Ok, so I hope I didn't make you wait too long! I'm sorry for the other depressing chapter……this may be depressing too…so sorry……Also, the beginning is very weird, but I'll explain why later. Also, I have a feeling that this chapter will be very long, and perhaps very emotional. Enjoy!

Chapter 12:

"Is it Better to Know or not to Know? Part II"

-or-

"Love: Part II"

I was sitting in the middle of nowhere. Was I dead? Everything was black, there was only me. I guess my back was leaning against something. My scars from the accident were bleeding, but they didn't hurt. Where was I? My bandana wasn't on my head, and it was nowhere to be seen. Am I………in hell? If not, where was I?

I looked around and I was about to call Yoh……but then I stopped……Yoh? Why would he be in a place like this? I decided that I would call his name anyway to see if there was anyone here. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. Here I was in this black abyss of nothingness; all alone.

Maybe I was really dead? My eyes closed and I felt like crying. Yoh's probably mad at me for not telling him……he probably thinks that I was lying this whole time. Was this some type of purgatory? Was this hell? Tears welled up in my eyes as I hugged my knees and buried my face in them.

Then I heard the worse noise ever to be heard: that man's evil laugh.

By "that man" I meant the murderer.

"Anna-chan," he spoke.

The fact the he knew my name and dared to call me "chan" enraged me even further. I felt like yelling "GO AWAY!" but I found no voice in me.

"Last time I saw you," he grinned, "You were so small, sorry I didn't finish you off."

I glared, but deep down I felt scared. I tried to pretend that I was more angry than scared, but he was the man who haunted my dreams. He scared me and I don't think anything will ever change that.

He stepped closer, "I should have tried to get you here," he pointed to my heart. "This is what's been giving you trouble all these years, isn't it? First, you thought you were going to live, and now you think you're in love. The heart is a troublesome thing. How about I finish you off right now like I did with your family, eh? They'd like that, wouldn't they? I mean think of your brother, he regrets now what he did to save you. He could've lived, but no, he risked his life for a sister that's was going to die anyway! C'mon, let me finish you off……what's a stab compared to this whole long heart process?"

I think at that moment I started to cry. I knew what he was saying wasn't true, was it? My whole mind started to doubt. Did my brother really hate me for that? No! What was I thinking? Why was what he told me getting to me?? He started to laugh, seeing my struggle and I think that made my cry more. I felt like a defenseless little girl and the more I struggled, the more he laughed.

I couldn't control my body and I started to shake in this difficult struggle. My thoughts all ran through my head at once and I was getting confused my head started to hurt with all these noises. I couldn't control myself until I decided to yell:

"STOP!!!!"

"Anna?" I looked around……I was at the hospital and Tamao was sitting beside me and Faust standing over me, "What's wrong? Did you have a nightmare?"

'Nightmare?' I wiped my eyes and it felt as thought I was crying in my sleep. How did I end up here? I thought for sure I was going to die……if I didn't die then…… "Yoh!" I looked around, what happened?

"He's over there," Tamao pointed across the room. There Yoh was lying unconscious on a hospital bed.

"But how…?"

"Yoh saved you," Dr. Faust grabbed a chair.

"But…Yoh can't swim!" I looked over at Yoh, that's why he's unconscious!

"Well, according to Hao, Yoh's brother," Faust took the chair and sat next to me, "Yoh must've jumped in to save you and somehow pulled you both out of the water, because when Hao found Yoh, you were both soaking wet and unconscious."

"Hao's here?"

"Yes, but he stepped out for a bit," Faust got a serious look on his face, "Now, tell me about your dream. You were shaking, sweating, and I think, crying."

He said crying weird, because ever since after my parents died, I wouldn't cry. I suppose it was pretty weird. I thought for a second how to word what I dreamt of…… "I……dreamt of the devil."

It seems Faust and Tamao were both taken aback, "The devil?"

"Yes, the man who murder my family……he was taunting me……and I guess trying to kill me……" Now that I thought of it……maybe I really did dream of the devil and he was trying to pull me into hell while I was on that very thin line of life and death.

"Well, then," Faust, I guess, didn't really know what to say, "That is a nightmare about the devil."

Tamao looked very concerned and a little scared, "A-are you okay Anna?"

"I'll be fine," I tried to smile for her.

"Well, Anna, I know you probably won't want to go back to sleep after that," Faust stood up, "but try to get some rest. My wife should be back with the result soon and Mrs. Hino will be here as soon as possible, until then rest."

I decided to try, I must've been really tired because it seems that I'm instantly……falling……asleep……

ooo000ooo

"……Anna……?"

I twitched as I heard my name called, I opened my eyes half-way, "……Yoh…?"

"Hey, how're you doing?" He smiled and asked softly.

"Ok…I guess……How am I supposed to feel?"

He smiled at me and took my hand in his, I felt a little better. After a while I felt kind of awkward. 'Is it better to know or not to know?' I started to hate those words because they kept entering my mind. He probably knew about my condition already. I wish I could've told him……he's probably hurting know, "I'm sorry, Yoh."

"For what?" He said that, but I knew he knew why.

"For not telling you."

"Oh, it's ok, you had a good reason," he smiled but I still felt guilty.

I looked down, "I……didn't want to get too close to you. I just wanted to help, but I guess I couldn't to that without getting too close. I didn't want anyone to find out," I sighed, "I really hate this place."

"Well you'd better get used to it." Now there's a person who'd make me feel worse: Hao, "You have to stay 2 more days."

"What?! No Way!" I felt like getting up, "There is NO WAY that I'm staying in this stupid hospital for 2 more days."

"Well, you're gonna have to," he shrugged like it was no big deal.

"I always visit my family everyday," I glared at Hao, "I told you already, nothing stops me."

"But Anna," Yoh looked at me with worried eyes, "They might be able to help you."

I knew Yoh meant well, but the truth is, "They won't." Faust was a good doctor, but he couldn't be expected to treat something he knows nothing about. "They'll keep stretching the days. After I stay here for 2 days, they'll have me stay for 2 more days, and then more and more. They've been trying to keep me here until I die."

"That's not true," Hao crossed his arms.

"It is," I was getting tired, "They've told me before, when I first came. They told me I'd be safer here at the hospital, but I ran away. They can't keep me here."

"But Anna—"

I really was too tired to argue. So I interrupted asking, "Where's my bandana?"

"With the rest of your clothes," Hao rolled his eyes, "Geez, Yoh's worried about you and all you can think about is your stupid bandana."

Hao was getting me mad and I felt like slapping him, but Yoh stopped me. "Hao," he had a demanding tone; I was glad he understood, "that bandana is her family's last gift to her, it isn't stupid!"

Hao rolled his eyes, sighed, and tried to sound sincere, "I'm sorry, Anna."

"I have to get out of here, this place makes me go mad," I sighed.

"Well," Hao shrugged, "You can't really think about this place if you're asleep."

"Yea, Anna," Yoh gave me a smiled, "Please rest."

I gave a small smile and closed my eyes, trying to fall asleep. I heard a little bit of Hao and Yoh's conversation, but the last thing I heard before drifting off to sleep was Yoh asking, "Anna……you won't leave me……will you?"

000ooo000

I woke up feeling somewhat……refreshed. I can't remember what I dreamed about, but I know that I must've dreamt of something nostalgic. When I awoke, it must've been late because no one was there except for Tamao, who was sleeping beside me. I looked around. I felt a little sad because……Yoh wasn't there. Visiting hours were probably over.

Tamao stirred and her eyes fluttered, "A-Anna," then her eyes widened. "You woke up!!"

I lifted a brow, "Is it that much of a shock?"

Tamao shook her head, "No, I'm just supposed to inform the doctor once you're awake. So please excuse me."

"Wait……why?"

Tamao turned before leaving out the door and looked away and said somewhat sadly, "He's got your results."

It was a little weird, the way she had said it. She was happy and then she got sad. She was probably pretending to be happy. Something didn't sit right in my stomach, I don't know why……but I was nervous.

Dr. Faust entered the room, but only he did no one else, no Eliza, no Tamao. He took the chair next to me and sat down. He had the charts in his hand and he took a breath and I felt like I was holding mine for what he was going to say next:

"Yoh told me to tell you goodnight."

I let out all the air that I was holding. I wasn't expecting him to say that.I thought he was going to say something about my results. It's not like I didn't care that Yoh said good night, it was just I was expecting my results, not that.

Then Dr. Faust cleared his throat. It was then I knew that he was going to tell me my results. "Anna," he said in a serious tone, which kinda scared me; he never got this serious, "No improvements. Actually, I think your case has worsened. And……I……" he trailed off and looked down, "……I can't do a thing about it……I'm……sorry, Anna, but you probably won't make it through the whole day tomorrow……I'm sorry…"

I stopped. Everything stopped inside me. When he had said those words……the realization came way to soon………I……was going to die……

Tears filled my eyes……not……not now……I didn't want to die now! I thought about Yoh and Mrs. Hino. I didn't want to leave them. I loved them both. Maybe……maybe that's why I had a nostalgic dream and a terrifying dream, maybe it was to warn me about death? The tears rolled down my face……I didn't want to die.

"I'm sure you've realized, so I'm not going to say it, but," Dr. Faust put a hand in his hair, "everyone's having a hard time dealing with it. I……I guess we all just thought that you'd make it, y'know? Tamao fell asleep crying, waiting for you to wake up. Eliza's crying too."

"Yea, now, of all times, I have to die," I rapidly wiped my eyes.

"Well, you know, it's not for certain……"

I looked at him with sad eyes, "You told me yourself……that you believed that everyone had a sense of when they're going to die. Well……here's my sense……"

"Anna……" he said sadly and slumped down in his chair, "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize," I tried, I really did, to try to stop the tears from falling, "Even the best doctor can't stop what he doesn't know about."

"So you really think you're going to……" he wouldn't say it.

"Die?"

"As a doctor, I don't like that word, but in any case, do you?"

"Yea, I guess so," there was a sting in my chest, "it hurts……"

"Want your meds?"

I shook my head and clutched where my hearts is, "No……I want to talk to everyone. Please?"

Dr. Faust nodded, "I'll send in Tamao."

I nodded and he left for Tamao. This was going to be hard. I once again thought, is it better to know or not to know? I thought that in this case, maybe not to know, but I wasn't going to lie to Tamao. She was sensitive and I wasn't exactly sure how I'd get through this……but I knew that somehow I had to.

"Hi, Anna," she came in the room a little shaky. I didn't know what to say or how to start the conversation. Everything I was saying in my head sounded wrong. I couldn't just say "Hey, so, yea, I'm gonna die soon."

She sat down and had a smile on her face……but that smile started to twitch and her eyebrows started to frown. She tried to be strong, but it just wasn't working. Her smile broke and tears came out of her eyes, "Oh, Anna! I don't want you to die!"

……So she did know……I couldn't think of what to say and she buried her face in her hands and sobbed loudly. I tried to make her relax, "Tamao……it'll be ok…"

"How?! How will it be okay? Even you, the one who never cries, is crying," she sobbed. I felt like I had a weight on my chest. I felt so sad.

"Well, what am I supposed to do, Tamao?" I stared sadly at her. My words made her look at me, "My next attack will probably be my last. What do you want me to do?"

"I……I don't know," she sniffed, "I just want you to live."

"I can't change natural things, Tamao," she sniffed an "I know", and I continued to speak, "It'll be okay, you have other friends—"

"But that's not the point!"

"I know," I tried to sound calm, I couldn't cry in front of her, if I did, then she'd definitely break down, "I'm just saying that you won't be alone. Grow strong, Tamao, please for me."

Tamao sniffed, "But I'm gonna miss you……"

"You think I won't miss you?" I tried to smile for her, "Remember when we first met?"

Flashback

I had just turned 14 and here I was in the hospital again. It was really boring there and I tried so hard to think of an escape. Mrs. Hino was with me and we waited patiently for my results.

"Anna," Eliza came in, "There's someone I'd like you to meet."

"Who?" I thought it would be another doctor or something.

"Her name is Tamao," out stepped a little pink-haired girl from behind Eliza, "I'm going to train her to become a junior nurse."

"Tamao, this is Anna, you'll probably see her here a lot," I waved and you gave a slight bow.

"Well, I'm going to be right back with your results" Eliza headed towards the doorway, "Tamao, be sure to tend to them if they need anything."

You nodded and shyly walked toward us.

"Tamao, what a cute name!" Mrs. Hino smiled, "I'm Mrs. Reiko Hino, may I call you Tam-chan?"

"Uh…s-sure," you said shyly.

"So why did you want to become a nurse?" I asked trying to start a conversation.

"T-to help people……I-I thought that I should spent my t-time helping rather t-than doing nothing," you looked at the floor.

"You sure are shy, aren't you?" I asked rather bluntly, "How old are you?"

"Um—yea, I'm 12," you avoided eye contact.

I sighed, "Can't you at least look me in the eye if you're going to talk to me?"

"Anna-chan, take it easy on Tam-chan," Mrs. Hino somewhat scolded.

"N-no, it's fine," you lifted your head a little bit, "I-I should, it's rude if I don't look at the person I'm talking to."

"Well, shyness is nice, but shyness can stop you from doing things in life you know you want to," I said and gave a little smile towards you, "You might regret being shy later on in life."

"I-I know, I can't help it, b-but," you still avoided eye contact, "I-I'm trying hard to be brave. I heard from the Doctor that you're the bravest person he knew, and that I should learn from you."

"So try it out Tamao, try to look me in the eye," I said and gave a smile, "Nice to meet you, Tamao."

You looked up at me and smiled, "Nice to meet you too, Anna."

End of Flashback

Tamao gave a little giggle, "Yea, I remember that."

She looked at me in the eyes, "Thank you, Anna."

I gave her a smile, "Be brave Tamao, for me."

"I will," she wiped a tear from her eyes and gave a determined smile, "For you, I will."

Tamao's watch beeped, indicating that it was time for her to go home. She got up and looked at me, "Good bye, Anna." Not 'Good Night', but 'Good Bye'.

"Good bye, Tamao."

Her smile and eyes twitched again and she was about to break, but she didn't. For me, she gave me a smile, "……Good Bye……" Then she gave me a hug.

I wiped my eyes; I'm going to miss Tamao. She was like a sister to me. I've only known her for two years, but we were still close. She was the one who saved me from the boredom of the hospital.

"How'd that go?" Doctor Faust and Eliza walked in.

I looked at him sadly, "Well, I calmed her down."

"What about you?" He took a seat next to me and Eliza did the same.

"I……I guess I'm scared," now that I think about it, I think no matter what people say, they are at some point afraid of death. Even if it's the moment right before you die, when you realize that you're going to die alone and end up who-knows-where. I think it should kind of scare you. I mean, thinking about it right at this moment, if I were to die now, where would I end up? What if I didn't know that I was dead? What if I end up alone in the dark? Many questions roamed my head, "I don't want to die alone……"

"Well, it's normal to be scared," I'm sure Dr. Faust have already seen many people die and maybe that's why he's calm, "Anna……I meant it when I said that you're my favorite patient."

"I mean it when I say you're my favorite Doctor," I gave a little smile; "I'm glad that you were straight forward."

"Well, I had to be. I mean, aren't we supposed to be honest?" I nodded.

Faust was my doctor for as long as I can remember. I think he started training when he was 18 and I was 6. He became my official doctor when I was 8, right after the accident. I actually did live in the hospital under the care of Faust and Eliza until Mrs. Hino decided to "adopt" me. I had always since then had a deep respect for them. And I think that he was the only one (other than Mrs. Hino) to see me cry.

"Anna," Eliza spoke softly, "We had always thought of you like a daughter to us. I don't know if you knew this, but I'm unable to have children. I too had a rare disease when I was young, but Faust cured me. Even though I was cured, it still affected me, and we can't have children. You and I are somewhat similar and you mean a lot to us, Anna."

Tears started to form once again, but I wouldn't let then fall. Then Faust spoke again with a smile on his face, "That's why you're my favorite patient, Anna. I want you to know that I tired my best to try to cure you, I really did. I'm sorry that I couldn't."

"It's ok, you tried your best," I gave him a smile.

Then we heard a beep come from Eliza's pager, "Its Nenji. Its ok, I'll attend to him."

Faust nodded a "thank you". Eliza, before leaving, came to me and gave me a hug and kissed my forehead, "Good Night, Anna."

I nodded and then she left and Faust turned back towards me.

"I……I wanted to thank you, Faust," I looked down, "Ever since my parents died……I always……I always saw you as a father figure. You always lectured me like a father would, and I always thought that if my brother were alive now, you two would be a like."

He smiled at me, "I'm glad Anna. I saw you as a daughter and you saw me as a father."

"See? It works out," I smiled and he put his hand on my head.

"How about I drive you home?"

"Home?" I was a little shocked, "I thought for sure that you'd make me stay here."

"Well you're going to run away anyway," He stood up, "So why make it hard on you? I'll just give up and take you home. Besides, if you really feel weak, then I think you should say bye to Mrs. Hino……and that boy."

"Thanks, Faust," I was so glad that he was my doctor.

"I'll get your clothes," he went to retrieve them and I tried to get up.

I felt very weak and once I got on my feet, I almost fell down. Luckily, Eliza had walked into the room and helped me up. Faust had returned with my clothes and he left the room while Eliza helped me get dressed.

They helped me walk to the car and I was so exhausted. Once in the car, I almost fell asleep. I was afraid to fall asleep, though, I feared that I'd never wake up. No, I had to at least live until tomorrow; I had to tell Yoh good bye.

Faust started the car and headed towards the Inn. I felt a sting in my heart and started to breath heavily.

"Oh, dear," Eliza said with concern as she turned towards me from the front seat.

"Here," Faust handed Eliza my medication and a bottle of water, "Give these to her."

They had given me pain killers and soon my breathing went back to normal. I leaned my head on the window and looked outside. I was dozing in and out and remembered the first time I was in Faust's car.

Flashback

"Ready, Anna?" he had asked. I was about 8 years old going on 9 and I was going to have a surgery. My first surgery without my parents.

"Uh-huh," I answered, my eyes were emotionless.

"Buckle up," he turned towards me from the front seat. I put on my seat belt and he said, "Ok, here we go!"

I leaned my head on the window and looked out emotionlessly. We were headed to the cemetery. He told me that we wouldn't have any time to go after the surgery so we have to go now. It was really early and all I could see from outside the window was fog, "Are we almost there?"

"Almost," he replied. The cemetery wasn't that far from the hospital because I'd always walk there with Mrs. Hino. At this time, I didn't live with her yet, so I lived in the hospital. I wasn't allowed to go out by myself so she'd always come with me, either her or Faust, "Y'know, you should've told Mrs. Hino about your condition."

"Why? It's not her business."

"Of course it's her business! It scared her to death the last time she took you to the cemetery and you had an attack."

I pouted and knew I wasn't going to win this argument. He spoke again softly, "Don't hide things, Anna, you scared her."

"Okay, okay," he was starting to make me feel bad.

"We're here!" he stopped and parked.

I got out of the car and he asked, "Where is it again?"

"Over here," I pointed and he held my hand as I guided him. This wasn't his first time coming here, he went to the funeral, but he always said he didn't remember where it was so that I could guide him. I guess he wanted me to feel in charge.

We reached the graves and he still held my hand, "You can let go now, we're here."

"I know," he responded, but he didn't let go.

I pouted. He knew that I always liked to be alone when I visited my parents. I didn't want anyone to see me cry or anything. Whenever someone took me, they'd always give me "alone time". But no, not him.

"I knew your family too, remember?" He'd say, "I wanted to visit them too."

I was really stubborn and didn't do anything but look angry. He closed his eyes and it looked like he was saying some type of prayer.

"Y'know, you shouldn't look so angry in front of your family, don't you think?" He opened one eye and gave a smile.

I pouted and said, "I want alone time!"

"Anna, its ok to show emotions in front of others," he opened his other eye, "It's ok if you cry in front of me. It's ok if you let your family know that you miss them. Anna, its ok."

My eyes started to water and he bent down to hug me. He had said something that my father would say. His hair reminded me of my brother's. Right now, it felt as though he was my family. I sniffed, "You're mean Doctor Faust you know that I don't like to cry!"

"I know, but you have to sometime or another," He looked at me and smiled, "Now ask your family to watch over you during your surgery, okay?"

I nodded and said a little prayer to my family. When I was done he asked, "Ready?"

I nodded and said, "Thank you, Doctor Faust."

End of Flashback

I smiled as I remembered that. I lifted my head up from the window and looked at Faust. I was really grateful to him.

"We're here!" He said as he parked the car. We all go out and said our goodbyes. Eliza gave me a big long hug. I felt a little bad; I didn't have too many memories of her, even though she was with Faust for as long as I could remember. But what I do remember was that she was always a kind and beautiful woman that loved me like a mother would a child. I had seen Faust as a brother too, so I had always imaged Eliza as the sister-in-law that I never had. I smiled at her and said, "Thank you, Eliza. Tell Tamao to be strong."

"I will, I'll miss you Anna," she gave a tearful smile.

Now I had to tell Faust good-bye. "Anna, it still feels like I'll see you tomorrow."

I gave a smile, "Thank you Faust, for everything. For being a father and a brother to me."

He gave me a hug, "I hope you see that boy tomorrow. Y'know, he really does care for you. I had a talk with him today."

"Really, what did he say?" I asked.

"You'll have to find out," he smiled, "You'll always be my favorite patient."

"Thanks Faust," tears formed and we got out of our embrace.

"Good bye Anna, it feels weird to say it like this, but I'll miss you."

I guess it was weird to say good-bye, but I was glad he was calm, "I'll miss you too. Good bye."

They got in their car and I walked into the Inn. Now came the hard part. I was totally exhausted and I knew that the painkillers Faust gave me were going to wear off soon. Now, I had to say good-bye to the two people I loved most. Mrs. Hino and Yoh.

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Whew, that was long. Well sorry it was really long (according to my computer it was 13 pages). Sorry if it seemed a little unrealistic in the sense that they all knew she was going to die. I actually do believe, though that everyone (if they die of natural causes) have a sense when they're going to die. Anna's strong, so that's why I wrote it like I did. I really hoped that you liked this chapter and I really hope that you REVIEW. Oh, and:

ATTENTION: It may take me a while to get the next chapter up because I'm starting to get really busy. So please be patient and wait for me! I WILL finish!

Well, until next time

Ja ne