor that I got from the bathroom. I slowly pressed it against my skin leaving a trail of blood.

"THIS is what my family felt!" I cut once again.

"THIS is what hurt Papa!" I cut once again.

"THIS is what made Mama cry!" Once again.

"THIS is what killed Brother!" and again.

"THIS is what they went through!" Again.

"THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED NINE TIMES!" I went mad and started to cry.

That's when Mrs. Hino burst in, "Anna-chan!" she said horrified at the sight of me covered in blood.

"What are you doing?" she ran over to me.

I glared at her and raised the razor covered with blood.

"Anna-chan………" Her eyes were wide, "Why?"

I turned away, "Why not?"

"Why not? WHY NOT! WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS? IS THIS FUN! DO YOU GET PLEASURE OUT OF DOING THIS TO YOURSELF?"

"I at least get some feeling……"

"Why…Anna-chan………Why?" Mrs. Hino got on her knees and started to cry, "…Why…?"

"To make death closer, 5 years ago I was supposed to die! Maybe I'm supposed to be dead, maybe I am!" I raised the razor ready to do it again………one last time……

"Why are you talking like this? Do you think it's funny? Do you think life's a game?" Mrs. Hino looked at me with the saddest eyes and I stopped.

"What would your mother think Anna? Did she want you to die? Did you father raise you to believe that? Did you brother want you to?"

I didn't answer as my eyes swelled with new tears.

"Did they Anna? Did they raise you to believe that you were meant to die and that's it?"

I didn't answer as I tried to hold back the tears.

"DID THEY ANNA?"

"NO!" I cried and the tears went out and I couldn't hold them back.

"THEN WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?"

"I want to see them again!"

"They don't want to see you………not like this……Would they Anna?"

"No………" I cried.

"Please Anna………don't……don't do this anymore……" Mrs. Hino begged, "…Please Anna?"

I didn't answer and I just cried.

"Promise me Anna, don't do this………I don't want you to die………"

"But……but……" I cried, "Do you even know how it feels to lose your family?"

"Yes………I lost my husband……remember? He was the man I loved most………now I'm just like you………you're all I got Anna! Please promise me you won't die! Please……" she begged and I felt bad.

REAL bad.

"I…………I promise," I cried, "And I'll do it because you're so kind…………and 'cause you're all I got now………"

"Thank you………Anna-chan………"

"She practically broke down and begged me to never do it again. In return for her kindness, I promised not to."

Yoh sat next to me, "Do you want to talk to me?"

"I don't know. We are perfect strangers aren't we?"

"Well, you did give me mouth to mouth," Yoh smiled at me.

It feels like he is finally opening up to me……that he actually wants help……but just to make sure…… "Only if you promise that when you're ready, you'll tell me about your friend."

"Um, maybe," he looked away.

"No 'maybe,' this is yes, or no."

Yoh moaned, "………yes………"

"Ok, but didn't I already tell you most of it?"

"Everything but how they died."

I sighed, "The hardest part……… I was about 8 years old, it was my birthday. My brother was about 10, and my parents were still young……… We were at a restaurant and I had just opened my presents, and one gift was of a white bandana. We started to walk home and………" Once again it seemed as though I was lost in my memories……

"Wow! A white bandana!" I said as I opened my gift.

"You'd better take good care of it Anna-chan," my Papa said, "It's white so it'll get dirty or stained easily."

"Don't worry Papa," I smiled, "I'll take good care of it."

My Mama smiled, "That's your favorite color, right?"

"Uh-huh!" I smiled and hugged my parents, "Thank you Mama, Papa!"

"Whadda 'bout me, huh?" my brother, Touya, pouted, "I don't get anyway thanks?"

"Did you buy it?" I asked.

"N-no," Touya put his hands on his hips, "But I picked it out!"

I looked at him unbelievingly and then at my parents, "Is that true?"

"Yes," Mama smiled.

"Then thank you."

He stuck out his tongue, "I can't believe you didn't believe me."

"Why should I? You always try to take credit for something you didn't do!"

"I do not!"

"You do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Alright, settle down kids," Papa said, "Let's start to head home."

Touya and I glared at each other as if we were saying, 'This argument is not over!'

We gathered our things and made our way out. When we were outside we noticed it had started to rain.

"Perhaps we shouldn't have walked," Mama said.

"It's okay we can't undo what's already done, can we?" Papa smiled at Mama, "Let's just walk under the canopy."

Our home wasn't that far from the restaurant we were eating at and that's why we walked. We continued our walk under the canopies and once in a while getting wet. I was playing with my new bandana while Touya tried to get me wet by jumping in the puddles, and soon I did the same.

"Okay, cut it out you two." Papa scolded.

"You'll catch a cold," Mama's voice showed concern, "Anna we don't need your condition to get worse."

I sadly looked down today it felt like I had totally forgotten about it, until now. But instead of jumping in the puddles Touya and I made a new game of jumping over the puddles.

We were laughing and playing happily until………a dark figure decided to show up………

"I'm sorry Anna I shouldn't have asked you," Yoh interrupted my thoughts.

"From then on is a little fuzzy," I continued anyway, "I remember a man with a knife and then a white room."

"You mean the hospital?"

"Yes………the hospital," I repeated slowly, I hated that word, "I'm sorry it was 8 years ago and I can't remember that much……but……I remember my parents being stabbed, both 9 times in different places. The man stabbed me in the left arm and legs. The man was going to stab me again, but my brother pushed me and I hit my head."

The horrifying sight played out in front of me again. I hated that scene and it usually played out in my nightmares. I had tried to forget what happened but I knew my memory of it would never go away……

"MAMA, PAPA!" I yelled as they fell to the floor.

I was bleeding and crying as the man told me to shut up and stabbed my brother. How could I shut up? My family was in a world of pain! How was I to just sit back and be quiet?

"This'll shut you up!" The man said pointing the knife at me, I didn't even try to move. I knew that it was all over for me. At least I'd go with my family………

"Anna! What are you doing! MOVE!" Touya out of nowhere pushed me out of the way and took the blow that was supposed to be mine.

"Touya……why……?" Then everything went black………

"I don't know why the man attacked us," I continued to tell Yoh, "Maybe my family did something to him mad, or maybe he was just plain crazy and out for blood. He may have even wanted our money but we refused. I don't know nor do I want to remember. But I think that's how it happened."

We were both silent after a while and then Yoh spoke, "Yesterday you said you were the one who was supposed to die, what does that mean?"

I couldn't let him know about my condition so I told him another reason that I have also thought about, "Well, even when I was little I thought die dying, and I've always wanted to die before any of my family, pretty selfish, huh?"

Yoh shook his head, "No I think it's pretty noble."

"Heh," I smirked, "You don't know the reason that's why."

"Well, what's the reason?"

"I wanted to die before them so that I wouldn't go through the pain of losing them," which was true. When I found out that I was predicted to die before everyone else I tried to think of the Brightside; I wouldn't have to go through the pain of losing them, "But instead they all went before me, at the same time. I guess that's what happens when you're the littlest."

Yoh sighed, "Yea."

"Do you have a sibling?"

"Yea, a twin brother."

"An identical twin?" I was curious, why didn't he just talk to his brother?

"I guess you can say that," Yoh said in thought, "The only thing different is his hair. It's longer than yours."

'Longer than mine?' I tired to imagine what Yoh would look like with long hair……but for some reason I couldn't imagine it……….anyway, "What don't you talk to him?"

"I don't really see him much. He's always running off."

"But he's your brother," I said sadly, I wish I could still talk to my brother, "You shouldn't just let him run off. Sheesh! He's your brother the least you could do is talk!"

"Well, usually when I'm a mood like this, we don't talk."

"That's usually the best time to talk."

"He knows I'm a real demon when I'm like this."

"You sure are," I smirked.

"What! Are you on my side or not?" It was fun to tease him.

I smiled at the scowling boy in front of me, "Would you rather talk to him or me?"

Yoh turned away, "………you………" was he blushing?

I was shocked, that wasn't the answer I was expecting. I thought he didn't like me? Did he really hate his brother that much or did he finally trust me? "Why? He's your brother!"

"Because you understand me more," He still didn't look at me, "My brother's nothing like me. We maybe identical, but we aren't identical inside."

"Nobody's identical inside."

"We're almost," he mumbled, "You lost you're family, I lost he one I considered family."

I don't know why but I put my head on Yoh's shoulder, it made me feel comfortable and warm, "But you've got so much to live for. You may not want to now, but you can make plenty of friends." This was true when he wasn't sad or mad, I bet he is a great person. I lifted my head to look at him, "If you don't act of stubbornly!"

Yoh stuck his tongue out at me and I thought that he was going to say "bite me".

I smirked, little fights like this were fun, like the ones I had with my brother. This was a sign that he was capable to have friends, "See?"

I don't know why, but I did it again. I put my head on his shoulder. I knew he was probably thinking 'Why is she doing this?' so I made up an excuse, "Sorry, I'm tired."

"No………it's alright," even though I couldn't see his face I sensed a smile in his voice, which made me smile.

I felt so comfortable in that position that I didn't move until I caught a glance at the time. It was getting late and if I didn't leave soon I wouldn't be able to go.

I reluctantly lifted my head and grabbed my sweater, "I'm sorry, but I gotta get going."

"Where?" Yoh stood up.

"The cemetery," I said grabbing the flowers, "I go there everyday."

"Do you always go at the same time?"

"No, it varies," I walked to the door only to see he wasn't moving, "Hurry, I want to get there before it rains. Remember? This weather makes me sick."

Then Yoh started to follow me out the door. Soon we were downstairs where Mrs. Hino was.

"Oh, where are you two going?" Mrs. Hino asked and winked at us, "On a date?"

I smiled at the hopeful Mrs. Hino, "No, I'm on my way to the cemetery."

"And I'm going home," Yoh pointed to himself.

Mrs. Hino looked disappointed and before she could say anything embarrassing I kept walking, "Bye Mrs. Hino, Bye Yoh."

Yoh waved and Mrs. Hino said, "Bye Anna-chan." Then Mrs. Hino started to talk to Yoh. I was curious to know what she was saying, but I was afraid it would be embarrassing, so I kept walking.

As I was walking, I thought back from when I put my head on his shoulder. At the time I really didn't know why I did that, but know that I think about it……He was the first person I actually talked to about my family's death. And for some reason……I felt relieved. Knowing that he actually cared, that he actually wanted to know, knowing that he actually listened, made me feel relieved.

Holding in all those secrets inside and never letting out made my heart feel heavy. But finally telling someone about it lifted the weight. I wasn't alone anymore. And thinking about this made me smile, without even realizing it. It wasn't a smile with just a hint of sadness, it was a real smile.

I felt comfortable around Yoh now. I thought that I was just going to help him, but somehow it turned around……he was helping me, whether he realized it or not. I walked to the cemetery with a smile on my face. Maybe I will not longer be lost in my sad memories………

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WOW! THAT WAS LONG! I'm sorry! According to my computer this chapter was 10 pages long! I'm sorry. Maybe next time it won't be so long! Anyway……this was based off of chapter 3 of THCOL and both chapters ended with a smile! YAY! Well, tell me what 'ya think and I'll update soon! Until Next time

Ja ne