Allll-righty-then… I AM NOT dead! Hehe, yes I am back…for now. I feel really bad because it's a year since I last updated. But I'm really grateful to you, my faithful fans and I'M REALLY SORRY I made you wait so long, but school's been really stressful lately and some personal problems…so yea. But here I am…back!! Hehe, so I haven't said this in a while, but: Enjoy!

Chapter 13:

"The Hardest Part…is Saying GOODBYE"

I stepped into the Inn. It was quiet and it felt a little disturbing…I wasn't used to this silence. It was probably my nerves just making me believe the Inn was eerie. I looked around, Mrs. Hino wasn't working…I hope she wasn't asleep. I wouldn't have the heart to disturb her if she was……but I HAD to talk to her…I could never forgive myself if I didn't tell her about my undying gratitude towards her.

"Hey, Mako," I said walking by the front desk, "Do you know if Mrs. Hino is asleep?"

"No, I'm sorry," Makoto apologized, "Her shift ended not too long ago, so maybe she's still awake."

"Oh, okay, thanks," I gave her a quick smile as I walked towards Mrs. Hino's room.

My eyes started to droop and there was a little pain in my chest. It wasn't serious, I was used to stuff like this, but man, was I getting tired. I was afraid to fall asleep though; if I slept…maybe I wouldn't wake up. I had to talk to Mrs. Hino right away.

I knocked on her door. I heard a little shuffle on the other side. I swallowed hard. I needed to be strong, I know Mrs. Hino would probably cry and maybe say some things about her late husband, so I needed to be strong for her. I needed to be her support. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. This will be the hardest thing I have to do in this short life: say goodbye.

The door opened and I jumped slightly. I was too lost in my thoughts and the sudden movement scared me. Mrs. Hino's eyes were red and her cheeks looked moist, "Oh, Anna-chan…"

"I'm sorry to bother you so late, Mrs. Hino…"

"Actually, I was waiting up for you…" she gave a sad smile, "Dr. Faust called me…"

"Oh…" Then…did she already know?

"Please come in, Anna-chan," Mrs. Hino said as she moved out of the way to let me in. She sat me down at her table and offered me some tea. I didn't really want any, but I think she was just trying to busy herself to prolong the conversation that was about to occur. So I just nodded, to make her feel better.

"So is it true?" Mrs. Hino asked slowly while avoiding eye contact, "Is it true that you're going to…"

"Die?" I finished for her and she slowly nodded without looking at me. I looked down and closed my eyes as I felt a small sting in my chest, "Yes, its true. I don't have very long. So I wanted to tell you thanks for taking care of me. I'm truly in your debt and I can't thank you enough for everything you've done for me. The list could go on and on about what I could thank you for, but most of all thanks for caring and loving me. I love you, Mrs. Hino."

These words were more difficult to spit out than I could ever imagine. I decided to just say it all at once, to get it over with…if I went slowly then I might've broke down. I couldn't cry, if I cried then Mrs. Hino would cry and it would just make things all the more painful. I had to stay strong. I had to stay strong. I had to stay strong. I had to keep repeating this in my head to keep my mind off anything else.

The fact that I was going to die was slowly hitting me. This was real. I was going to leave behind everything, not that I had much, but I was going to die leaving behind Mrs. Hino and Yoh. I would never wish this on them. Both Mrs. Hino and Yoh have already lost people special and close to them…I can't do this…I can't die…I……I don't want to die…I…

Then Mrs. Hino suddenly embraced me. She must've seen me struggling with my thoughts because she said: "Don't be afraid, Anna-chan."

"But…But…I…" I couldn't speak…my voice was cracking and I was choking on my words…tears were threatening to spill over and ruin my façade…I couldn't…

"It's okay to cry, Anna-chan, I'm here for you, I promise."

Mrs. Hino was holding me tightly and I could hold it in anymore, "I…I…I don't wanna die!!" Tears streamed out of my eyes like rain pouring down. It came so suddenly and I wasn't expecting it. It was getting hard to breath and words couldn't form, just sharp breathes. But I still tried to talk…I needed to get my feeling out or I was afraid I wasn't going to rest in peace, "Why……why does this always happen to me…?? Why can't I be happy??"

"Anna…" Mrs. Hino said quietly and softly as to calm me down, "Everything happens for a reason…"

"Reason?? REASON?? What reason??" I hiccupped, "What could possibly be a good enough reason to explain the murder of my family?? What could possibly be a good enough reason for your husband's death?? What could possibly be a good reason for ANYONE'S misery??"

"But things worked out…you were stronger…I was stronger, and we met each other," Mrs. Hino whispered as she held me tighter, "All these things are unfortunate and I would've never in a million years wished that that would happen to any of us, but the fact is that is did happen. And that's something we cannot change."

"But…Yoh…" I closed my eyes tightly, picturing his sad face in my mind, "I can't leave him…I don't want to."

"There's nothing I can say that that would make you happy or clam your nerves," her arms got tighter around me, "I know how you feel, or rather, I'll know how Yoh feels if he looses you…and its not something that's easy to cope with. But I promise to look after Yoh for you."

The tears just wouldn't stop. I've always been close to death, and I stopped fearing it a long time ago…but now…I guess you could say I feared it because I didn't want to leave Mrs. Hino and Yoh behind. I didn't want them to be sad…I didn't want them to cry over me…and I didn't want to be without them.

Mrs. Hino was surprisingly very strong. I was expecting her to do the crying, and instead it was me…but I needed this. I needed this cry or else it would've come to me while I was saying goodbye to Yoh, and I definitely needed to be strong for when I say goodbye to him.

"Anna-chan," Mrs. Hino was crying, I could tell, "I love you."

I didn't think it was possible but more tears were racing down my cheeks and I somehow choked out, "I…I love you too, Mrs. Hino."

"You're a wonderfully beautiful young lady, Anna-chan," she said sincerely and slowly. Her words soothed me and somehow calmed me down, "I'm so proud of you, and I'm sure your family will be delighted to see you and how you've turned out. You saved that boy and me…"

"You…?"

"You saved me from my loneliness. We had both lost something important to us and out of what I lost, I found a daughter instead," she smiled as she started to tear-up.

"Mrs. Hino…"

"I'll be all right," her breathing started to get shaky, "I just wanted you to know that I love you…I love you so much and I will always think of you as a daughter. Please, don't be scared…"

She started to rub my back as I silently cried. Her words soothed me. It was a hard thing, knowing that you were going to die. I always knew I was…and I always accepted it, but now…I didn't want to accept it and I didn't want to die. But it was something we all had to do someday or another, and I'm sure that no one ever truly wishes to die. Suicide was always a spur of the moment thing, life might be hard at the time, but there's always a chance for things to get better. There's no telling how long it would take for life to get better, but you have to try to make it better. Doing nothing would always result in nothing. I've done nothing for so long. I wasted some of my life doing nothing, just wallowing in my sorrow……burdening Mrs. Hino and being ice cold. But finally I was able to do something right when I met Yoh and my life got better. I suppose I should be happy and feel grateful that even though my life is ending…I was able to love and be loved. And though I wouldn't really wish to die now…I'm glad it was now, after I had found love.

I smiled. It was hard to tell if I really saved Yoh's life or if he really saved mine? I couldn't change fate…whether I met him or not I was going to die. I'm just so utterly grateful that I had the chance to meet him before I died. Because of him I get to die saying I was loved…and I was able to love; the greatest thing in the world.

I was calm again. Mrs. Hino helped me to accept my death once again. And I knew she wasn't all right either, she just held on strong so that I would keep strong.

"Thank you so much, Mrs. Hino, you've really helped me find peace."

"And you've helped fulfill my life," Mrs. Hino smiled.

I remembered back to when I first met Mrs. Hino. Her husband had recently died and to help occupy her time, she helped out at the hospital. She thought my case was especially sad and wanted to help me out, so she used to take me to the cemetery all the time. At first I kind of thought she was little annoying, in which I feel bad now, but I was a grouchy young kid. And she was so understanding of that. I even remember when I heard she was going to take me home. I was about 9 years old back then.

Flashback

"Well, Anna," Faust said entering my room, "Looks like you've found a new home at the Funbari Inn! Isn't that great? Mrs. Reiko Hino is going to take you home!"

"I don't want to," I pouted, "I'm just going to die soon anyway!"

"Now, Anna, don't say that, Mrs. Hino is a very lovely lady! She always takes you to the cemetery!"

"I don't want to get close to another person!" I yelled at him, "Just let me die here involving no one else!"

Faust crossed his arms, "Now, Anna, don't act like Mrs. Hino is a perfect stranger. You've known her ever since the incident."

I pouted and crossed my arms

"She'll take care of you, I promise."

"I don't care."

Faust sighed and then turned to the door, "Eliza? Is she here yet?"

"I just got a call that she arrived!" we heard Eliza call back from outside the room, "I'm going to go get her!"

"Now, Anna, please be on your best behavior," he uncrossed his arms and walked toward me, "You know that Mrs. Hino has been nothing but nice to you and she is qualified to help you if you get sudden attacks."

"Whatever," I continued to pout.

"We're here!" Eliza's angelic voice chimed as she entered the room with Mrs. Hino.

"Hello, Anna-chan!" Mrs. Hino politely said.

Faust nudged my arm, "Hello Mrs. Hino." I said rather dully.

"Don't you worry, Anna-chan, I will take good care of you."

"You know I'm going to die, right?" I said bluntly.

"W-why, Anna-chan," she sure wasn't expecting that one, "T-that isn't for certain…"

"And the fact of me staying alive for that long isn't certain either," I could hear Faust sigh beside me.

"Well, the future is something we can never be certain about…"

"And you're okay with that?" I asked and uncrossed my arms, "You just lost your husband and if you take me home and I die tomorrow, will you be okay with that?"

"Anna-chan," she gave me a smile, "I am okay with that because it is better to know then not to know. I don't regret marrying my husband, even though he has left before me, it was wonderful that I had my time with him. And now I'm eager to have my time with you, whether I die first or if you die first."

Her words shocked me. I definitely wasn't expecting it.

"Now," she gave me a cheerful smile, "Are you ready to have your time with me?"

I slowly but surely nodded, "Just don't regret it…"

"Regret nothing," she came closer to my side and extended her hand, "Everything happens for a reason, don't forget that Anna-chan."

I wasn't totally convinced, but I remember giving out a little smile as I took her hand. Her words were encouraging and it sounded like something I really wanted to believe. It was comforting. And I should never forget that.

"Ready to go to your new home?" She asked.

I gave a small smile and nodded. I knew then that this woman would change my life.

End of Flashback

"You've helped to fulfill my life too, Mrs. Hino. I know I was ungrateful at times and a real brat, but you always smiled at me and was understanding. I don't know how I could've survived without you."

I felt her smile against me as we were still embracing each other, "I'll miss you, Anna-chan."

"And there's no telling how much I'll miss you," I breathed in her scent knowing that this was the last time I could do that, "Thanks for being like a mother to me."

She squeezed me tighter and then let go to look at my face, "How long do you think you'll last?"

I must've felt tense…the pain was now coming without me realizing it…was I already starting to feel numb? Was this going to be a fairly easy death? I breathed in shakily, "I…I don't know…probably not very long after the morning…"

"Then you need to say goodbye to him," she looked sadly at me.

"I…I know," I looked sadly away, "I just don't know how I'm going to do it without breaking down…"

"Just tell him how you feel."

"Easier said than done…"

"Remember everything happens for a reason," Mrs. Hino smiled.

"Thanks so much…I cannot say that enough," I smiled at her and gave her another quick hug.

"Thank you too," she hugged back and started to cry, "May angels lead you in…"

"I'll say 'hi' to your husband for you…"

"Please watch over me…I don't know how I can manage…"

"Don't give up hope, Mrs. Hino, you're my hope…" I gently pulled away, "Me and my family will watch over you always."

Mrs. Hino smiled, "Thank you…I needed to hear that."

I stood up, "I have some thinking to do."

Mrs. Hino slowly nodded.

"If I can, after I talk to Yoh, I'll come back here…"

"Please don't overexert yourself…"

"Don't worry…I won't…its just I'll never forgive myself if I don't say goodbye to Yoh…"

"I understand," she nodded.

"Goodbye, Mrs. Hino," I said while walking to the door. I turned back to her to smile, "I love you."

"I love you too, Anna-chan," tears were silently dripping down her face, "Goodbye…"

I closed the door and left. Tears flowing silently down my cheeks. It was one thing to know I was going to lose my mother once and then actually losing her…but it was another to have another mother and prepare to lose her too. I was so happy Mrs. Hino was in my life. I was eternally indebted to her, and I would definitely watch over her in the afterlife.

I stopped in my room to pick up something. Something that I could give to Yoh so that he could remember me by. It was my brother's and he treasured it, but I was sure my brother wouldn't mind if I gave it t Yoh as a reminder of me. After I visited my room, I decided to go to the docks. I needed to think. Saying Goodbye to Yoh was going to be one of the hardest things I will ever have to do.

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I'm really sorry if any of that seemed unrealistic. And I'm really sorry that I disappeared for so long!! I've had a busy year…I live in America and I went to visit the beautiful New Zealand and Australia!! Hehe, New Zealand is too cold for a Cali girl like me though, hehe. But it was one of the most wonderful trips in my entire life! And I bought my sister a like 150 dollar didgeridoo because she's an awesome musician, and man, it was wonderful!

And also I got an idea for another story: "Perfectly In The Right Mind" Perhaps you have heard of it? Its says its written by MiSs LisSsi LiSs, but that is indeed me. I just wrote it on that profile because I didn't want you guys to think I've abandoned this story. I haven't, I promise. I will get this done…it just will take me a little time! I've been really busy and dealing with some personal problems and can only really focus on one story right now…and I chose the other one because I don't want to forget my ideas for it. This one I have "The High Cost of Living" to look back on if I forget where I am.

So please, don't give up on me!! All I ask for is for your continuing support on this story and for your forgiveness. I can't promise a quick update but I will promise not to make you wait another year!!

Please review and tell me what you think. Everything is greatly appreciated. I love you guys, I really do!!

Until Next time

Ja ne!